01x01 - Ariel

[bunniefuu]

THE EVENTS AND CHARACTERS PORTRAYED

IN THIS SERIES ARE REAL.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO FICTION

IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

(ethereal music playing)

(music continues)

ARIEL: By the end of 2017,

I was overweight.

I smoked like a chimney.

I was about to turn 45.

I was the exact age fat smokers are

when they have a heart attack

and then die on their way to the hospital.

(music continues)

-(door slams)

-(music stops suddenly)

Also, my wife had asked for a divorce.

I was bound to have

a whopper of a heart attack

and die at a very young age.

Isa

Isa?

Isa?

(melancholic music playing)

HEARTBEATS BEFORE THE HEART ATTACK

What's up, Ramon? Take care.

(keys rattling)

(engine struggles)

(engine starts)

(Isabel on phone)

Hi, this is Isabel. Leave your message.

ARIEL: Honey, how are you? Where are you?

When I woke up, I didn't see you.

I bet you're at the monthly moms' meeting.

I think we should talk.

I think we still need to talk about this.

What's happening now

We must be able to solve it.

At the end of the day, we love each other.

And what do I know? Let's look for

I don't want to wax poetic,

because you don't like it,

but let's try to work this out.

-(tires screeching)

-(music stops)

-(bike screeches)

-The hell, fat cuck?

f*ck off!

(engine revs, tires screech)

-(sighs)

-(music resumes)

The Best Heart Attack of My Life

1. ARIEL

ARIEL: Morning.

(music fades)

Clarita.

CLARITA: Good morning.

How are you? Is that a new hairstyle?

Are those highlights?

They look good on you.

Please do me a favor.

Tell printing to send me a copy

of Amor en Tempestades.

Who wrote it? It doesn't ring a bell.

Me, Clarita. It's my new poetry book.

-Ah.

-From our publishing house.

Silly me, I'm sorry.

It doesn't appear here

on the printing list. I didn't record it.

I bet they didn't include it.

Damn it.

(harp music playing)

DAVID: I've known Ariel since

kindergarten

at the Marist Brothers School.

Chubby has always been a mess.

But he's the kindest person ever.

Isabel is great, too.

She always gave Chubby unwavering support.

Even when doctors told them

they couldn't have children.

But, of course,

after 15 years

of trying to make things work,

I bet that's what ended up

ruining their relationship.

(indistinct conversation)

Yes, I understand

Ariel!

Isabel has him in the doghouse.

But Chubby won't give up

and soothes his heart

by writing poetry books

not even his mother would buy.

He atones for his publishing wreck

by ghostwriting for famous people,

what we editors call "ghosting."

ARIEL: Ever since I can remember,

I write and smoke at the same time,

as if both actions were one.

All I do before lighting a cigarette

is just a warm-up.

Before smoking, you can watch a porno,

arguing it's a way to relax.

You can jot down some notes,

to make believe

you are not dependent on technology.

Lots of things can be done

before the smoking.

But your brain knows

they're just preliminaries.

The story always begins

when the fire explodes in your throat.

Not before. No.

-(music stops)

-MAN: Cheers.

(sighs)

Why don't you work at your desk?

Smoking isn't allowed downstairs.

Neither is it here.

Yeah, I know.

But you're the big boss

and my lifelong friend.

Are you still sleeping on the couch?

What do you want?

What do I want?

For you to lose the long face,

and work things out with Isabel,

because I need you on top of your game.

You'll love what I'll tell you now.

-Hmm?

-Does "Augusto Briganti" ring a bell?

Yeah, the attorney. The jerk from TV.

You're gonna write his book.

He's always in the public eye.

The book will discuss

celebrities' scandals.

It will sell like hotcakes.

I'll pay you twice the previous figure,

and give you a share of the profits.

(sarcastically) I like

where this publishing house is going.

Really, your old man would be so proud.

Come on, Chubby, don't play hard to get.

I know you need this money.

I can always ask Omar.

ARIEL: Alright.

-Fine, I'll do it.

-Great!

We'll meet him for dinner at 9.

Please drink about ten cups of coffee.

You need to be awake.

He's sharp as a tack.

And dress up a bit, will you?

A jacket a tie.

We'll eat at a nice place, okay?

Okay, duly noted.

One more thing.

Talk to your wife. Work it out.

(pleasant music playing)

ARIEL: Hi.

WOMAN: Victor!

Ariel! What's up?

How are you, Victor?

VICTOR: Why don't you sign up

for a class?

-It's free for you.

-I'm busy as ever, Victor.

Look who I have here.

Your care bear.

Your care bear

came to see you at your job,

muscular squirrel.

Do you want to grab lunch?

Panther. Squirrel no more.

I'm busy with work, Ari.

You got a tattoo?

I'll cover for your two o'clock

Body Combat class.

-So go grab lunch with your husband, okay?

-Fine.

Don't thank me, Ari. Someone

must stand up for the few romantics left.

Don't you think so?

ARIEL: The guy is the best attorney

in Argentina.

ISABEL: Didn't you use to say

he was a clown?

ARIEL: He is.

But it's just a front he puts up

for people to think he is a clown.

Actually, he is an amazing guy.

I want to give us one more shot.

I want to give us a second chance, Isa.

I want to change. I know I'm a wreck.

I'll go on a diet.

This is my last pizza slice.

ISABEL: Calm down.

I'll take the classes.

I already told you what I want, didn't I?

Don't bring this up again.

I'm serious. Let's go to therapy.

We already went to therapy.

New therapy. I heard something about

constellations.

We already did constellations, remember?

Ariel I'm seeing another person.

What?

Sorry, I'm not just seeing them. I'm

In love with somebody else.

Somebody different than me?

Yes, a completely different person.

Are you kidding me?

We came here to eat something

and try to mend fences.

Where did I falter? I don't get it.

Ariel, we're older now.

It's not mending fences, we have

tried to just stay afloat for so long.

We can reinvent ourselves

away from each other.

It was because we can't have kids,

wasn't it?

It's not that. Don't be so close-minded.

You're impossible to talk to.

It's not that.

I told you back then

that it would tear us apart.

(sighs)

Who is it?

It doesn't matter.

It does matter to me.

Is it your business partner?

The one who was "just a coworker."

Because I noticed how he touches you,

looks at you

-Don't do that.

-It's Victor, isn't it?

It's Victor.

Remember, I'm a writer.

I know how characters think.

You think I don't notice,

but I'm not dumb.

Do you think I'm dumb?

You are a bit dumb,

but you're a good person. I

wish you all the best.

Always, really.

-What do you mean by "all the best"?

-I mean

that starting tonight,

I want you to stay at your mom's.

I'll put your stuff in boxes,

for you to pick it up tomorrow

when I'm not there.

I can't believe you chose Victor.

I can't believe it.

Ari, this is more difficult for me

than it is for you. I swear.

You don't get it at all.

Your idea of "all the best"

is a bit off, huh?

And you're going on a honeymoon?

With that muscular shorty?

-Full of botox.

-Ari

-I can't believe it!

-Love you.

-I'd beat him to a pulp!

-Really love you.

I'd beat him to a pulp!

I'd do it if I didn't know

that he'd beat me to a pulp!

(foreboding music playing)

WAITER: Excuse me.

Sorry about that.

(music continues)

DAVID: That's Briganti.

Sorry for being late.

How do you do?

Ariel, this is Augusto Briganti,

king of law.

Augusto, Ariel, king of prose.

-Take a seat, please.

-Thank you.

It's a pleasure, truly.

What caught you up? Too much traffic?

No, no We just lost track of time

talking about Ariel's problems.

You see, something is going on

with his wife.

She actually

(clicks tongue)

kicked him out of the house.

After 15 years together,

he always supported her

Don't leave.

(music stops)

Don't you even dare leave.

It can be construed as desertion.

If you bite the hook, there's no way back.

There are many strategies

for cases like this.

For example, I settled

Petardo Rodriguez's divorce,

and the girl was left without a penny.

She had to leave the country.

I'd keep going, but I can't

due to legal professional privilege.

That was it, the guy stopped suffering.

(scoffs)

In this case, the apartment is her's,

and we're just separating, not

Besides, I still love her.

I could never do that to her.

I get it, but don't go soft on her.

Okay, let's talk about the book.

Look, in law,

the golden rule is saying "no."

You must say "no."

Please take this free advice

I'm giving you.

And you know how much

advice from Briganti costs.

Thank you so, so much, Augusto.

Actually, eh

nothing. Let's get down to business.

Yes, please.

BRIGANTI: Let's get to the point.

I need a perfect,

finished book in 30 days.

Because we have

the Martillo Muñiz audience.

It's all over TV,

so we'll show it everywhere.

Wait a second. Did you explain it to him?

A book can't be written in 30 days.

Perfect! Tomorrow I'll travel

to Spain so we can show it

-at the Madrid Book Fair. So

-ARIEL: No.

Can you do it or not?

Of course, he can.

Don't you know who he is?

The biography wizard.

Every celebrity book you see around,

was probably written by us.

Well, him.

Mr. Briganti, how are you doing?

Hi, Pablito.

-Did you solve it?

-I'm trying.

Good. We'll have sweetbread, ribs,

truffle pappardelle,

and get us a Lucciano Bossi

and a Weinstein Chardonnay.

WAITER: Great.

It's not necessary.

It's Briganti's treat.

Any salad as a side?

(scoffs) Take a look at us.

We're not cows. We don't eat grass.

(chuckles)

Oh, well.

The poet here

is a bit bovine.

WAITER: Okay, right away.

Run to the kitchen, Pablito.

(music resumes)

Perfect.

Where were we?

Will you do it in 30 days?

Do we have a deal?

(music continues)

To me, shaking hands

is like signing a contract.

Are we on the same page?

Yes.

BRIGANTI: Good.

Case closed, we're done here.

Let's get stuffed now.

We finish the wine, the sweetbread,

and head to the cabaret.

ARIEL: Not me, thanks.

DAVID: Cabaret is the theater next door.

Given the time we have for the book

You're not backing down, are you?

You signed a contract.

No, I mean that I would need to go

to your office.

What for?

To do some interviews.

You won't make me work, will you?

How about you give me your number.

That way I'll send you voice messages

about things that come up,

that I remember

It'll be much quicker.

(in English) Time is money, baby.

(in Spanish) I'll go take a leak.

Would any of you gentlemen come with me?

BRIGANTI: When this area was privatized,

-I was a key player in the sale.

-Uh-huh.

It was repurposed,

and now it looks like this.

-Awesome.

-This way.

-Try to enjoy yourself.

-I don't want to.

Fine.

Come in, Alan saved us the front table.

-Oh, that's great

-Yeah.

Your table, Mr. Briganti.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Thanks.

This night looks promising.

(clears throat)

Charlie and Mr. Blue.

ANNOUNCER: Directly from

Lavapiés, Madrid, Joni and Los Chungos.

(ethereal piano playing)

(music continues)

(music fading)

(flamenco music playing)

(vocalizing)

SINGER: ¡Quillo!

(flamenco guitar playing)

SINGERS: Hey! Let's go!

(music and singing continue)

BRIGANTI: She keeps on looking at you.

It's true, she's dead set on you.

Here you go.

No, no, no.

Come on, don't be dumb.

She looks feisty, she'll k*ll you.

BRIGANTI: Shall we go play?

We should for a bit, shouldn't we?

(music continues)

SINGERS: ¡Concha!

SINGER: ¡Dale!

(applause)

SINGER: Thank you, now we'll play

a great instrumental

(flamenco music playing)

ARIEL: Your gaze gets lost in mine.

With subtle movements.

Can you see beyond your senses?

Unbreak this heart? Bring it back to life?

(phone chimes, buzzes)

REMEMBER NOT TO COME TODAY.

THE PANTHER WANTS TO BE ALONE.

GO TO YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE, PLEASE.

YOU'RE AMAZING, ARI!

YOU LANDED THE GALICIAN!

DON'T COME BACK. WE MET TWO BLONDES.

IF YOU WENT TO PEE

AND NOT WITH THE GALICIAN,

DON'T COME BACK, EITHER.

Of course, I'll leave with her. Dumbass.

(Concha sniffs)

Excuse me, can I get a cigarette?

A cigarette, you got one?

Ah sure.

I ran out.

Thanks.

-Light it, please.

-Sure, eh

(Concha scoffs)

(Concha exhales)

-Great show inside.

-Hm.

It's very exciting.

The shoe thing and

Were you inside?

Yes, I was looking at you inside.

Were you in the first row, maybe?

Yeah.

So it was a tie!

I can't believe it.

You saved me. Well, your tie did.

-What?

-(exhales)

I went on stage without contacts,

so I couldn't see a thing.

Due to the black light,

your tie looked like a

like a lantern. (laughs)

So it was my reference point

to avoid getting dizzy.

What a fabric.

I thought you were looking at me.

No, no. Why would I?

(chuckles)

That is, you can't see faces

from the stage.

But your lantern tie

(laughs)

Come on, you looked like a beacon.

(romantic music playing)

Well, it's a pleasure.

I'm Concha. Yes, I know.

You can call me María,

because here, Concha is a no-go.

I'm Ariel.

But you can call me d*ck in Spain.

(laughs)

(music continues)

What are you writing there?

-Here?

-Yeah.

Eh

I was writing you a poem.

Me?

-Yes.

-Sure.

-Man

-What?

Good lord, Argentinians are

-What?

-You have a way of flirting

Is it taught in schools or something?

Writing poetry?

You're quick.

Girl.

We're back in five.

Yes, Tito, I know.

Be careful.

Don't speak to a woman

with a carnation in her hair.

Tito

You might get a gypsy curse.

(music fades)

I'll hold back Joni.

Don't wander off. I don't want trouble.

Tomorrow is the last day.

Tell that to Joni.

Did you see that?

It's scary.

Let's go!

(chuckles)

Come on, girl.

On my way, Tito.

I've got to work.

-Finish up the poem.

-Yes. Wait a second.

I promise I'll finish the poem,

but I don't know if I'll see you again.

So if you feel like it,

or have some free time, call me.

I would love to drink some coffee

with a Concha.

We'll meet again.

Mr. d*ck.

Who's this dude?

Why do you care?

Give me the contacts or I won't dance.

(romantic music resumes)

(music continues)

(keys rattling)

(dog barking in distance)

(music continues)

(music stops)

(somber music playing)

-(thud)

-(keys clatter)

(music continues)

(door slams)

Ariel!

I told you not to come.

(music continues)

(music continues)

HEARTBEATS BEFORE THE HEART ATTACK

(heartbeats)