02x09 - Best Served Cold/Tattoo Hullabaloo

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

♪ ♪

This is my show!

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

- [whimpering]

- [imitates revving engine]

[panting]

- [whimpers]

[tires screech]

kids: Ice cream!
Ice cream!

[squealing]

[grunting]

- [imitates revving engine]

- Ah!

[grunts]

[chuckles]
I think I lost him!

- [imitates revving engine]

Pull over, peanut boy!

- [chomps, spits]

- Ah!

[expl*si*n]

- Leaping lampreys!

- Stop!
The bridge is up!

- [imitates revving engine]

- It's my only way out!

[tires screeching]

Ah!

[birds cawing]

[horn honking]

[dramatic music]

[panting]
Huh?

- [breathing heavily]

One ice cream, please!

- Oh, fine.

What flavor do you want?

- Whoo-hoo!

Um, I'll take, uh...

- It's not that difficult.
There are only two choices.

- Chocolate.

No, no, no, no.

Vanilla.

No, chocolate.

Oh, vanilla!

[giggles]

Chocolate.

Vanilla.

No, chocolate.

No, no, no, vanilla.

No, chocolate.

Oh!

Melted ice cream?

- We don't sell
melted ice cream.

- Then it's free
melted ice cream?

Wow!

[slurping]

- [groans]

[ominous music]

Ugh!

[grumbling]

That's the third truck this year

that pink pinhead has destroyed.

- Oh, how I hate that
paper-pilfering Cecil Star.

- [gulping]

Stinking Squidina Star and
her wildly successful TV show.

- Ooh, that Bunny!

- Curse that GrandPat Star,
eluding me for centuries.

I'll get him one of these days.

- Hmm.
[bell dings]

Hey.
All: Huh?

- You all hate the Star family?

All: Uh-huh.
- Well, so do I.

I say we team up
and finally get revenge

on them, once and for all.

- Yeah!

- Yeah, that's a good idea!

- You know, the Chum Bucket
is a great place

to hatch a revenge scheme.

It's also a great place to buy
chum, which none of you did!

You bums get out of here!

And leave those free waters!

[engine rumbling]

[suspenseful music]

- There it is,
the Star family house.

- The bane of our existence.

- The source of all
our pain and suffering.

- Who wants to go first?

- I'll go.

Cecil can't resist his
morning newspaper thievery.

[sly music]

Well, today,
he'll really make the news.

[laughs]

[grunts]

Knock, knock.

- [sniffs]

Ah.

I love the smell of
newsprint in the morning.

Huh?

[grunting]

- [chuckles]

Huh?

- [grunting]

- No, no, no, no, no.

Not like that.

Like this.

[screams]

[grunting]

[groans]

[buzzer]

Ow!

[whimsical music]

[weakly] Who's next?

- Well, I've got the perfect
way to stick it to Squidina...

a bad review of the show

that will devastate her
emotionally.

"The Patrick Star Show
is an as*ault

"on every viewer's taste.

"Shoddy production value,
awful comedy,

"inane and pandering,

"it's an insult to the
medium of television.

"Worst show.

"0 out of 10 stars.

Whoever runs this show
should be ashamed."

[panting]

[grunts]

- Huh?
What's this?

Aw, some kid scribbled
a widdle fan letter.

So cute.

We'll put it on

"The Patrick Show" Wall of Fans.

[window squeaks]

[thumps]

- Uppies.

- Gladys,
what's your revenge plan?

- So, um, you guys are
going to laugh about this,

but I thought
this was a book club

about the new
Easter Bunny exposé.

Like I said,
I just hate that bunny.

I wanted to tell you sooner,
but I was enjoying

all your fun activities.
[chuckles]

I'll just, uh,
show myself out and, uh,

never tell anyone about this.

- [buzzing]

- Ew, a sea fly.

- [buzzing]

- Was that a villain
origin story I hear?

- [buzzing]

[dramatic music]

- So you want to get revenge
on Bunny because

she's always swatting flies.

- [buzzing]

- What's your plan?

- [buzzing]

- Dastardly.

- [buzzing]

- Sweet Neptune!

- [buzzing]

- Gruesome.

- [buzzing]

- Lot of hate for a little guy.

- [buzzing]

[thudding]

- Oh, such a shame that
all this raw meat went bad.

Maybe I shouldn't
keep it in the closet.

Oh, well, at least it'll
make good garden compost.

[meat squelches]

- [buzzing]

[rumbling]

Hmm?

[sniffs]

Mm!

[romantic music]

[dinging]

[buzzing]

♪ ♪

Ah...

[music stops]

- Foinsap!

[giggles]

- Ha!

Amateur hour.

The time to reap my revenge
is at hand.

Behold!

[snaps, whooshes]

- [snoring]

- [crackle, whooshes]

GrandPat Star, you are mine!

[evil laughter]

- [snores, groans]

[dramatic music]

[sputtering]

- [laughs]

In your face, GrandPat!

Literally!

- Why, you little!

- I got my revenge... ah!

[bones clatter]

[laughter]

Yeah, yeah.
Go ahead.

Laugh in the face of death.

[laughter]

- [groans]

How are you all
this bad at revenge?

- Hey!

- I'd like to remind you
that my revenge was good.

- My revenge will
be served cold.

Ice cold.

[evil laughter]

- [laughing]

[ice cream truck music playing]
Ice cream?

Ice cream!
Ice cream! Ice cream!

[engine rumbling]
Ice cream?

[tense music]

- Oh, you'll scream, all right.

[tires screeching]

- Ah!
Ice cream!

Ice cream!

- What's wrong, Patrick?

I thought you wanted ice cream.

[chuckles]
- [crying]

I do, but not like this!

[panting, grunting]

[groaning, panting]

Are you running from
the ice cream man too?

Don't worry.

I'll save you.

[tires screeching]

- [evil laughter]

- [whimpering]

- Whoa!
[all grunting]

- [evil laughter]

[tires screeching]

[banging]

- Ah!

[grunting, yelling]
Oof!

[flames whooshing]

[all groaning]

- [evil laughter]

I've got you now, Patrick Star.

Out of the way.

This ends now!

- Huh?
- Hmm?

- Where is he?

- Up here.

And I'm hungry.

[laughs]

- [screams]

- [grunting]

- Come back!

[all yelling and grunting]

- Huh?

They don't have a drive-on pass.

Security!

- [grunts]

[tires screeching]

Come on, come on.

Something's holding us back.

- Huh?

[all yelling]

[glass shatters]

- Come back, Mr. Ice Cream Man!

- Ha ha, see you later!

Well, I guess my plan fell flat.

[all grunting]

- So tragic.

I never got my ice cream.

Oh, new flavor!

Ooh.

[chomps]

- Maybe next time, we should
get revenge on them

as a group instead
of one by one.

- Maybe next time
you should buy some chum!

[upbeat rock music]

- Cowabunga!
Whoo!

Ah! Oh!

- [growling]

- Shoo, you lousy loo!

[screams]

- [laughing]

Hey, Squidina!

Oh, sorry, sir.

Have you seen my sister?

[electronic feedback, beeping]

- Ooh, found something.

[grunts]

Uh-oh.

[bell dongs]

- Having fun, dear?

- Yes, honey.

- Good.

[sighs]

[grunting]

- Hmm.

Go fish.

- Oh, Leilani!

My love for you burns
like 1,000 suns.

- Actually,
that might just be the sun.

- Yep, it's a scorcher.

- Cold drinks.

- Ooh.

- Get your hot dogs,
cold drinks, fresh tattoos.

- Oh. Yoo-hoo!

I'll take one of each.

Both: [panting]

Huh?

[buzzing]

Oh!

Ah.

[smoooching]

[gentle music]

- [snoring]

[tires screeching]

[snoring]

- Ooh.

Crowded bus today, eh?

[yawns]

- Um.

- [snoring]

[all snoring]

- Today was really nice.

- Yeah.

I wish I could give you
something to remember it by.

[gasps]

- [snoring]

- Wait here.

I'll be back in a jiffy.

[panting]

[grunting]

- Ah!
Here's our stop!

[bell dings]

[tires screech]

- [grunts, groans]

[chatter, laughter]

- [panting]

Wait for me!

[grunts]

Whoa!

[tires screech]

Leilani!

No!

- Oh, it is good to be home.

- Just in time for our
favorite dating show.

- "Misery Date."
- Meep.

- Hmm.

Wah!

Hmm.

- Oh, young love.

- [sobbing]

- Oh, don't cry, dear.

Old love is good, too.

- Wasn't me.

- Who inked the couch?

Squidina.

- Mom!

Come on.

That hasn't happened in years.

Ugh!

- [gasps] Honey, look!

- [sobbing] Oh, no!

- Oh, dear.

What's wrong, Leilani?

- [sobs] It's Skip, my sailor.

I can't find him anywhere,
and I've checked

all your nooks and crannies.

- Oh.

Um, all of them?

- Every last one.

- [gasps]

- [sobbing] He's gone!

[weeping]

- No!

[sobbing]

[yelling, glass shattering]

- [whimpering]

Where am I?

[grunts]

[gasps]

That's perfect!

I can write Leilani a message
so she knows I'm OK.

I just need something
to write with.

Oh, that'll do.

[grunts]

- Ow!

Hey, what's the big idea?

- Why don't you tell me?

- "Please send help.

Love, your sailor, Skip."

There.
But how can I send it?

- [grunts]
- Message in a bottle.

Perfect!

- [growls, grunts]

[thumping, glass shattering]

- [sputters]

[grunts]

- [groans]

Huh?
[grunts]

- [grumbles]

- [growls]

- Roadhouse rumble!
[grunts]

[thumping, yelling]

- Rumble!
Rumble!

- After you, old chum.

- Please, after you, old buddy.

- [grunts]

- Do you mind?

- Why, not at all.
Be my guest.

[both laughing]

[thumping]

- Oh, it's getting
dicey in here.

I've got to get this
message out quick.

[grunts]

- [groaning]

- [chuckles]

[loud thud]

[groaning]

- [grunts]

Oh!

Hey, uh, sorry.
Uh...

- You will be!

- [grunts]

Are you OK?

- [groaning]

Listen, do not go in there.

They play too rough.

Ah!

- Eh.

How rough can it be?

- Hey, how many times
I gotta tell ya, no bills!

- [yells]

- Whew!

The message is on its way,
and I'll be saved in no time.

- [evil laughter]

I wouldn't count on it.

Get him, boys!

- [screams]

[soothing music]

- Hey, Jim.

I'm having a rough day today.

Anything good in the mail?

- You're in luck!

Nothing but bills.

- [gasps]

Is that a new tattoo?

- Huh?
That's weird.

Where'd this come from?

- Hmm.
[gasps]

There's a message
in that bottle,

and it's addressed to Leilani.

- Huh?

Ah!

They play too rough!

- I always wanted a face tattoo.

- [grunting]

"To my beloved Leilani...

help!

I'm trapped on a biker
at the Salty Spitoon."

[gasps]
He's alive!

- It's time to SOS...

save our sailor!

- [snarling, panting]

[frantic music]

- [yelps]

[laughs]

[yells]

Whoa!

[grunts]

- [snarling]

- Uh-oh.

Here, boy.
[whistles]

[grunting]

Yah! Whoa!

[yelling, thumping]

- Hey!

If youse want to keep fighting,
you're going to have to get rid

of that sailor tattoo.

- All right.

I'll get him removed.

- Sorry about that, guys.

Resume the ruckus!

[yelling, thumping]

- [crying]

- [panting]

- [yells]

- Oh!

Oh, look, Cecil.

It's a real roadhouse rumble,
just like our honeymoon.

I haven't been to one
of these in years.

- [grunting]

- [screams]

- Excuse me, do you have
a sailor tattoo?

- No.

[groans]

- Any of you have
a sailor tattoo?

- No.

[thuds]

[grunting, thumping]

- Does anyone have
a sailor tattoo?

- Oh, you're talking
about Tattoo Terry.

Yeah, he just left.

Getting his tattoos removed.

I guess now he'll just be Terry.

- [gasps] Oh, no!

- We gotta get over there
before your sailor

is gone for good.

- You two ain't going
anywhere till you

help me clean up this mess.

- [grunts]

Well, I helped.

[thumping, grunting]

[sign buzzing]

[rowdy laughter]

- Yup, those are some
pretty gnarly tats,

but I can zap them.

- Maybe start with the sailor.

Things were fine
until he showed up.

- Just sit still.

The machine will take care
of the rest.

- [whimpers]

- [laughs]

- [whimpering]

Hey!

[laser zaps]

[grunts]

Over here!
Zap me!

[whistles]
[zaps]

[energetic music]

[yelling, grunting]

[zaps]

[screaming]

[zaps]

- [mumbling]

- Here, laser, laser!

[zaps]

[grunts]

[bass-heavy dance music]

Ah, yeah.
[zaps]

Whoo-hoo!
[zaps]

Yeah!

- Oh!

[zapping]

[zaps]

- Whoa!
[groans]

[gasping]

[laser whirs]
[whimpering]

- Skip!

- Honey, I got this.

It's time to SOS!

[zaps]
- [screams]

- [screaming]

- Ooh.

I've been meaning to
get that mole removed.

[squelching]

- Huh! I've been meaning to
have you removed for years.

- Hey, what are you all...

- Shh!
We are having a reunion.

Go to him.

- Speak to me!

Oh, Skip, why would you
leave me like that?

- Well, I wanted
to get you these!

- Oh, they're lovely.

It's beautiful.

- I hope you can still love me,

even though I'm only
half the man I used to be.

- [giggles]
I think we can remedy that.

- Hot dogs, snacks, tattoos.

- Well, I think that
worked out, wouldn't you say?

- And how.

[giggles]

- From now on, just call me
Skip the Scooter.

[engine rumbling]

[laughs]