02x12 - At Home, on the Lam/Pick Patrick's Path

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister.
She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

[bright music]

- One last chocolate
Schnorkle Schnobble

and the Klopnodian flag...

[chomps]
Ptoo!

And this Klopnodian w*r diorama
is officially done!

And I couldn't have done it
without you as reference.

- Looks great, honey.

And I love the water feature!

- Water feature?

- [groaning]

- [gasps] Oh, no, you don't!

This diorama is going to
the Klopnodian

Chocolate Fest tomorrow.

So don't you dare take
a single bite, or else...

look at me...

there will be consequences.

[thunder rumbles]

Understood?

- [gulps] Yes, Mom.

- That's my good boy!

Now it's off to bed with you.
- Whoa!

- Got to get up bright
and early for the festival!

♪ ♪

- [snoring]

[rooster crows, Patrick yawns]

[screams]

[humming melody]
Huh?

What the...?
It can't be.

Oh!
It's chocolate.

[door creaks]

- Patrick.

You haven't seen
my w*r diorama, have you?

- No.
Why do you ask?

- [slurps]
Just as I suspected...

Klopnodian chocolate.

- But I didn't eat
your "doily-rama"!

I swear!
Or at least I don't remember.

- Oh, Patrick, you lied to me.

And now it's time
for the consequences!

Oh, Patrick.
You can run.

[tense music]

But you can't hide.

[whistles]

All right, Tinkle.
Catch Patrick's scent.

- [sniffs] [coughs, flushes]

- You'd think Tinkle
would be used to that smell.

- [panting]
Gotta hide! Gotta hide!

Gotta hide!
Oof!

Gotta hide!
Gotta hide!

- I'll give you scale plus five,

and that's my final offer.
Huh?

Jeez, can't ya knock?

- No time!
"Momsequences"!

Please!
You gotta hide me!

Or this might be
the last episode

of "The Patrick Show."

[knocking]

- ♪ Oh, Squidina ♪

[elegant music]

- Yes, Mother?

- I've been looking
for your brother.

Have you seen him?

- No.
[chuckles]

Don't think so.

- Then you wouldn't mind

if I took a look around,
would you?

- [gulps] Be my guest.

[chuckles]

- Aha!
Huh?

[bed rattles]
Aha!

Gotcha now!
Huh?

- [hisses]

- Dust bunny?

Yeah, you better run!

I guess this means Patrick
isn't here after all.

- Phew!

Yep, just me
and the dust bunnies.

- Glug, glug, glug, glug.

- [grunts]

[gulps, chomps]

[slurps]
Aha!

A mother would know
her son's drool anywhere.

- Ah!
- [grunts]

- And I'll be back
for that dust bunny!

- [humming melody]
- Dad!

Oh, hi, son!

I thought the room
could use more light,

so I painted a window.

Now to wait for the sun to rise.

- [grunts] Oh!

Mom's hunting me down
because she thinks

I ate her "dumpy llama"!

You gotta hide me!
- [sighs]

Son, I... I didn't want you
to find out like this,

but your ol' man
is no stranger to hiding.

I've done some things
I'm not proud of.

I assumed a sweet,
innocent man's identity.

My real name isn't even Cecil.

- No time for stories!
You gotta hide me!

- Sure, son!

There you go.
It's a tunnel to freedom!

- Bye, Dad!
Love you!

- Now to buy him
some extra time.

- Patrick?
Aha!

There you are.

- [as Patrick] Uh, hi, Mom.

[normal voice]
Uh-oh.

[yelps]
- I am so disappointed in you.

I ought to tell your father.

- No, please!
Don't tell GrandPat!

- What do you mean?

[gasps]
You're not Patrick!

- No, but I am Cecil
and always have been.

[tense music]

- [grumbles]

Now it's time to show Patrick
some consequences!

[dramatic music]

- [screaming]

[grunting, screaming]

[squelching, slithering]

[grunts, knocks]

Help!
- Is that you, kid?

- She's after me!

- Don't worry, kid.
Get in the bag.

I'll smuggle you out
to Paris, to freedom!

- OK!
Thanks!

[tires squealing]
Whoa!

- All aboard!

[horn blows, seagulls call]

- [grunting]

- Rogue wave!

Brace for impact!
Yah!

Oh, no, it's a storm!
Oh, no, it's lightning!

[cymbals crash]
Oh, no, it's cymbals!

- GrandPat,
have you seen Patrick?

- 'Bout time you showed up.

I got your chocolate chomper
right here.

Case closed.

[together]
Huh?

- Where'd he go?

- [laughs]

Merci bamboo.
Ah!

[chomping]

Hmm?
[screams]

♪ ♪

[both growl]

♪ ♪

[screaming]

[moans]
Huh?

[eerie music]

What?
Oh.

♪ ♪

- Oh, hello, stranger.

- Whoa.

Where am I?

What is this paradise?

- Well, every house has a secret

chocolate room
if you look hard enough.

- My mom is after me because
I ate her "dorky grandma,"

which I didn't do but I totally
might have done because

it sounds like something I'd do.

So I need your help, or she's
gonna "consequences" me.

- Don't worry.
We'll do anything you need.

[ding]
- Anything?

- Anything.

- What a sweet, innocent man
you are.

- What are you gonna do
with that cocoa criminal

when you find him?

- Give him his just deserts.

Let's go.
[grunts]

- [screams]

[groans]

[vacuum clicks, whirs]

[suspenseful martial music]

♪ ♪

- [sniffs, slurps]

He's close.

All right!
Show yourself, Patrick!

Huh?
- Holy cannoli.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

- [chews, gulps]

- Aha!
Caught you chocolate-handed!

- But I didn't eat
any more chocolate.

I remade your "doily mama."

♪ ♪

- You hand-carved
all this chocolate yourself?

- Yes, with my mouth.

It all started five minutes ago.

- [shrieks] [laughs]

Just kidding.

I told you
I'd do anything to help.

- [chomping, chewing]

- I bet you're wondering
how my family and I got here.

See, my name is Cecil, and...

- [chomps]

No time for backstory.

So I worked and worked and
built it all from scratch.

[triumphant music]

- Well, that doesn't make up
for it!

That little thief
still needs to pay the price

for eating the original!

- [chomps]
- Hey.

Hey! What...
what are you doing?

- [sniffs] [barks]

- Tinkle, what's wrong?

- Yeow!

- [panting]

- That's the chocolate
from the original diorama!

- [laughs nervously]
Where'd that come from?

- From your beard!

[together]
GrandPat?

- It was you all along!

- That's right!

I ate it!
I ate it all!

And I would've gotten away
with it too

if it weren't for you
meddling whippersnappers!

I waited until
the coast was clear,

then used my old army training
to approach the target.

I fought against those
creepy Klopnodian cowards

in the w*r.
Also, I was hungry.

[chocolate soldiers screaming]

- [chomps, gulps]

[chews, gulps]

Sweet revenge.

Then it was
a simple matter of covering

my tracks by pinning the blame
on the most obvious suspect.

- Time for a lesson
you'll never forget.

[dramatic music]

I hope you enjoy
your just desserts.

- Just desserts.

[moans]

[gulps]

[moans]

[bright music]

- Introducing the Choose-o-rama!

- On today's episode
of "The Patrick Show,"

you get to vote
on what happens next.

So whenever you see
this special icon,

just hit the button
on your Choose-o-rama remote.

The choice is yours!

- Grandson, is that you?

- [mutters]
- It's good to hear your voice.

- Nurse!

[upbeat music]

- So our first vote is,

"Does Patrick eat broccoli
or cookies?"

[gasps]
Ew.

Please, please, please,
vote for the cookies.

Please, please, please, please.

- Oh, which button do I press
for a sleepover with Patrick?

Hmmm.

- Sorry, but you can only vote
for the options on the screen.

Let's see those results.

And cookies win!

- [gasps]

[vacuum whirs]

[squelches, gulps]

♪ ♪

Hmm.
[sniffs]

[plate shatters]

I could get used
to this voting stuff.

[burps]

- Well, that's great
'cause there's plenty more

where that came from.

So for our next vote,
you get to decide.

Does Patrick sing
a cute little song?

Or does he walk
on a bed of hot coals?

- [gasps]

Vote now!
Decide Patrick's fate!

Looks like it's gonna be...

hot coals by a landslide!

Well, there you have it, folks.

- Are you guys sure
this is what you want?

- Of course they're sure,
Patrick!

Democracy never fails!

- [mutters] What are we doing?

- My bed's not reclining.

- I voted for the hot coals.
[laughs]

- Um, OK.

[coals sizzle]

Hey, this isn't half bad.

Plus, it kind of feels nice
on my toes.

[flames whoosh]

[together]
Oh.

[flesh sizzles, cracks]
- Ow.

- [mutters, growls ravenously]

[rattles like a snake]

- Well, wasn't that fun?

- I think I need
to go to the hospital.

- Why don't we vote on it?

- [grunts fiercely, groans]

Um, the next vote is,

"Should Patrick
go to the hospital

or wrestle a sea bear?"

- Hit those buttons, folks,

and vote, vote, vote!

It was close, but hospital wins!

We're here live at the hospital.

Stay tuned to find out
what happens next!

- I'm just glad I don't have
to wrestle a sea bear.

[screams]

- You're, uh, Patrick Star, yes?

- [nervously] Uh, uh-huh.

- Looks like you're in today
for some pretty serious burns.

- Well, not to worry.

I'll just be prescribing you
a daily antibiotic ointment

and one dose of
a vicious, brutal, relentless

sea bear attack.
[roars ferociously]

- [screams]

- [roaring]
- [screaming]

[crashing]

- Aah!

I think the ointment's working!

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[whimpers]
OK, folks.

Do I take the stairs
or the elevator?

It's up to you!

Try to hurry up
'cause that sea bear

is gettin' pretty close.

[teeth chattering]

[bell chimes]
[audience gasps]

Phew!
Stairs it is.

- Wait!

We're still waiting
on the mail-in ballots.

So let's just give it
a few more minutes.

- Sure, no problem.

- [growling, snorts]

- Hey.

[screaming, crashing]

- Telegram.
- Perfect timing!

I just finished a chapter.

[hums softly]
Drum roll please!

- [roaring]
- [screaming]

- [drumming]

- And the winner is elevator!

Take it away, Patrick!

- C'mon, guys.

Vote to send me home,
or vote for the show

to be over!
- Sorry, Patrick.

But say it with me, folks!

[together]
That's not how voting works!

[elevator dings]
- Uh, hey, Doc.

Isn't there supposed
to be an ele...

[screaming]

♪ ♪

Uh-oh!

I can't see
what I'm going to land on

at the bottom
of this elevator shaft!

- That's 'cause the voters
haven't decided yet.

[easy listening music]

- Uh-huh.

The options are

metal spikes

or a whole lot
of delicious lollipops.

Please, vote for the lollipops!

- I like lollipops.
- Hmm.

[remotes buzz]

[bright music]

- Yes!

Bring on
the delicious lollipo...

- I don't like
lollipops no more.

- [groans]

[quirky music]

Oh!

Ooh!

♪ ♪

♪ Lolly, lolly, leedle, lee ♪

♪ Lolly, lolly, lee... ♪

- Hey!
- Hi, monster.

[slurps]

- You're gonna share those
extra poplollies, ain't ya?

- Uh, I, uh, um...

- Or do my associates have to
break every bone in your body?

- Uh...

[hatch squeaks]

- Time for another vote!

- Press red,

and I'll get pulverized
by monsters.

Press green,

and I'll share
my delicious lollipops!

Vote for fighting so I can have

the lollipops all to myself.

- But if we vote for fighting,
they'll k*ll Patrick,

and then the show's over!

Well, I'm voting
for "pollylops."

[remotes buzz]

[bright music]

♪ ♪

- [groans] Oh, all right.

[together]
Yay!

- [giggles]

- Now I regret
not having Patrick k*lled.

- Well, I guess
I'll see you guys later.

- Wait a minute!

You ain't goin' nowhere!

[snarling]
- W... why not?

- 'Cause you're gonna be our
new leader, Mr. Lollypop man!

Ain't that right, fellas?

[together]
Oh, yeah!

- Now, come on!

Let's leave
this subterranean prison

and experience our
new leader's world above!

♪ ♪

[all screaming]

- [laughing]

[all laughing]

- [giggles]

We're gonna turn
this city upside-down!

- Wait.
What do you mean?

[dramatic music]

- It's voting time!

[slide whistle warbles]

- OK.

How should the city
be turned upside-down?

Press red, and me
and my monster buddies

will destroy everything.

Press green,
and I will run for mayor.

[bright music]

Ow!
That really hurt!

And I'm running for mayor.

Ma'am!
Ma'am!

Can I kiss your baby?

- Absolutely not!

- I'm running for mayor!
- Oh!

In that case, go right ahead.

- Mwah!
- [giggles]

[dramatic music]

- Hey, what's the...
[screams]

[passengers scream]

- [grunting, smooching]

Bleh-ha!
- [giggles]

- Mwah.

[smooching]

So when you step into
that voting booth tomorrow,

vote Patrick Star!

[cheers and applause]

Now, who's got
a baby I can kiss?

- I do!
- [gasps]

[together]
Hey! That's our baby!

[together]
Yay!

- [smooches]

[laughs]

[babies crying,
cameras clicking]

- Well, it's official.

Patrick Star has just
been elected mayor.

- [sighs deeply]

[phone rings]
Hello?

- [slurps] Congrats on
the election, Mr. Mayor!

- Hey, thanks, Squidina.

Are we done with all
this voting stuff now?

- Mmmm, not exactly.

Go ahead and open
your bottom desk drawer.

- All righty.

[timer beeping]

[screams]
A time b*mb?

Why?

- Eh, our ratings
dipped a little

during the
"running for mayor" bit.

Anyway, all you got to do
is cut the right wire.

- OK.
Uh, which one?

- [slurps, sighs]
We'll let the audience decide!

- What?
Uh, oh.

OK, press red if you want me
to cut the green wire,

and press green if you
want me to cut the red one.

[timer beeps]

- [straining]
- [groaning softly]

- [whimpers nervously]

- [laughing]

[timer beeps]

- Hurry up and vote!

[rapid dinging,
electricity crackling]

Sleepover with Slappy?

How is that even possible?

[timer ringing]

Uh-oh.

[expl*si*n]

Worst episode ever!

[body thuds]

- [giggles excitedly]

Don't you just love democracy?

[laughs]