03x07 - Patty-Poo/Swaptoberfest

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

- [grunting]

You think you're pretty
smart, don't you?

Yeah, smart and pretty.

Take this!

Ooh, no!

I don't want it.

You take it.

Hey, ha!

Oh, I never lose
a tic-tac-solo.

Me neither!

Oh, yeah?

- Patrick, you're gonna to have
to do something more exciting.

Our ratings are in the toilet.

- [blech]

- We're down to two
Lawnies and Slappy.

[both snoring]

- Oh, fine!

But what's more exciting
than a tic-tac-toe jam?

Ooh, my pencil!

Oh, gotta sharpen it again!

[grunting]

Whoa!

Need something sharp.

- Uh, we have
a pencil sharpener.

- This isn't something
meaningless like a test.

This is live TV.

[grunting]

Not sharp enough.

- Careful.

You could hurt yourself.

[loud thud]

- Mm, still not sharp enough!

[saw whirring]

- Ah!
I can't watch.

[tense music]

- [whimpers]

- Ahh!

- Now, it's perfectly sharp!

[dramatic music]

[together]
Ahh!

Relax.

I'm a sea star.

My limbs grow back.

[grunting]

[birds chirping]

See?

- [gasps]
Look!

Your old arm
is coming back to life!

[together]
Ahh!

- Oh, actually,
I kind of like this bit.

[suspenseful music]

- Hello.

[together]
Aw.

- [giggling]

Achoo!

Whoopsie-doodle.

- Oh, so cute.

- Wow!

Something this cute
came off of me?

Aw, I'm gonna name
you Patty-Poo.

Well, time to go back
where you came from.

- Hey!

Don't eat him!

The audience loves him.

[together]
Aw!

- Aw, I love him, too!

[munching]

- Hold on!
Grab the camera.

I've got an idea
to save the show.

- Hi!
I'm Patty-Poo.

And I'm alive because
my dad's arm fell off.

[giggles]
Whoopsie-doodle!

[together]
Aw.

- This is my dad.

- Ahh!
- [barks, pants]

- And this
is my dad's dad.

[toilet flushes]

This is my dad's mom.

- Coochie-coochie-coo!

- [laughing]

Whee-hee!

This is my dad's sister!

Achoo!

- [laughs]
Aw.

- I haven't met him yet,
but he looks fun.

This is my dad's room.

Ohh! Ohh!
Whoopsie-doodle.

[laughter]
And this is my show!

[cheers and applause]

Ah-ah-choo!

Whoopsie-doodle.

[together]
Aw.

- ♪ The itsy bitsy sea star-- ♪

Whoop!
Oh, oh.

Whoopsie-doodle.

[laughter]

[tires screeching]

- Aw, that little guy.

both: Augh!

- So cute!

- [gasps]
Is that Patty-Poo?

- From TV?

[loud expl*si*n]

- [yodeling]

Oh!

[together]
Whoopsie-doodle!

[laughter]

- That was so cute!

[yells]

- I am--

Regigilled, what's the opposite
of the word "offended"?

- Enchanted, milady.

- Oh, I've never
felt enchanted.

Oh!

- Very good, Madam.

- I must have one of my own.

Live, Slappy-Poo.

[grunts]

[cheers and applause]

- Wowee!

Our ratings are off the charts!

- Giving the show to Patty-Poo
was a great idea, sis.

- [moans]

both: Whoopsie-doodle.

[laughter]

both: Aww.

- [sighs]
Um, Dad?

Sometimes, I wonder
if there's more to life

than just whoopsie-doodles.

- Well, sure there is.

There's those cute little
sneezes of yours, too.

- Achoo!

- Time for bed.

Nighty-night.

[together]
We love you, Patty-Poo!

Mwah!

- Oh!
[together] Whoopsie-doodle.

[laughter]

Ahh!

all: Patty-Poo! Patty-Poo!
Patty-Poo!

- Patty-Poo!
Patty-Poo!

- Good morning, Patty-Poo.

Are you ready for another
day of being the cutest?

- Um, I guess so.

Whoa!
- Whoopsie-doodle!

Aw!

[laughs]
Now, hold still.

All done.

- One minute to showtime!

- You wait right here.

I'll go introduce you.

Mwah!

- OK.

Whoopsie-- doodle?

all: Patty-Poo!

Patty-Poo!

- Why can't you be
more like Patty-Poo?

You don't even have
a cute catchphrase.

- k*ll me.

- That's a good start.

- And now,
the teeniest, the tiniest,

the cutest little fella
you've ever seen, Patty-Poo!

[together]
Patty-Poo!

Patty-- Poo?

- It looks like Patty-Poo
had a bit of a growth spurt.

- Ya think?

- Aw, that just means
there's more of him to love!

Here's your top hat
and your pop lolly.

Perfect.

[stomping]

both: So cute.

- Whoopsie--

- --doodle.

[screams]

[coughs]

- Ah! Ugh!

- Uh, Whoopsie-doodle?

- I am disenchanted.

- I hope you're taking notes.

- [yodeling]

all: Ahh!

My eyes!

- My leg!
Oh, wait, no.

My eyes!

- ♪ The itsy-bitsy sea star-- ♪

Ohh!

[together]
Augh!

- Oh. Oh, no!

The Lawnies!

- [moaning]

- Whoopsie-doodle?

More like whoopsie-brutal.

[all grumbling]

- [sighs] Well, that was
a nice show we had once.

- Ah, we'll just have
to think of a cuter idea.

[ominous music]

[gasps]
Great idea, Patty-Poo!

Another growth spurt!

- Sweet Neptune!

Whatcha been feeding him?

- Lots of love--

and this super-grow plant
fertilizer juice box.

[giggles]

- Actually, Daddy, I think I've
gotten too big for the stage.

My whole life has felt like
one big whoopsie-doodle.

But maybe I can make
the world a better place.

I want to help people
for real, Daddy.

- Patty-Poo, you've grown
into such a big boy.

- You mean--

- Go change the world, my son!

- Oh, thank you, Daddy!

I will!

[together]
Whoa!

- Here I come, world!

- I'm really going
to miss that boy.

- I'm really going
to miss our studio.

- And that's how Patty-Poo
took his show on the road.

- ♪ Oh, the name is Patty
with a Poo at the end ♪

♪ He's a pretty big guy
and a bigger friend ♪

♪ If you're ever in trouble,
I'll tell you what to do ♪

♪ Just holler at the hills ♪

- Help me, Patty-Poo!

- ♪ Patty, Patty Poo ♪

♪ Patty Poo Poo Poo, ooh ♪

- ♪ Patty Poo Patty Poo ♪

- ♪ Patty Patty Poo

♪ Patty Poo Poo Poo ♪

- ♪ Patty Poo Poo Poo ♪

- ♪ Spends his time fixing
whoopsie-doodles ♪

♪ Worm up a tree
like a stuck wet noodle ♪

- This isn't my worm.
Ah!

- ♪ If something needs
doing, he'll get it done ♪

♪ And the kids just love him
'cause he's so much fun ♪

♪ Patty Patty Poo ♪

♪ Patty Poo Poo Poo, ooh ♪

- ♪ Patty Poo Patty Poo ♪

- ♪ Patty Patty Poo ♪

♪ Patty Poo Poo Poo ♪

- ♪ He watered our crops
so they're nice and big ♪

♪ Lending a hand
is his favorite gig ♪

♪ Thanks, Patty-Poo ♪

- ♪ He helped us all
and he'll help you, too ♪

♪ Patty Patty Poo
- Achoo!

- ♪ Patty Poo Poo Poo ♪

- Whoopsie-doodle!

- ♪ Patty Patty
Poo Poo Poo, ooh ♪

all: Patty-Poo!

Patty-Poo!

- People, he's gone!

It's "The Patrick Show."

I'm not cutting
off another limb.

all: We want Patty-Poo!

- Huh? Ahh!

[together]
Patty-Poo! Patty-Poo!

Patty-Poo!
- Ah!

[blades clanging]

[all babbling]

- [laughs]
Whoopsie-doodle!

[light upbeat music]

- [snoring]

[rooster crows]

Whoo-hoo!

Yes!

[laughs]

It's Swaptoberfest!

all: Swap! Swap!
Swap! Swap! Swap!

- Oh, I hate this
stupid holiday.

I don't want to be
any of you people.

- Too bad!

Swaptoberfest is an important
part of my Klopnodian heritage,

and it's all thanks to my
ancient ancestor, Finley!

- [laughing]

- Oy!

Finley steal
my shloimper-doink?

- Heh-heh-heh.
Yes, Finley did.

But I am not Finley.

Today, Scaley is Finley.

- Eh?
- And Finley is Scaley.

- You took my shloimper-doink!

- Oh!

[laughs]
Hello.

[grunting]

- And that's why,


we wind the ceremonial
Swaptoberfest bell

and swamp identities
when it rings.

[bell dings]

Let the festivities begin!

First, the removal
of our defining feature.

- [grunts]
Oh!

[laughs]

- [grunts]

- Huh.
Ooh.

- [grunts]
Ahh!

Yay.

- Now for the fun part--

the swapping!

[bell dings]

Here we go!

Hi, I'm Patrick Star,

and I live with my parents.

- I'm GrandPat!

- Ehh, I guess I'm
Squidina, and I, uh--

Sweet Neptune,
these glasses are strong!

[bell dings]

- And I'm--
Dad!

Thanks, honey.

- No problem, dear.

Let Swaptoberfest begin!

- Time for Grandpat's
favorite activity!

Hoo-hoo!
Napping!

- GrandPat Star.

- [whimpering]

- Forget napping!

I'm here to escort you
to your eternal slumber.

[thunder booming]

[fire roaring]

Today you are going
to the underworld.

And there's nothing
that you can do to stop--

what the?
- Whee!

- What?
Wait for me!

- [giggling]
This is fun!

- Fun?

You do know where
we're going, right?

- Splash fight!
- [grumbles]

- Splash fight!
Splash fight!

Got ya!

[laughs]
Huh?

- Oh, thank Neptune.

Now, I'll just turn
you in for the reward and--

- Ah!

- Access denied.

Wrong guy.

- Wrong guy?

But you're GrandPat,
aren't you?

- [laughs] Yeah, until the
Swaptoberfest bell rings.

- [growls]

- [sighs]
This mustache is so itchy,

but the lack of corrective
eyewear is so liberating!

So if I'm Dad now,
what would I do?

[sips]
Of course!

Mow the lawn!

[moans]

[loud clang]

[groans]

This feels like
the ride-on mower--

I think.

[engine turning over]

[tires squealing]

- What the--

- Time to take out the trash.

Oof!

- All right, it's time to
do Bunny's favorite thing.

[upbeat music]

[vacuum whirring]

- [growls, barks]

- That is one stubborn stain.

I'd better crank this
baby up a little.

Low, high-- oh, black hole!

Ahh!

Oh, no.
No, Tinkle!

Run!
Run!

It's not safe!
Whoa!

- [barks]

- Hmm, what would Patrick do?

Oh, he'd be messy.

But I hate being messy.

No.

Bunny hates being messy.

Today, I am Patrick,
so I guess I'll be messy.

[giggles]

[grunting]

[laughing]

[munching]

[laughing]

- Now it's time for
Squidina's favorite activity--

napping!

- Yoo-hoo, Squidina!

Ready to write
our history paper?

[ominous music]

Ahh! Squidina,
what's wrong with your face?

- What the hooey?

Dadgum alarm clock!

- Wait, you're not Squidina.

- And you're not
an alarm clock!

But today is all
about pretending.

- OK, but I still have
to work on my history project

about the Klopnodian w*r.

- I'll tell you about the w*r!

I remember it like
it was yesterday.

[lasers zapping]

[loud expl*si*n]

I-- I mean my GrandPat,
he was fearless,

good-looking GrandPat
the Magnificent.

He single-handedly defeated
the entire Klopnodian army

with nothing
but his bare fist--

[together]
Ahh!

- --and, uh, magic boots--

[together]
Ahh!

- --robot arm--

uh, monkey's paw--

- Hey!

- --and laser eyes--

--vampire fangs!

- Wait a second.

My textbook says the
Klopnodians won the w*r.

- They won on a technicality!

[bell dings]

Dagnabbit, it's
swapping time, ain't it?

[machine chiming]

[machine dinging]

- OK, now, where's GrandPat?

- Right here!

How can I help?

- Come with me.

- Well, okeydokey.

- I guess I'm Dad now.

[grunting]

Hmm.

[humming]

[grunts]
Vroom, vroom, vroom.

- Uh, huh?

I see you there, Cecil!

At least I think you're Cecil.

You owe me 67 cents.

- Sorry, Squidward.

I can't pay you right now.

I'm commuting.

Hey, get off the road!
[horn honks]

See?

- Your car's not even moving.

- Oh! Thanks!

Ooh!

- Ow.

- I know you're not
Squidina, but can

you still help me
with my history paper

on the Klopnodian w*r?

- Oh, sure.

But first,
how about a study break?

Pillow fight!
- [laughs]

Ah!

[bell dings]

[vacuum whirring]

- I should be able to find
some peace and quiet in here.

Yippee!

[bell dings]

[loud expl*si*n]

Swapping time again?

[machine chiming]

[machine dings]

[machine chiming, dings]

[machine chiming]

[machine dings]

[machine chiming, dings]

[doorbell rings]

Enough with the swapping bell!

- Actually, I think
that was the doorbell.

I'll get it!

- Well, hello, handsome.

- We don't want any!

[door slams]

- Oh, GrandPat,
you're such a kidder.

I'm here for our date, silly.

[purrs]

- Oh, uh, a date.

Well, uh-- well,
what you like to do?

- Oh, well, I mean, I'd like
a romantic candlelit dinner--

for once.

- One candlelit
dinner coming up!

Lights!

- Ooh!

- Bon appétit.

Well, enough about me.

How was your day?

- Oh, GrandPat, you never
asked me that before.

What's gotten into you?

- I just want to know.
- Really?

Oh!

Well, then, let me tell
you about my bunions.

[romantic music]

♪ ♪

Wow, this was the perfect date.

There's only one thing
that could make it better.

- Then let's do it--

whatever it is.

[organ music]

- And do you take
each other to be

your lawfully wedded bride
and groom and groom, et cetera?

[together]
Aye!

- Nay!

- Well, the ayes have it.

You're married.

- Now give us
a smooch, ya big lug!

- This is why
I hate Swaptoberfest.

- Well, I love it.

[giggles]

- Not so fast, GrandPat.

You're coming with me.

[clock chimes]

[thunder booming]

- OK, except today
I'm this fool!

That's Swaptoberfest, baby!

Whoo-hoo! Ha-ha!