04x18 - Beach Blanket Bloodbath

[bunniefuu]

[bubbles popping]

[rock music]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ His head don't work, it never did ♪

♪ Hang 10 ♪

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ He's a chain-smoking,
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

[upbeat rock music]

Look at them, lousy teenagers.

Hang 10, mister Spoil,
it's just dancing, man.

They're taking over,
with their lawless gyrations

and their good-time hootenannies.

But mark my words, I'm
going to put a stop to it.

[upbeat music]

[distant chatter]

Man, you should enter, I'm
telling you, like, far out man.



My surfing days are over.

I run this place now.

But man, you were the best.

Ancient history.

Besides, I made a promise to God

to never surf again after the accident.

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

I want that land for my hotel.

I'd like to help you, really I would,

but that darn Moondog
won't sell me his bar.

But I own more land
further down the beach,

you could build there.

No, that bar is sitting
on the best piece of beach

I've ever seen.

Oh, those blasted kids!

[upbeat music]

[quirky music]

Yeah, like you ain't
never seen a tit before.

f*cking Presbyterians.

Is that sign for us?

I recognize that snake thingy.

Narrator: Kevin told his dad

that the snake thingy was the letter S,

and that the sign was for them.

Sweet.

Hey, watch this.

Hey servant, come and
carry our f*cking luggage.

[intense music]

[upbeat music]

[kid laughs]

[Percy and Anastasia gulping]





Yes, pretty f*cking sweet.

So, what do you wanna do now?

Find a bar, just give me a minute.

[quirky music]

That'll take care of him.

[Kevin snores]

[psychedelic music]

[upbeat music]

[people cheering]

Check those crazy kids, man.

Shut up and blend in.

I'm going to break the
good news to Moondog.

♪ Baby got a brand new bikini ♪

♪ True waves, Minnie Winnie ♪

Go hang 10, Chester.

Are you sure?

He's sure.

I thought I told you to
never come in here again.

You told me to never
come in here again,

unless it was on official business,

and that's why I'm here.

You may control the
rest of this town, Daddio,

but you don't control me.

Not yet, but soon I will.

I did some research and
I found an old document.

It seems that when you bought this bar,

there was a matter of some
outstanding taxes that were owed.

That's not my concern.

It is now.

You see, I make the
rules as of this morning.

The owner of the building is responsible

for paying all the outstanding bills.

That means you owe me $10.000,

if you don't pay it by
the end of the week,

then I'm going to
foreclose on you, Daddio.

♪ My baby got a brand new bikini ♪

♪ Her polka dots that make her skinny ♪

Oh man, those crazy
chicks were digging me.

Thanks, prick.
[Anastasia burps]

Oh!

Couple of jugs of draft over here, pal.

What?

Oh sure, yeah, coming right up.

Look at all them as*h*le kids.

Hey, you remember when we was young

and thought we had a future?

No.

Me neither.

Tourists, right?

Holy f*ck, is you psychic?

Educated guess.

Oh, educated are ya?

Well, ladi-f*cking-dah.

Look at me, I got my high school,

I'm better than Percy B. Spencer.

I didn't say--

You know what, as*h*le?

you can take your high and mighty attitude

and stuff it right up your f*cking bum.

Come on Ma, we's leaving.

I ain't done my jug yet.

Besides, I like it here.

Oh, I see, so that's how it's gonna be.

Well, just so you know, big a*s,

two can play at that game.

I'm leaving.

Fine, I'll see you back in the hotel.

Maybe you will and maybe you won't.

Either way, don't mean sh*t to me.

I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble,

I didn't mean anything by what I said.

He's a little sensitive about
only having his grade three.

I think he's afraid of losing me

for a more sophisticated man.

Well, he's a lucky man to have you.

You seem like quite a catch.

Oh f*ck, really?

You think so?

If you's interested, I'll
dump the fat prick right now.

I, you see, it's like,

well...

Maybe this will help close the deal.

[Moondog vomits]

[upbeat music]

[rock music]

Man: What's up, loser?

[bottle crashes]

My face!

My beautiful face!

I can never love you now.

[girl sobs]
[sad music]

[upbeat rock music]

[Kevin gulps]

Narrator: Kevin had no
idea where his parents were,

and because of all the
booze and heatstroke,

he couldn't remember where
the hotel was either.

And if that wasn't bad enough,

he was down to his last seven dollars.

[footsteps crushing]

[playful music]

Your face says loser and
it's not even spelled right,

that means you're a loser.
[girl laughs]

Narrator: Kevin didn't much care

for being talked to like that,

especially by a kid half his age.

Kevin figured he'd tear him a new one

and learn him a thing
or two about manners.

But before he could,
another kid showed up.

Are you guys crazy?

He's a Lozer, you don't
mess with a Lozer ever!

Let's get out of here!

Narrator: Kevin was sad.

He'd really hoped to lay a
king holy beating on the kid.

But the only way he was
going to be able to do that

was if he ran after them,

and he was pretty sure
that kind of exertion

would give him a stroke,

and he'd had enough of those
already to last a life time.

[Allan whistles]

Allan: Plan for the future,

that's good thinking broken head.

[playful music]

[sighs] May I take your order?

Narrator: Kevin asked
the man for as much draft

as he could get for seven dollars.

Wonderful.

Oh, look kid, why don't you,

make yourself comfortable

and I'll bring you a pitcher on the house.

I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a Lozer.

Please don't hurt me.

[quirky music]

We gotta find out who these Lozers are.

[Allan farts]

Hey, is there a duck in here?

[Allan and Kevin laugh]

[upbeat music]

Yeah, it was obvious, so f*cking what?

Hey Percy, did you save any beers?

I knew you'd come crawling back.

Holy sh*t, you's really
got into it, didn't ya?

f*cking right.

Contract rules say they
gotta cover everything.

So then I'm gonna drink
until I puke or die,

or die from puking, one or the other.

What you ought to do
is go get nice and tanked

and go tear that bartender
fella a new as*h*le.

I'd have to get up, walk down there.

Yeah, he said you'd
be too p*ssy to show.

Him and all those other guys in the bar,

he's laughing at you.

"Fat, useless drunk."

Yeah, that's what they said.

Well, they got a point.

They said you ran out without
even finishing your beer.

They called you an amateur drinker.

Come again.

He said his mommy could out drink you.

[scoffs] There ain't a senior
citizen broad in this town

that can out drink Percy Spencer.

Get your coat, we're going out.

It's 92 degrees out, why
the f*ck would I wear a coat?

Well, that's...

Just get something!

[upbeat music]
[man farts]

Go way, I'm not in this episode.

So you see, Moondog,
you don't have a choice.

Sell to me and your
worries will be over.

Never.

I was just trying to
be nice and help you out.

Sell now and you'll make
a little bit of money.

If not, we'll just foreclose
and take the land from you.

I'm just looking out
for your best interests.

You don't get it, do you?

This isn't just about a
beach, it's about democracy.

Some of those kids,

well, all they've got is this beach.

It doesn't judge them or
tell them dancing is wrong.

It's a place that welcomes
them, them and those like them

and anybody else who respects her.

That beach is a home where
everyone is welcome and equal.

And you wanna destroy it

because you're afraid of it's beauty,

afraid of what it represents:

Freedom to be who and what you want.

The right to rebel against

your conformist right wing values.

You may win in the long
run, but I won't help you.

[upbeat music]

[Kevin knocks]

[mysterious music]

[firecracker crackling]

[playful music]

So you think you're a Lozer?

Narrator: Kevin told the man

he didn't much thinking about anything,

but if the opinion of most people counted,

then, in fact, he was a loser.

Well, I got news for you, little man.

You don't just become a Lozer,

you have to survive the initiation.

Normally, I would just
have my men k*ll you,

but today's your lucky day.

Narrator: Kevin asked if that meant

they were going to give him $40

and leave him the f*ck alone.

No, but I like your style.

Tell you what kid, I'm gonna
let you try the initiation.

If you wanna be a Lozer,
you have to surf the pier.

Narrator: Kevin asked the man,

what was so cool about
being a Lozer anyway.

Well, we got this
clubhouse we all live in,

and we hang out together all the time,

goofing around with each other

and working on our motorcycles.

Narrator: Kevin told
the man that it sounded

a whole lot like a h*m* men's club.

We're not all g*y, just Stephan.

Oh, thanks a lot, Chopper!

Way to tell everyone.

[upbeat music]

Look, just because I'm
an offensive g*y stereotype

doesn't mean I like dancing.

Chester: Whoa, you okay, Moondog?

I'm going to lose
the bar, unless I surf.

So surf, man.

I can't.

Listen man, you were
the best surfer I ever saw.

You had a gift man, yeah.

Listen to me, puppies and orphans

get k*lled by surfers every day, man.

You can't spend the rest of your life

blaming yourself, dude.

I don't know, I,

maybe it, no, I, well,

I can't!

Listen, I can't make you surf,

but if not for yourself,
then do it for the kids.

[upbeat music]

I thought I told you never.

[quirky music]

Nobody humiliates Anastasia Spencer,

this is my hubby and I
brought him down here

to kick your a*s.

Is this a f*cking,

is this, [mumbles]

hey, hey, hey, you still serving?

No, go home.

Go to bed, I don't have time for this.

I have to rest up for the
big surfing competition.

Oh yeah, you's a big surfer, huh?

Well, I bet my Percy could kick your a*s.

He's welcome to try.

The competition's open to everyone.

$10.000 to the winner.



Holy f*ck!

Come on Percy, we gotta
go find you a surfboard.

[upbeat music]

[kid laughing]

You all know the rules.

So, contestants, on your mark,

get set,

hang 10!

[crowd cheers]

[water splashes]

My husband wants to enter the contest.

What?

That's an ironing board.

Is there a rule against that?

Well, no.

Then what's the f*cking problem?

He's drunk.

No, he ain't.

He's a ret*rd.

Is you discriminated against
him, 'cause he's handicapped?

Fine, fine, I apologize.

He's in.

You go get 'em Percy baby.

You know he doesn't
stand a chance, right?

Suck my c*ck, loser.

[Percy pants]

[quirky music]

Percy: Hey, boy.

Narrator: Kevin was scared,

he'd never surfed before,

and it all looked pretty hard.

You wanna be a Lozer,
all you have to do

is go in between those first two posts,

and come out the other side alive.

Good luck!

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

It's so nice your
organization offered to help out.

Well, research has shown

that the love and affection of an animal

can provide comfort and security
to their human handlers.

Let's hope so.

Okay orphans, off the bus

and line up for your puppy.
[kids cheer]

[upbeat music]

[dog barks]

Look at those crazy kids.

Bunch of no-goodniks
with their shenanigans.

Soon enough we'll be rid of them all.

[mysterious music]

[footsteps crunching]

[seagulls cawing]

Tidal wave!

Ah, sh*t.

Don't do it, it's suicide!

[Percy screams]

[dramatic music]

[crowd screams]

[lips smack]

[dog barks]

[girl screams]

[man screams]

[men scream]

[dog pants]

[dog cries]

[dramatic music]

No!

[boat explodes]

[crowd screams]

[dramatic music]

[wood crashes]

[dog cries]

[water splashes]

[crowd screams]

[siren blaring]

They found his body, oh God,

he never had a chance!

The deal's off.

This beach is cursed.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

What are gonna, I've gotta?

Ah, wait!

[quirky music]

Come on, come on, you fat prick,

for once in your life be f*cking useful.

[water splashes]

[playful music]

Give me my 10 grand, as*h*le.

[calm music]

I've never seen anything like it, kid.

I'm going to make an exception,

from here on in, you're a Lozer.

[Kevin laughs]

f*ck off!

[upbeat music]
[Kevin laughs]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Something's wrong with that kid ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ His head don't work, it never did ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ You better not cross his path ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ He's a chain-smoking,
alcoholic sociopath ♪

♪ Sociopath ♪

Kevin: I knew I was
making the right decision

giving up nothing for you.

[bubbles popping]