02x05 - Inner Children

[bunniefuu]

-Hold all my-- Whoa!
-[laughing]

♪ Boss Baby! ♪

♪ I'm the boss
Dial in to the meeting ♪

♪ Everybody here?
Please find your seating ♪

♪ While you teething
I'm sinking my teeth in ♪

♪ First one to show
So I can do all my greeting ♪

♪ Profits, payrolls, and pacifiers ♪

♪ I make friends!
I love you, you're hired! ♪

♪ So come on
And raise your juice boxes skyward! ♪

♪ Boss babies until we retire! ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Tell 'em who this is ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪

-♪ Boss baby ♪
-♪ Can a baby get a witness? ♪

♪ Grab a high chair ♪

♪ This the family business
Boss baby ♪

This is the one, I know it!

[suspenseful music playing]

Ugh. Another failure!

[JJ] You got this!

It's just easy-peasy keep-us-smart-babies
special formula, and you're Simmons!

You could crack Baby Corp's secret recipe
with your brain closed!

We're down to a day or two's worth from
our severance packages, then it's all:

[babbling]

Yeah, I tried cutting back
to half-bottles,

but it's affecting my legal work.

Is that why this says, "fancy paper
make you do stuff" instead of "contract"?

Contract! That's the word.

Don't worry. Simmons is on it.

Applying the stir fry theorem.
If nothing's working, put in everything.

[laughing]

Tina,

Simmons might need a five-minute break.

Simmons, take a five minnie!

[laughing maniacally]

What's this?

Our new company logo.

Better idea.
It's your marketing department's new logo.

[gasps] Our own logo?

Game. Set. Iguana!

-[groans]
-You okay, ma'am?

[sighs] I'm managing. Simmons.

This is not your realm, interloper.

Don't take it personally.
She's working so hard.

And you are rocking 'n' rolling today,
Tina Templeton, super boss.

JJ, your positivity keeps me going.

I wonder where I learned it from.

From me. From me. You learned it from me.

'Cause I do the positivity dance.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

I learned it from you.

'Cause we do the positivity dance.

Come on, brain break,
I'll teach you the steps.

I got a green!

It's green!

"Commercial use" means
distribution to compiled object code,

or any distributor hereunder prior
to the maximum extent permissible. Ha!

Legal Baby Chip is back, baby!

[all cheering]

No, wait, no napping yet, Simmons.

Help me wake her up!
She has to tell us how she re-created--

"Tina turned to JJ, crazy-eyed with worry.

'Help me wake her up,' Tina cried,

'She has to tell us
how she re-created the--'

JJ interrupts Tina to read back her notes,
telling her with assuring confidence,

'I'm always taking notes.

I've got the formula formula here.'"

You are incredible.

And was that really our last job
on a Friday afternoon?

Early baby weekend.

I'll have Mommy and Daddy
shake jingly things at my face.

Have fun. I'll finish disposing
all the reject formula.

Let me handle that.
You take an early weekend first.

That's so nice.

But we assistants
really don't like passing off work.

Your note-taking is the reason
we have an early weekend.

Let me assist you for once.

But then, who assists you?

I'll assist me!

[gasping]

You deserve a break.

Go home.

That's an order from your boss.

Just remember,
failed formulas are science-grade waste--

Home. Now.

I can handle this.

[grunting]

Tabby! Where do we dumpster things
around these parts?

I'll show you. Headed there anyway.

Whoa, what's that?

This is strawberry mayo.

It was created in a fit
of genius and madness.

It's both too sweet and too sour.

Consistency of glue,
but tastes like it has seeds.

It is a mistake.

[rings]

Hello. This is Tina's assistant, Tina.
Would you like to speak to Tina?

-[Boss Baby] Tina! We need you!
-Hold for Tina.

This is Tina.

It's a five-baby, five-alarm crisis!

Goodbye, early weekend.

What's a five-alarm, five-baby crisis?

One apiece worse
than a four-alarm, four-baby crisis.

-We need big-kid muscle, come on.
-Don't we--?

Yvette, can you dump Tabitha's strawberry
mayo and my baby formula trash?

With urgency?

Ugh. I gotta remember two things?
You sound like my mom.

And my dad.

There, one dumpster trip.

No time for thank-yous
but I make time anyway. Thank you.

You don't wanna hear
about another Baby Love mission.

We got a whole weekend to catch up on.
Mommy and Daddy took me to the park.

I saw a dog chase a squirrel,
I was like, "You'll never catch him."

And he didn't.

Cool. How did the formula disposal go?

Oh, great. Yvette took care of it.

Yvette, who took three days to notice
she had a kite stuck in her hair?

Attention, coworkers.

Great work
on the five-alarm, five-baby crisis.

[all cheering]

By no fault of our own,

it has resurfaced and grown
to seven babies and six alarms.

[all shouting]

Mission time, babies!

Interesting, interesting.

Tina dumped the failed formula
into the strawberry mayo bucket,

and then you took it to the dumpster?

It's not here, is it?

-That's not an answer.
-It's not not-an-answer, is it?

Did you dump the strawberry mayo bucket
with the formula or not?

I'm the one asking the questions here.

[groans] Can we at least rule out
other possibilities?

Could anybody else have taken it?
Tina and Tabitha's parents?

Strong ants? A customer on accident?

If we ever get a customer in here,
it's an accident.

Badoom, ching! Other than Chet, obvs.

Ooh! Slow it down.

Mm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

We don't really try to make it good,
so I'm glad you like it.

It's good, but where's the taste that's
gonna bounce me off the ropes and, pow,

leg drop my hunger?

Let me check in the back.

Are you hiding from Chet,
secret floor mayonnaise?

Mm, mm!

Yeah!

"It was exactly as JJ feared.

The grown-up customer had now been
snacking on special formula-spiked mayo

for a whole weekend!"

I can make all this go away.

Secure me 16 bags of concrete
and a Lithuanian passport.

For what? [gasps]

No!

I should never have let Tina assist me,
she's gonna feel terrible!

This is all my fault.

Who did you think the concrete was for?

Just stay here.
I've gotta make this right.

Bright as you can get it.
Roly Poly Baby's picking up speed.

-Sir, I haven't prepped the macaroni!
-Simmons, monitor!

-JJ.
-Hey, number one Boss Lady.

We just went up four alarms
and 2.5 babies. Where are you?

I, um, have a lot going on today.

Of course you should take the day off.

You're the best assistant.

-Keep that helping hand nimble.
-[Boss Baby] Roly Poly found the stairs!

-[crashes]
-Gotta run. Miss you. Enjoy your break.

I will.

Fingy touch toe!

Uh...

All done. Bye.

No, no, no!

Oh, no!

Boo-boo.

-All better.
-[bell jingles]

[gasps]

Yummy nummy, nummy yummies!

"JJ could deny the truth no longer.

The formula-tainted mayo
had turned Chet into an adult baby!"

And I want toasty-toasty.

Please!

Smiling Samir!

Long story, but that guy has my mayonnaise

and I need it back.

Can you do me a solid?

Throwing attention your way now.

-Oh, would you look at that little child.
-[giggling]

Strawbee nummy, where you go?

[gasps]

Mine! Get own!

[shouts]

Simmons! Sorry to bug you,

but a grown-up drank the reject formula,
and I need your help,

but don't tell Tina, but Chet
is an adult baby, and what do I do?

[Sebastien]
Yes, Guillaume, I did survive my burial.

Where have you taken my werewolf baby
I adopted after the hospital mix-up?

Simmons!

-[Simmons] Quit doing that, I'm here!
-Then you heard?

Well, not about Didier's werewolf baby,
thanks for the interruption.

Give me back my Ivory Coast soaps!

-Simmons!
-I can help with your thing.

-Antidotes are easy. Bring me the mayo.
-Chet still has it.

Check his trash for residue.
All I need is a sample.

And resolution to Didier's storyline.
Come on!

[Sebastien] Guillaume, you fool!

It's always a full moon
when you're on the moon!

[suspenseful music playing]

Ooh! Found a strawberry mayo sample.

-On my way back to--
-[man] Daddy pretty!

That Daddy. He, um...

He pretty.

[all] Fudgy ice cream!
Fudgy ice cream! Fudgy ice cream!

[all cheering]

Chet threw a mayonnaise party.
Who does that?

Grown-ups are weird.
They eat their bread crusts.

Get everything ready!
We need that antidote now!

[Simmons] Done!

Told you it was easy.

So we feed this to the Wobblers
and they're cured?

I figured it's easier for everyone to say
than "adults with baby brains."

Then, yes, the Wobblers-- Ooh!

My mouth loves that, thanks.

Always be assisting.

They just need a quick squirt
of that antidote.

The real problem is finding everyone
who went to Chet's mayo party.

I'll ask the field team to keep--

[shouts]
Tina can never find out about this.

Wobblers think like babies,
maybe we get them to come to us?

-How?
-[Katja] We set...

traps.

Pretty Daddy?

I got you, toy!

I need to boom-boom.

[burps] Why am I wearing a diaper?

And where can I get more?

Okay, that's three down.
How big do you think Chet's party was?

I don't think the party stopped.

You look at strawbees now.

Stawbees good!

You share too.

I share nummies too.

[both] Yay!

Someone get me a slice of bread.

This mayonnaise is still spreading.

-No.
-Katja, follow that mom!

Simmons, we're on Chet.

Snatch that mayonnaise
before anyone else gets Wobbled.

Hey, pal--

Nummy! Share more!

Okey-doke.

Come on, man!

Go antidote him. I'll cut off the source.

Horsey, horse, horse.

I ride horse.

[yawns] Horsey tired.

-Scary spider! No!
-Whoa!

You're okay.

It was just a nightmare.

-No! Bad baby!
-Baby, me.

-No steal!
-Time-out!

-Bad baby!
-He needs a time-out.

I'm sorry, he's really fast
for a baby-walking man.

Antidote!

Bad baby!

[burps]

Uh, where am I? All right! Finger mayo.

Baby take my strawbee?

-Bad!
-Give it!

-Come on! Give it!
-You bad!

[JJ] The antidote! [gasps]

The mayo!

I share everybody!

-No!
-Come on!

-Is it working?
-Thirteen more alarms, six more babies!

We have to find a different route.

Tell Tina she messed up.

Everyone makes mistakes.
Didier has a werewolf baby.

Tina doesn't make mistakes.

She makes joy and fun,

and she could open her own mud pie bakery
and retire a millionaire, she's that good!

-Bad!
-No, baby! No!

Gotta keep this Wobbler sitch
away from her.

Maybe one dose left?

Whoa, hey.

-Where am I?
-[ducky squeaks]

Squeaky ducky!

The heck?

-I want it!
-Go get him!

-Fudgy ice cream!
-Fudgy ice cream!

Cow jumpy moon.

Moon jumpy sun.

Sun jumpy cat.

Cat jumpy bat.

If every grownup in town becomes
a Wobbler, Tina's bound to find out.

You're missing
the real apocalyptic implications.

Imagine Wobblers
running the nuclear power grid.

Wobbler doctors writing gummy
prescriptions for cootie-butt infections?

Wobblers choosing new potato chip flavors?

Do you want
"stuff under the couch" flavored chips?

'Cause I do! But other people might not.

Oh, my gosh, you're right.

If society collapses,
Tina's gonna feel double awful.

[Katja] You have let Chet escape
with the strawberry mayonnaise?

We're working on--

Wait, how do you know that?

[Marsha laughs] Nummy good!

More nummy!

Nummy is good.

Where more nummy?

-Where more nummy for Mar-Mar?
-Bucket.

Whip up more antidote. I'll get us a ride.

[Chet] Nummy for you. Nummy for you.

Hi, Tina's mom, remember me? JJ.

You have a lovely home
and very shiny hair.

Drive us to the TV station,
and you can't say no

because this isn't just baby stuff
and could lead to the end of civilization!

[groaning]

Obviously, top priority is securing
the mayo bucket, but then what?

We'll still have a ton of Wobblers.

First step, we lock them
in the news station.

Second step,
pretend the news never existed.

Third step, 16 bags of concrete.

Would you stop?

We've got plenty of antidote,
we just need to find them all.

That's the problem.

They could be anywhere and anyone!

[groaning]

[kids music playing over stereo]

♪ Apple-a, mapple-a, tap-tap the spatula ♪

♪ Apples are red... ♪

[groans] Why, red, why?

Now!

[shouts]

Yo! Uncalled for!

Let this teach you never to eat
strange-flavored mayonnaise

and get brain of baby again!

[coughing] Ugh!

I don't eat any mayonnaise.
It tastes like eggs with a head cold.

And my brain is fine, thanks.

But the whining,

the baby music.

I'm a carpool mom,
stuff gets stuck in your head.

At least we know we can give antidote
to non-Wobbler adults

with zero negative consequence.

[grunting]

My back hurts.

Cuties!

In my day, a cheek pinch
was how doctors tested your liver.

Lobsters were the size of house cats
and tasted like them too.

And oil was just a good hole away.

Yeah, scratch that,
they get old-person brain.

Who put my seat up so high?

Carol, I am so sorry, but we need
to get to the news station pronto.

Then let's kick a mule in the donkey.

Rat-tat-tat-too!

[Chet babbling]

[man 1] Hi, first-time caller.
Where can I get some of that mayo?

Chet has smeventeen hundred mayo.

Come play.

[man 1] Free giveaway? I'll be right over.

The news set is here, past the mural
of hero doggies that found kids in a well.

[man 2] Mushy! Mushy!

Mushy!

The Wobblers only ate the sweets.
They're gonna be up all night.

I want a cookie!

Cookie! Cookie! Cookie!

-I want a cookie!
-[shouts]

[burps]

I don't know why I'm down here,
but these are some smoothly buffed floors.

More candy. More cookie.

[burps] I just got the craziest idea
for a novel.

[adults snoring]

Tippy-toes.

The news set is right down there.

-I'm a big froggy. Look now.
-The bucket.

We're so close!

-I do monkey man.
-Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!

[gibbering]

Run!

-[Chet] I share.
-[woman] I share.

-You get strawberry, you get strawberry.
-And you get strawberry.

I hope Tina isn't watching
the news right now.

We're too late.

That mayo's going out all over town.

[Katja] We should never have tried
to fight the power of television.

Your movements confuse and anger me.

Assistants never give up
when there's someone left to help.

Come on, positivity dance with me.

[scatting]

I have an idea.

Dancing doesn't fix anything.
We still have to do the work.

Come on!

Bad guy.

Oh, no!

Bye-bye, bad guy.

A kitty cat.

No bad guy.

Bye-bye. Only good.

Yeah.

Good guy.

I want one. Me.

Ooh! Pictures.

[blows raspberry]

Strawbee num-num. Yummy, so good.

Mayo City? [gasps]

Toy!

What? Mayonnaise City is giving
free thank-you baby toys right now

to anybody who sampled
their strawberry mayonnaise?

[gasps] Now! Now! Now!

We everybody go Mayo City.

Bye-bye.

[crowd]
Toy! Give me toy!

I need it.

-You couldn't have driven any faster?
-Fah!

-Toy for me!
-Me first!

Give me toy.

-There's a mayonnaise store?
-No loitering!

I'll reverse-engineer the antidote.

No rush, old lady Carol's
really good at crowd control.

Bad Idea Baby sends his regards.

And toy blocks
with his freaky logo on them.

Keep them coming.

-Gonna be a long night.
-No fair!

No! You shoving!

I gotta pee-pee!

I knew you couldn't take a day off.

The news doesn't do re-runs, right?

Great question. I need to check anyway.

-Don't!
-...for National Dockworkers Month,

we got a little treat
from the littlest sailor.

Yes! Oh. It was amazing,
and you missed it.

The baby crisis went up 30 babies
and 62 alarms, but we did it.

We got the right baby
to fit into the right sailor suit.

Great work, boss.

It must be so nice
to never, ever make a mistake.

It really is.

[Boss Baby] Um, hey.

[adults chattering]

[man] Yeah, me too.

...here last night
and it was like, count me in.

And how smooth it is.

Why has our front business turned
into a standing-room-only jamboree?

-Tina's fault!
-How?

[theme music playing]

♪ Boss baby ♪

♪ Boss baby ♪

♪ Boss baby ♪

♪ Boss baby
Tell 'em who this is ♪

♪ Boss baby
I'm a legend, mythic ♪

♪ Y'all heard the story
But you know what the twist is? ♪

♪ Welcome to the family business
Boss baby ♪