01x01 - Will you marry me?

[bunniefuu]

Guys, look! There's a magician!

-So?
-So?

He reads faces too.

-Oh, man!
-No way! These psychics are fraudsters.

He's not a psychic. He's a magician.

Like your dad was a pilot, right?

We heard that you read faces.

Ten rupees each.

And only one prediction.

Preet.

Rishabh.

Arjun. Melroy.

Sheetal. Shahid.

Lavanya?

You!

Beware of your brother.

I don't have a brother.

-I am your brother.
-And me!

-Me too!
-You!

Beware of your status.

He speaks as if his father
runs this place.

You!

Beware of your father.

I don't have a father, you drunkard!

You!

Beware of love.

You!

Beware of sweets.

You!

Be strong.

You! Beware of 22.

Means?

2022.

Listen, I'll be back in two minutes.

Preet is here.

One photo!

Preet!

Why are you standing here like a waiter?

Come on in!

-I think my date ditched me.
-Oh.

Happy anniversary!
You're looking very nice.

Thank you.

Thank God he didn't turn up.

If he saw this function,
you'd be embarrassed.

Not more embarrassed than being ghosted.

Oh, we're here!

Oh, God!

My hair and the bouquet are a mess!

-Who brings such a dead bouquet?
-It looks okay!

Thanks for not bringing the car tonight.

Are you mad or what?

Listen to the sound of this muffler, baby!

Lavu, don't say you didn't enjoy the ride.

Come on!

You and your bikes.

Listen, I've had a really long day.

Can we please call it an early night?

-Today--
-In and out!

Yeah! It's a double celebration
tonight, Lavu.

Come on!

-Who celebrates their third anniversary?
-Kotadiya & Sons

Congratulations, Ms. Senior Architect!

Thank you!

-Drink two more on my behalf.
-Of course!

Bro, what is this?

It is what it is.

-Sameer, my bro! Congratulations!
-Hi!

-Finally!
-Thank you!

Looking too good, bro!

-Sheetu!
-Congratulations, Lavanya,

-for the promotion!
-Thank you!

Hi, baby!

-Congrats, Lavu.
-Thank you.

You always steal my thunder.

Shut up. It's not a big deal.

-Greetings, auntie!
-Greetings, auntie!

-Preet!
-Where?

Where's Mel?

-He's not answering his calls, as usual.
-One second.

-Ants!
-Kids!

Congrats, baby!

-Thank you, Mom.
-So proud!

I'm celebrating your promotion here today.

Okay, Mom. You have no chill whatsoever.

There's a bar counter in the corridor.

Let's go.

Yes, but no one should see us.

Where's the glass? Give me one.

-Everyone's watching.
-No one's watching.

Drink up! Drink with joy.

-Are you sure?
-Drink!

God bless you, Sameer.

You're the best!

Bro.

This Sheetal…

has changed my life forever.

We share everything, except toothbrushes.

Passion, love, career.

These are all… ingredients.

Just like sweets.

Like dry fruits, butter, and sugar.

Like that.

And what's marriage?

What is it?

Confectioner.

Marriage is the confectioner,

who blends all these ingredients…

to make perfect sweets.

Sameer, you're so cute. Here's a kiss.

What a line!

-Marriage is a ruler.
-What?

-A confectioner.
-A confectioner.

-Marriage is the confectioner.
-Yeah.

Sheetal!

Did she say my name?

Sheetu!

-Come to me.
-Come down!

-Shih Tzu b*stard.
-Come down!

I've known you since you were four.

What f*cking bad luck!

The same goes for Sameer.

Not a single adventure in your teens,
straight to the altar.

Wow, amazing!

What you did was brilliant.

Skipped all this f*cking new-age bullshit

and jumped right into marriage.

-I mean, wow!
-Yeah!

Marriage is the best thing ever.

It's the best!

-Sheetal, you're the best!
-What are you doing?

Sameer, you're also average.

You guys are relationship goals!

-Yeah!
-Yes!

What happened, baby? Do you want to puke?

-Baby, one second. Get some water.
-What's wrong?

-Can someone get water?
-Get water!

Baby.

Will you marry me?

Oh my, God!

Oh my, God!

Congratulations, Ants!

Congrats, Auntie!

Baby?

You haven't said yes yet.

Say yes or no.

No pressure, okay?

-Come on.
-Come on.

f*ck everyone around us.

-Lavu.
-Say yes.

-If you want to, then say it.
-Say yes.

Lavu, say yes!

-Say yes!
-Just say yes!

Say yes!

I want to.

Yes!

Applause!

Sameer! I have a confectioner now!

I'll make sweets too! You're the man.

I love you, man.

-Let's go over there. Come on!
-You come here.

-It's all done!
-Right, man.

Listen carefully.

The confectioner…

can be a m*therf*cker at times.

What?

-And these ingredients…
-Yeah.

-Butter, dry fruits, sugar, happiness.
-Dry fruits, sweets.

He just steals these and runs off.

-Lav!
-Yes?

I'm all alone now.

You're getting married
and I'm feeling like a f*cking widow.

You are and will always be my first love.

This is just for sex and babies.

I don't want to share you.

-What a husband you've got, Sheetu.
-Congratulations, Rishabh!

Congratulate her too.

Congrats, Lavanya.

-Shahid!
-Finally!

Hey victim, how did you land up here?

The party isn't over yet.

I was checking exam papers.
Sorry, I'm late.

What's with the drunks
congratulating the wrong couple?

Bro, our love story is old.

The biggest congratulations
are in store for these two.

Illegitimate child?

No, you b*stard!

-I proposed.
-Oh, f*ck off!

-And she said yes!
-We are getting married!

Congratulations! The things you miss
when you're late to a party!

You victim, bro.
Always f*cking victimizing yourself.

-What's wrong with her?
-Checked all exam papers?

Yes. All the kids are stupid.

Preeto, what the f*ck happened last night?

Do you think it was one
of those drunken things that we do

or will he actually remember
what happened?

I hope he remembers.

Asking you for marriage and forgetting
will be pretty awkward for him.

I'm not ready for this.

It'll be more awkward for me
if he remembers.

-What the f*ck happened last night?
-I have to go.

Okay, bye.

Baby, why do I drink so much?

Look what I did!

I proposed to you with
Sameer's family's Saturn ring.

Saturn rings can't be gifted
on auspicious occasions.

It's unlucky.

Where is it?

Take it out. Careful. It's Saturn!

I'll go with your mom,

and get you a beautiful diamond.

Just like you.

Lavu.

Alcohol should be banned.

Right?

So, to summarize today's class,

Bohr's model of an atom
was presented in 1913.

It's also called the plum pudding… Sorry.

Looks like sir hasn't paid his home loan.

No bro, it's regarding his phone's EMI.

It's also called the
plum pudding model which…

-it's basically a system…
-Sir! Is it on EMI?

Consists of small dense nucleus--

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Mr. Shahid.

Please meet Aayat Merchant.

-Hi.
-She's just finished her B.Ed.

and she has joined the school
as a trainee.

-Just one moment.
-Sure, sir.

She's also my niece, yeah?
Take good care of her.

Hi, I am Aayat.

-Nice to meet you.
-Shahid. Nice to meet you.

Hi, Sid.

Your air…

My dad's sleeping with someone else.

And how does my mom decide
to solve the problem?

She goes and sleeps with someone else too.

To top it, the one good thing happening
in my life…

I broke up.

Why so?

Nothing.

She likes someone else.

He drives to school in his fancy SUV,

next to that my car looks like trash.

And for his lover,

my dad got a convertible sports car.

So you're so affected because of cars?

Because of love.

Love for cars, right?

He's got this, I've got that…

Stuff like that?

Don't make it sound stupid!

It's real to me.

Of course, it is.

And I completely understand that.

Of course, you've seen the…

Mr. Pintu, what are you doing?
There are kids around.

Sorry, sir.
The singer was on a live stream.

Then suddenly there were weird noises.

Sir, please don't complain
to the principal.

We made a mistake.

Dumbass Arjun.

I love him.

Yes baby, yes!

f*ck. f*ck!

sh*t.

Don't you have a job, you as*h*le?

Your job is up for grabs, you f*ck!

The entire social media
is watching your porno!

-What?
-Get offline, you dumbfuck!

-You're live streaming!
-f*ck!

Oh, f*ck!

f*ck, man!

Thank you so much for this call.

See you, bye.

-Surprise!
-Surprise!

Wow, guys…

-Congratulations.
-Thank you!

We're so happy for you.

This is so sweet!

A fancy building-shaped cake
was our first thought.

Then we found out you were proposed to.

Yes, we saw it in Preet's story.

Congratulations, Lavanya.

Thank you, guys. It's really sweet of you.

Okay…

Do you even need the promotion anymore?

You're getting married!

Yup!

Take a look at least.
When will she learn how to cook?

This is one of those,

"It'll come in handy
post-marriage" lectures, right?

-I was just saying!
-I saw.

Go, open the door.

Must be Pooja.

-Hi!
-Hi.

-Right in time for lunch.
-Oh, no!

I have this massive meeting.
But guess what?

If it gets through, I'll take you to Bali.

-Really?
-Yes.

Just look after Rajvir?

Of course!

-Hi, Mom.
-Sajni!

-Come, have lunch. It's your favorite.
-Come on!

-See this.
-Dal pakwaan. Will you have some?

-Set a plate for him too.
-But, Mom. Where's my lunch?

Dad, this is because of you.

-Didi! Lunchbox.
-Sajni.

-Bye!
-Bye. Don't trouble your aunt.

Don't trouble your aunt.

Can we take Sajni to the garden
for a walk, please?

-Uncle Melu!
-Before you ask,

I had a huge fight with Yavar
and I'm done with him.

I think I've heard this
like a thousand times before.

Just shut up, okay?

If it's so toxic,
why don't you just break up?

Because it's not that easy.

I missed my f*cking flight because of you!

So then, why do you fight with me?

Do I fight with you?

I come to Mumbai for you, for this sh*t?

Then don't come here!

I don't want to f*cking see
your face again, do you get it?

You get it?

-Then f*ck off.
-Do you get it?

Look at me when I talk to you.

-Look at me when I talk to you.
-Don't create a scene, Yavar

Listen…

-Give me my dog back.
-This is my society.

Please take this outside.

So tell him, he's the one
creating a scene.

Can you…

Where's Rajvir?

What?

-Rajvir!
-Where the f*ck is my dog?

Zoey!

Rajvir!

-Zoey!
-Sajni!

Zoey!

No. No!

Stop!

Auntie!

Auntie!

-Auntie!
-Come here.

Can you please handle your dog?

Do you think they are turned on or what?

They're excited.

I adopted Sajju from this litter.

Do you remember Socket or what?

Yeah!

Why was he called Socket?

Because he liked sticking his mouth
in sockets.

He got electrocuted three times, dude.

Dumb dog.

You're damaged, bro.

I'm creative.

You're the damaged one.

-That's true.
-Yeah.

I'm sorry.

-That's true.
-I had to.

First tell me,
what the hell is my son up to?

Sit.

My goodness.

My heart is sinking.

It's just sex.

Everyone does it.

Poor thing's got recorded.

Poor thing, my foot!

At times, I feel like
I didn't raise him right.

If his father was there,
he'd have set him straight.

Chuck this, let's have pizza.

Thank you.

Come, let's eat.

Hey.

Did you want to tell me something?

How did you know?

I've known you guys for 30 years.

I proposed to Lavanya
and we're getting married so…

You are my actual son!

I think you and Arjun
got swapped at birth.

I know, right? That cartoon face.

ASK RISHU TO CALL ME

NOW I DON'T STAND A CHANCE, RIGHT?

YOU NEVER STOOD A CHANCE

DO SOME DRUGS.

Tell me b*tch, what do you want?

Yo-yo!

I'm back, bro!

Arjun, man!

Let's go!

Leave it at bay Your swag, sweetheart

Don't go out looking the way you do

Hello, Mumma!

-How are you?
-How are you, my foot!

You scandalous sh*t! Move aside.

What were you thinking?

-I made a huge mistake.
-b*stard! I…

-I won't spare you.
-Mumma, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

-You, wait.
-Mumma, I'll get hurt!

-What are you doing? Mehboob!
-All our dignity…

-Mummyji!
-Get lost, Mehboob!

-Save me!
-Mummyji!

-It's not his fault.
-Get lost!

-Mehboob, come here.
-What have you done?

-You've ruined our family's name.
-Mummyji!

It's a mistake!

Mumma, sorry.

It's okay, my child.

This is so yummy!

Have it with curd. Here.

Wow.

Tell me something.

Why were you making dog
and cat sounds in that video?

-Dogs?
-Dogs and cats.

No.

-I thought…
-Must be the neighbor's pets.

What's wrong?

Let me kiss you once. I'll be relieved.

Please, just one kiss.

What if someone sees us?

No one will see.

Go easy, Sonu. I'll sprain my back!

Nothing will happen, love.

What are you doing?

-Uncle, let's play!
-No, Ayush!

-What do they want?
-Milkshake anybody?

Come on.

It's a beautiful night!

The moon is perfectly round
and the stars are twinkling so much!

But, I like strawberry milkshakes.

But I like mango milkshakes.

Mango for today
and strawberry for tomorrow.

Done?

But, Auntie, that's what
you said yesterday.

I did?

I'm sorry, then.

In a 2BHK,

the big room is for the elder son,

small room for mom and dad.

And the younger son and his wife?

On the sofa.

What do you want me to do?

Ask my parents to sleep here
so we can have sex!

No.

But we deserve a room too, right?

When your brother and his wife
want to make love,

they send the kids outside to play.

Sheetal,

I can't leave this house.

I'm not asking you to, Sameer!

What am I?

Some TV serial vamp?

Sameer,

there's a flat up for rent on this floor.

The broker comes here every day.

Let's take it.

We won't be away from family,
and we'll get our space.

How can I ask my father for rent?

So I'll pay the rent.

But that's your money.

Ours! Our money, Sameer.

Please.

I should sleep.

When there's no answer, we go to sleep.

Goodnight, Sameer.

Goodnight!

Rishu, don't go down on me right now.

-Why?
-I haven't waxed.

I don't care.

But it's a jungle down there.

If there's a jungle then
I'm the Lion King.

Rishu! Stop with your jungle thing
right now.

-Come back.
-Loosen up a little, Lavu.

That's not fair.

That day you wanted the whole
tantric sex thing, what did I do?

I went all out.

But, didn't you enjoy it?

Yeah, but I just don't feel like it
right now.

Feeling gross down there.

Fine.

What do you want then?

The usual.

-The usual?
-Yeah.

-But next time it's an alien invasion.
-Yeah.

Dude.

2022.

That's like 15 years away.

Yeah.

None of you got it right?

Seriously?

It's obvious that he was lying!

See. I don't have a father.

Rishabh doesn't have a brother.

And Melroy is not going to w*r.

And he judged Shahid by his shoes.

He's a fraud, guys.

You eat guilt-free!

Now?

-Let's have ice cream.
-Yeah, let's go!

I AM ALSO COMING.

YOU DON'T GET ICE CREAM IN CANADA?

I AM IN MUMBAI, LOVES!

AJJU IS BACK FROM CANADA, GUYS!

ARJUN, DON'T COME NAKED.

YES, PLEASE.