04x05 - Return of Marco

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You'd better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

Are we gonna give up
just like that?

Like what? Know how much air
those tanks hold?

Not a clue.


It's been 6 months.

But if he grew breathing
man gills or something,

He could still be alive.

Yeah, and if ifs and buts
were candies and nuts,

We'd all have
a merry christmas.

What?

Why do you always
drag religion into it?

What?
Oh, hush, dummy.

Marco is... Is gone.

But I hope not forgotten.

Marco?
Sweet mother of...

Sparks: what a strange and
shocking turn of events!

Where have you been?

Well, a funny story.
Actually, i...

Ah, it's good
to be back, amigos.

Man, we thought
you were dead.

Yeah. We even had
a funeral.

A funeral? What did
you use for a corpse?

Instant mashed
potatoes.

[Quiet singing]

What are you
looking at, fish face?

And gravy for blood.

And king stupid
here thought

You were reincarnated
as a box turtle.

You lied to me!

Coo! I've been rumbled!
Better leg it.

So, where have
you been?

Well, it all started
on a routine patrol.

Mmm. Good cocoa.

Do I detect
a pinch of cinnamon?

Marco...

Cinnamon!
Marco!

Ok, so I'm out
on patrol, right?

And I see something
that's...

Well, it just seemed
out of place.

Why the hell would
anybody put a bear trap
in the ocean?

[Gasps]

Well, that's got it.

I'm not taking
any chances.

Load 'em up.

Anyway, it looked
pretty unsafe.

Turtle: crikey!

So I decided
to check it out.

Aah!

Oh, my god!
What did you do?

I radioed back for help.

Goldilocks to papa bear.
Ooh! Mayday!

Dammit! Where's
the bonus pretzel?

Marco: mayday! Mayday!

Oh! Oh!
Top banana.

Peel that
and suck it.

But nobody answered.

Well, we must have been
fixing the radio.

Uh, yeah, we were...
Replacing the, um...

Inner tubes.
Zister.

Huh! Anyway,
just about then,

It started
to get a little dicey.

Ugh! mi pierna.

Oh!

At first, he was just
checking me out.

Hey! Ay!

But I knew with each bump,

He'd get a little more
aggressive.

Ooh! Ugh!

And that it was
gonna be him or me.

[Growling]

Ok, you cartilaginous b*stard!

[Speaking spanish]

Hy-yah!

Oh! That changes
nothing.

Here you go, pony boy.

Holy bejesus!
Sharks with knives!

Yeah. Would have been
a good fight, too,

But we never got the chance.

Quinn: wait!
Who the hell had spears?

It's the lost tribe
of snarkel!

Scram!

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo...

Nyah.

Wow! Nobody's ever
seen the snarkels

And lived
to talk about it.

Marco:
I wouldn't have, either,

Only right about then...

The scuba ninjas showed up.

Not the scuba
ninjas!

Yes, the scuba ninjas!
And boy, were they pissed!

You defile
our scuba ninja dojo!

Prepare for sweeping
of your knee!

Hu-wah!

Oh, my god!
What did you do?

I k*lled them.

You fight like a tiger.
I swear it.

Well, I say
good riddance
to bad rubbish.

Yeah. Those guys
were dicks.

Ok. So far,
that's a 20-minute story.

You were gone 6 months.

Well, then there was
the earthquake.

[Crashing]

How long were you
trapped like that?

Uh, like a minute.

How'd you get out?

Science.

Argh! So, where the hell
have you been?!

Well, I started
to come back here,

And then I saw... It!

[Speaking spanish]

What did you see?

Hang on. Who do I have
to bone around here

To get some more cocoa?

Technically, it's "whom"
do I have to bone?

And it's normally me.
But this one's on the house.

But somebody owes me
for that cheese!

[Slap]
aah!

You better call me.

[Gulp]

Ok, so I see
this thing out there.

Turtle:
crikier!

I can't even describe it.

The words...
They wouldn't come.

They should have
sent a poet.

It was like looking
into the very face of god.

Debbie:
what was it?

Beats me. I'm not gonna
[bleep] around

With the face of god, baby.

Wait a minute!
Shut up!

I was measured
and found wanting, ok?

Anyway, turns out it was
just some sort of crazy,

Mixed-up, crazy billboard.

And that's when
my adventure began.

Snow cones?

Not snow cones!
Shave ice!

The entree for
my date with destiny!

Shave ice.
Real hawaiian shave ice.

Up yours,
you wipe!

Shave ice.
Real hawaiian shave ice.

Shave ice.
Real hawaiian shave ice.

Shave ice.
Real hawaiian shave ice.

Shave ice.
Real hawaiian shave ice.

Winter was hard,
but once spring came...

Debbie: wait.
What happened
to your eye?

Oh, a hooker knifed me.

Anyway, I figured
once it warmed up,

I'd start getting
more customers, but then...

Hey, man.
You got any crack?

No, but you want
to earn $5.00?

Yeah. You want
to go back in
the alley or what?

No. I've been standing here
for, like, 6 months,

And I gotta pee.
Watch my stand for a minute?

Um... Ok.

Thanks, jangly crackhead!

Wow. My first real job.

Who would have thought
when I woke up this morning

On that blood and
urine-encrusted mattress

And set out in search
of another [bleep]

To suck $5.00 out of
to buy more crack

That somebody would have
seen me and said,

"Hey, kenny,
I trust you, I like you,

And I'm gonna
give you a chance."

Well, I'm gonna
take that chance,

And I'm gonna make
something out of myself,

And kenny the crackhead
does not exist anymore.

From now... Hey!
I'm responsible for that!

Oh, man!

Well, back to
the crackhouse.

No!

My business,
my life savings, all gone,

And all I had left
was this bucket of urine.

Ew!
That's disgusting!

Why'd you keep that?

I thought
it would look nice

Next to this bucket of
pale yellow sports drink here.

Try not to mix those up.

Well, anyhow,
that was a good story.

No, it wasn't!
We've been grieving
our asses off, and...

Really?

And this whole time,
he was off selling
snow cones!

Shave ice!
Whatever!

Well, you didn't
let me finish.

There's a big twist ending
you don't see coming.

What? Was it
all a dream?

No, it was
a hallucination.

What?
What?

Because I lost so much blood
in that stupid bear trap.

Well, how did you
get out of the damn trap?

Well, if you'd
quit interrupting...

Hey, has anybody seen
my kevlar vest?

Huh? Oh, my god. Dad!

[Speaking spanish]

Holy bejesus!

That crazy mexican's
got a g*n!

What the hell was that?

That... Was your son.

What?

From that time when
you put your human p*nis
in that shark.

dios mio!
I k*lled my son.

No! I'm ok!

But you got shot
with 50 b*ll*ts!

Doesn't matter.
Ha ha!

So, it's a happy ending
after all.

Turtle: freedom!

[Clanking]

Marco: it's really good
to be back.

Yeah. It's good
to have you back.

You ready to do
this thing?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Ah, just follow my lead.

You follow my lead.

Ha ha ha! Ok.

[Music playing]

[Singing in portuguese]

You know, your spanish
is pretty good.

Marco, that was
portuguese.

Huh!

That's how
we could do it.

I'll just parrot
everything.

Tell me when to go, boss.

He'll tell me
in a minute when to go.

I can't hear you.

I still can't hear you.

Just give me a wave to go.

Ok. Here I go.

Yes.

Keep it...
Ok. He's got it.

Hey! Sealab!
Out of sight!