03x03 - The Sort of Truth

[bunniefuu]

[siren wailing]

Dr. C:
Notice any physical changes

since starting the
spironolactone?

Nope.

It's been
about a month.

Yeah.

Typically there aren't
noticeable external changes

until about the
three month mark.

So all that obsessive
looking in the mirror

was for nothing?

Any emotional stuff

since we added
the estradiol?

Not really.

Okay.

We'll keep the doses the
same for another month

and we can increase if the
levels are below target.

Are you seeing anyone?

Not sure what that has
to do with anything.

Apologies.

I meant are you
seeing a therapist?

Oh, ah, sorry, um...

No, I'm not seeing
a therapist.

Do you have support?

Liiiike...

Anyone in your life
know you're doing this?

Not, um...

No.

Mind if I share
my experience?

Sure.

By the time I
started HRT,

I had come out
so many times

in many different ways.

I was just getting tired
of creating a situation

for the people
in my life.

Like, telling
my parents

that I was q*eer
and then trans

and then medically
transitioning.

Oh my God, totally.

But for what
it's worth,

you are about to go through
something pretty sizable

and in my experience,

it's hard to do that
if you're not being,

I don't know exactly
what the word is, uh...

"Transparent"?

"Authentic"?

"Honest"?

♪ Truth, love it
or leave it ♪

♪ Truth, love it
or leave it ♪

Hey.

Yeah?

♪ Love it or
leave it ♪

I was wondering if

I could talk to you
about, um, a thing.

Wait. Did you not pay
the utility bill?

Oh God, I totally forgot.

I'm sorry.

I'll deal with
it right now.

It's fine,
I'm paying it.

What were you
gonna say?

Nothing.

You know, it's
been so long

since things have felt,
like, normal between us.

Anyways,

I'm thinking I'll just
transfer you a bunch

of the
inheritance money.

I'm sorry it
took me, like,

this long to even say
anything about it.

Aqsa, I'm trying.

You think this
is about money?

[Sabi scoffs]

Whatever.

Is this, like,
you forever now?

Are you gonna be
like a b*tch to me

for the rest of our lives?

Seriously? Like, seriously?

I deal with so much sh*t
in this family and, like,

do you even see how f*cking
thankless it is for me?

Oh my God, you don't
think I deal with sh*t?

I deal with way
more sh*t than you.

No, you don't
deal with sh*t.

You take sh*t and
then you run away.

Because being who you are,
that's what you get to do.

If you knew the difference

between taking sh*t
and dealing with sh*t,

I would not have to be
standing here listening

to you call me a b*tch.

You know what?
-What?

I think I just realized
I'm moving out.

What?

Yeah. That feels right.

Wait. Aqsa?

[intense instrumental music]

["Technically No"
by Haviah Mighty]

♪ Technically, I said no ♪

♪ Technically, I said no ♪


"Hauntingly evocative".

Did you run that through a
random description generator?

Kween! Hold on.

How 'bout,
"Startlingly resonant"?

Discuss and let me
know if resonates.

Okay. Talk soon.

What's up?

You stopped me in the
middle of your call

to ask me what's up?

Yeah.

Sabi:
I'm good.

You could've just finished
your call and then-

You don't seem good.

Why do you have
to think that hard

before telling me
what's up with you?

Okay, whatever.

I don't wanna
talk about it.

Aqsa's moving out now.

Whoa.

Amazing.

Not the word I would use.

I'm gonna tell you
something you can't see yet,

but things are gonna
be okay without her.

More than okay!

[phone buzzing]

[soft instrumental music]

[phone blooping]

[soft music continues]

["Energy" by Emily Persich]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Flowers and hard decisions

♪ Late night for you,
for you, for you ♪

♪ Forever and always is
always taking up the space

♪ I saved for you

♪ For you ♪

[phone ringing]

Hey.

[on phone] Sabi:
Hey, how you doing?

Oh.

Hello?

I just finished an
entire bag of chips

without knowing I did that.

Sabi:
Oh.

I'm sorry to bug
you but, like,

I think I need
someone to talk to.

Paul:
Grieving is tough.

It's not only about
grieving, um, but yeah,

that's like an
element for sure.

I'm happy to be here
for you as a...

friend.

Ah, but I'm still gonna
recommend therapy.

Do you have a therapist?

No, I'm-I'm technically supposed
to check in with someone

but my person...

well, died.

Oh, wow.

And I-I kind of didn't
wanna do the legwork

to find someone new.

Anyway, I'm recommending
therapy to you

partly for ethical reasons
just to acknowledge that this,

what we're doing
is-is not therapy.

Totally.

Because it's not just you
talking and me listening.

It's us talking.

It's-it's you talking
and it's-it's me talking.

So I'm allowed to ask you
how you're doing and stuff?

Yes.

How are you doing?

Should we change
up the location?

This is feeling clinical.

Hmm. I don't even
know where to start.

Oh, hey,

you mentioned on the phone you
ate an entire bag of chips?

Yeah. That was...

let-let-let's just focus
on you for a second.

Thought I'd ask

since this is supposed
to be both of us talking.

Okay. I'll talk.

That's all right. Um...

Actually, I wanted to-

I wanted to bring up
something else that, uh...

if that's okay.

Um, something I had to process
so I-I couldn't do it earlier.

But I just, I, you should
know that I know Sabi.

What do you know, Paul?

I know about Bessy.

Oh, you know?

Yeah.

And it's okay.

I think.

I don't, um, ah, blame you.

If-if that's the word.

I mean, ev-everyone
in a relationship

has at least some responsibility
when infidelity occurs, so.

Um, I don't think what
happened between us...

I wouldn't call
it infidelity.

Okay.

What would you call it?

It was a kiss.

Um, between two people in, like,
seriously messed up places.

It was honestly just a kiss?

Yeah. We both knew it was
wrong the second it happened.

Bessy is, like,
I don't know my, um,

like a soul-friend.

I don't know how
else to say it.

I got confused for a bit.

Um, hey, I'm saying all this

'cause you're being,
like, beyond amazing.

Like, agreeing to meet with
me even after knowing.

You're allowed to
feel betrayed, though.

Like, I'm your friend, too,

and I wasn't thinking about
you when this happened.

And I should have been.

I do feel betrayed.

It feels good to say that.

I can't tell you
how sorry I am.

[teary] Okay. Okay.

Maybe you should get
some help for, like,

the eating stuff.

Um, there was something
you wanted to talk about

that wasn't about grieving.

Not right now.

Yo! I got Violet to line
up some potentials for you.

Potentials?

New flat mates.

Wait. What?

I'm so not ready for that.

You shouldn't be
alone right now.

Let us help you find
the freshest new cushion

to come home to.

[7ven humming]

[groaning]

What are you looking
for in a roommate?

Do you have, uh, curtains?

Um, yeah, I have curtains.

Okay, I'm ready to
move in whenever.

Violet:
So what are you looking
for in a roommate?

Oh, I'm totally not f*cking
doing negativity anymore

so if you f*cking critique
me, you're chopped!


Hey, good to see you, Jay.

Super sorry.

We know each other?

You did a contract
with my ma, remember?

She put us together
to scout some talent?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Violet:
What are you looking
for in a roommate?


Full disclosure, Flavio.

I'm salivate. Celibate.

A little sex cleanse
is always good.

You abstaining
from oral too?

[water gushing]

Violet:
What are you looking
for in a roommate?

Sabi:
Oh my God, Mackenzie.

It's actually
good to see you.

I am so glad
you think that.

Um, I hate that
I'm asking this,

are you and Lewis,
like, still?

No. No. We flamed out.
Majorly. Yeah.

That's awesome.

He was a puddle.

Then I left the country. Mhm.

Cambodia. Thailand.

Oh my God.
I'd love to do that.

Highly recommend it.

It really helped me
discover aspects of myself.

How did you even find out Sabi
was looking for a roommate?

I follow all of BRLiN's
socials and I follow you,

Sabi.

Do you follow me?

No.

I saw the post and I'm
moving back into town, so...

That's awesome.

[playful music]

Yo. Checkin' in.

Thanks for doing that.

It was actually kind of fun.

Nice.

Ah, I can see that
you are enchanted

by Mackenzie's
high-femme energy,

but please
don't choose her.

She's a tranpire.

Tranpire?

A breed of cis people,
usually women,

who wanna be near
trans people

'cause it makes 'em
feel provocative.

That sh*t's real.

[soft instrumental music]

♪

Hey, can ya meet?

[phone blooping]

[moaning]

♪ I should another love but
I don't think I'm through

♪ No I don't think
I'm finished yet ♪

Oh, it's just-

It's a weird shirt.
- Oh.

I have to take my
arms out first.

Okay. Okay.

[Sabi softly murmuring]

Sorry.

Okay, okay.

[Sabi moaning]
[soft instrumental music]

Wolf:
[echoing] Hey, Sabi?

[echoing] You okay?

[echoing] Sabi?

Am I-am I doing
something wrong?

No, no, um...

Sorry, I'm just, um...

I'm in a place.

I'm just, um...

It's just, like...

quite a bit going
on right now.

I feel like you hold a lot in

and I'd be cool with you
telling me stuff if that helps.

I really want to.

Um, so...

I kind of made this
decision to start-


Yo! Door's open!

Where's my roomie at?

Uuuh...roomie?

[gasping]

My sex-starved self
needs to hear about

what was just had.

Sabi, were you
snapped in half?


-Wait.

You've been crying.
What did he do to you?



Okay. Eeeeee!

I was going through a list

of all the pros and cons
for your roommate sitch

and I realized the
biggest pro is me!

I've decided we're
moving in together.

Do you want me to go?

No. Stay.

What's up?

♪ I just wanna yacht,
wanna boat

♪ I just want the
lock to the globe ♪

Izzy:
We don't have to
live together.

Hey, Aqsa, we don't
have to do this.

You know that, right?

I don't know what
else to do right now.

I'm gonna go to the apartment,
grab some more boxes.

Are you saying you do
not wanna be roommates?

I'm saying I don't
understand how you can decide

this is happening without us
even having a conversation.

OhmyGod, are you crying?

Oh sh*t.

Do you want me to go?

Please stay.

[phone ringing]

Who's that?

My mom.
I'll call her back.

I'm gonna go.

Don't go.

'Kay.

You have tea?

I'll get some
hot water going.

Hearing them say they
don't want to live with me,

that's tough.

That's not what I
heard them say.

I feel like maybe Sabi's
just feeling a little

bulldozed by you.

Totally. Yeah.


What do you want me to do?

Pretty much every important
phase in your life

you needed to be dragged
kicking and screaming.

Name one thing.

Bar Bük, electrician school,
Lewis, the first Berlin

which didn't happen
and I understand why.

The second BRLiN

which is the greatest
thing we ever did.

Izzy:
Oh sorry.
The, ah, door was open.

Just need to get
outta the condo.

Grab some more boxes.


Iz, should Sabi and
I live together?

Oh my God.
We doing a census now?

I'm not even sure Aqsa and
me should live together.

[soft playful music]

[soft instrumental music]

♪

Sabi:
I feel awful.

Why?

Aqsa's only giving
you a hard time

'cause she's, like,
fully pissed at me.

Sabi, you are
not the reason.

What's the reason then?

Why is nobody answering
my phone calls?

Why is the door open?

She just, like, showed up
and she's wondering why

you're not here and why Izzy
is and why there are boxes.

Call me back, seriously.

Paul:
Hi, I'm Paul and I
have an eating disorder.

Everyone:
[in unison] Hi, Paul.

Sabi:
Hey.

Hey.

Time to face the music?

Yep.

You're just moving
in with a boy,

it's not like
you are a boy.

Paul:
I-I binge and then realize
it after the fact.

It's not like I
black out but I'm...

I'm just not there.

Raffo:
So, it looks like
you're moving out.

Yo. Imma grab
some more boxes.

Ah, can I catch a ride?
-Izzy: Oh yeah, for sure.

[soft instrumental music]


go to your room.

My room?

[softly] Eeee.

[soft instrumental music]



Paul:
I know that
unreleased emotions

they're like actual physical
objects in the body

and if you don't
get them out...

they can really do damage.

Mom-

Oh no, you're pregnant.

OhmyGod, no, Mom.
Let her finish.

Actually, yeah.
I'm pregnant.

Weird and not funny.

And not joking.

[soft instrumental music]

["Made Up My Mind"
by Kimmortal]

♪

♪ Things are gonna change

♪ It ain't never
gonna be the same

♪ It hits harder
every single day

♪ Somethings 'bout to
happen, would you say? ♪