04x02 - Jimmy Kimmel & Steve-O

[bunniefuu]

Hello. Hi there. Hi. Who's this?Hello.

Hey. Who's this?Hello. Hello

Hell yeah. Hey, how you doing there?

Hello. The new edition Mr.

Telephone Man Somebody playin' on my line

Run as fast as you can And I bet the cap

of my phone from out to man 'Cause I hand

pine dine and laugh again Know who it is

Telephone gangsters, the pranksters Don't

click over the drank yankers, love Who is

this?Who is this?I don't know, man I'mma

beat your a*s Playin' them games for I

know y'all makin' the name disgracin' us

all But I'mma catch ya after work 'cause

I'm tracin' the cop And then we star 69

and call outsay you

ain't always me Crank

Yankers Hello,

who's this?This is Gabriel.

Gabriel, hi, this is Special Eduardo. Do

you guys have the best melons in town?

It's all right. My friend Timmy says

that my mom has the best melons in town.

Yay. Well, that's nice of her.

Yeah, she got good melons.

Hurray for you. You want to come over

tonight in my house and see my mommy's

melons?Not really. You want to come over

tonight and see my brother's ba*ls?No.

Do you just want to come over tonight and

watch TV with me?No. You want to

come over tonight and see my sister's butt

No. Why not?I don't want to see

anything you want me to see. Why?Because

I don't. What, are you blind?You

can't see anything?No. Can you

just come over tonight, then?No.

My dog's got a red rocket. Yay!

I'm going to go ride the rocket. Wow.

Yay!

Yay!

Yay!

Hi, this is Ralph. Hey, Ralph. How's it

going, man?I really, really

want to set a world record, like like

real bad, and I'm thinking

skydiving. You got any any world records

over there?Yeah, in fact, a friend of

mine's going to set another world record

here in the next week or so. Oh yeah,

What's that one?Well, 600 jumps in



sounds like a lot of work, man. Hey, what

do you say?I come down there and we'll

set a we'll set a world record totally

better than that d*uche bag

You think?So what kind of a record are

you going to do?I don't know, man. I was

thinking like, I could be naked and

I don't know, like set the world record

for like the longest log, you know, like

a log of crap, you know?What have you

been smoking?You're doing something

that's contaminating your brain. I think

I got it, dude. Like, has anybody ever,

you think, escaped from a straitjacket

while they're skydiving, man?Many

things that has been done.

Unless you have a little bit of

experience, I don't think you'd come

close to accomplishing a feat

world record. What is like, So what kind

of parachute do you jump?I don't know,

like the kind with the dudes on your

back, you know?Let me tell you something.

You've been smoking something awful

strong. You got your little pea

brain going in 39 different directions.

So, hey, man, like, what do you say you

and me, you know, go tandem?We could

maybe set a world record elephant walk,

you know, like when you got all your bros

and you, like, reach through their legs

and grab their stuff, you know?Well, we

could do like a whole chain of dudes, you

know, like holding each other's tongs,

you know, like. That's got to be a

record. Now, there you go. Like, if I

brought a horse up in the airplane, you

think I could ride a horse?Oh, ohh

sure. Hell yeah. But you'd have to go to

Las Vegas to do it. I was

thinking, I was thinking maybe I'd head

over there and we could, like, figure out

my world record, you know?I don't have

time. I got to go to work. OK.

Goodbye.

Hello. Hi. Is this the Steinberg

household?Yes, it is. My

name is Hadassah Guberman and I am

calling from Liberty Motors. And someone

in your household entered a contest for a

brand new Hummer. No, no one in our

household entered a contest for a brand

new Hummer. We would never drive such a

piece of. So.

Hello. Mr. Steinberg?Yeah?

This is Hadassah again. Look,

I didn't enter any contest, and I don't

like unsolicited phone calls. That's

fine, but you didn't have to make me feel

like a poopy pants. Goodbye.

I just want an apology, 'cause I'm a

human being.

This is 58524...

You've reached the hall of the resident,

Michael Steinberg. We'll

be happy to get back to you. Thanks for

calling. Hey, Michael,

it's Hadassah. I wrote a song for you

and I want to just run it by you. And it

goes like this, and I think this is going

to make everything kind of better.

Michael Steinberg walking down the

street to meet some friends.

He doesn't have a Hummer and he thinks

it's quite a bummer, but he's all right.

He meets his friends and they have a

bite, up a federal roll.

As I say it, I don't know.

And then he

takes a

duty

and makes a call.

Calls his mom to say happy

birthday, then doesn't flush. He

doesn't want his mom to hear that

he made a duty.

But two hours later he forgot he

didn't flush and company comes over

and it's a real uncomfortable

situation. Michael,

pick up the phone. I know

you're there. I've been thinking

about this for the past hour and I feel

like all I've been doing is

apologizing. And you know what?I

want an apology from you because all I

do, I didn't even have.

Hey, Michael, it's Hadassah. If you call

me once again, I will call the phone

company and I will call the police. OK,

but I just feel like you're.

I know you hate losing. I know that's

your state. I don't hate losing. I didn't

enter any contest. This is an unsolicited

junk call. Whatever you want to call it.

I just want you to be strong. Goodbye.

Hello.

HelloIs this the Moon Bounce rental shop?

Yes. I want to rent a moon bouncer.

What's your name, love?Bob. Hello, Bob.

This is Niles Standish. Hi. Talk to me

of your inflatables. What would you like

to know?Price, size, color, weight and

clarity. OK. What size?What

are you looking for?I'm looking for the

biggest thing to blow up I can find.

What would you like?An 18 foot slide?A

bouncer?Oh, I want to pounce on your

bounce. Tell me about it. What?So what

are you?What is it that you're looking

for?A regular bouncer?A multiunit?Are

they vinyl?Yes. So they

can withstand the rigors of fiki.

Of what?Do you know dump dump in the jump

jump boom boom in the bounce bounce dumpy

in the bumpy. I don't get what

you mean. The boom boom in the bounce

bounce little masturbatable in the

inflatable, as it were. OK, all right,

talk to me. Talk to me of prices. What is

that?It matters what you're looking for

for me to give you a price. Price is no

object. OK. I'm extremely wealthy.

OK. I'm very inclined to throw my money

around ridiculously. OK. For a hop, hop

in the drop, drop. OK.

So for a regular bounce house, it's 350

for two hours with my attendant. And if

you want to use your own attendant, it's



about him?Shirtless. Why?You want him

shirtless?I would appreciate it. It's a

party. Poor little woong fumes in the

balloon rooms. What does he look like?

Your attendant?How old?

He's 20. Fit. He's

pretty fit. Is he Sean?Is he what?Do you

know buttery?I don't know what you mean.

Is he responsible for the blowing up of

the bouncer?Yes, because I'll be the

bouncer. A little high h*

in the no, noI think it's just bouncing.

How about oils?How does it react?

And I think it'll be a little slippery.

That's what I'm talking about. Say that

again, but much slower. I'd

like to relieve myself onto your rental

apparati. I don't think so. No, no, noYou

misunderstood. You're invited. There'll

be cake. HmmMore for us,

Cavendish.

Sir, my name is Mark Thomas and I have

some unfortunate business to deal with

today with you. I have to say I'm a

cyber mercenary and I just want to warn

you that a rival. A company of yours

hired me to infect your computers. I

planted a seed virus,

but the rival shorted me on my

payment. So I would like to help you

disable the virus now. You want to get

the tech department?Yeah, I'll take the

tech department. OK.

Thank you for holding, Sir. Uh-huhHello.

Hi. My name's Brian. I'm actually the

manager of this department. Hello, Brian.

How's it going?So according to my

representatives, you were paid by the to

put viruses into our system. That's

right. OK. You want to leave your name?

Name is Mark Thomas. Mark Tom. Do

you have a telephone number, Mark?No, I

don't. Do you want to disable the virus

or not?Yeah. You got a

pen?Yes. But how?How will I do that?

First, I need you to open your Explorer

browser window. Explorer

browser window. OK. Type in pregnant

gypsy Gophers. Hold on for a minute. Type

pregnant gypsy

Gophers. OK, alright, then Scroll down

as fast as you can. Scroll down

and then start moving your mouse in a

counterclockwise motion three times. So

start moving the mouse in a

counterclockwise three times

and then lift the mouse and turn it

upside down three times so that the

ball's not rolling anymore. Lift the

mouse. Upside down. So the ball's not

rolling anymore, right?Yes. Thank you.

All right, that's it. No. I

need them to type in the word

C-section. Type C-section.

Death Scar 12. Death

Scar 12 forward slash. Honey

Bunny feel good virus. Honey

Bunny feel good virus.



plus signs. 16 inches.



sweet man pipe. Man pipe.

Sorry about this. These hackers, they get

a little crazy. OK. At Cuddly Bear

Pants Parade.

Cuddly Bear Pants Parade.

OK, forward slash trunk

buttThat's with two T's.

Yes. OK, forward slash baby arm. Can you

read that back to me?All right.

C-section Death Scar 12 forward

slash Honey Bunny Feel good virus plus

plus 16 inches of sweet mad pipe at

Cuddly Bear Pants Parade forward slash

Trunk Butt forward slash Baby Um

OK, now did your screen turn blue?No.

C-section. That's a seat. Or is there any

spaces between that?Or it's the letter

C dash section. OK, dash section.

Just a quick question. Like why?Like what

made you call us today?Well, they shorted

me on my payment. They shorted you on

your payment. So I figured I'd help you

guys out. Thank you, Sir. Thanks. Bye.

How can I help you?Hello. Am I speaking

to the boot store?Yes. How can I

help you?I got a problem here.

I woke up this morning. I

washed my face. I

put it in my teeth. I

urinated. And then I

went over to my boots. One of

your fellas over there showed me some

boots. I put them

on, I tied them up tight, and

now I can't move. How come?What's the

matter?What kind of heavy boots you

people selling over there?They're too

heavy. I feel like my feet

have been paved over in cement.

And you bought the boots from our store?

Yeah, I bought the boots from you people.

How do I get these things unhooked?When

did you buy them?Last week. Last

week. Well, how are they hurting your

feet?These things are about to give me a

hernia. I'm a prisoner to these

here boots because

they're too heavy. And you

people should be ashamed of yourselves.

Well. Well, Sir, we don't sell people

boots that don't fit their feet. We make

sure everyone has a proper fit. Let me

tell you something, darling. My brother

Charlie used to run a boot Smith store.

He made brown boots for working. All

right. He made white gogo boots for

dancing for the girls. They dance

all around the place. He

made all kinds of boots. Yes.

Yes, I'll be happy to give you the

number of our district manager.

I will give you the phone number to our

our district manager. He made,

oh, he made some beautiful purple boots

one time. And I'm sorry, I'm not

going to be able to help you. Here's some

boots your son Charlie made for you.

OK, you know, Sir, I I really don't

have time for this. I haven't eaten in

four hours. Well, I'm sorry. I can't help

you. I need you people to

come over here with a shoe horn. OK.

Thank you for calling. So what time can

you people come over?We can't come over

to where you're at. You need to come to

the store. And somebody's got to get me

out of these things. I got to go to the

bathroom. Well, get up and go to the

bathroom. I can't get up because your

booty. Well, I'm sorry. I can't help you.

OK, but if I come down there, you'll help

me. Well, we can't see the boots if you

don't come come down and show them to us.

I'm going to get my neighbor to help me

come down there. OK. All

right. He'll bring me down there in the

wheelbarrow. OK, very good.

And you can help me undo my boots. If you

bring your boots to our store, somebody

will help you. OK, darling. So you take

off my boots and my pants. OK. Goodbye.

Goodbye, darling.

Hazanas Travel, it's Cassandra. Hi,

Cassandra. How you doing?I'm a

businessman, and I was liking to

plan some travel for my grandmother. OK,

start naming. Well, she'd like to go to

Hawaii. Oh, how nice. Yes.

And she would also like to go to New

York. OK. How many people?

There's going to be one person. She's

going to Hawaii by herself. Mm-hmmShe

loves to travel the world. She wants to

see everything. And you are a proud

grandson. Yes. I hear it in your voice.

Thank you. OK. May I have her name?She is

a little hard of hearing, so

I will just. I'm just going to tell her.

You know what the what the specials are.

Are there any specials for Hawaii at this

time of year?OK, so you think 2

weeks?Grandma, you want to go for

two weeks?

Yes, that's fine. OK, two weeks. And then

so we're going to do a couple islands

like Honolulu and Maui. Ah,

that sounds beautiful. What about the Big

Island?Is there much to do on there?I

don't think so. That's why I never

mention it. As long as I've been. Hold

on, let me tell her one second. Grandma,

there's not that much to do on the Big

Island.

OK, she said. Yeah, the first ones you

suggested would be fine. OK, I'm gonna

have to do some research and give you a

call and let you know what we have. Now,

she also wants to go to the Grand Canyon.

How do you fly to the Grand Canyon?Is

there an airport there?Well, you're

probably going to Las Vegas. Do you?Will

you arrange a car service?That's of

course. Grandma, they're going to

arrange a car service.

OK, she's fine with that. OK.

And and then once the car service gets

there. Now, first of all, I'm going to

check Hawaii and New York. She's going to

check Hawaii and New York. That's

fine. OK. And then I'll check on the

Grand Canyon around the Grand Canyon.

And then, you know, does she have a

hearing aid?Yeah, she has three of them.

Oh, so you just put them in when she

wants to?Yeah, she has different ones for

different ranges. OK. She's actually

sitting beside me right now, but she has

the one that's for when you're sitting in

a stadium at the end of the stadium and

you're looking down on a football field.

Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, wow. She can't find the

other ones. Yeah. Will you find the other

hearing A*DS?OK. So anyway,

she'd also like to go someplace peaceful.

OK. Like Norway. OK. Well, we

better start with one at a time first.

OK. And then I can look at everything

else. Now, my name's Cassandra. Who's

name is Cassandra?And. And I'm going to

do the research for you and give you a

call back. Is she going to do the

research before I give you a call back?

OK. OKPerfect. All right, then.

I love you. OK. Bye. Bye. Bye.