02x31 - Episode 31

[bunniefuu]

Come one, come all, 'cause we're having a

ball. We're just making some calls to

strangers. Come on, come

onYou can say what you want, and they'll

never know if you're deranged. Oh,

what?But it doesn't really matter. No, it

doesn't really matter, 'cause we'll all

be doubled over with laughter at the

expense of others. Maybe even your

mother. Won't you join the Crank Yankers

tonight?Crank Yankers.

Hello. Hello, who's this?

Who's this?Ed, I have a joke for

you. Knock, knock. Well, who's

Ed now?I wanna know. No, you're supposed

to say, Who's there?Knock, knock. Well,

who is over there?

I got you, lady, that's a good one, isn't

it?OK, let's do another one. Knock,

knock. Lady. Who are you talking about, a

lady?Yeah. What kind of lady's

voice do you think you're hearing?Uh,

yeah, you sound like my mommy. Knock,

knock. Knock,

knock. Come on, boy. Let's

get busy here. Knock, knock.

Who's there then?

That's good. Yeah, I got you. Knock,

knock. Goofball. Stop being a

goofball. I don't like knock knock

jokes. No. All right, then I'll tell you

another one then. Lady. Quit

calling me a lady. You sound pretty,

lady. Are you pretty?If I

knew who was calling here, I'd surely.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

I got you. Yay. I got you. That's a

good one, isn't it?Say, who's laughing?

Not me. Knock, knock.

Man, you're getting on my nerves, I'll

tell you for sure. Lady, you don't sound

like you're in a good mood. Do you have a

baby coming or something?Who are you

trying to embarrass anyway?

Talking about a baby coming and talking

to a man. Yeah. What's the matter with

you, goofball?You're a knucklehead.

Well, you're a goofball. And you're a

knucklehead. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm

not a knucklehead. Are you

lonely like me?No, I'm not

lonely. I'm a married man. Okay.

Do you ever play with your ?

Hey. What?Where do you coming

from here?Uh, I come from my house.

Sound me like you're a loaf of bread.

Bread makes me poop. I gotta go poop,

lady.

Thank you for calling Sunrise Sports.

This is Katrina. Hey, Katrina, how you

doing this morning, baby?Good, how are

you?All right, then. My name is

Landanlius Truthfell. People call me the

Truth. You know who I am, right, baby?

Class of 93 running back down

there. You know, I took state in the



the short ones. But they're a lot more of

them and they're closer together. So when

you run, you got to like what step, step,

step, step, step, step, step, step. Pow.

I get the medal. Get on right down to

you. Hey, what's up?Who's this?This is

Landanliest Truefell. I was just talking

to little baby doll there. I'm trying to

get a point in the situation. I would

like to be your spokesperson, kind of

like a mascot. And I'm going to give you

a little bit of my resume. You know, I

try it out for the Raiders. I try it out

for the Colts, the Rams, the Argonauts.

I feel like what I can do for you is

bring in the black customer, the people

of color. That sounds like a

great idea. Yeah, yeahGet

some more details and talk to the guy

that's actually in charge. I would call

back tomorrow. Oh, that's beautiful.

Because you know what I was thinking?

Y'all could do like an ad campaign, you

know, do some commercials. You know, I

have a little song, you know, it's the

truth.

Because you're terrible. And the aura.

Because it's rumble. You

see

you put the bass and the drum back and

that's that.

Yeah, that was snappy. That's great.

You know I do it all day. Hey, let me ask

you something, man. They still make the

high top. Hey, man, if you want some good

high tops, you should go check out

skating worshippers. Now you're trying to

kick me down to the other store because

you don't want to confront me, right?I'm

trying to come at you correct. And now

you're trying to tell me go down to other

place. Oh, you're trying to pass on the

brother, man. And don't raise your voice

at me now. So maybe we need to get up

in the room. Nose to nose, cheek to

cheek, butt to buttEverybody.

That's a

tooth. Yeah, man. I'm

going to come over there, man. We're

going to talk about this. This is some

bull. All right, man. Whatever works

for you. All right, then. Nah, man, look

here. Look here. I don't want to end like

this. Give me your name. Let me kick a

little rhyme for you. My name's Grant.

Grant.

Grant! A T.

'Cause Grant is dying, Dora. He's a

rough, rough A. He's

absolutely in. He's a oh,

oh, T. 'Cause he's tired of rats. Grant.

I was kind of off the cuff and I was a

little nervous. Boy, what you think, man?

That was pretty bad, man. Impressed. All

right then, Grant. So I'm going to come

over there. I could do anything, you

know, to help all y'all. I'll give you a

back rub. I do deep tissue,

shayatsu, Swedish,

Cambodian, Ethiopian. I do the...

Hello. HelloHello

Cutie Po, Masa Griffith speaking. I was

in your casino last Wednesday and I lost

something there. I was wondering if it

was returned. It was actually really

important. What was it?

It was a $25 chip.

It's round. No, no one says turned it

in. What kind of sick person would just

walk away with my chip?I don't know.

I mean, what have people turned in?They

didn't turn in no chips. Maybe I could

get something else that's worth $25. What

do you have there?Nothing. It's

lost and found. So if ain't if it's not

in the book, then ain't no one turned it

in. Is there anything at lost and found

that's worth $25, $26, $24 even?

No. Well,

what's in the book?It doesn't matter

what's in the book. What you're looking

for is not in the book. Oh, I get the

game. Yeah, this is how you make money.

This ain't how nobody make money. If it's

you ask for lost and found and you ask me

to look up, did someone turn it in?And

they didn't turn it in. You make good

money doing this. OK, then. Thank you for

calling. I lose. You found.

Hi. I lost something. I know it's

in the book. It's about the third or

fourth thing down. What did you lose?

Well, could you read down the list?I

can't read down the list, ma'am. I know

it's something. It's about it's worth

about $25. What is it?Did you just call

here?

It's earrings or a watch or a

cell phone, if you can get the number.

You know what?You can find somebody else

to play with on this phone, because you

just called here talking about a $25

chip. Now you're staying in a cell phone,

a watch, some glasses. When you decide

what it is, call back. I'm sorry. I've

never called before. I'm calling. I I

know your voice. I just asked. I know

your. I could tell about it the way of

your voice. I know I'm in the book. You

ain't in the book. Yes, I am. You don't

know what she is. Whatever.

Security, Polia. Guess who owes you an

apology?I found the chip.

Whatever. Oh, it was in my

hand. My other

hand. So funny. I'll

tell you what, half that money is yours

if you give me that damn book. Whatever.

I want to know what's in the book. Give

me the first two things. None of your

business. None of your business.

What you sound like when you have that

attitude. I know.

All right, give me one thing in the book.

I'm dying.

Nothing. NothingWhat did you keep calling

her for?Because I'm in love with you and

I don't know how to say it, but I guess I

just said it. But I took me a long time

because I needed to find reasons to call

you because I think I'm falling for you.

You don't even know me. You find love in

the craziest places. You find love in the

lost and found. I found love in the lost

and found today. I don't deal with women.

Yeah, well, I'll change that. That's no

problem. OK. Do you like white girls?

Mm-mm. Jewish?Mm-mm. Hairy?

Mm-mm. What are you, un-American?What do

you want?You. Can't have me.

That's why it drives me nuts. Thank you.

Bye. I love you, Buttercup Cocoa Puff.

Parks and Forestry, this is Lena. Are you

in charge over there?I wish I was,

but I'm not. What can I do for you?I got

a problem here. OK. I was

at the park walking my dog,

Pepper. Uh-huhAnd I

go to the bathroom to do

my business. And

wouldn't you know, there's a black

fella in there. with his

thing out, touching himself.

Oh, my gosh. That's what I said.

What's your name, hon?Elmer.

Elmer?I'm 85 years old.

I've never seen nothing like this in my

life. OK, on-- The

park used to be a place where children

would run and play, and

elderly people could play

checkers and chess.

And Yahtzee and

Battleship and

Statigo and Life

and Monopoly

and Battleship and Battleship.

OK. Did you call the police?I want

to make a complaint. OK. That's what I'm

saying. Did you call the police?I was at

the park today. I know, honey. There was

a black fella. And

there we his thing out.

This thing was enormous.

It was like he was making a

BM, but from the front. Oh

my God. Have you ever seen oh God,

please stop. A black fellow with his

pants down. Please stop. Please

stop. It was like a salami or

something like. I used

to draw pictures for a

cartoon for the Daily Forward. OK, we can

stop being graphic. 40 years ago,

I was a cartoonist. I drew

beautiful pictures, all

political cartoons.

I could draw you a

cartoon of this black fellow

with his thing out to show you what

he was doing there. Hon, what's your

phone number?I don't remember, darling.

I never call here. What park were you

located at?I remember a time at

Antioch Park where

you could get 3 hot dogs

for a nickel with

all the toppings. Sauerkraut,

mustard, relish,

Pickles, sometimes

ketchup the young people would eat.

Elmer and we would play games and drink

soda. Grape

soda. My brother Charlie loved grape

sodas. Oh, we love grape

sodas and watching blackfellas

masturbate.

OK, well, listen, darling, if you want

me to draw you. No picture of this

fella's genitalia. No picture. No

picture. I'll do that for you. No, thank

you. OK, then. All right. OK.

Bye. Bye. Good night.

Hello. HelloIs this the

UFO place?Yes, it is.

Great. My name is Burcham,

and I believe I was abducted. Are

you the right person to speak to about

this?You got him. Oh, man.

You got to forgive me. I'm a little bit,

a little bit, a little bit shaken.

What's, First off, what should I do?I

don't know what to do. Well, what?Is it

OK to use the microwave?Can I drive the

car?You could. It just depends

on exactly, you know, are you injured in

any way or?I do have some rectal

bleeding, not

what I would consider a large amount, not

more than I've had in the past,

although it has not done that in a number

of years and it does concern me. I

mean, I do feel like I was probed. Then

you you may have been, put it that way.

Yeah, big time, big time. Right. Yeah.

And by the way, as far as the probing

goes, they can't go in through the

mouth. It's always the an*s

Seems like one could probe in in the

mouth. You know what I'm saying?Right.

Well, it depends. It depends on what

their purpose is. There's been probes in

the ears. Oh, really?And

in the nose as well. Yeah. I wasn't on

that ship. Yeah. No, I was on the

USS AnusNo

dinner, no dance, no how do you do, just

right for the pooper. You believe me,

right?I wasn't there, so if you say you

were, I'll assume you were. Yeah, these

were the creatures were

sort of smooth. What color?

Ohh White, for the most

part. I think there was one Mexican.

They had like a rode on dirt

bikes. They looked like dirt bikes.

Enduros or something. I mean, I

don't know. It's a little sketchy because

I did some peyote and I fell asleep in

the desert and woke up. I had a

Schlitz tallboy in my rectum and

I probably wasn't abducted. Yeah, come to

think of it, I was just. I was r*ped by

teenagers. OK, I'll go with that.

They shaved my a*s

so they looked like crop circles. These

weren't aliens. I think they were ill*gal

aliens. You know what I'm saying?Yeah,

could have been. Yeah. All right. I'll

just, I'll get into therapy or start

drinking or both. CET. OK.

Nana. Nana. Thank you.

Well, I reckon those Duke boys are in

trouble again. And Bobby Fletcher's

calling the water company.

Water Commission. This is Marcy. Hi,

Marcy. This is Bobby Fletcher. Hi, Bobby.

Can you hear me?I'm on my cell phone.

Sometimes it crap loud and clear. Oh, you

can. OK. Sorry. I'm on these back roads.

Sometimes it's like, you know. Yeah. What

can I do for you?I'm just calling about

my water bill. I think I had a problem

with it. I got overcharged. What's your

address so I can look, Bobby?I'm on

Riverside Dr. Uh-huhWhat's that number?



you?Oh, Oh my

God. What?

I just hit something. Are

you there?Yeah. Oh, my God. Hold on one

second. Oh, my God. Oh,

my God. You better hang up and call



It's a deer. Yeah. Yeah, it's OK. Oh, my.

Are you OK?Yeah, I'm fine. What street

are you on?I'm fine. I don't know. I'm in

the middle of the country. OK.

So did you find my bill?Did you say it

was 22?Yeah, 22. OK. I'm

sorry. I was looking for it. South

Riverside. Yeah. You hit me.

My heart. I'm bleeding.

So who's that?It's the

deer. It

was like 40 extra. Why don't you call me

back?No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I want

to get this straight now. My wife's been

on my case. It was extra $40. It wasn't

supposed to be on there. I don't see.

What's your last name?I don't see 22 S

Riverside. Fletcher.

Okay.

That's a person. No, No it's not.

It's not, miss. I can hear him. No, no, no

Can you hurry up, please?I'm trying to.

Okay, I don't want the cops or anything

to come. Mr. Fletcher. Yeah.

Something's not right here. I know,

there's $40 wrong on me. Why are you

kissing me?Shut up.

I don't have a 22 S Riverside.

This is between us two. No,

no, noIt wasn't a deal. Hey, Mr.

Fletcher, you're in on this too, Miss.

OK. Hey, you know what?Could you please?

Listen, I don't want to go to jail. All

right, please. There's too much blood.

Can you calm me down?Just tell me about

your day, please. Just to calm me down.

OK. Well, I'm going to hang up. I'm going

to call the police. I know what to do. I

know. Don't worry.

All right, all right, that's done. All

right, So what about my bill?

Yeehaw.