02x26 - Tad the Bachelor/Affaire du Jour

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- And welcome back to

The Available Guy
with Tad Tucker.

The show where me, Tad Tucker,

tries to find love
among a group
of insanely jealous women.

I've already given koala
roses
to Kendra and Brittany.

BOTH: Ooh!

And now, I must decide

who gets tonight's
last koala rose,

Theresa or Jennifer.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

- Theresa...
-[GASPS]

...will you accept
this koala rose?

Oh, yes, I do. I do!

- Our trip to the Great Wall
of China was amazing.
- Mmm!

-[GASPS]
- It truly is one of
the Wonders of the World.

-[KISSING]
-[MOANING]

And so am I!

Sorry, Jenn, babe,

our hot air balloon date
was hotter than hot

but I was disappointed

that you refused
to eat the rabbit entree

that I cooked you for dinner.

I just can't see myself
ever being with a girl

who can't eat
an entire family of rabbits.

Sweet... [SUCKS FINGER]

Delicious... [SUCKS FINGER]

Defenseless... [SUCKS FINGER]

...rabbits.

- Let's go, Theresa.
-[GIGGLING]

Fortunately, you girls
love eating rabbits,
don't you?

All right, now,
who's ready for Hawaii?

[ALL CHEERING]

Hawaii, huh?

Let's make sure it's a date
they'll never forget.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

-[TROPICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- It's my first night
here in Hawaii

and I feel I need to know
Kendra a little better.

I've decided to set up a fire

and have a lobster boil
here on the beach.

- Kendra, welcome
to my beachfront paradise.
-[LAUGHING]

[GROWLS]

- Oh, Tad, you are so...
- Handsome?

Ha! It's not the first time
someone's told me that.

Let me get you
a sparkling cider.

Here we go...

Ah! [CHOKING]

It burns!

Get me a towel, quick!

Oh, thanks, Kendra.

Ouch! What the...

[SCREAMING] Ow! Ahh! Ahh!

- Kendra!
-[SCREAMS]

Get them off me!

-[THUDDING]
- You're not...

...hitting the lobsters!

You're hitting...
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]

[WHIMPERS]...my face!

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Morning! My date with Kendra
didn't end up like I'd hoped.

I feel like we didn't connect

as often as that oar
connected to my face.

So let's see how I do
with Theresa zip-lining.

Theresa,

I admire your courage

to join me on this
exciting leap of faith.

- You first.
- Gee, we're awfully high up.

- Kendra did it.
-[NERVOUSLY] Okay.

Whee!

[ZIP-LINE SLIDING]

And now it's my turn.

[WHOOPING]

[GROANS]

I appear to be stuck
smack dab in the middle.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, no! Oh!

[ALLIGATORS HISSING]

-[SAWING]
-[BLOWS]

TAD: Ah! Not the face!

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Good evening.
After watching me
get attacked by alligators,

Theresa has decided
to leave the show,

which only makes
my choice that much easier.

So today I've got
a snorkeling date
with Brittany.

It's been great exploring
this coral reef with you,
Brittany.

I'm really starting
to feel a connection.

[KISSING]

Shark!

Eat her first!

She's got more meat
on her bones!

Excuse me?

[GASPS] What's this?

A remote-controlled shark fin.

[CHUCKLES] Well, I...

How dare you try
to feed me to a shark.

And I do not have
more meat on my bones!

-[GRUNTS]
-[GROANS]

Okay, I deserve that.

Oh, no.

You're not gonna
fool me this time.

-[ROARS]
-[SCREAMS]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Today's the big day.
I've decided that...

[FRIGHTENED] Lobsters?

...ask one of the girls...

[FRIGHTENED] Gators?

...to marry me.

[FRIGHTENED] Sharks?

I wanted to make the proposal
to Kendra perfect.

That's why I've got
rose petals, cologne,

and scented candles.

You see, if you want romance,

you need to create ambience.

-[SPRAYS]
-[SNIFFS]

[SCREAMS] My whole suit
smells like skunk!

While that washes

I'll just freshen up
with a quick shower.
[GRUNTS]

♪ I'm so hungry

♪ I could eat
a family of rabbits

♪ Not one, not two rabbits

♪ But five

♪ Five makes
a family of rabbits ♪

Oh, my suit's shrunk!

Oh! [GRUNTING]

Remember, folks,

he ate
an entire family of rabbits.

Not one, not two, but five.

Five makes a family.

-[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
- Coming, my love.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, Kendra.
Come on in.

My goodness, you're...

Ew. You've got something
on your face!

Uh, you've got
something on your face!

Well, it looks worse
on your face.

[GASPS]

[EXHALES] Oh, no!
It's the roses!

They're poison ivy!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

- Kendra?
- KENDRA: You're on fire!

Dirty dingoes!

[SCREAMING]

-[GASPS]
- Don't worry, folks,

there's still love
waiting for Tad.

[SCREAMS]

Unfortunately, she's
a real man-eater.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[FRENCH CAFE MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXPLODING]

[SNAPS FINGERS]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[SPRAYS]

[SLAPS]

[SPRAYS]

[DISHES CLATTERING]

[DISHES SHATTERING]

[SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING]

[METAL CLANGING]

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

[ALL CHEERING]

[SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING]

[SLAPS]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]