02x41 - You Can't Train a Pig/Copy Quack

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Ah, the peaceful tranquility
of train travel.

That gentle [STAMMERS]
clickety-clack of a track

- just lulls me right to...
-[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

- Huh?
- MAN: Hey, watch it!

WOMAN: Sorry! Pardon me.

Sorry.

- Oh, hi. I'm Petunia.
- I'm Porky.

Do you mind if I store some
of my bags here next to you?

Sure, go right ahead.

I love traveling by train.
Don't you?

It's so much better
than going by car.

Although, I do miss
having a rear-view mirror
to help me do my makeup.

But I probably
shouldn't put in on
while I'm at the red light.

-[LAUGHS] Am I right?
-[STAMMERS] Well, I...

And it's nice to not have
to deal with those super gross
highway rest stops.

- You know what
I'm talking about?
- Yeah, I guess.

Of course you do.
I mean, who wants to buy
a 90-ounce diet soda,

four bandanas,
and a two-disk set

of the greatest hits
of the Doobie Brothers?

Nobody!

All right, I did.
Once. But have you
heard China Grove?

It's transcendent.

Blech! My lips,
they're totally chapped.

I'm flaking
like a snowman here.

[GASPS] I need
my orange-cinnamon lip gloss.

- I always pack it
in the same place.
-[GRUNTING]

I know exactly where it is.

Why isn't it
usually where it is?

-[GRUNTING]
- Oh, wait, I think
it's in my trunk.

-[GRUNTS]
- No! No, no, no!

- It has to be in one of these.
I need it!
-[GRUNTING]

- Hey, what's going on?
- Can you hold this?

-[GRUNTS]
- Thank you.

[SHOUTS] Now, where is
that lip gloss?

Maybe you left it at home?

You're not helping!

- Stop the train!
-[STAMMERS] No!

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

-[SCREAMS]
-[CRASHES]

Great idea, Porky!

- Spread the bags
out on the floor.
-[SPITS]

You keep looking in there
and I'll cover the rest.

Mr. Pig, you can't have all
your bags all over the place!

They're supposed to be
checked-in stuff.

These aren't
my [STAMMERS] bags.

I don't want to hear it!
Either you clean up
these bags,

or I throw you and your bags
in the luggage caboose.

Capisce?

[STAMMERING] Uh...

I understand.

-[CHUCKLES] I found it!
-[GRUNTS]

It was in my pocket
the whole time.

-[LAUGHS]
-[GRUNTS]

Petunia, we got to
clean up these bags
or we're gonna get in trouble.

[SMACKS LIPS] Ooh.
You're afraid
of getting in trouble?

That's so adorable.
I'm always getting in trouble.

One time, I had a library book
that was five years overdue.

What happened?

I replaced it
with one of my diaries.

Whoever checks out that book
next time will not be bored.

- Let's get some food.
Your treat!
-[STAMMERS] My treat?

[PIANO PLAYING]

It's been a long time
since I've been in
a swanky place like this.

I'm totally broke.

I'm in seven weddings
this month

and maxed out my credit cards
on bridesmaid's dresses.

And they're all so ugly! Woof!

And so are the dresses.

Holy moly!
This fettucine alfredo
is amazing!

This is the best pasta
I've ever had!

I need to share
this dish with the world.

Attention everyone!

Send back
whatever you're eating

and get the fettucine alfredo!

It is to die for!

Oh, that fettucine
really made me sweat.

- I gotta go powder my nose.
-[CLATTERS]

[SIGHS] I just wanted
a nice, quiet train trip.

[GASPS]

I gotta complaint that
there was a pig in here

screaming at everyone
to send their food back!

It wasn't me.
It was [STAMMERS] Pet...

Oh, no! You going straight
to the baggage caboose
where you belong!

PORKY: [STAMMERS] Petunia?

-[SHOUTS] Petunia?
- Pigs gonna fly!

[EXCLAIMS]

[CREAKS]

[SHOUTS]

Ah!

Whoa!

Porky, look!
I made you a little swan
out of toilet paper.

Porky? Porky?

Porky? Porky?

Porky!

Porky!

Porky!

Porky! There you are!

[GROGGILY] Uh, hi.

Oh, I've been looking
all over for you.

- Whoops!
-[CLANKS]

Ooh! I wonder
what's in this trunk.

Hey! That doesn't
belong to you.

- Ugh!
- You can't just...

[GASPS]

[STAMMERS] The train!

Check out my hula-hoopin'.

- You try it!
-[STRUGGLES]

-[STRAINING]
- Porky!

- Get back in here
and pay attention to me.
-[STRAINS]

[CREAKS]

[PORKY SCREAMING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

- PETUNIA: Woo-hoo!
-[PORKY SCREAMS]

-[GRUNTS]
- Come on, Porky.
Live a little.

You know what?
I'm sick and tired
of your baggage.

[STAMMERS] Literally
and figuratively.

Ah-ha! [STAMMERS] That's it.

The baggage!

[STAMMERS] Petunia,
follow my lead. Get over here.

Now, over here.

Now, to the back. To the left.

Now, the right.

PETUNIA: Woo-hoo!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

- Oh! [CHUCKLES]
- Oh! Um...

[CHUCKLES]

We made it back safe
on the track.

I can finally see the light
at the end of the tunnel.

Porky! That light!
It's the train!

-[TRAIN HORN BLOWING]
-[SCREAMS]

[BOTH EXCLAIMING]

Listen, Petunia. I like you.

You can be very charming
and you're very pretty.

[STAMMERING] But at times,
you can be really...

[STAMMERS]
You can be really...
A real train wreck!

So...

You like me, huh?

Yes! What?

-[STAMMERING] Oh, no...
- Mwah!

Bye, cutie.

I know we seem
like an unlikely couple,

but I guess the hog wants
[STAMMERS] what the hog wants.

[STAMMERS]
This is pilot, Porky Pig.

I've lost all power in
the rear engines.

[STAMMERING] I'm going...

I gotta make
an emergency landing.

Ah!

- ELLIOT: Pig!
-[EXCLAIMS]

What are you doing?

Oh! Nothing, sir.

Just finishing up
this work order. [CHUCKLES]

Print, print, print.
[CHUCKLING] Copy, copy, copy.

That's what you do
in a copy store.

Uh-huh.

Listen, there's a duck
in the break room.

And he's eating
everybody's lunch.

My Greek yoghurt
and macadamia nuts are MIA.

And I need you to get him
out of there right now!

[STAMMERING] Right away,
Mister...

I'm on it, sir. [EXCLAIMS]

Let's see what else
we got here.

Mmm. A turkey club.

Sure, I'll join. [GULPS]

Pudding cup?

I'll be putting you
in my mouth.

[GULPS]

Some people say,
"Why quinoa?"

And I say, "Quinoa not?"

[GOBBLING]

Mr. Duck, customers
aren't allowed back here.

I can't have you in
the break room,

[STAMMERING]

chowing down my food.

Your food?

I don't see your name on it.

PORKY: It says "Porky"
right there on the bag.

Well, in some languages,

Porky translates to,
"Free food. Please eat."

Don't mind if I do!

[GULPS]

That's it!
You need to leave now!

And you need to chill out!

-[STRAINS]
-[BEEPS]

[BEEPING]

[AIR WHOOSHES]

[SHIVERING]

Look! A porksicle!

Down the hatch!

[GRUNTS]

[STAMMERS] It's time
for you to get out of here!

But I'm a customer.
And the customer is
always right.

[STAMMERS] Not on my watch,
Mr. Duck.

[GRUNTS]

[GIGGLING]

Well, that takes care of that.

[DAFFY LAUGHING]

I thought I told you
to get out of here!

- I gotta make some copies.
-[BEEPS]

[GRUNTING]

Of your face!

[LAUGHING]

[PORKY STRAINING]

Extra! Extra!
Read all about it!

Pig gets face stuck in copier
and can't get out!

[STRUGGLES]

Hey! Give me those!

You asked for it.

Forget getting
beaten to a pulp.

He got beaten by the pulp.

Woo-hoo!

[MUTTERING]

Time for some arts and crafts.

Hey, Santa.

I want a bicycle,
a skateboard, and world peace.

I'm [STAMMERS]
not gonna give you anything.

Well, then I'll give
you something.
How about some holiday punch?

Oof!

[PORKY SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS]

Happy holidays!

[GROANS]

Hey! Look out!

[GRUNTS]

Halt! Who dares attack
the fortress of copy paper?

Me, [STAMMERS] Porky Pig!

Oh. Never heard of him.

-[PORKY GRUNTS]
- That got him
right in the papyrus.

You need [STAMMERS]
to come down here right now!

And you need to look out
for those three-ring binders.

[EXCLAIMS]

[SQUEALS]

Ow!

-[THROBBING]
- DAFFY: Release
the fax machine!

-[CLANKS]
-[GROANS]

Don't worry, buddy.
You'll bounce back.

-[GRUNTS]
-[PORKY GRUNTS]

Told ya.

Now, go have a ball!

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[WHINES]

There's oil in them
there copy machines!

-[GRUNTS]
- Oh, my!

It's a gusher!
[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]

[STAMMERS] Stop!
You're destroying my copiers!

Don't you tell an old oilman
his business, son.

[STAMMERS] Now,
look here, Mr. Duck.

[STAMMERS] You, uh...

Woo-hoo! [LAUGHING EXCITEDLY]

[GASPS]

- Porky! What have you done?
-[DAFFY CONTINUES LAUGHING]

It wasn't me. It was the duck.

He's the one that did it!

Thank you, Porky.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Mr. Duck. Might I have
a word with you for a moment?

I don't know what
this is all about...

But I love it!

Destroying these copy machines
was just the bold move
our business needed.

It was?

Ink and paper
are obsolete technology.

We've got to move
into the future.

- We do?
- We need to be selling
computers and smartphones.

All the latest gadgets
and gewgaws.

Mr. Duck,
you've revolutionized
our business.

How would you like
to be the new manager?

[HUMMING]

[BLOWS RASPBERRY] I'd love it!

Great! Porky,
the duck's your new boss.

Do whatever he says.

[STAMMERS] Whatever he says?

[CHUCKLING]

[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Whoo! [STAMMERING]

[MIMICS PLANE ENGINE]

Boy, he really flew off
the deep-end.

That's okay.
'Cause this business
is about to take off.

Right, Mr. Manager?

Now let's get
this place cleaned up.

Whelp. I quit.

Huh?

[GROANS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]