02x38 - Area Fifty-Run/Porker in the Court

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, Cabo!

Bell boy, take my luggage
to the suite.

I'll be sending my tailor...
[GROANS]

This isn't
a tropical paradise!

This is Area 51!

That place where
the government keeps all kinds
of weird experiments,

and... Aliens?

[BEEPING]

Aw, hey there,
little shaver.

What's an adorable
little guy like you

doing in a place like this?

-[BEEPS]
- Oh, you're a Martian?

[BEEPS]

And you crashed here
on Earth?

[BEEPS]

Oh, and you want to go home
to your parents?

But you can't because
they got you locked up
here like a prisoner?

Okay, okay, that was
an obvious question.

But don't you worry,
because I'm going to
get you out of here.

Now, let's get you
to your ship.

Not so fast, rabbit!

Where do you think
you're going
with my baby alien?

Gee, Doc, who says
this is your alien?

Five-star General
Yosemite Sam says so.

And so does this here
giant laser g*n.

Now, surrender that
green thumb sucker.

- Okay, Doc.
-[CRIES]

Good gravy, he's crying.

What do I need to do
to calm this critter down?

Oh, you're gonna need
this, this, this, this,

this, this, all of this...

And that ought to do it, Doc.

Ooh! I done been
hornswoggled.

He maybe a five-star general,
but he's got a one-star brain.

[ZAPPING]

Yikes!

Huh? Where did they go?

- Ten-hut!
- Who are you?

Who am I?
I'm a six-star general,
you worthless maggot.

[GASPS]
Reporting for duty, sir.

Good! General says,
"Drop and give me ten."

[STRAINING] One, two...

- Two's enough, two's enough.
-[GRUNTS]

Now general says,
"Act like a monkey."

[GIBBERING]

General says, "Monkey,
make me some waffles."

[GIBBERING]

General says,
"Monkey, write me a sonnet."

[GIBBERING]

General says, "Monkey,
punch yourself in the face."

[EXCLAIMING]

- General says, "Faster."
-[EXCLAIMING]

- General says, "Harder!"
-[EXCLAIMING]

- You can stop.
- Phew!

- Uh-uh-uh.
I didn't say, "General says."
-[GASPS]

My bad. [EXCLAIMS]

Nope. You're out of the game.

[GROANS] Oh!
Sir, yes, sir.

Oh, gee, I can't believe
I have been discharged

by a real life
six-star general.

Wait one second...

There ain't no such thing
as a six-star general.

Get back here
with my baby alien!

Transportation tubes.

This could be our ticket
to the spaceship, fella.

A-ha!

-[BEEPS]
-[EXCLAIMS]

Nice thinking, kid.

These tubes go all around
the base, right?

Let's send him
to the rocket testing area.

[YOSEMITE SAM SCREAMS]

To the water filtration pump.

[SPLASHING AND CHOKING]

Then into the pinata factory.

[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS]

Cool. Now let's send him
to the taffy-pulling machine.

[YOSEMITE SAM EXCLAIMING]

Into the seasickness chamber.

YOSEMITE SAM:
Oh! I don't feel so good.

And then to
the monster truck rally.

[YOSEMITE SAM GASPS]
Not the Truck-a-dontus!

[EXCLAIMS]

Now let's send him
to the summer dress rally.

- YOSEMITE SAM: Too tight.
- To the nacho room.

YOSEMITE SAM: [SCREAMS]
The cheese! It burns!

And into the spectacle
spectacular.

YOSEMITE SAM: Oh!
This is pretty nice.

Does this dress
make me look cheesy?

[GROANS]

Okay, we've had our fun.

Time for us to make
our big exit.

[GROWLS]

[EXCLAIMS]

Look! There's your ship!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

We gotta get around
those guards.

GUARD 1: So my in-laws
are coming for the weekend.

Hey! Freeze!

In-laws? More like outlaws.
Am I right?

[GUARDS LAUGHING]

Hey, how do you know
Tim and Verna?

-[ALL EXCLAIMING]
-We've got company.

Line up in formation.

[GUARDS STOMPING]

[LASERS ZAPPING]

[BLEEPING]

We got 'em. Let's go!

Freeze, rabbit!

Nobody steals my baby alien.
[LAUGHS]

[BEEPING]

[ENERGY CHARGING]

Oh...

[EXCLAIMS]

[GROANS]

Is that all you... [GRUNTS]

Nice move, kid.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

[BEEPING]

Oh, sh**t! We let
another alien get away.

The President's gonna k*ll us!

Oh, gee, fellas, you may have
let that one get away,

but it looks like there's
another one right over there.

-[MUTTERING]
-[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

Works for me.

All these aliens look
the same anyhow.

[BEEPS]

There may be intelligent life
up there,

but down here not so much.

BAILIFF: All rise!

The Honorable Judge Elmer
J. Fudd presiding, okay?

Court to order.
Ladies and gentlemen,

I call the case of
The State v. Porky Pig.

Are both sides ready?

I say, I say ready,
Your Honor.

That's why I am standing here
wearing this law suit.

Get it? "Law Suit"?
That's a joke, Your Honor.

Why ain't you laughing?

Mr. Pig,
where is your attorney?

- I... [STUTTERS]
Don't have one, Your Honor.
-[DOOR OPENS]

You do now.
Daffy Duck, attorney at law.

I would have been here sooner,
but I was busy chasing
ambulances.

I caught three of them!
It's hard when you don't
have a car.

Mr. Pig,
is this your attorney?

- Uh...
- Don't answer that!

Are you even
a real attorney?

Of course. I have
my license right here.

[STUTTERS]
This is a fishing license.

Fish need lawyers too.

All right, Mr. Duck,
present your case.

Here's my case, Your Honor.

It's 100% leather,
has a combination lock,

and even has
a neat little pouch here
for your cell phone.

Not that.
Your client's case!

I don't think he has a case.

Unless you count
his piggy pouch.

Which, by the way,
is not a good look for you.

[STUTTERS]
Just tell him I didn't do it.

He didn't do it, Your Honor.

- End of story. Case closed.
-[GROANS]

[EXCLAIMS]

Why are you waving
your arms around like that?

I was making a motion
for a mistrial.

This is the motion
for a mistrial.

And your motion is denied.

-[GROANS]
- Well, I tried.

Looks like you're gonna
have to take the stand.

-[SQUEALS]
-[WHOOPS]

Porky, do you swear to tell
the whole truth,

and not just an itty-bitty
little piece of it?

My mother always told me
not to swear.

But I guess I can make
an exception.

Your Honor, I'd like
to introduce exhibit A
to the evidence.

Exhibit A, this is evidence.
Evidence, meet exhibit A.

Don't be shy. Get in there.

[IMITATING]
"Oh, how nice to meet you.

"I usually don't talk
to strangers."

"But I like those
tight firm corners."

[IN DIFFERENT VOICE] "Well,
thank you, little missy.

"You don't look
so bad yourself."

"Kiss me now."
"Gladly."

[MAKING KISSING SOUNDS]

"Oh! Evidence!"

Enough with the puppet show!
Just get on with it.

Okay, Pig.
Here, read this paper.

-"I did it."
- A-ha!

He confessed.
[WHOOPING]

He did it, he did it!
[WHOOPING]

Objection, Your Honor.

The defense cannot do
the prosecution's job.

Then do it yourself.

I'm tired of doing
all the work around here.

Your Honor, I didn't do it.

-[CRASHING]
- Well, I think you did.

And I've got some
tough questions that are
going to make you crack.

How many fingers
am I holding up?

- Uh, five.
- What's the capital
of Kentucky?

[STUTTERS] Uh, Frankfurt.

What baseball player
holds the all-time record
for stolen bases?

Lou Brock. [STUTTERS]
No, no, no. Rickey Henderson.

Oh! Now you're starting
to sweat, aren't you, boy?

[STUTTERS] That's because
of this down parka
you have me wearing.

- Objection!
- I agree.

You're clearly badgering
the witness.

Oh, no, no, no!
It's not that.

This would be badgering
the witness.

[GROWLING]

[PORKY SCREAMS]

[GROANS]

No, Your Honor.
What I was objecting to
was the down jacket.

It could my relative
for all I know.

Order! Order in the court.

Just give us a second.

We haven't had a chance
to have a look at the menu.

So, what do you think?

Well, uh, the mushroom caps
look really good.

Oh, yeah, I've had those.
They're great.

I say, do you mind
if we order a few things

and, uh, do it tapas-style?

Enough! Counselors,
approach the bench.

Now, look you two,
I want a good, clean trial

that has lots of legal
mumbo jumbo. Got it?

Mumbo jumbo. Got it!

Now, I'd like to file
a legal brief at this moment.

I too would like to file
a legal brief.

I left my legal boxers
at home.

Your Honor, this calls
for tort reform.

I agree.

This chocolate torte's
getting all over my underwear.

I move for capital punishment!

I'll give you
capital punishment!

Frankfurt,
this is all your fault.

Go to your room,
and don't come out

until you think about
what you've done.

That's enough!

Bailiff, throw this duck
out of my court room.

Come on, Mr. Duck, let's go.

Hold it right there!

I can see I'm going
to have to win this trial
all by myself.

-[STUTTERS] What?
- Get out of here, Piggins.

Mr. Duck, where were you
the night of September 2nd?

I, I have no idea.

Oh, no? You weren't
at the mall that day?

Parking in a handicap spot?

[STUTTERS] The lot was full.
I had no choice.

No choice, eh?
You could have parked
across the street.

Or you could have
circled the lot until
something opened up.

You could have taken
public transportation!

[STAMMERS] I...

We all know what you did.

So confess. Confess.

Confess!

All right! I confess.
It was the pig!

He made me do it!

[CROWD GASPS]

[CROWD EXCLAIMS]

Justice may be blind,
but I just gave her glasses.

Order! Order in the court!

Frankly, I'm torn between
the pasta primavera
and the butt steak.

Order! Order, I say.

Yeah, you heard him.
Order in the court.

No, no, no.
I'm the judge here.

Nobody out-gavels Judge Fudd.

And I say, order!

No, I say, order!

- Order!
- Order!

[GROANS]

Oh, that does it!
This trial is over!

Porky Pig,
you are not guilty.

But that duck
is incredibly guilty
of wasting everyone's time.

Therefore, I'm going to
throw the book at you.

[WINCES]

[SPUTTERING]
Justice is served.

Speaking of served,
is it too late to order
pot stickers?