03x05 - A Peck on the Lips

[bunniefuu]

[Eliseo] Quico Morales.

Former tennis coach, divorced, three kids.

IN THE PREVIOUS EPISODE

We got something here.

Marta, aka Martucha,
celebrity autograph hunter.

[Quiñones] We must remain alert.

There's always some f*cking company
who wants to trample on the union.

[Nacho] I'm making an aphrodisiac dinner.

-For things to get...
-Okay.

If you want, you can sleep here tonight.

Last round.
Two more positions and you finish her.

I have no words.

I don't think there'll be a next time,
dear Clarita,

because I like to spend Sundays alone.

You're still the same old son of a b*tch.

[cell phone chimes]

THE ART OF FATHERHOOD

HOW TO MASTER
THE IMPOSSIBLE JOB OF BEING A FATHER

A peck on the lips.

[giggles]

Dr. Zambrano?

-Yes.
-Hello.

Sorry for the interruption.

I dropped by your apartment,
but I didn't find you there.

I'm Cecilia Murphy.
I live on the seventh floor.

-We've met before.
-Yes. Hi.

I wanted to remind you that we're holding
an owners' association meeting on Friday.

I'm up to here
with owners' association meetings.

I pass.

I'll give you this flyer then.

It's a company we're thinking of hiring
to cut costs.

Take your time with it.

-See you.
-Bye.

BIS
BASURTO INTEGRAL SOLUTIONS

f*cking Eliseo.

[♪ theme music playing]

THE BOSS 3

Hey!

Are you leaving?

Yes, I'll go pick up Mom from the airport,
bring her here and go home.

Okay.

I must thank you for all you did for me.
It all worked out, Nacho.

Yes.

Well, good luck
with your new relationship.

What relationship?
I already sent her packing.

-What? I thought...
-You thought wrong.

Don't give up on tantra.
It's a way of life.

No, I retired.

I'm going back to hibernation, Nacho.

To be honest,

I can live perfectly well without having
a sexual or emotional relationship.

I'd rather spend my time
on something more productive.

I mean it.

But wait, you like women.

I heard you the other night.

To tell you the truth, Nacho,
at this stage of my life,

I'm not attracted to humans at all.

I feel like sexual intercourse,
in any of its forms,

is typical cavemen or animal behavior,
something a monkey would do.

Because h*m* sapiens, the modern men,

they think, argue, question,
they have more ambitious goals.

Do you follow me or should I stop?

I don't know.
I must be a caveman because I love it.

-To each their own.
-Sure, you're right.

-See you, Eliseo.
-Bye, dear. Good luck.

-Have a good one.
-Thanks.

Send my regards to your mom.

[♪ pop music playing]

Hi, how are you?

Excuse me for being curious.
What are you doing?

-An audition.
-For Let's Dance Together.

And what is that?

It's a famous dancing reality show.

That's good.

I was watching you from back there
as I was cleaning,

and I can see there's no connection
between you two. That's my impression.

One moves one way,
the other moves the other way.

You have to move like one.

You have to connect
and look at each other.

You know what I mean?

Besides, you two have no stage presence.

You must stand upright, with good energy.

Legs outstretched like reeds.
Don't look so dull.

Do you want to try it again?
I can highlight your mistakes.

Only if it helps.

-It'll help us a lot.
-Put the music on.

Is this thing recording? Let's see.

Yeah, it's on.

[♪ pop music continues playing]

[machine whirring]

Pastori.

Morning, Doctor.

Have you seen this?

Yes. They're handing it out
all over the neighborhood.

Yeah?
And what are you going to do about it?

Are you going to let
that as*h*le take your job?

Well, it's not like that.
I wouldn't lose my job.

Why not?

Because if I submit my resignation here,
Eliseo will hire me right away.

I'd still do my work,
only as his employee.

Why would you quit?
That's stupid. You already have a job.

Yes, but I already spoke
to several colleagues

who moved to Basurto Integral Solutions
and they're very happy.

They're making more money and the union
doesn't take anything from their pay.

Eliseo treats them well
and gives them support.

There's a lot of performance bonuses
and everything.

Plus, if you get bored working
in the same building and want a change,

Eliseo will set you up
in another building.

We can rotate.

It's the ideal job.

Excuse me.

[vacuum whirring]

What an idiot.

Come in, Mr. Schuster.
Welcome to your new home.

-Excuse me.
-Go ahead.

[Eliseo] Okay.

-As you can see, the pictures didn't lie.
-Mmm-mmm.

It's a very spacious apartment,

with a neoclassical decor
done by the previous owner,

my dear Beba, may she rest in peace.

Yes, it's very cozy and bright. I like it.

Yes. There's like a strong musty smell.
Sorry, allow me to open the window.

The last tenants were a young couple
who left a mess.

They threw parties all the time.

-The youth.
-The youth.

You told me you're a neurosurgeon, right?

-Neuroscientist.
-Scientist.

I write books to disseminate
the cognitive sciences.

In fact, I just published
The Insatiable Brain.

And I'll republish
my two most famous books,

Mind Speed
and The Empire of Your Emotions.

-Lovely titles.
-Thanks.

I'm here to teach
a master's degree in Buenos Aires.

I don't know if I'm staying
six months or one year.

Well, if you're staying one year,
Mr. Schuster,

I'd advise you to freeze the rent price
and pay up front.

Inflation in Argentina is rampant.

[sighs] What a crazy country.
Very peculiar indeed.

Eliseo, I'll pay you,

but first, I'd like to give you a gift.

Thank you so much.

THE INSATIABLE BRAIN

That's nice of you.

-We can settle this later.
-I'll pay.

-No, pay me later.
-Eliseo, I can pay you...

He's got the breath of a mummy!

Huguito.

-Hi. All good?
-Hi, yeah.

Hey!

-Hi, Martucha.
-Hello, Eliseo. Have a nice day.

-Matías, how are you?
-Good, Ceci, and you?

-Good.
-Nice to see you.

You know, I was thinking about
what I told you the other day

about not involving myself
with the owners' association.

But in this case, I think I will.

-I can help you a lot with this matter.
-Really?

Yes, because this guy, Eliseo Basurto,
the owner of the company you want to hire,

I know him very well.

In fact, he's the reason I left
the other building where I was living.

He's a big piece of sh*t. A scumbag.
An opportunist who's capable of anything.

A son of a b*tch
and a dangerous psychopath.

It'd be a mistake, Ceci,

to let him take over this building.

[sighs] It's funny you tell me all this,

because it's exactly what Eliseo told me
you were going to say.

He said you'd speak ill of him.

He also said that
in your previous building,

you were accused of stealing
from the owners' association.

Look, Cecilia, I won't lower myself
to explain this guy's lies to you.

But your proposal is unviable.

You need two-thirds
of the owners' approval.

I think that won't be a problem.
The proposal benefits us all.

We are nine owners.

The third and eighth floor owners
don't live here, they live abroad.

So they don't care about what happens
in the building. They don't vote.

The first floor's succession
is being settled. There's no vote there.

And I'm the fourth one against it.

You don't have two-thirds.

You won't get it approved.
This matter ends here.

Okay.

See you.

[elevator button beeps]

These are his days, Ulises.
You have to have dinner with your father.

But his stupid girlfriend's there.

You'll have to put up with her.
I'm so sorry for you, son.

-Good evening, Romina.
-Good evening, Eliseo.

Good evening, Ulises.

-Say hi.
-Okay...

-Don't be rude.
-It's okay.

Since you're here,
I have some mail for Dr. Zambrano.

Shall I give it to you
or deliver it to his new home?

No, just throw it out.

If he didn't bother to change his address,
that's his problem.

There's a reason we got divorced.

I still must put up with the fact that
he moved two blocks away with that bimbo.

-Sure, good evening.
-Good evening.

[♪ soft piano music playing]

Enjoy, you crazy girl.

[telephone ringing]

[chuckles]

Hello?

[Pastori] Eliseo, sorry to bother you.

What's up, Pastori? Something wrong?

[Pastori] Things got complicated.

I just got word from Cecilia,
the owners' association president.

Looks like she didn't get
enough votes to hire you.

This Zambrano guy is meddling.

Don't worry, I knew he would.

You should've seen
that stupid woman's face

when she realized
she didn't have the votes.

[chuckles]

And I can imagine
the look on that maggot's face

when he realized he was out.

He must know by now.
That creep knows everything.

Okay, don't get mad
or you're gonna get wrinkles.

I'm not mad, I'm just telling you.

A peck on the lips.

Hey, Ms. Peck on the Lips, you know
my dad had a vasectomy, right?

Stop it, son.

It's okay, Uli's so cute.

You know what a vasectomy is, right?

It means his little soldier
can still fire,

but the b*ll*ts won't get you pregnant.

That's enough, Ulises.

I'm just telling her.

It really doesn't bother me.
I love his personality.

Okay, Mr. Personality, eat your breakfast
and I'll take you to school.

What school does she go to?
She could be your kid too.

Stop repeating what your mom says!

Can I just have breakfast in peace,
for f*ck's sake?

A peck on the lips.

Hi, Eliseo, may I come in?

Yes, go on. How are you?

-Good.
-Hi, Eliseo. What's that?

It's to prevent bad odors
in the common areas.

I'm installing these devices
in case there's a strong smell.

You press it
and it helps with the smell. See?

But those deodorants
are so bad for the environment, Eliseo.

-Really?
-Yes, all the aerosols pollute.

-We stopped using them with Vicky.
-Yes.

For example, as an antiperspirant,
we use shea butter.

Heard of it? It's great.
I can give you some.

Okay. What is shea?

It's a tree from Africa.

Oh! And they bring the butter
all the way from there?

It must be transported by plane.
That sure pollutes a lot.

-Excuse me. You can answer me later.
-Yes.

I love that haircut.
You two look like twins. [chuckles]

Papaya Compote

Well, if my math is correct,
apart from the basic salary,

the bonus for good performance, well done,
the bonus for perfect attendance,

the extra for personal
and building hygiene.

Good job, Garrido.

Commissions and tips from suppliers.

Wow.

Well, you're making 75% more
of what you used to earn.

Not bad, Garrido.

I'm honestly very happy, Eliseo.

-I'm very grateful.
-No. You deserve it.

Also, we're giving an extra gift.
This 450-gram jar of papaya compote.

-So delicious, thanks.
-You're welcome.

And the hoodies just came in.
They look amazing.

Look, they're on sale.

Give Miguel the invoice
and he'll take care of you.

-Perfect, thanks.
-No problem, Garrido.

-Hi.
-Garrido, how are you?

-Good.
-Dionisi.

[slurps]

Gómez, I have a doubt
that maybe you can clear up.

Yes, of course. What is it?

Where are all those colleagues of yours
who criticized my company?

Those who said I was a son of a b*tch
with no moral codes. Where are they?

I'll tell you where.
They're working for me.

[chuckles]

And they're so happy.

They're happy because they realized
it was the best for them, right?

If you say so.

I don't say so, they say so.
You can ask them if you want.

What I do say is

that even the assholes who stood in my way
are welcome to join us.

You are wrong, Eliseo, as usual.

Look, I'm not a snitch nor do I like
to stand in anyone's way.

On the contrary, I let them pass
and hit a wall at 120 km per hour

so they crash and burn.

We'll see, Gómez.

We'll see.

[chattering indistinctly]

[horn honking]

Ulises, do you know what this is?

Yes, the new Final Battle 7.

Very good.

-Do you know whose game this is?
-Yours?

It's yours. Do you want it?

Okay.

But first, let me ask you
about your dad's girlfriend.

I heard you don't get along with her.

-No, I hate that dumb girl.
-[chuckles] Sure.

I get it,
but you have to understand Daddy.

Your poor dad is going through a crisis,
so he makes the mistake

of dating a young girl
who could be his daughter, you know?

I don't know. Can I have it?

Yes, I'll give it to you.

But first,
it's important you be nice to Dad.

Poor guy. Do you want Daddy to be sad?

-No.
-No. Okay.

But I want you to understand
the message I'm trying to give you.

If you do things right and you're kind,
good things will come to you.

You should never forget that, okay?

It's yours.

If your dad asks you who gave it to you,
tell him it was your mom.

And if your mom asks you,
it was your dad. Okay?

-Yes, come on. Give it.
-Okay.

Here.

Next week, I'll have Final Battle 8
and a joystick as a gift for you.

-Would you like that?
-Sure.

It'll be yours, but I need you
to do me a favor in return, okay?

Listen carefully.

[clanking]

-After you, please.
-No, I'm going to the garage.

I forgot to push the button.

Sorry, are you the neuroscientist?

Yes. I'm Gaspar Schuster.

I just moved into 4B.

And you are?

-Marina.
-Marina, nice to meet you.

I'm surprised they know
who I am here in Argentina.

I'm well-known in Chile,

but I guess the work on neuroscience
has made an impact in your country.

Mmm-hmm.

[sighs] Well, I hope we cross paths again.
Nice to meet you.

[machine whirring]

Eliseo.

-Put a rubber band around it.
-Sorry.

This is so good, Jessi. I love it.

Really, Uli? I'm glad you like it.

-There's more in the oven, want some?
-Of course. More cauliflower.

Okay. A peck on the lips.

Mmm.

[chuckles] Give me that, honey.

You know, Uli, I'm loving
this change in attitude.

It's important for me that we all
can sit down and have dinner in harmony.

Are you happy
that I get along with your girlfriend?

Of course I do.

Do you know what I'd like?

What, buddy?

I'd like Eliseo to come to work
in this building. Can we do that?

That m*therf*cker.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

Come here, as*h*le.
Come out of your fish tank.

Hello, Doctor. How are you?

I'll beat the crap out of you, as*h*le.

No, I don't think so.

If you didn't do it by now,
you never will.

You're not as primitive
as you pretend to be, Doctor.

Tell me how I can help you.

I don't want you
talking to my son ever again.

Don't go near him.

I can't believe you got mad about that.

I just saw a broken bond
and tried to fix it. That's all.

I'll get a restraining order, as*h*le.
Don't mess with my family.

Fine. I was wrong.

I thought by showing you the trailer,
you'd want to see the whole movie.

But no. My bad.

What movie?

A much nicer movie
than the one you're living in, Doctor,

where a son doesn't disrespect his father,

he doesn't disrespect
his father's girlfriend,

and he doesn't let his mother
get into his head.

What the hell did you say to him?

It doesn't matter what I said.

What matters is
that you liked the outcome.

You know that if I stop,
the other Ulises will come back.

There's another Ulises.
There's good Ulises and bad Ulises.

If you want the bad one to be back,

I'll stay out of it.

Anyway, there's nothing I can teach you.
You're a great father.

You surely know what to do about your son.
Good evening, Doctor.

Wait.

What do you want?

You know perfectly well what I want.

So if I accept to hire
your shitty little company,

I keep the nice Ulises?

Forever, Doctor.

[♪ soft piano music playing]

[♪ ominous music plays]

Good morning, Eliseo.

Good morning, Miguel.

So how did it go with Pastori's building?
Is there a chance to get it?

-Hmm? Yes.
-Smell that?

The dragon is coming. Smell it.

Yes, I smell something.

[door clicks open]

Mr. Schuster.

[coughs]

-Hello.
-How are you?

-Doing good?
-Morning.

-Mint?
-No, thank you, Eliseo.

I need a favor.

There's a leak in the main bathroom
that won't let me sleep.

It's like a Chinese water t*rture.
[imitates waterdrops]

Don't worry. You can go.

-When you come back, it'll be fixed.
-Thanks a lot.

-No problem.
-Excuse me.

[Miguel] That's terrible!

How can this man have
such a fetid sewer breath?

It's a hellish thing.

In my experience,
there are three types of blends

which depend on the gut flora.

First, you have the ditch moss,

which has mold notes with stagnant water,

and a touch of heavy metals.

Second, and one of the worst,
the bloated pig.

That stench prevails in rotten meat
and has flashes of sewer sludge.

The third is the most common one,
the smoker's breathe.

It's rough.
A mixture of wet butts, burnt coffee, tar.

In my opinion, Schuster's case
is number two, the bloated pig.

Yeah, but I mean,
how long is this guy going to stay?

It's unbearable.

What's unbearable is meddling
in what doesn't concern you.

-Get to work, Miguel, please.
-Okay.

[sighs]

[sniffs] It remains in the atmosphere.

TRAINING SESSION

One of the main pillars
of our profession is this item.

The extras.

An extra is any activity that you do
for the owners which isn't regulated,

and which is beyond
the usual duties of a superintendent.

Do you guys follow?

-Yes.
-Perfect.

Okay, examples of extras, anyone?

Gigs, plumbing, gas, electricity.

Well, that's standard, Garrido.

Think outside the box.
Use your imagination.

Okay. Please. Yes.

-Car wash?
-[Eliseo] Good, Dionisi!

Car wash, perfect.

Car wash, wonderful.
Perfect. What else? Let's see. Yes.

-Pet sitting.
-Great, Fracini.

Pet sitting. What else? Come on.

Taking and bringing stuff,
packages, groceries.

Perfect. Courier. Good, Martucha.

Courier.

But, what else can we do? Open your minds.

Come on, think, guys.
There's a world of possibilities.

Let's see, an owner
comes home late in his car.

He doesn't want to do


Who shows up?

-The superintendent.
-Right! Yes! You guys show up.

For example, someone wants to make
a barbecue in the common room for 15 guys,

but he'd rather entertain his guests
than do the cooking.

-Who shows up?
-The superintendent.

Excuse me, Eliseo.

Those of us who can't do that...
For instance, I always burn the meat.

I have no idea how to do it.
Also, I can't drive or do plumbing.

You still try. Come on.

An owner asks us to help with a chore,
and what do we tell them? No?

We still do it and if it didn't go well
and we failed,

we tell them there was a problem
with the materials.

But the owner gets the feeling
that we did everything we could.

Get it?

[g*n firing in game]

Uli, what did we say about screens?

Not at the table, so turn it off and eat.

Okay, Dad.

Can I have more juice, please?

Look how polite he's being.

Where did you learn that,
at the school of good manners?

Stop, don't bother him.
I'll pour you some, honey.

-A little detox juice.
-Thanks, Ma.

[♪ soft piano music playing]

Eat well.

We have a game on Saturday.

-I'll come get you, okay?
-Okay.

Thanks, Dad. I love you.

-[door clicks]
-Me too.

Doctor.

-Hello. How are you?
-Fine.

How did you find the patient?

-Good. He's a completely different kid.
-A different kid.

But there's still a lot of work to do,
old vices to get rid of,

but, broadly speaking,
things started out great.

Well, now it's up to you
to do your part, of course.

Well, I spoke to the president
of the owners' association.

We'll vote this week
and she'll call you. Count on it.

-Okay, thanks.
-See you.

Remember, whatever you need,

I'm always here.

BIS

Well, who's next, fellas?

Let's see.

Hello, Gómez. Yes.

I think your time is up.

Prepare to be washed away
by Eliseo's great tide.

[♪ sinister music playing]

BELGRANO NEIGHBORHOOD

Can you believe Eliseo
recruited Pastori's a*s too?

Oh! And also Tanito Fracini,
who is tougher than nails.

He's moving fast, that son of a b*tch.

Open, Dad.

You didn't eat.

Come on. Just one. Please, quickly.
There we go, yes. Come on.

Very good, great!

-Let's do another one.
-[doorbell buzzes]

[grunts]

Yes.

Hello, Eliseo.

What? Now?

Okay. Give me a minute. I'm coming.

I don't have much time.
I'm feeding my dad.

I'll make it simple.

Gómez, I need you to quit
and join my company.

I could spend one hour
trying to convince you, but I know you.

You're a tough, hardheaded Basque
who doesn't listen to anyone.

I could also use some tactics
to break you, but to be honest,

as a sign of respect for the bond we have,
I want to be straightforward, as I am now,

and ask you what your price is.
I know you have one. So let's be quick.

How much do you want, Gómez?

I think you're going to be surprised.

Can you wait a minute?

I have something that might interest you.

Oh!

[chuckles]

I think this one will screw you over.

Shut up, woman.

This is my answer to your offer.

Have a look.

What is this?

What do you think it is? It's obvious.

A file.

Just a few things
I've been collecting for 30 years.

Evidence.

Evidence of who the real Eliseo is.

The Eliseo who blows up water boilers.

Saved!

The Eliseo who rents
the owners' apartments

when they're on vacation.

The Eliseo who uses his own nephew
to rob an owner.

Not to mention what you did to Froilán.

You framed him to make him lose his job.

You don't do that
to a fellow superintendent.

I always knew you were an as*h*le.

But I'm amazed. I never thought
you were a meticulous as*h*le.

Look, if you don't want everyone to know
who you really are,

from the dividing wall to your side,
you can do whatever you want.

But from the dividing wall to this side...

If you even set one foot in here,
I swear I'll bring you down.

I have copies in my safe.

Keep it as a souvenir.

[♪ tense music playing]

[♪ tense music stops]

THE BOSS 3

[♪ theme music playing]