01x10 - Have You Ever Seen a Cattle Mutilation?

[bunniefuu]

Are you making a fool of me?

I'll ask just one more time.

You guys being bullied?

No, ma'am.

Don't hide it. Just tell me.

I have zero tolerance for bullying.

I am on your side.

Thanks, ma'am.

Queen Sensei, you have a call
in the teacher's office.

Damn baldie!

I told ya, don't open the door
without knocking first!

I'm sorry, Queen Sensei!

Looks like you need some discipline.

-Discipline? Um…
-Rotten scumbag. Cue ba*ls like you…

I'm stepping out for a bit.
You guys can stay as long as you like.

Thanks, ma'am.

What am I gonna do?
People saw me in a weird situation!

My popularity! My innocent image!

More like, them aliens
are way too persistent!

If they keep assaulting us like that,
I won't be able to stand it!

On top of that, they were targeting me.

It seems like they were after
Turbo Granny's powers.

Hey, by the way…

Since when have you been able
to use Acro-Silky's powers?

Just now. My powers awakened
during the battle.

I mean, I was chosen
as a "Pretty Soldier" after all.

Your title keeps changing so much.

Well, we did transfer Acro-Silky's aura
to you, so I guess it's possible.

But if that's the case,

it's highly likely that Miss Shiratori
will also be targeted by them.

Takakura-kun is worried about me.

We were able to fend them off
because we had yokai powers.

But as long as we have these powers,
the aliens will be targeting us.

But isn't it strange?

If they want yokai powers,

they should just attack
the yokai directly.

You're right.

No, wait. That's exactly it!

The aliens,

despite having astounding scientific
technology, are not invading Earth.

There's much debate about that,
and I was always curious about it!

They can't because
we have yokai monsters around!

They're not just in Japan!

Folklore about spirits and demons
exist all over the world!

In other words, yokai and demons are
protecting the Earth from alien invasion!

Even with their scientific technology,
aliens can't beat yokai.

Thus, they're attacking special humans
like us for research,

and they're trying to develop technology
to win against the yokai!

I'm sure of it!

There's a chance they already took
my missing family jewel!

Oh crap! We gotta hurry and find it!

The story went too epic
and I totes missed the point!

So what? Are we in trouble?

I get it! I still hold
the fate of the world in my hands!

Fine, we'll go with that.

Anyway, people saw me naked!

Ugh, don't remind me of reality!

I'm sure nobody would believe
anything we'd say anyway.

Oh, what to do!

That's it!

I'll just say that Miss Ayase stripped me!

-Hey!
-It's not a lie, is it?

You did tell me to strip down.

Takakura-kun,
you should go with that, too.

Huh?

Fine, you can go with that.

But if we do that, then you…

I'm kinda tired. Making excuses
sounds like a pain in the a*s.

-Aira, are you okay?
-What happened to you?

You surprised me!

Oh! Momo Ayase, is this your fault?

Uh, um…

Let's go, Aira!

Wait, hold on.

Miss Ayase, if you don't hurry,
you'll turn into the villain!

I could care less.

You don't care?

More than any of this…

Okarun, give me your excuse
for that other thing.

What were you doing there
during the lunch break?

That was…

Miss Shiratori tried to kiss me
out of the blue.

-Huh?!
-It's true!

We got into a tussle because of that,

and when we both fell over,
that's when you happened to see us.

So then, what were you
doing there to begin with?

C'mon. C'mon.

I was working out.

Like push-ups and stuff.

Oh?

I wanted to become stronger.

And why'd ya want to keep it a secret?

Um…

If I got stronger without you knowing,
I thought it would be kinda cool.

Say what? Hilarious!

Okarun, you have a vain side, too?

O-Of course I do.

I am a guy after all.

I want you to think I'm a cool guy.

I see, I get it.

Lemme see your face.

D-Don't tease me!
That's the bad thing about you.

So why? Why do you want me
to think you're cool?

Huh? I told you. It's because I'm a guy!

Why do you want people to think that
just because you're a guy?

Huh? That's enough of that!

I'll be going now!

I won't say anything
that'll make you the villain though.

Okarun.

Found Momo!

Okarun is here, too!

Whoa! You surprised me!

No, that's our line.

You suddenly disappeared on us
during class!

Kana contacted us. I was totally spooked.

She said you and Okarun were hugging
each other naked in front of Class D.

But we were all in chemistry lab, right?

So what's going on?

Even if I told you,
you wouldn't understand.

That's just how things ended up.

I see.

Isn't that a little too vague?

All the mysteries have been unraveled.

Whoa, amazeballs!

You. There's a person
named Shiratori in Class D.

So, uh, do you know her?

Well, yeah.

My investigations show that
Shiratori in Class D was also naked.

Which brings us to Momo,
Okarun, and Shiratori.

Where a love triangle emerges…

Whoa.

Which means, this is…

all for one man.

A w*r between two women.

NUDE GLADIATOR COMBAT

It means we had some
Nude Gladiator Combat!

Momo was talking to that mantis shrimp

because she wanted Master Mantis
to teach her to punch

so she could knock Shiratori's lights out!

What the hell?

Teach me.

Momo was sulking the whole time
because she was jealous of Shiratori!

Shut that trap!

I ain't jealous of her!

You are the culprit!

Hold on! Stop it!

Aira, are you okay?

What in the world happened?!

I'll help out in any way possible
if it's for you, Miss Shiratori!

Thank you, everyone.

Aira is mammoth-happy!

But I don't really want to talk about
what happened.

So I'd be grateful
if you left me alone about this.

I impress myself with how high
my own popularity is!

Times like this are when
your everyday efforts bear fruit.

This is how this incident will dissipate.

It's Momo Ayase, isn't it?
She did this to you?

You've been harassed by Momo Ayase lately.

Like that thing with the washtub.

No way. Really?

Momo Ayase's not getting away with this!

Maybe she's jealous
of Miss Shiratori's beauty?

What's her problem?!

I heard she'll sleep with any guy.

Oh, I know about that rumor!
It was going around a while back!

Shouldn't we punish her in some way?
Like spread the word about her evil.

Right!

Let's teach her what happens
when you make our Miss Shiratori cry!

So true!

I'm the one who spread that fake rumor.

Hold on, Aira. What's wrong?

I'm at fault.

So please don't speak badly of Momo Ayase.

Aira?

A-Aira?

What the?

What's going on?

I've done myself in.

My popularity…

Stupid, stupid…

Hey, what are you doing?

Deranged as usual, I see.

Shut up! What do you want?

Nothing much.

How's it on your end? Were you able
to come up with a good excuse?

Huh?

W-Well, yeah. They're all filled
with hatred against you!

You say that, but you're all alone.

You always have people stringing
behind you like goldfish turds.

You've had enough, right?
Can you get lost?

I mean, you are my enemy!

I bet you didn't badmouth me.

Of course I did!

I said all kinds of bad stuff!
Got a problem with that?

Yeah, yeah.

I can't just go home like this.

I have to earn a living for my family.

This thing has the nerve
to show up again?!

It's emitting some weird white fluid!

Chiquitita, you have a dream?

Huh? You okay?

Chiquitita.

Daddy!

Daddy!

I'm sorry, Chiquitita.

T-This place is…

Grandma, see, look here! This is an alien!

It doesn't feel like one.
Isn't this just a kappa?

No way!

There's an alien right in front of you,
and you won't believe it? The hell?

It just doesn't feel like an alien.

This thing's totally a kappa.

No, actually, there are theories
that kappa are actually aliens!

Anyway, what are we gonna do
about this guy? We patched him up.

He might attack us again, you know.

You better not!
We got Grandma on our side!

Oh, that?

I had no idea what aliens eat,
so I just made some curry for now.

You don't have to eat it
if you don't want it.

You gave me proper medical attention.

Nobody has ever
been this kind to me before.

I will never ever
bring harm to you ever again.

COARSE TEA / WASABI

Tastes awful!

Tastes awful!

Why you!

Don't you be eatin' just the fatty tuna!

You ate my sea urchin!

You're a guest!
Just stick to the pickled ginger!

If I'm a guest, treat me like one!
Bring me some blackthroat seaperch!

You're just a kappa!
Stick to cucumber rolls!

You left some sea urchin uneaten!

I was saving the best for last,
you schmuck!

You ugly idiot baldie!

Ugly scummy idiot baldie!

Each and every one of you are scum!

I'm never serving you guys sushi again!

My son is ill.

All his blood leaves his body
with his urine and feces.

He'll die unless he's given
new blood every day.

My wife died from the same illness.

For treatment, I need [$@$@].

What? Sorry, I didn't catch that.

It's what you guys call currency.

And I need tons of currency.

My [@@@@] is a warzone.

-Huh? I really can't decipher it.
-It can't provide me currency.

So I must head out
and earn some foreign currency.

We [@@] have powerful bodies,

so we have jobs like bodyguards and [@/@].

But I am weak.

Degenerate [@@] like myself
can't find any work.

There are only outlaw jobs full of danger.

Because I'm…

Because I'm weak, my wife had to die,

I injured all of you, and my son
is facing so much hardship.

I'm so pathetic.

I'm so pathetic!

What can I do to help you?

If you have my weenie,
would that save your son?

Huh? What the hell
are you talking about? Stop that!

It'll be fine if he can just get paid.

I can go reclaim my weenie after that!

Reclaim? From where?

In the first place, if the treatment
is to get new blood every single day,

isn't it meaningless
to get just one cash payment?

It's tough for him, but he has to work
a proper job to keep paying for it!

He wants to work, but he can't find a job!

How is he going to make a living?

I heard that he's in trouble, so I can't
just pretend like I didn't hear it.

I want to help!

Calm down.
I understand how you feel, though.

I'll get it back for you.
That is, your, um… you-know-what.

Keep quiet, you stupid girl!

When Takakura-kun is trying
to do something for someone else,

if you can't support him,
you can't call yourself his partner.

Don't pretend like you're his partner!

What Miss Momo Ayase says is correct.

The only way
is for me to find a proper job.

I was very happy about
Mr. Ken Takakura's consideration.

But you have been far too kind
to me already.

I have made a promise
that I will not harm you.

I'm sorry to stay so long.

Thank you so very much.

Hold it.

Your blood stinks.

Wait, what did you just say?

That's anti-alien!
Where's political correctness?

Shut up, you little turd.

Screw political correctness.

That white liquid of yours is blood, yeah?

Those blood-soaked bandages
somehow smell familiar.

Huh?

YUJI INTENSE MILK
UNALTERED COMPONENTS

Try lapping up some of that.

T-This is…

the same!

It's the same thing as our blood!

Huh? What the? Grandma, what's going on?

His bandage reeked

like that smell when you use
a dirty rag to wipe up some milk.

Milk is cow's "blood" to begin with,

but of all things kappa's blood was milk,
too?

Seriously? Then you should take
tons of milk back with you!

Dover Demon's blood is milk!

But it's a little thin.

They h*m* it
so it's easy for humans to drink.

I'll ask a dairy farmer I know
to give you one whole cow.

Well, good luck with everything.

Take care of yourself.

INTENSE MILK

Thank you!

I will never forget this generosity!

If something ever happens,
I will make sure to be your ally!

-It's Cattle Mutilation!
-A live Abduction!

Shut up! Hurry up and go home!

Amazing! So huge! So awesome!

Hope we meet again!

Grandma, you believe in aliens now, right?

Huh? That was just a kappa.

Huh? Okarun,
say something to this old hag!

There's a theory that kappa are aliens.

Please!

Buy us some school uniforms
with Ms. Dodoria's appearance fees!

How many times do I have
to buy your uniforms, you dumbasses?

Next time,
we will wear them very carefully!

Is it okay for us, too?

We don't have any money.

In times like this, it's best to exploit
the financial power of adults.

By the way, this is the third time.

Aira and Four-Eyes,
I'll buy uniforms for you two.

Hold on! Why am I not included?

I don't like your eyes.

Those eyes that want to exploit
the financial power of adults.

So until I say you're done…

do an impersonation of Hiroshi Abe.

Gimme a break!
I'd never do anything like that!

Come on, say it.
Who are you speaking to? Say it!

You okay with that?
With no deal for your uniform?

I don't care either way.

I don't wanna wear
a school uniform anyway.

What's with that face?
That's so out there!

So cute.

-So?
-That's nothing like him! How irritating!

Hey, Momo. You answer that.
Keep doing your impersonation, though.

Rocket Engine Valve.

Miss Ayase!

Rocket Engine Valve.

I'm watching you from here.
You better not stop!

Rocket Engine Valve.

Hello.

I am Rocket Engine Valve.

Huh? Momo?

Jiji?

Yo. You're finally here.
I heard all about it from your mom.

Huh? What? Why is he here?

Who is that?

That guy is Momo's childhood friend…

and her first love.

What is this feeling I have?

Hey, you believe in aliens, right?

That was a kappa, no doubt.

Takakura-kun called it a Dover Demon.

I'm sure she's just shaken because
she witnessed Cattle Mutilation!

Next episode, "First Love."

By the way, outside of alien theories,

a kappa is called chupacabra
in some regions…