01x28 - Too Many Crooks/President Fred

[bunniefuu]

{\an8}[SIGHS] And that's the biggest secret
I'll ever tell anyone.

{\an8}And I'll never repeat it again.

Sorry, did you say something?

- [SIGHS]
- [MIC FEEDBACKS]

PRINCIPAL FUNDERBERK: Good morning.

just a friendly reminder that

{\an8}there's one day left to enter the race

{\an8}for student body president.

{\an8}So far, there's only one candidate.

So sign up or don't. Whatever.

That makes sense.

Nobody wants to run against
Chad Goldenboy.

MAN: [SINGING] Chad Goldenboy!

I'm rich and smell good.

[ALL SNIFFING]

Ah!

[SIGHS] Things are
never going to change

if another Goldenboy is elected.

It's embarrassing
nobody is running against him.

Well, maybe, you should run.

Me? Run for president?

That's like asking a cat to sew.

- [MACHINE WHIRRING]
- [MEOWS]

Besides, power does
weird things to people.

You're popular
whether you like it or not.

And you could actually
make a difference.

{\an8}I don't know. Are things at this school
really that bad?

Well, I guess the food is that bad.

Somebody outta change that.

Chad doesn't even care about the food.

He only eats
caviar delivered by his butler

on an old-timey bicycle.

Your caviar, sir.

And my silver spoon.
The one I was born with?

Chad's totally out of touch
with what this school actually needs.

Yeah. We deserve better food
and updated textbooks

that don't refer to airplanes

as fantastical flying machines
of the future.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

And you know what? More than 10 seconds
between classes would be nice.

See, Fred, you have ideas.

All right, campaign manager.
Let's give this a shot.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: [SINGING] It's a race full of pride

So open up your eyes

'Cause only looking forward
will put you on top

The competition is fierce

But if you wipe off
the tears

They'll love 'em back
and make you stop

So if you're strapped for cash

You don't look good in a sash

You might as well give up

Before you try to make a splash

{\an8}Before you dream that you can win

{\an8}You're gonna have to learn to spend

If you wanna be president

Well

Your intentions are good

But if you're misunderstood

They don't wanna hear you
clear your throat

You can promise their dreams

Against the soda machines

{\an8}But neither one can
guarantee you the vote

The crowd will cheer or they'll boo

But they're still looking to you

You better tell them you're the best

And pretend you have a clue

The game is how you schmooze

And get the likes and get the views

If you wanna be president

No matter what the cost
you gotta show 'em

Who's the boss
If you wanna be president

[CROWD CHEERING]

Is that actual gold?

- I give up.
- You can't give up.

Ask not what your school can do for you,

- but what you...
- Kevin, I'll sleep on it.

You don't really think
Fred's gonna quit, do you?

I don't know.
She was feeling pretty down,

- even for Fred.
- [DOOR SLAMS OPEN]

Hey, Fredheads!

Are we ready to crush this election?

Wow! Hey, I guess
sleeping on it worked.

We're pivoting our strategy.

I've made a discovery
that will ensure our victory.

Chad Goldenboy isn't
who he says he is.

What do you mean?

Chad is not a popular,
young go-getter.

He is, in fact, an old man
impersonating a young buck.

He's a fake teenager.

What? Fred, he's definitely
a real teenager.

Oh, really?

Would a real teenager
be caught walking out

of the shuffleboard courts, with a cane

while eating hard candy
out of a tiny tartan pouch?

Okay, well, lots of people
eat hard candy out of a pouch,

like Grandpa and Abuela... Oh!

And Chad does talk kind of funny.

I always thought
it's because he was rich,

but maybe it's 'cause he's old?

- We could look into it.
- [SLURPS]

Yeah, that sounds great.

You do that and I'll start spreading
the unsubstantiated rumor.

President Fred, out!

[SLURPS AND GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Um, that was a little intense.

Do you really think
Chad could be an old man?

Fred might be onto something.

It wouldn't be the weirdest thing
that's happened in our town.

He's got a point.

I mean, I am a talking hamster.

Is that Chad Goldenboy?

- Whoa!
- Fake teenager?

Is Chad Goldenboy a teenager,
or a lying elderly man?

I don't know.
But I don't not know.

And as far as the proof,
just wait till the debate.

BOY 1: Whoa! Could it be true?

BOY 2: Things that are vague
are convincing.

KEVIN: There's Chad.

Let's follow him
and see what he's up to.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

He's not an old man, Kevin.

This is the road to the senior center.

GRETEL: That doesn't
mean anything.

He's probably just...
Wait. What's he doing?

{\an8}It looks like he's doing
something to his face.

{\an8}See? Why would
a teenager come here?

Uh, I don't know.
Maybe he's visiting his grandma.

What is wrong with you, Kevin?

- [BOTH GASP]
- Okay, maybe there's an explanation.

Oh, Chad, you brought the prunes.

You're my favorite


Okay, that's weird.

FRED: We're close, we're close.
I can feel it.

The rumors have spread
like moths on a petticoat.

- [CHUCKLING]
- [CLEARS THROAT]

Frog in your throat, Gretel?

- No, I...
- Kevin, what do you got on Chad?

- Any dirt?
- We sure did. We got this.

[GASPS] He is old.

{\an8}And look, prunes.

{\an8}The currency of the elderly.

That's excellent. Excellent.

We must disseminate our proof.

Chad is old.

Wait. I really think
we may have this wrong.

Get out of my house.

Um, this is my house.

Whoa, Fred, take it down a few notches.

No, it's fine.

I'm going to go.

This campaign has
really gone to your head.

Gretel, wait.

- Fred. That was harsh.
- Harsh? Harsh?

We're this close to winning, Kevin.

Uh, right. So now that you have a lead.

We can focus on making
the school better.

- The what?
- The school?

The whole reason for running?

Right. Ye... Yes.

Uh, the school.
Hey... Hey, listen.

I have one final task for you
before tomorrow's debate.

I need you to go
to the photocopy place

and blow up this picture of Chad.

The bigger the better!

I'm gonna have it next to me
during my speech.

- It'll ruin him.
- But uh...

- FRED: Just do it.
- [GRUNTS]

Winnifred, out. [SLURPS]

- [GRUNTING]
- [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

I think I've created a monster.

Hey, can you please enlarge this
to a ridiculous size?

Sure. That's our specialty.

"Prunes for Persephone"

- Wait, is that?
- A play at the senior center

starring teenager, Chad Goldenboy?

Why, yes! He did
a wonderful job transforming himself

into an 80-year-old

with makeup and his mannerisms.

I gotta go.

Here you go.
Oh! Not again.

This is why we should
ask for a deposit.

Well, I'd buy that from you.

[CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hello, students.

I smell good.

Who agrees, by applause?

That should fill two minutes.

It's time to take down
this Goldenboy.

Fred! [BREATHING HEAVILY]
We made a big mistake.

Chad isn't old.

{\an8}He's just acting old in a play
at the senior center.

{\an8}Where's my giant Chad picture?

No, no, no, you're not listening.

Chad's not lying.

He's just really committed
to the theater.

I can do what I want.
I'm gonna be president.

You would never stoop...

- [LOW VOICE] Unhand me!
- What?

Ugh, it's me, The Imposter.

[GASPS] I thought
we defeated you and threw you in jail.

Well, I got out on good behavior.

Dude, it's been like three weeks.

It was really good behavior.

- And now it's time for bad behavior.
- [CONTROLLER BEEPS]

No, wait.
Why are you doing all of this?

I'm very proud of this scheme.

It all began in prison,

where I found my calling as a thespian

in the prison's theater program.

Upon my release,
itching to take to the stage,

I immediately auditioned

for the local play
at the senior center.

Acting as an 80-year-old,
prune merchant would be challenging.

But as a master of disguise,
no one was

more qualified than I.

That is until Chad Goldenboy

waltzed in with his good looks,

and winning smile,
stealing the role from me.

Wait, you did all this

just to take revenge on some kid,

because of a role in a retirement
community theater production?

He stole the role from me,
so I had to steal something from him.

Student body president.

And with him traipsing around
as an old man,

I had the perfect smear campaign.

- And Fred was the ideal...
- Wait!

Where's the real Fred?

Oh, that was easy.

I posed as the proprietor
of an escape room

and lured her in with a VIP ticket.

I think she'll find that
escape is quite impossible.

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

Well, that escape room was difficult,
but not impossible.

- Fred!
- He's in here, guys.

No!

{\an8}All right, candidates,

please make your way to the stage.

Fred, go do your speech.

We've got this.

And I've got this.

[GRUNTS] Smoke b*mb!

[ALL COUGHING]

Presenting your candidates,

Chad Goldenboy,

- and Winnifred Grant...
- [GRUNTS]

And Winnifred Grant?

- [CROWD GASPS]
- Is she a twin?

Did I miss something?

Hello, students. I am Fred,

- and I...
- No, you're not! I am.

- I'm Fred. I'm the real Fred.
- [MIC FEEDBACKS]

STUDENT: My gosh,
it's Hamster and Gretel!

Is this a prank?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

- [CROWD GASPING]
- Um, guys.

I really need to know who to attack.

I'm the real Fred.

[GRUNTS]

No, there's only one Fred.

Get out of my way.

I am the real Fred.

No, I am.

This is why I didn't run
in the first place.

Power does weird things to people,

and I want no part of it.

I officially withdraw.

That's the real Fred.
Which means...

No! I want to...

Fake Fred Punch!

[IMPOSTER GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

I'm the real Fred.

[TOOTH CLATTERS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

And you all know me.

I'm Chad... [YELLS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

I'm so happy you weren't really

a crazy, power hungry monster.

Meh! I'm young.
I've still got time.

PRINCIPAL FUNDERBERK OVER PA:
Good afternoon.

Yesterday was weird.

For legal reasons,
let's pretend it never happened.

Also, don't forget
to congratulate your new

Student Body President,
Chad Goldenboy.

Well, so much for changing the school.

You know what, Fred?
He may smell like a perfect combination

of sandalwood and honeysuckle,

but you smell like a leader.

[SNIFFS] And also mildew?

I was in an escape room for four days.

Okay, that's fair.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Hamster and Gretel

It's Hamster

Hamster and Gretel