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03x05 - Squirrel Seats/Creepy Crawly Campy

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Camp Lazlo". Aired: July 8, 2005 – March 27, 2008.*
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Series follows Lazlo, an anthropomorphic spider monkey who goes to a camp called "Camp Kidney", a Boy Scout–like summer camp in the Pimpleback Mountains.

03x05 - Squirrel Seats/Creepy Crawly Campy

Post by bunniefuu »

[Reveille plays]

Attention campers.

Attention campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

ª there were two scouts who

Made a friend and lazlo

Was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o âª

ª l-a-z-l-o âª

ª l-a-z-l-o âª

ª and lazlo was his name-o âª

ª and then the trio

Went to camp and turned it

Upside down-o âª

ª l-a-z-l-o âª

ª l-a-z-l-o âª

ª l-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o âª

[



Ok, boys and girls.

Let's find our seats now.

We are just mere minutes

From our exciting field trip

Destination.

Tweeta--tweeta--tweet--

Ah, franklin?

Oh, dear.

We are almost there.

Old geezer geyser.

Now, now, try to contain

Yourselves, scouts.

I know we're all excited.

[Snoring]

ª rudy is being a girl âª

ª I'm sitting

On top of the world âª

Why, edward, why?

I don't know, samson.

All I know is that girls should

Not be allowed on our bus.

Who? Me?

Wow, raj.

This is amazing.

This very informative national

Park pamphlet says that when a

Geyser's about to blow,

It'll emit an unusual sound.

You mean like this?

[Pbbbt, trumpeting]

[Laughter]

ª oh-oh âª

[Giggles]

What is it for the 20th time,

Patsy?

Never mind.

[Laughter]

Those girls are not well.

Ding-dongs.

So, what else does it say?

Well, it also says

That a geyser--

Lazlo!

Yes, patsy?

Um, I was just thinking

[Giggles]

Will you sit next to

Me on the bus on the way back?

[All gasp]

He wouldn't dare.

Of course he can't.

Lazlo is sitting next to me--

Raj--the best friend.

Ha ha.

How can you be so ridiculous?

[All sighing]

[Blowing]

Take it easy.

It's gonna be all right.

Girls--ha ha.

Sure thing, patsy.

I'll sit next to you.

What?

[All screaming]

Behold old geezer geyser.

A phenomenon so powerful that

Few have gazed upon its

Magnificence without feeling

Pure awe.

What a nice plaque.

Hey, scouts, did you

See this plaque?

It is really nice.

Is that it?

I've got boils bigger than that.

Lazlo.

Yeah, raj?

Um--uh--clam and i--

I--i mean--[stammering]--i--

You can't sit next to patsy!

There. I said it.

Why not, raj?

[Sighs] because, lazlo,

Patsy's a girl,

And boys and girls shouldn't

Sit together on the bus.

Oh, raj, you're just being

Silly.

Hey, check this out.

It says a crazed visitor once

Tried to plug old geezer

By sitting on it.

It'll mess up the bean scout

Seating order.

Well, everyone can have fun

Sitting somewhere else.

Slinkman won't allow it.

He encourages change.

You'll get cooties.

Already got 'em.

Your eyeballs will explode!

Cool.

Hmph! What does she

Want from him, anyway?

[Speaking french] on the bus.

Hi ya, g*ng.

Did you know that old geezer

Geyser erupts every 15 minutes?

According to my watch, we have

Exactly 6 minutes remaing

Until it blows.

Well, you fellows should

Check out that nice plaque

When you get a chance.

A girl.

On our side of the bus.

As the sun slowly sets on my

Childhood, the darkness

Suffocates me into adolescence.

Slow down there,

[Indistinct] boy.

If those girls think they can

Muscle their way

Into our turf on my watch,

They got another thing coming.

Huddle up, gentlemen.

I've got a plan.

As soon as the geezer spits, we

Beeline full speed to the bus.

We storm the aisles and hog

Every seat on our side,

Shoving out the girls before

They have a chance to sit down.

Got it?

Ok.

Same here.

Hmph! Hmph!

30 Seconds till geyser time.

Hmph.

We're not getting back on

That bus until everyone

Sees this.

Not getting on the bus?

Hold on to your hats, scouts.

Lift-off in t-minus...

10-9-

8-7-6...

On your mark, get set.

4-3-

This one is for you, lazlo!

Huh?

Did it blow?

Uh...

Was that it?

Did I miss it?

Well, that was 15 minutes

Exactly.

Huh.

This is not a very good plaque.

Oh, great.

The geezer's got a head cold.

Come on.

Sneeze already!

Edward, what about our plan?

Huh. Well, I guess

That was it, clam.

Very interesting experience,

Wouldn't you say?

Interesting.

Where's raj?

Uh, bus?

Oh, right.

He was very concerned about the

Seating, wasn't he?

Wake up, gretchen.

The hole didn't blow.

Huh? Well, come on, then.

The faster we can get

Back to camp, the better.

Oh, I think the girls are

Going back to the bus.

[Indistinct shouting]

You can't yet. Wait!

Ahh.

[Screaming]

Stupid plaque.

That's our cue, boys.

Charge!

I wonder why

It didn't erupt.

Maybe it's upset.

We're almost there, fellas.

Almost there!

[Crash]

You'd get upset too if you

Had to sneeze every 15 minutes

For an endless stream of

Tourists.

After you, patsy

Thank you, lazlo.

Are we still sitting

Together, patsy?

Sure, lazlo.

No, don't do it, lazlo.

I'll do anything to stop you

From sitting next to her, lazlo!

[Crash]

Heh heh.

Oh, um, hey, raj.

Ha ha ha.

What's going on?

Heh heh.

I-i've got this one,

Lazlo, buddy.

What are friends for?

Right?

Ha ha ha.

Uh, ok.

Hey, patsy, I guess raj is

Going to sit next to you.

Is that ok?

Sure.

That's great.

[Groaning]

All right, people.

Let's get one thing clear.

This is the boys' bus,

And when you girls

Are on our bus,

You play by our rules.

So, if this young lady

Insists on sitting on what is

Traditionally called the "boys'

Side," then the rest of you

Girls need to get up now and

Move to what will be hereafter

Referred to as the girls' side.

Right behind regina here.

Dumb boy.

No way.

Come on. Move 'em out.

Let's go.

That's right.

Move along

Let's go.

Let's go.

[Indistinct] eye st*lks.

Ok, ok, settle down, scouts.

It's obvious to me from your

Grumbling that you are

Disappointed with our

Field trip.

And honestly, I can't blame you.

I mean, when a certain plaque.

Advertises that a certain

Geyser is going to erupt at a

Certain time...

Fantastical caverns.



Edward, what are you doing?

I thought I told everyone to

Take a seat.

Oh. Uh, right.

My throne awaits.

Wait a minute.

Since when were you guys

On this field trip?

We've been here the whole

Time.

Yeah.

They were here.

Yeah, I rember them

By the geyser.

Totally.

Well, where am I

Supposed to sit?

Almondine's got a seat.

Yeah.

Ugh!

Oh. Oh.

It isn't so bad

Sitting on this side.

Next to a bunch of g-girls.

Ha.

[Whimpering]

Easy, raj. Easy.

Ooh.

15 Minutes.



Oh, only 10 minutes away now.

Care to put a wager on that,

Fantastical caverns?

Whoa!

Hey, find your own seat.

Come on. You can make some

Space.

I heard almondine has nobody

Sitting next to her.

Ugh!

[Teeth chattering]

Uhh.

Hey, raj, can I

Tell you something?

Ha. Ah, yes, patsy.

Oh, 5 minutes, my eye st*lks.

Eee!

Just [indistinct] me.

Try almondine.

Ugh!

5 Minutes to fantastical

Caverns?

Well, where is it, huh?

Whoa! Aah!

It's about a very

Good friend of mine.

A...friend?

I've been on this trip

The whole time, I swear!

Quit messing with me, beaver!

Make it stop,

Make it stop, make it stop!

All right, mr. Fantastical

Caverns, it's been 15 minutes.

So where are ya? Huh?

[All screaming]

Gretchen likes edward.

[Giggles]

Um, why are you

Looking at me like that?

Huh.

I guess that was 15 minutes.

Come on, algonquin.

Now put some leg into it.

Your wish is my command,

Miss doe.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Attaboy.

Ooh, miss doe.

Way to go.

ª dee, dee, da, da, da, dee âª

Oh, I love it.

[Laughs]

You know, this is

Kind of fun.

Whee!

Oh. Rowr.

[







]

[Screeching]

[Blows horn]

[Reveille plays]

Attention campers.

Attention campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend and lazlo

Was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then the trio

Went to camp and turned it

Upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪


Come on, raj.

What's taking so long?

Almost ready.

Lunch is almost over and you

Know how much clam loves

Vegan friday.

I know, I know.

Just give me a second.

I cannot find my shoes.

Don't tell me clam is

Dressed up as a stalk of celery

Again.

No, not celery.

Broccoli. It's a greens.

I'm sorry, guys.

I can't find them,

And I've looked everywhere.

Well, just get your sandals,

Then, and let's go.

That goat from the petting

Zoo ate them--remember?

Tennis shoes?

Lumpus' room.

Flip-flops.

In the lake.

Aha! My galoshes.

Ta-da!

[Grunting] oh! Oh! Oh.

I'm coming.

I'm coming!

Ha ha ha. Oh, that is

One tricky galosh.

Must be a rock

Stuck in there or something.

Aah!

A spider was in my shoe!

Oh, I hate bugs.

They are repulsive!

But, raj.

Scoutmaster lumpus says

Bugs are an important part of

Camp kidney.

Saying bugs are repulsive is

Like saying that scoutmaster

Lumpus is repulsive.

[Munching]

[Belch]

No, no, no, no, no!

I don't want anything to do

With bugs!

Ok, ok, raj.

[Sobbing] I will never wear

Galoshes again.

Oh! Oh! Where could it have

Come from?

Aah! There!

That is where it came from.

Haaa!

Leave me!

Aah! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeez, clam, maybe we should

Try and help him with his

Fear of bugs

Phobia.

Uh...uh...hmm-hmm, hmm-hmm.

I know.

This little bug toy

Should do the trick.

Oh, so cute.

Hey, raj, look at this little

Toy bug.

Isn't it cute?

[Whimpering]

I think it's working.

Maybe we should try

Something else.

[Shouting indistinctly]

♪ Oh, raj, I've got something

That might help you

With your bug problem ♪

An ant farm.

See, there's a little farm full

Of these little harmless ants

Where all they do is make

Little tunnels.

Hey, they're spelling something

For you.

They're saying, "hi raj!"

And look--now they're saying,

"We're going to get you!"

[Screaming indistinctly]

[Cheering]

I don't know what to

Do, clam.

He needs time.

What's all this?

Circus.

[Buzzing]

Raj, um, what have you

Done with the cabin?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I have completely

Bug-proofed everything.

Hee hee!

It is almost

Impossible for any insect

To get in here. Ha ha.

And bug me!

Almost impossible?

Well, yes.

The one flaw is that

You cannot leave the door open.

The door's open!

Aah! A bug!

No, no, no, no, no.

[Screaming indistinctly]

Stop.

B--b--b--b--back up.

No.

Back up.

Some more.

Um, no.

Come closer.

Roll over.

Sit up.

Speak!

[Trumpets]

You make an elephant toot

Like I do!

[Trumpets]

[Trumpets]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[Yawns]

Oh, you are tired.

Are you hungry?

Oh, here you go, little buggy.

[Murmuring, sucking]

I think I will call

You "elebug."

Looks like our pal no longer

Hates bugs.

Love bug.

[Belch]

Bye, raj.

Have a great time with your bug.

Huh. There goes our boy, clam.

A bean and his bug.

They grow up so fast.

[Sobbing]

[Trumpets]

Whoa-whoa-whee-whee-

Whoa-whee--

Uhh.

Whoa. A bug's life

Isn't easy, is it?

Uhh.

Elebug?

Where'd he go?

Oh, there you are!

[Trumpets]

What?

Oh, who's that?

Elebug, what are you doing?

Can't you see that that is a

Strange bug?

[Pbbbt]

I am not a bug hater.

How dare you?

I'll show you who's a

Bug hater.

See?

I--fine. Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Oh. [Stammering]

Oh. Ok.

Welcome aboard.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

A beard of bugs!

Oh, my

Hats off to the flag.

One nation under a bug.

Walking the dog, oh, yeah.

Oh, no.

[Indistinct]

[Shudders]

So that's why I won't play

Croquet anymore.

[Horn playing "la cucaracha"]

Salutations, fellow

Bean scouts.

[All talking at once]

I was just sharing the good

News about bugs.

Well, could you please

Share it about 100 yards

In the other direction?

Anyway, I would have thought

That you of all people would be

Disgusted by bugs, raj.

Not anymore.

I have seen the light.

The bug light.

For instance, did you know that

Lice can taste with their feet

And that a c*ck will live



And that it's only the girl

Mosquito that bites.

No surprise there.

Look, captain maggot.

We don't care about bugs.

As a matter of fact, we go

Out of our way to crush bugs.

Yeah. Crush bugs.

Skip and chip,

You two are bugs.

We are not bugs.

Yeah, we are vermin.

Let's go, fellows, before

Spider boy lays eggs

Under our skin.

What a termite.

[Laughter]

Those poor unenlightened

Misfortunates.

We will just have to show them

The beauty and companionship

That bugs can bring

To their lives.

Right, ele?

[Trumpets]

[Snoring]

A little bug on every bed.

A little friend near every head.

[Giggling]

[Buzzing]

Ok, ele.

Another beautiful day to spread

The good news about bugs.

Oh, hello, everyone.

Are you enjoying the bug light?

Zip it, bug boy.

Mosquitoes have sucked up

All the hippo's blood.

The lemmings refuse to leave

The lake.

And I've darn near scratched

Off all of my fur, man.

You could have gotten

A puppy.

But no--you got pet bugs!

Don't worry, raj.

You don't need a puppy.

Clam and I totally support

Your bug pal.

Mm-hmm.

We don't care.

Just quit it with the

Insects, huh?

I don't understand.

What are you saying?

[All talking at once]

Stop befriending the bugs!

Come on, elebug.

We will spend the night

In the woods with a

Better class of company.

There goes our boy again.

Bye, boy. Again.

[Buzzing]

Mwah.

You'll be warm under my fez.

[Trumpets]

Good night, ele.

[Yawns]

[Rooster crows]

Ah, good morning, elebug.

Elebug?

Ele?

Ele? Elebug?

Where are you?

Wow. What was that?

It sounded like a kidney

Stone passing a kidney stone.

It's raj.

Lazlo! Clam!

Elebug is missing.

I put her under my fez last

Night and now she's gone!

She's not gone, raj.

She's turned into a cocoon

On top of your head.

I thought that was a pimple.

Right now as we speak,

Elebug is metamorphosing

Into something beautiful.

Lazlo, you are right.

I can feel her kicking.

What's going on here?

One of nature's miracles.

Oh, it's happening.

I--i can't see.

What does she look like?

Mother.

Do you see her?

Tell me, tell me,

Do you see her?

Do you see her?

[All whimpering]

Is she pretty?

[Trumpets]

Aah!

Ele?

[Screeching]

Aah!

Eleee!

It's ok you're not pretty.

Aah! Bug!

What? What bug?

Bean scouts aren't afraid

Of bugs.

[All talking at once]

Ah, pipe down,

You bunch of babies.

It's a bug.

It's a bug.

Ugh. Even the elephant boy

Is crying.

I don't see any bug out here.

I--

Aah!

You know what?

Come to think of it...

I think I'd rather have a puppy.

[Screeching]

[Blows horn]