02x14 - Hoarder Up/Cougar, Cougar

[bunniefuu]

[stuttering] Someone threw
this plant away?

That's a perfectly good plant.

Where am I gonna put it?

Maybe there's more space
on the other side of the room.

Under the arm
of Rutherford B. Hayes,
Mr. President.

Move around my precious
dolphin figurine collection.

And place our new friend
right here.

- Oh, my dolphins! [screams]
-[bones crunching]

My back!

I have so much stuff in here

I can't even turn around
without stubbing a hoof.

Oh, I better sit down.

Maybe doctor television
can numb my pain.

-Hey there, pal.
Has the world got you down?
- Yes.

-Do you feel like your life
is too cluttered?
- Yes.

Are you wracked with pain?

Yeah. I just pulled my back.

Then, my friend,
you need a hot tub!

[cheering]

Daffy's Hot Tub Emporium
has a top-of-the-line hot tub
with your name on it.

A hot tub? That'd fix
all this pain and clutter.

[Daffy] Imagine sitting
in 450 gallons
of hydrated relaxation,

whilst water jets massage away
all your aches and pains.

That sounds like a dream.

Then make it a reality.

Call 555-Daffys-Hot-Tubs
and start relaxing today.

Hello? One hot tub please.

[door bell ringing]

[stuttering]
Well, that was a quick...
You got here fast.

Of course I did, chum.
I'm a one-man operation.

So, where do you want it?

That's the kitchen.

[exclaims]

That's my big box of boxes.

[exclaims]

And that's
my wood-carved statue

of former President,
Rutherford B. Hayes.

Mr. President.

Well, despite
a clutter crib,

I think
we can make this work.

In fact, I think you should
put the hot tub right here.

Do you think it'll fit?

Hey, I can fit an elephant
into a shoe box.

[elephant trumpeting]

Now, before
I install anything

there's a little matter
of some paperwork.

If you can just
hold this for me, Rutherford.

Just your standard contract.
Sign here.

Congratulations,
you're the proud owner
of your very own mustang.

[neighing]

I thought I was signing papers
for a hot tub?

Oops, wrong contract.

I also sell mustangs.

You gotta have
multiple income streams.

Sorry, Liberace.

- I think you'd best
wait in the car.
-[horse snorts]

Here's the hot tub contract.

Sign here and here.

Sign by the "X," here.

But I don't see an "X."

Well then put an "X" there.

And sign by that "X."

Make a rhombus here,
initial it.

Here, here, here.

Here, here, here, here.
Here, here, and here.

And don't forget
to write your tip.

The tip?

You haven't even
done anything yet.

Well, I'll give you
a tip, then.

Nobody wears
braided belts anymore.

Get off of me.
Can I just have my hot tub?

Of course. Right away.

Hmm.

Looks like I forgot a part.

I'll just call
the home office.

Home office? Daffy Duck here.

I'm gonna need you
to run me out a knobby flange.

Come on, there's nobody
on the other end
of that phone.

Of course there is.

Sorry, this joker thinks
I'm talking to no one.

Who would talk
to an empty phone?

Oh, I don't know,
certainly not me.

So, do you need a five-inch
or a three-inch knobby flange?

- What's the difference?
- Oh, about two inches.

All right, wise guy.
Just tell me which one
goes into a Pig Pot 3000.

Oh, you're gonna need
a five-inch.

Let me go check in the back.

[sighs] You just can't get
good help these days.

Found one.
Last one in stock.

Great. When can you
get it to me?

Two to three business days.

Perfect. I'll just wait here
until then.

Two or three days?
Listen, you drain stuck,
you've gotta leave.

Well, what do you know?

A five-inch knobby flange.

I had it the whole time.

I don't want
a hot tub anymore.

Sorry, buckaroo,
check the contract.

No refunds or exchanges.

It's right there
by the rhombus.

Now, let's get back to work
and clear a little space.

-[cheering]
-[screams]

[exclaiming]

You're destroying my house!

You'll thank me later.
Now, hold this.

[exclaiming]

Okay, pal, you can
let that go now.

-[objects crashing]
- My four-poster bed.

My stained glass
lamp collection.

My R&B 8-tracks,
my antique mustard jars.

-[crashing continues]
- My glass fondue pot! [grunts]

-[exclaims]
So much destruction.
-[groaning]

Better put my tape measure
away before it gets damaged.

Look at my house!
Everything's ruined except
Rutherford B. Hayes

and my glass
dolphin collection.

I can take care
of that for you.

Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo,
whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo!

My... My dolphin figurines!

[groans]

Mr. President.

My house... My belongings...

Everything's gone.

[cackling]

Oh, I thought I needed
all this stuff.

All I needed was this mud.

This glorious...
This spectacular mud.

Freedom!

-[Porky cackling]
- That's Daffy's Hot Tub
Emporium, folks.

Just call 555-Daffys-Hot-Tubs,
and start relaxing today.

You'll be happier
than a pig in the mud.

[Porky laughing]

Hello? One hot tub, please.
[chuckles]

[sighs] Squeaks,

I gotta hand it to you.

Your pizza business
is really taking off.

But I do think you should
hire a delivery guy.

-[muscles stretching]
-[groans] Cause I'm exhausted.

[squeaking]

Yeah, just sit there.

I'll do all the work
like I have been all day.

Pizza delivery
for Mrs. Cougar.

"Mrs."? [chuckling]
It's just "Miss."

And aren't you a cute,
little tender rabbit.

Wait, what?

Oh my, your big strong arms
must be exhausted and juicy

from carrying those boxes.

[purrs]

Actually, I am pretty tired.
We've been working
all day and...

Come inside
and let me pamper you.

Pamper me...

Now that I can't resist.

[squeaks] Hey,
what are you doing there?

[squeaking angrily]

When was the last time
you let someone take
care of you?

Seems to me that
you're always taking care
of others.

Please, come inside.

And I'll take care
of you, all right.

Huh?

Let's get some food
in that belly.

- Carrot dip?
- Wow! No one has ever
been so attentive to my needs.

No need to be polite. Dig in.

Chew, chew, chew.
Swallow, swallow, swallow.

Nobody likes
a chunky stuffing.

[gulps] What?

You're all skin and bone.
We need to fatten you up.

Let me make you a sandwich.

Yeah. Pulling those pizzas,
you sure work up an appetite.

It's my pleasure.

Because I have an appetite
for taking care of you.

Here's your sandwich.

-[tuts]
-[chomping]

[growling] I think
you need to relax, too.

Care to have a seat
in the hot tub?

I should probably
get back to Squeaks.

It'll really loosen up
those muscles.

A hot tub sure does
sound relaxing.

-[bubbling]
-[groaning and gasping]

-[hissing]
- Ow!

Ah...

Gee, this is
one strange hot tub.

Well, it's Swedish.

Boy, this feels real nice.

That's it.
Just lie in the tub

until you're tender enough
to eat.

- Excuse me?
- Uh...

Having you here
is such a treat.

[laughing] Here, let me
chop up some carrots for you.

So, if you get hungry,
you can just pick up
a floating snack.

Thanks.

Now, just relax and
simmer for 15 minutes.

And I'll check on you shortly.

[Squeaks knocking
and shouting]

[squeaking]

-[mimics chewing]
- What? Trying to eat me?

[squeaking]

You're right,
this isn't a hot tub.

It's a pot! [screams]

Oh, man, she was clearly
trying to eat me.

Gee, it was so obvious.

I mean she fed me
delicious food.

And fixed up that nice
hot tub for me.

It sure was nice to be
pampered like that.

-[sighs]
-[screams]

[squeaking]

[chittering]

[steam hissing]

Squeaks, you're letting
all the steam out.

[squeaking]

[chittering]

Aw, sheesh,
you're right, Squeaks.

I wasn't thinking.
Let's get out of here.

It's like I knew she was
trying to eat me,

but I couldn't resist
being pampered.

Chalk it up to a lack
in judgment and
a love of hot tubs.

And saunas and sandwiches.

And floating snacks.

[squeaking]

Boy, it sure is nice
to be pampered like that.

[exclaims, sighs]

[exclaiming]

Where is he?

There you are.

[clears throat]

Would you care
for some more pampering?

Yes, please...

Why don't you hop
right up on here

and let me
give you a massage.

Oh, that'd be fantastic.

Ooh. That feels great.

What kind of massage is this?

Oh, it's a dry rub.

And this is one of those
seaweed wraps.

Oh, yeah, I hear
they're great for your skin.

Oh, yes, it's mouth-watering.

Wait, did you say
"mouth-watering"?

- Did I?
- Yipes!

Not so fast.

[grunts]

-[roaring]
-[yelps] Mrs. Cougar,

I think you're trying
to digest me.

It's "Miss" and I am.

[cheers triumphantly]

-[clangs]
-[grunts]

[growls]

[slurps and sniffs]

[chomping]

Oh, man.
She is not a pretty eater.

I had no idea your pizza
was this delicious.

More, more, more,
more. [panting]

Well, Squeaks,
let's get to making pizza.

There's one slice left.

- Oh... I... I shouldn't.
- Come on.

Pamper yourself.

-[chomps]
-[Bugs] Just the pizza.

Sorry.

What can I say?

It's hard to teach
an old cougar new tricks.