01x18 & 01x25 - Pearl Wants to Be a Star/Super Sitters

[bunniefuu]

- Hi, I'm Patrick Star,
and I live with my parents.

Ow!

This is my dad.

This is my mom.
[laughs]

This is my sister.

She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room.

And this...

this is my show!

- Pearl what's taking so long?

- Oh, I can't decide.
Which tutu? Orange or green?

Okay, both.

Swallowing swords.

I can't find my sousaphone.

Better bring these instead.

Now, where did I put my
possessed ventriloquist dummy?

- [snickering]

- Oh, no, you don't.

- No. I don't want to--hey,
is that a sword? Ouch!

- Pearl, let's go.

I'm already late for me
game day with GrandPat.

And me loot sack
is getting hungry.

I'm gonna feed you
all me winnings.

- [barks, panting]
- Oh.

Hee-hee-hee. Oh!

- [panting] Daddy, let's go.

I'm late for my big debut.

- [groaning]

[upbeat music]

[all cheering]

- Oh, no,
they started without me.

- Mm.
[doorbell rings]

- About time you showed up,
Krabs.

You know why the navy
is always late?

They gotta wait for the tides
to wash them ashore.

[laughs]

- [groans] You marines
are a department

of the navy, you know.

- Yeah, the men's department,

[laughs]

- Excuse me, your wall of lame
is in my way.

- Bring up camera three,
and start the music cue

in three, two, one.

Ahh!

- Squidina, thanks so much
for inviting me

to be on Patrick's show.
I'm so excited!

- Of course.
I hope you're ready.

As soon as he's done
with his bit you're on.

- Baby wants his baba.

- [grunting]

- Aha!

Ooh!

[gulping]

[belches]

Ha-ha!
Heh-heh-heh-heh.

- Today I'm going
to be a star.

- Oh.
[laughs]

Thank you.

- Okay, Pearl.
You've got 30 seconds to fill

while Patrick changes
his costume.

- [grunting]
- Huh?

- [grunting]

- Okay, maybe 45 seconds.

Ladies and gentlemen,

making her big
"Patrick Show" debut,

it's Pearl.

- [gulps]

Heh-heh-heh. Heh.

Heh-heh, heh-heh.

Catch.

- Boring.
- [yawns]

- Ouch! Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
Ouch.

Ahhh! Ouch! Ahh!

[all gasping]

- Bonjour.
[all cheering]

- [sobbing]

Squidina, I don't think
they liked me.

- That was pretty terrible.
Don't worry.

When Patrick is done you'll
have another chance to fail,

I mean, bail.
I mean, wow them.

- [sobbing]

- Hmm.

You got any swabbies?
- Get sunk.

- [groaning]

- You know,
back in the service

I didn't have time
for silly games.

Why,
once I took out a whole nest

of enemy soldiers
all on my own.

Ahh!
- Uh?

Argh!

Hiyah!

Ha.

[explosions]

- Nest of soldiers? More like
a nest of urchins I'll bet.

- Ooh.

Oh-oh-oh, ow!

- Besides, that ain't nothing
compared to the time

I took out three battleships
single-clawed-edly.

[grunting]

[cannon booms]

Whoo-hoo!

Wow!

Oh! Oh! Hey! Wow!

Navy!

- Hogwash.

The only ships you ever sank
were your baby bath toys.

- [groans]

- You got any yeomen?
- Get sunk.

- Heh-heh.
Three bosuns and a skipper.

That's a full poop deck, Krabs.

- Oh, sorry, old man.

Five admirals. I win.

[laughs]

- That's not fair.

I ain't finished with you
yet, you whippersnapper.

We're playing another game.
Double or nothing.

- We fold in the egg whites,

add a dash of nutmeg,
and voilà.

That's how you rotate
the tires on your boat.

[cheers and applause]

[laughing]

- Okay Pearl, you're up again.

- Ooh-ooh-ooh!

What if it doesn't go well?

- We just gotta get back
on that seahorse.

Now break a leg.
Preferably not your own.

- Ehh...

[upbeat funky music]

Uh-heh-heh.

[together]
Huh?

- Ahh! Ahh!

- [yawns]

- Oh, no.

I'm losing them again.
Better kick it up a notch.

Mm, yah!

Ahh-ahh! Ugh!

Augh! Ahh!

Ugh!
[groans]

- I see you went
for the big finish.

[all groaning]

- Well, at least
it ended tragically.

- [grunting]

The yard is all set up
for a game of Shuffle Stuff.

You do remember
how to play don't you, Krabs?

- Of course, I do.

Anything you hit
in the hole you keep.

- Good.
I was worried all that bobbing

up and down on navy boats
rattled your brains to bits.

- Bah. I suffered more than
rough seas in the navy.

I got this bad boy

fighting off a pirate
boarding party near Malta.

- Oh, yeah? Well, I got these
charging up Octopus Hill.

- Ha! Baby stuff.

I got this battling
Bobbit worms in open waters.

Heh-heh-heh.

Hee-hee, I win again.
Thanks for playing, G.P.

- Wait. That can't be it.

One more game, Krabs.
Double or nothing.

- [sobbing]

- [grunts]

- Oh Squidina, I thought
I was gonna be a star,

but they won't even
remember me enough to hate me.

- Oh, don't worry.

They'll probably remember
you enough for that.

[grunts]

- [chuckling]

[crowd oohing]

- Tada!

Ahh!

[cheers and applause]

- Ah-ha-ha! Ooh!

- Oh. That's your cue.

I know you can do it
this time, Pearl.

You're a star.

- All right.
I guess I can humiliate myself

one more time for the show.

[microphone feedback]
- ♪ Ohhh ♪

[both murmuring indistinctly]

[together]
Huh?

- ♪ I'm a blue whale ♪

♪ Here to share
my sad whale tale ♪

- Hoo-hoo-hoo, what a haul.
Ohh.

- ♪ When things go all wrong,
nothing to do ♪

♪ But sing a sad whale song ♪

Ahh!

♪ This is a sad song,
not a glad song ♪

♪ A feeling bad, kind of mad,
not so rad song ♪

♪ When things have gone wrong,
I have just one song ♪

♪ A song for days
that are so bad ♪

♪ The worst days
that you've ever had ♪

- Whoo-hoo. That's my girl.

- Take all my stuff, will you?

Hey, Krabs.

The next game's called
Catch the Piano.

Double or nothing.

Ahh!

Heh-heh.

Uh-oh. Ahh!

- ♪ A stubbed my snow song,
a fell in snow song ♪

♪ An out of dough, full of woe,
eating crow song ♪

♪ A bloody song,
a muddy clothes song ♪

♪ A feel new lows, ruined
shows, guess I froze song ♪

- ♪ Yes, she's a sad whale ♪

- ♪ I am ♪
- ♪ Can you not tell? ♪

- ♪ I can ♪

- ♪ She just wanted to perform
for you ♪

♪ Now she feels like
she might spew ♪

- Blech!

both: ♪ When you feel down,
you got a big frown ♪

♪ And you can't face anyone
from your hometown ♪

♪ Yes, when you feel frail
and you wanna bail ♪

♪ Don't hit the trail,
just inhale ♪

♪ Pull back your veil ♪

♪ And sing your sad
blue whale song ♪

[laughter]

- Thank you.
Thank you very much.

- Yah! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Huh?
- Ahh!

- [coughing]

Ohh!

Ehh...

talk about bombing big time.

[sobbing]

- Oh, what a
catastrophic ending.

- Ooh! Yeah! Yeah!

- Pearl! Pearl! Pearl!

[all shouting]

- Pearly girl,
you were amazing.

I never knew you had the pipes.

- You really liked my song,
Daddy?

- Every second of it.

Right up until I got pulverized
by the piano.

- Congratulations, Pearl.
You are a star.

- Yeah. You should be
on tomorrow's show too.

- Huh?
- Hmm?

- Maybe we'll call you
when the set's rebuilt.

- I can't wait.

- One more game, Krabs.
Double or nothing.

Ha-ha!
- [groaning]

[dramatic music]

- And so ends BB TV's

"Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy"
ten-day marathon.

[both muttering]

- How many times have we
watched and rewound this now?

- Uh, approximately



- Ooh.

That's all?

- Wouldn't it be great
to go back in time

and experience "Mermaid Man

and "Barnacle Boy"
when they were brand-new?

- Yeah. I wish we had
a time closet.

- Huh?

Patrick, you do have
a time closet.

What are we waiting for?

- What are we waiting for?

W-waiting...for...

[babbling]

- Hold that thought.

- There. This should be
far enough back in time to see

"Mermaid Man and Barnacle
Boy's" first adventure.

- Ahh!
- [roars]

- We went too far back!

- I'll save you, SpongeBob.

[panty]

Argh!

Ow!

- Wow. What is this place.

"Super Child Daycare,

a preschool
for future superheroes."

Hmm.
- Superheroes?

Heh-heh! Heh-heh!
- Hmm.

[gasps] Ooh.

Oh,
thank Neptune you're here.

Thank you. Thank you.
- Um...

- I called for you guys
days ago.

I thought relief
would never come.

So the day's agenda
is on the clipboard,

snacks are in the kitchen,

and here's the keys
to the panic room just in case.

I'll be back in a few..
hours-ish.

Ah-ha-ha!

[both gasp]

- [babbling]

both: Super babies.

- Eee! Ooh!

- Thank you!

- SpongeBob? Is that...

- It is.

- It's Man Ray as a baby!

- Wuv!

- And that over there.

- It's the Dirty Bubble
as a baby bubble.

The Dirty Baby Bubble.

Do you think it's possible?

- [gasps]
There!

- Ebol!

[babbling]

- Patrick, we went back in time
to when Mermaid Man and

Barnacle Boy
themselves were new.

Not their adventures,

both:
This will be the best job ever!

- Hmm.
According to this schedule...

- It's calisthenics time.

- Good thing too.
Some of these super babies

could sure
burn off some energy.

- [babbling]

- Ahh!
- Whoa!

[babies babbling]

Everybody ready?
All right, Patrick.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

- Okay, kids,
let's touch our toes.

Here we go.
Down and up. Down and up.

- [babbling]

- [babbling]

- [babbling]

[both grunting]

- All right.

Time for jumping jacks.

Let's go.

[all babbling]

- Ooh!

Oh! Ooh!

[all babbling]

- [panting]

- [babbling]

- [panting]

- [grunting]

- Ohh! Ohh! Ahh!

- [babbling]

- Ohh.
- Oh.

Ebol.

- Heh-heh.

Okay, children,
time now for storytime-time.

- A juice box for you,

and one for you,

and one...

[slurping]

For baby Ray.

- Huh?

- Today we have
an extra-special storytime,

because today our story
comes to us from the future.

[all gasp]

Ohh.

[sniffs]

Ahh, pulpy.

Get ready for "Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy

in the Good Guy League
versus the Bad Guy Society."

[all gasp]

The good guys are Mermaid Man,
Barnacle Boy, Rubber Bandy,

and Go Woman.
The bad guys are Man Ray,

the Dirty Bubble,
the Coral Creep, and Exo Woman.

[together]
Wha?

"It was midnight in Civil City,
and the bad guys

"were breaking into the
Yummy Tummy Cupcake Factory.

"A stick of dynamite and...

[all cackling]

Oh...

- Ohh.

- [grunting]

Augh!

[cackling]

[all cackling]

- Barnacle boy?

- Ha-ha!
- Rubber Bandy?

- Ha-ha!
- Go Woman?

[all grunting]

Karang. Crack.

And so the Good Guy League
beat the Bad Guys

and tossed them into
a frozen prison in outer space.

The end.

- Ohh.
- Hmm?

- Ebol?
- [babbling]

- Hey.
This was in mint condition.

Or at least
very good slash fine.

[all sobbing]

- Hey, hey, hey.

Superheroes and supervillains
don't cry.

They battle.

- [babbles]

- [groans]

Now you're getting it!
Baby superhero fight!

- No, Patrick.
They could get hurt.

- SpongeBob,
they're super babies.

They can't get hurt.

Wouldn't it be great

if they could do an adventure
like in the comics?

Oh, I know!
They could do this adventure!

Ha-ha-ha!

Okay, inside this kitchen
are all the cupcakes.

The bad babies led by me will
break in and steal the snacks.

The good babies led by you
will try to stop us.

It will be their
very first adventure.

- Ooh.

- [grunts]

Ahh!
- Ha-ha-ha!

[all shout]

[all babbling]

- Hold it right there,
bad babies.

Your infantile
crime wave is over.

Ahh! Oh!

- Wah! Wah! Wah!

- [shouts]

[both gasp]

- [babbling]
- Oh! Ow! Oh! Ow!

- Ahh-ahh-ahh!

- [shouting]

- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

Wahh!

- Ahh!

[belches]

both: Huh?

- [babbling]

- [grunting]

- Oh! Oh! Augh!

[groaning]

- This is the greatest thing
that's ever happened

in the world
of great things happening.

- [humming]

[gasps]

Great Neptune's navel!

- [grunting]

[all shouting]

- Hmph.

[inhales]

[whistle blows]

- That's better.
Oh, children, what's wrong?

[all grumbling]

- Thanks, mister. This was
the best lives of our day.

- Really. You just can't
imagine what this means to us.

- Well, I know
what it means to me.

It means you've completely
undone all my hard work

trying to teach these kids
to get along!

[all shouting]

- You're welcome.

both: Ahh!
- And stay out.

- Later in the present...

- Ahh, just think, Patrick,

if it weren't for us
the Good Guys and the Bad Guys

would've never realized they're
supposed to fight each other.

- Yeah, that's right.

- We...
- Would...

- Have...
- Never...

- Fought...
- With...

- Each Other.
We would've joined a circus

or a freak show
or something cool like that.

- Instead, thanks to you,
we're stuck fighting forever.

- Ehh...
- Um...

you're welcome?

- Uh, Patrick, even though
we love "Mermaid Man

and Barnacle Boy" more than
anything in the whole world,

I think we should run!

- And so ends another exciting
episode of

"The Patrick Star Show."