08x05 - Air Show

[bunniefuu]

♪ Puking on the run ♪

♪ He swears at everyone ♪

♪ He's just a lousy no-good boozer ♪

♪ Another welfare loser ♪

♪ Plus his wife is just a big fat wh*re ♪

♪ And his son is rotten to the core ♪

♪ Oh why do they all stay together ♪

♪ On Kevin Spencer ♪

[Suspenseful music]

You've been doing
some great work, Rick.

We just one more Kevin Spencer
script to wrap up the season.

I'd do it myself,

but as you know I have to go
to this lake this weekend,

for my important charity
work at Camp Whoos Yerdaddy.

Another counseling get away in the woods.

Me and a bunch of runaway teen girls.

I don't think people appreciate

what it takes to get a
series off the ground.

Smell ya later!

[keys jingling]

[door opening]
[door closing]

[chugging beer]

[tires squealing]

[glass breaking]

Hey pick that up!

Now get outta here, shoo, shoo! [shooing]

Lousy writers.

[bluesy music]

[playful music]

God I'm dying, somebody
help me [screams]!

[bombs exploding]

Tv Announcer: Yes, whenever
you see screaming and on fire

it can only mean one thing,

the Air Show's in town!

Do you have a ticket?

Thrill to the aerial antics
of stunt starved mad men,

out to meet death on their own terms!

At a public airport.

Hey I was thinking we
should go to the air show.

You got any money?

No!

Well f*ck that then.

[heroic music]

[helicopter whirring]

[man screaming]

[airplanes soaring]

[quirky music]

Hey I've been
wondering about something.

How come you never trim
your frickin' nose hairs?

It's getting pretty disgusting!

It's just a little bit of hair.

A little bit of hair?

It's a g*dd*mn fire hazard!

Looks like a colony of daddy long legs

is nestin' in your forehead!

[soft spunky music]

It ain't that bad!

Okay it's not as bad
as your freaking ears.

Hey, heads up.

Here comes that writer guy
who keeps hangin round.

Yeah it's weird.

It's like he's got no friends or somethin.

I think he's crazy.

Just be nice in case he goes nuts.

Hey guys, how's it going?

Been up to anything interesting lately?

No, why you always hanging
around us all the time for?

And you're always asking
personal questions and sh*t.

Like you're a Narc or something.

Percy.

[pencil scratching]

So, why do you guys always
drink at the same place?

Ah, call me nostalgic,
but I always liked

drinking in the same tavern
where I was conceived.

[squeaking door]

What's with the bag of beef, boy?

Don't suppose you found your mama

a nice tube steak while you
were out there? [laughing]

Good one, ma. [laughing]

Narrator: Kevin reminded the old man

that this was the day he promised

to help him rob a construction site.

Hey that's right,

we were gonna B & E that new
high rise they're building.

You're doing that now?

Just as soon as the security
guard comes in for a beer.

Like he does at three o'clock everyday.

I've been thinking.

Well it's almost three now.

[watch ticking]

[romantic music]

Whoa, sure enough there he is.

Oh, he looks like a handful.

You go on and I'll keep
him distracted for ya.

Hey don't go tearin' one off with him!

If I's ever get a reward
for all the nice stuff

I done for you, they'll
make me a frickin saint!

Yeah and if sh*t were ice cream,

I'd have dessert for
everybody, but it ain't.

So you might as well just eat sh*t.

Frig, I could really use a lighter.

I got one!

Huh, oh, thanks Nick.

You might as well come to.

Help carry all the sh*t we're gonna steal.

Sure, could you just say that last

sh*t was ice cream part
one more time, please?

[comical music]
[pen scratching]

[door squeaking]

[dogs barking]

Work's shut down for the long weekend.

Let's deal with the guard dogs.

[dogs growling and barking]

That's right, puppies.
[dogs licking]

That food will keep you busy for a while.

Man I love robbing construction sites.

I'm gonna get some new power tools,

and fire extinguishers,
and porno calendars.

Hey, check this out.

I say this ladder goes up the
elevator shaft to every floor.

Probably some good sh*t up there.

[sneaky music]
[feet tapping]

[thunder crashing]

[suspenseful music]

Listen, I'm kinda
scared of heights here.

What's the hold up?

I'm scared a heights too.

That's why I'm having a few
swigs to calm my nerves.

[chugging beer]

Oh yeah, nice and calm.

We're halfway there.

[playful music]

Only 20 floors left, woo!

[screams]

Falls down elevator shaft.
[dramatic music]

Hm, might work.

God dammit, hurry
up and lower the rope.

[gears pulling]

[intense music]

[dogs barking]

[dogs growling and biting]

Aw, this is gold!

[dogs growling and barking]

God dammit, I need a knife.

Here I got one.

Cut the rope quick!
[dogs growling]

Narrator: Unfortunately,
Kevin accidentally

cut the wrong rope,
[gears pulling]

allowing a counterweight to fire Percy

up the shaft like a rocket.

And Kevin wondered if it
was really an accident,

and then he laughed [laughing].

[gears pulling]
sh*t!

[thunder crashing]

[air whooshing]

Aw, god dammit, sh*t!
[dogs growling]

[air whistling]
[thunder crashing]

[Percy screams]

[cloth tearing]

[Percy pants]

[dogs growling and barking]

[zapping]
[Percy screams]

[funk music]

Hey, Jimmy.

I wanna pawn these here guard dogs I,

I been lookin after for a friend.

He, he got his head blown off
[dog growling]

in the, in the Salvation Army.

No live merchandise, Spencer.

And besides, I'm going outta business.

What?

You can't go outta business!

You still got half my stuff,
I need time to buy it back.

Sorry, Spencer.

Greener pastures, 45, 46, 47, 48.

[bluesy music]

C'mon Jimmy, I could use a break here.

Jeeze, I could really
make some money right now.

If only I had a 32 Calibur Revolver.

[feet stepping]

Hey, here I got one.

Huh? Oh, thanks Vick.

Hm, Hey Jimmy!

[dramatic music]

I'd like to pawn this hand g*n, how much?

[piano music]

I told ya, I'm not
acceptin any new merchandise.

Hey, hey, ain't that
a picture of your sister?

Whatever happened to her?

Oh, she got too old
to be a stripper no more.

Last I heard she was roamin' the highways,

turnin' drug stop tricks while
strung out on nasal mist.

[crying] Oh god, the poor thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everybody loves a happy ending,

so how much for the g*n already?

I'll give ya 50.

I just remembered a job that
needs doin' around here.

[soft piano music]

All right we got
enough for the Air show,

and some scratch for brewskis.

Let's party!

[door shutting]

Oh, that was my mom's snub nose.

[quirky music]

[cymbals crashing]

[door opening and shutting]

Woo-ee, we's goin' to the Air Show--

What the f*ck is goin' on here?

I told ya I'd keep
him distracted for ya.

[bells chiming]

Well I kept him plenty distracted.

[door opening]
[feet stepping]

[air whooshing]

Yeah, well, well if you can

close your legs for five seconds,

I got us the money.

Almost got me k*lled.

You're gettin' too old, Percy.

It's getting so the
only stealin' you can do

is from the internet.

[spunky music]

Yeah, that downloadin' music is great.

It's like shoplifting without
ever leaving your house.

How convenient is that?

Well, if we're going
to the Air Show tomorrow,

I better start sleepin' it off now

[glass breaking]

Me too.

You arseholes don't turn
that T.V. up too loud.

Yeah we don't want your racket

disturbing us while we're sleeping.

[pants unzipping]

I'll show you who's better
than some security guard.

[seductive music]

[bed creaking]

Anastasia: Oh, yeah!
Frick me good baby.

Oh, oh god. Yeah, righteous!
[bed creaking]

I'll be honest with ya kid,

I've been following your
family around stealing ideas,

and making a lot of money on T.V. shows,

but I'm on tight deadline
here and I got nothin'.

Narrator: Kevin told
the boy aristic arsehole

That he didn't care
where he stole his ideas.

Then he decided to play some video games.

[funk music]

[record scratching]

[video game music]

Allen: This clue is for you,

don't fit in stew.

[playful music]

[plane whirring]
Why don't you help out

that writer son of a b*tch?

Then maybe you can get some
a your writin' on television.

How f*cked up would that be?

[funk music]

[jack hammering]

What's that friggin' racket?

Because of the new high rise,

they're directing the free-way
through your neighborhood.

City Hall figures you're poor,

so you probably won't kick up a fuss.

How 'bout I kick up your fuss,

you mother fussin' son of a--
[tires screaching]

Holy sh*t!

[car crashing]
[glass shattering]

Jesus, that f*ck' car nearly k*lled me.

Yeah, strange thing about that,

some of the city planners figured, uh,

this new route would make your house, uh,

a magnet for collisions.

You must have a lot of enemies
downtown mister [chuckles].

[dramatic music]
That f*ck' high rise.

[spunky music]

[planes whooshing]

[feet stepping]

[laughing] It says, "Fokker!"

[brakes screeching]

Remember, Mr. Lawrence,

you promised you'd show
us the c*ck [giggles].

Now, now, girls.

I told ya I could only show
ya the c*ck one at a time,

and--

Hey, it's Rick, one of my writers.

How's that deadline lookin', buddy?

Uh, yeah.
It'll be awesome, man.

Excellent.

You're really helpin' me out here.

Can you believe I'm saddled lookin' after

all these teen girls?

For cryin' out loud, they're
barely the age of consent.

Yeah that's uh, that's
pretty rough, dude.

Shouldn't complain, I guess.

If I paid these lousy parking tickets,

they wouldn't have me strapped
with this community service.

Yeah, you're a real saint, man.

Sorry to cut this short,

but I promised the girls
I was gonna show 'em

the hottest and most expensive
plain in the Air Show,

mine.

[giggling]

What?
Not another tickle fight!

[girls laughing]

Stop it!

Who's that guy?

I work for him.

He's real nice.

Percy: Jobs are for assholes.

Still I'd to fly a few of those chicks

on a round-trip to New
Pork City [chuckles].

Get it, Ma?
New Pork?

[punching]
[body thudding]

[intense music]

Tour Guide: This wind
tunnel is used to test

all types of futuristic aircraft,

and can be used to generate wind forces

in excess of 700 mph.

[intense music]
[air whooshing]

Didn't you come in
here with someone else,

a guy with a notepad?

[suspenseful music]

[air violently whooshing]

[Percy screams]

[air violently whooshing]

[Anastasia screams]

[Percy screams]

[bodies thudding]

[carnival music]
[kids laughing]

Holy Christ, look at
that f*ck' a*tillery.

Actually it's air calvery, sir.

You sound like a man
who knows about weapons.

I've knocked a few cops on the head.

This flying attack platform
is the latest available.

The only one better, is the
one America's still using.

I'd take you up for a test flight,

but you'd have to be a Head of State.

I am a Head of State,
I'm uh, Senior Suarez.

We rule Australia with an iron fist.

[kids screaming]

Oh, well in that case,
please climb aboard.

[climactic music]

[helicopter whirring]

As you can see, this
weapon can digitally target

any bogie in a 360 mile radius.

I don't know what the
hell you're talkin' about.

Where the DVD player?

Hey, check it out, boy.

It's that friggin high rise, hmm.

[funk music]

Alright kid,
[papers blowing]

I'll read your writing,

but then you've gotta
help me with an ending

for my script.

[bells chiming]
[paper blowing]

[soft suspenseful music]

[suspenseful guitar music]

You sure got a lot of f*cked
up revenge fantasies, kid.

And none of them are
particularly original.

I need something that
smacks of reality, man.

Narrator: Kevin said
if he wanted reality,

he could help him break into
Jimmy's Pawn Shop later.

But only if he promised to
sign his Co op student papers.

[sneaky music]

Don't hang round here, boy.

Jimmy's doors shouldn't be
open at this time a night.

[dramatic piano music]

Rick: Holy sh*t, Jimmy's offed himself.

[suspenseful music]
[cars honking]

Hey, I, uh, I think
your old man's outside.

[cars honking]
[engine running]

C'mon, boy.

Get outta there before you
draw attention to yourself.

[sneaky music]

[car engine revving]

We're all goin' back to the airport,

and take us a little ride
in that flyin' fortress.

[planes whooshing]

First we gotta get
rid of the rent a cop.

[playful music]

[soft piano music]

[teeth munching]

[helicopter whirring]

[suspenseful music]

Look guys, this can't work.

I mean for one thing, there's no way

they'd have this thing armed

and ready to drop ordinance at an airshow.

Aren't you the script writer?

Well, yeah, I, I, I guess.

So just write the script like
we found it friggin' loaded.

Who the f*ck cares at this point?

[sighs] All right, but it's
all suspiciously convenient.

[pencil scratching]

[intense dramatic music]
[beeping]

I owe ya a beer.

Fire away, boy.

[clicking button]

[rocket exploding]

[intense music]

Okay, that was the warm up shot.

Let's try this again.

[rockets exploding]

[rocket exploding

[intense music]

What's you're g*dd*mn problem, numb nuts?

Would ya like a trail of
breadcrumbs to follow?

[hairs burning]

Aw, f*ck, my nose hairs.

[rock music]
[helicopter whirring]

[helicopter crashing]

[upbeat music]

Hey, it's the animators.

Great to see ya guys,

you've been doing some nice work there...

You don't remember
any of our names, do you?

Of course I do, you're the, uh...

No I don't really.

Intercom: Rick Kaulbars,
Mr. Lawrence is ready

to meet with you.

Please proceed to the delousing chamber.

[door creaking]

[mist blowing]

[light funk music]

I was thinkin' it
would really help morale

if we had a Tex Mex
day here at the office.

Wear this sombrero around for a while,

and I think you'll see a few
more smiles in the hallways.

Thanks, Greg.

Hey, Rick.

I just finished reading
your script and it's great.

Thanks, man.

But I'm afraid I can't use it.

You can't?

See, I have this other script here

from one of the girls
at Camp Whoos Yerdaddy,

and well, she's really
showing some promise.

So, I've decided to mentor
her script through production.

But dude, I worked really hard.

I was worried you might react this way,

but look at it from my angle.

Considering you're suspected
in a capitol crime,

I think I'm being pretty
good about the whole thing.

Tell ya what, just give
her script a chance.

Read it, and you'll see
it has a modern flavor

that teens are really gonna dial into.

Well, I don't know man.

I mean, uh, I'd feel
better if you'd talked

about this with my new agent.

[suspenseful music]

Fair enough.

[fists punching]
[screaming]

[door slamming]

Wait a minute.

He's right!

This script is brilliant.

[body thudding]
[papers rusting]

[guitar music]

Narrator: Yes, it's the
new Kevin Spencer show,

written by Candeece,
and starring Candeece.

Today, Kevin Spencer
shows the real, raw side

of today's youth.

Hey girls, I'm your new
guidance counselor, Percy.

I thought we could talk
about your, uh, feelings.

Narrator: Featuring the new
breakthrough star, Candeece.

Everybody look at me!

[hula music]

f*ck this sh*t.

See ya later, hula wh*res.

[engines revving]
[door slamming]

[bells chiming]

[suspenseful music]

[door slamming]

[electricity zapping]

[engine revving]

[brakes squealing]

How much for a good time in the car?

Depends where it's goin'.

I thought I'd leave some rotten food,

and dead sh*t around that high rise.

That way when they finish the building,

the whole place will smell rotten.

No one'll wanta live there.

That'll show 'em baby, youse brilliant!

f*ck' right.

And then when I'm done that,
we'll get right wasted.

[door slamming]
[tires squealing]

And we can look for speed traps

on the Hershey highway.

Amen to that!

And then, and then
we'll get some smokes.

[engine revving]

[sword slicing]

[upbeat music]

Narrator: Okay it's time
for another laugh out loud

episode of, Percy Spencer Cartoon Funnies.

This is the part of the
show where I get to see

anything I like.

Hm, well, I always wanted to
see a roller coaster accident.

[gears cranking]

What the f*ck?

No, not with me in it!

I just wanted to see it
[screaming] oh, damn!

[parts crashing]

[upbeat music]

Okay, so that one didn't work out so good.

So I'm tryin' again.

Three words this is all, blow job mishab.

[clothes rustling]

[mouth slurping]

[moaning] Oh, Annie.

Percy don't know what he's missing.

[tires squealing]

[screaming]

Still more time.

Well, uh [mumbling],

how 'bout some people f*ck'?

[elevator music]

♪ There's love ♪

♪ Love in the air ♪

♪ There's love ♪

♪ Love everywhere ♪

♪ There's always something special ♪

♪ When love is in your spoon ♪

♪ Cause love, love will conquer all ♪

Percy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everybody loves a happy ending.

[elevator music fades]

[bubbles popping]