01x02 - Pool Party/Road Trip

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: Brought to you
by Dan Hill’s Grass.

BERYL and MARTIN: Road trip, road trip,
road trip, road trip,

road trip, road trip, road trip...

Fair warning,
these trips can get pretty boring.

But since I'm allowed
to bring a friend this time,

there is no way this won't be
the best road trip ever!

(gulps) That's a lot of pressure.

It's a low bar... I just want
a taste of fun, Barry,

while sitting in a car for hours.

Is that too much to ask?

All right, you're free
to enter the vehicle,

and no slamming of the doors.
Please close them gingerly.

I'm getting my deposit back!

(engine starting)

(Marting clears throat)

Before we depart,
a quick rundown for you, Barry,

and for our road trip regulars--

- Aw, here we go.
- (clears throat)

No dangling from roof racks,
no "sitting" on your knees,

no spitting out one window to see
if you can "catch it" from the other,

no making faces at other cars,
no making signs that say,

"send help."

What do we say, Kiff?

Road trip rules make the road trip...
(sighs) rule.

(laughs)

And now for a proper sendoff!

- Oh, no.
- Barry, you're in for a treat!

(all singing)

(groans) Are we almost there?

Absolutely... not!

Huh?

BERYL: We haven't even left the lot.

I was just watching
this old road trip footage

to get in the mood!

(shudders)

Next stop, the open road.

♪ This is a song
It’s a sing-along song ♪

♪ It’s a song you can sing-along to
If you want to ♪

♪ But if you don’t sing-along ♪

♪ When you hear the gong ♪

♪ Things will go wrong ♪

♪ Terribly wrong! ♪

Come on, Kiff!

(groans) No! I'm in protest.

This song is sabotaging
our fun potential--

But if you don't sing along,

things will go terribly wrong.
It's right there in the lyrics!

No.

- (whispering) Hey, Barry.
- (whispering) Yeah?

(whispering) Road snack.

(whispering) Why are we whispering?

(shushes)

No snacks in the car!

And no sitting on your knees!

(Kiff) Look at how much fun
they're having, Barry.

(party music plays)

Nuh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
Windows, gotta stay up.

(motorcycle revving)

We should make a funny face at her.

But faces are against the rules.

Well, the rules aren't the rules
so much as just...

general guidelines.

Come on!

(grunts)

(chuckles)

(laughs) You see, she loves it.

(grunts)

(gasps, growls)

(gasps)

I really think you should've sung along

with the Sing-along Song.

(suspenseful music plays)

- Where did she go?
- I--I don't know.

- Ooh, Marty, let's make a quick pitstop.
- Yes, please!

(Western music plays)

MARTIN: All right,
let's hit the gift shop!

Haha, beach towels. What a score!

- (motorcycle revs)
- BOTH: Ahh!

(tires squeaking)

(both laugh)

No way he's a real biker. (chuckles)

Aww.

(laughs)

Oh, no, she's back!

(gasps) That must be her crew!

Furious Bike Monsters.
The kid's one of em.

(funeral music plays)

Whoops, wrong playlist.

(upbeat music plays)

He's ID'd us! And he is a real biker.

(groans) All this for a funny face
on the road.

Your dad was right about his weird rules.

As long as we stay on the main road,

keep moving, and never look back,

we just might make it
outta this road trip alive--

BERYL: Stop the car!

- (tires squeal)
- What?!

I think I saw a blue-footed booby!

Wow! Rare bird sighting.

BERYL: (whispering)
Be very quiet... and very still.

(loud revving)

(silence)

(loud revving)

(birds tweeting)

(loud revving)

Can I see? (nervous chuckle)

(motorcycles revving)

(Kiff gasps)

(whispering) We have to hide the car.

The novelty towels.

What in the world?!

Kiff, you've been reading my bird blog!
Camouflage!

Uh-huh, right on, Mom.

(revving)

(suspenseful music plays)

(gasping)

BOTH: The power of camouflage!

What're you scratchin' at over there?

(both giggle)

- (Martin passes wind)
- (sniffs)

- (chuckles) Oh, Martin!
- Ooh, wee! (chuckles)

Permission to crack a window?
Permission granted.

(window rolls)

(suspenseful music plays)

Ooh! Ice cream stop.

KIFF and BARRY: No!

I'll grab the cones.

Ooh, a claw machine! Don't mind if I do.

(game beeping)

- Any day now!
- (gasps)

(claw machine whirring)

(growls)

Come to mama!

(growls)

I think a biker just gave me
the stink eye.

-"A biker"? (nervous chuckle)
- Yeah.

Tough guy, leather jacket,
bold tattoos, silent type?

- Mm-hmm.
- Beryl, um?

Were there, by any chance,
initials on the jacket?

Yeah, FBM. What's going on?

Nothing. I mean, well,
okay, there's something--

(stammers) We didn't wanna say anything.

Yeah, but for totally unknown reasons,

those guys have been on us since

we started this road trip.
(nervous chuckle)

And they are... mad.

(both groan)

Ice cream time!

- Three scoops each!
- Okay, thanks, Dad!

- Thanks, Mr. Chatterly!
- Thanks so much, babe.

Hey! No melty in the renty.

That's a deposit disaster
waiting to happen!

(suspenseful music plays)

(chomping continues)

Well, I like to savor the flavor...

Time to go!

Good call, hon, we're behind schedule.

Gingerly!

(all howl)

BOTH: Huh?

I'm going the speed limit.
If you don't like it, go around!

- Go around!
- Marty, no!

I had a run-in with that guy
back at the claw machine.

- What?
- And we made faces

and then I drew a mean picture
of us punching them,

- and Kiff added stink lines!
- What?

And I never sang along
to the "Sing-along Song!"

What?! Always sing along
with the "Sing-along Song."

Otherwise "things will go wrong."

It's right there in the lyrics.

Not on my road trip.

(tires screech)

But, Dad, the deposit--

ANNOUNCER: Real 100% grass-fed grass.

Come on down to Dan Hill's Farms.

The grass sure is greener...

...on our side.

(all scream)

(screaming continues)

(slow-motion screaming)

ALL: ♪ This is a song
It’s a sing-along song ♪

♪ It’s a song you can sing-along to
If you want ♪

♪ But if you don’t sing-along ♪

♪ When you hear the gong ♪

♪ Terribly wrong! ♪

(fast singing continues)

♪ The unsung sing-along ♪

(tires squeal)

(dramatic music)

(windshield squeaking)

(drill whirs)

- (all gasp)
- Geez, that's quality work!

(trumpet plays)

Well, we've been trying to catch up to you
ever since

I noticed your dangling muffler.

But your jackets. FBM.

Aren't you the "Furious Bike Monsters"?

(all laugh)

We're the Fender Bender Menders.

(imitate tool sounds and clicks)

Thanks for the drawing, by the way.

The resemblance is uncanny.

I think this belongs to you

- Mmm.
- Whew!

For driving like a rock star.

(sing-song) We're here!

We've arrived!

Back at the... car rental?

Yep! That was just about

the best "test drive" I've ever done!

It's very important to test out

the rental car before a road trip.

See if you can go that extra mile.

(laughs) The real thing is gonna
be so fun, Barry! You in?

(closing theme plays)