02x19 - Cyrano de Bugs/Point Duck Percent

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Mrs. Rosencrantz.

One kiwi-banana-kale-spinach-
aardvark protein smoothie,

as you requested. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, thank you, Leslie.
Just set it over there.

Would you like
anything else, madam?

No, no, thank you.

[CLEARS THROAT] Are you sure?

Yes. Thank you, Leslie.

-[WHOOSH]
- Madam, but...
But, I must tell you.

For years now,
well, I've been hiding
my true... I mean...

BUGS: Huh?

Oh, this ought to be good.

I have a proposal for you.

Is that an engagement ring?
[LAUGHS]

You are too funny.
Imagine me, a rich widow,

marrying a pool boy like you.

But, madam, it's not a joke.

I do love you.
I love everything about you.

I love your cars,
your jewelry and your


Stop fooling about
and go scrub
the pool deck, would you?

[SIGHS] Yes, ma'am.
Right away, ma'am.

He's trying to steal
that old lady's money.

I guess, I gotta teach
this guy a lesson.

[CRYING]

Hey, Doc. What's with
all the blubbering?

I asked Mrs. Rosencrantz to
marry me and she said, "No."

I wanted to marry her
so I could be rich.

Oh, I love her money so much.

Wow, Doc.
That's really romantic.
I'm so moved.

- I'm gonna help you woo her.
- You are?

Sure. But, you gotta do
everything I say, comprende?

Yes. I comprende,
I comprende.

I also understand.

To get a lady to love you,
you gotta sing
her a love song.

I don't know how to write
a love song.

Don't worry,
I got you covered.

First, we get sleeping
beauty's attention.

[WINDOW GLASS BREAKS]

Oh, dear. A bird must
have hit the window again.

Now's your chance.
Just sing the songs
I wrote on this.

Hey, down there.

Uh...

Did you throw
a bird at my window?

Uh, yes. I mean, no.
Well, I wrote this
love song for you.

Please listen. [INHALES]

♪ Mrs. Rosencrantz,
I love you

♪ From your head,
down to your toes

♪ And your multitude
of wrinkles

♪ And the rash
upon your nose

♪ I love the hair
above your lips

♪ The varicose veins
on your legs

♪ Now, give me a kiss.
No, stop

♪ Your breath smells like
rotten eggs

♪ Smells like rotten eggs ♪

Ow.

Man that one must have
been too rock and roll.

Here's a classic.

♪ Oh, you gotta
a lot of boogers

♪ And a bushy mono-brow

♪ 'Cause you're always
chewing cud

♪ You look just like
a... Cow? ♪

Ow!

- Okay, this one should do it.
- All right.

"That dress makes
you look fat..."

[GRUNTS]

Maybe, music ain't your angle.
Let's focus on your looks.

- What do you mean?
- Women like
a thick head of hair

and you're a little light
in that department.

- Hey!
- What you need is a toupee.

I am not wearing a toupee...
Oh! That looks really nice.

You've gone from
pool boy to pool man.

Now, climb up this trellis
and give her this gift.

Go, get her, sport.

[BREATHING HEAVY]
Mrs. Rosencrantz.

Your true love has arrived.

Look at your long locks.

I didn't realize
how handsome you were.

I came up to give you this.

Oh, a mink stole.
How thoughtful.

Allow me.

-[HISSES]
-[SCREAMS]

- Oh, is there anything
finer than a mink coat?
-[SCREAMS]

My heart's aflutter.
You do spoil me.

Leslie?

[GROANING]
Oh, it hurts.

Come on, kid. Don't give up.

But she doesn't
seem interested.

She will be,
after you've taken her
into the Tunnel of Love.

The Tunnel of Love?

It's the most romantic
ride ever invented.

Yes.

Oh, there you are.

I was wondering
where my mink coat went.

Oh, forget about
the mink coat, my dear.

Let's ride The Tunnel of Love.

Oh, Leslie.

I haven't been on one of these
since the 1903 World's Fair.

As youngsters, we used to
joke about the eels

and the crocodiles that
lived down here in the dark.

-[CROCODILE GROWLS]
-[LESLIE YELPS]

MRS. ROSENCRANTZ:
If my friend Gertrude knew
that I was riding

in the Tunnel of Love
with a boy,

- she would positively turn
four shades of red.
-[GASPS]

Turn off the light, Leslie.
You're ruining the mood.

-[CROCODILE GROWLING]
-[SNAPS]

Oh, thank you, young man.

LESLIE: Let me out!

[SPITS]

Leslie, listen.
I need to talk to you.

Between the singing
and the mink coat
and The Tunnel of Love,

I guess, I'll marry you.

Yes! It's all mine.

The money, the diamonds,

the yachts, the mansion.
It's mine.

Actually, none
of that is yours.

Once I get married,
Daddy cuts me off in the will.

[EXCLAIMS] Wait, what?

Congratulations, young man.

I'm sure, you two
will make a lovely couple.

Here, a little something
to start you on your way.

A quarter? 25 measly cents?

Well, that's what happens,
when you marry for money.

I doesn't make much cents.

-[GRUNTING]
-[SQUAWKS]

- PAMPREEN: Porky.
- Yes?

Stop hugging that swan
and listen.

Oh, I'm not hugging her.

She got out of her
pond and I'm... I'm...
[STAMMERING]

I don't care.

Today is important
and everything
has to be perfect.

Because the neighborhood
association is going
to come by

- and judge the estate
for a beautification award.
-[GASPS]

And if I don't win the award,

- you're fired!
-[GASPS]

Eh, fired?
That seems a little extreme.

I have to make sure
you do your best.

It's called added incentive.

Right, Paul?

Don't.

[SIGHS] That's my brother.

As the groundskeeper,
it's your job
to keep the grounds.

So, keep them perfect.

Oh! No.

So, I'm driving down
Ninth Street
in my Lambirdghini.

Did I mention
I drive a Lambirdghini?

And who do I see,

but my good friend,
Matthew McConaujay.

He was like,
"Wanna be in my next movie?"

And I was like,

"All right, all right,
all right."

Hey, you're not supposed to be
in this pond, Mr. Duck.

Oh! These swans say otherwise.

You're gonna have to leave.

Uh, today,
the judging committee
is coming

and the grounds have to be
perfectly... [STAMMERING]

Perfectly immaculate.

Uh-huh. Cool story bro.

Which means, no ducks
in the swan pond.

I said, cool story bro.

Now, get me an ice tea.

You want one? How about you?

Make it three ice teas.

- That guy, am I right?
-[SWANS HONKING]

If you don't leave
on your own accord,

then I'll have to
throw you out.

You understand, Mr. Duck?

If the grounds aren't perfect,
I'm going to get fired.

Of course I understand.

[MOTOR RUNNING]

[EXCLAIMS]

Gee, this duck is
heavier than he looks.

[STRUGGLING]

- That's it, buddy.
Put your weight into it.
-[GROANING]

Don't worry, chum.
Rule of threes.

- You'll get it this time.
- Thanks, Mr. Duck.

[STRUGGLING] Eh, Mr. Duck?

Whoo!

[PORKY CRASHES]

Ladies and gentleman,
welcome to the 48th Annual
Groundskeeper Parade.

And here come the floats.

Leading the way,
the Truman Valley School
District presents,

Salute to Fried Foods.

The Brickton Community College
and its tribute
to the Broadway smash hit,

Ham Hilton.

And for the grand finale,
Rancho Taco Humongo presents,

"The Humongo Rancho Taco."

-Ole!
- Enough.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

[EXCLAIMS]

Don't.

[PANTING]

-[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
- Eh, where are you, Duck?

Whoo-hoo!

[PANTING]

Huh, where'd you go?

- Whoo-hoo!
-[PANTING]

- Whoo-hoo!
-[PANTING]

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

-[CHAINSAW RUNNING]
-[EXCLAIMS]

Here's [STAMMERS] Piggy.

[CHAINSAW REVVING]

And here's Daffy.

[SCREAMS]

[EXCLAIMS]

[CHOKING]

[GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

Whoo-hoo!

Ha! Missed? Ow.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

[STAMMERING]

Time to fight fire with
[STAMMERING] fire...

Time to fight chemicals
with chemicals.

Hmm. So small.

That's more like it.

-[EXCLAIMS].
- Whoo-hoo.

- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
-[SPRINGING SOUND]

[CHUCKLES] Now I got you.

Well, don't get
a big head about it.

-[EXCLAIMING]
-[LAUGHS]

Whoo-hoo! [EXCLAIMS]

[RUBBER STRETCHING]

-[RUBBER SHRINKING]
- Hello.

[SCREAMS]

[HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

-[SCREAMING]
-[ROARING]

[EXCLAIMS]

Time to put my foot down.

[WHIMPERING]

[RUBBER SHRINKING]

Huh?

You're it. Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

[MOTOR RUNNING]

Whoo-hoo.

[MOTOR RUNNING]

- Whoo-hoo!
-[GROANING]

Oh, yeah!

[EXCLAIMING]

- Whoo-hoo!
- Oh! [GROANING]

Ooh!

Hello, again ladies.

Did those ice teas
arrive yet?

[SCREAMS]

[GROANING]

Porky, what did you do?

The grounds are ruined!

- Don't!
-[HONKING]

Ruined!

WOMAN: Hello.

[GASPS] Oh, no!

The neighborhood association.

Uh. [LAUGHS]

My apologies for the grounds.

That gardener is so fired!

WOMAN:
[CHUCKLES] Au contraire.

These are the most interesting
avant-garde grounds
we've seen all day.

What?

Congratulations.

- The Party Mansion has won
a first prize. [CHUCKLES]
-[GASPS]

Oh, is this your
groundskeeper?

Sir, I'd like to hire you.

Eh, sorry but,
I already have a job.

I'll double your salary.

Oh! In that case,
I accept your offer.

- What?
- Eh, sorry.

She gave me added incentive.

Then who will be my gardener?

-[HONKING]
- No worries.
Me and the girls got this.

[SCREAMS] I can't believe,
you cut my hair.

Cool story, bro.
Now, get me an ice tea.