01x16 & 01x17 - X Marks the Pot/Patrick's Alley

[bunniefuu]

Hi. I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad!

This is my mom!
Hoo hoo hoo!

[giggles]
This is my sister!

She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this...

This is my show!

[funky music]

{\an8}One power glove, used.

{\an8}One pair of boots, smelly.

{\an8}And one, mask?

{\an8}Or is it a helmet?

{\an8}It's my head!

[grunting]

Ahh.

Man Ray,
you've served your time.

- May I call you Manny?
- No.

Great! So, Manny,

do you promise to give up
your Supervillain ways?

You're not going to blow up
Bikini Bottom again are you?

Oh, don't worry, Warden,
Man Ray is goin' straight!

Aah!

Straight to my lair

to pick up
my Blackhole Doomsday b*mb!

[chortling]

Ah well.
See you soon, Manny!

[humming]

[siren wailing]

[commotion, screaming]

Aah--ah--

Aah!

[all screaming]

Ah.
[sighs]

The location of my underground
lair is right about here.

Now I just need to grab
my Blackhole b*mb

and take over the... world?

What? Some nitwit
has built their house

on top of my secret hideout!

Shake it off, Man Ray!

All you need to do is secretly
sneak inside their basement,

find the secret tunnel
to the secret door,

and secretly grab your
secret evil b*mb, secretly!

[chortling]

It's unlocked! The fools!

[laughs]
Huh? That's odd.

[toilet flushes]

[yelling, groaning]

[clattering]

Huh?

What is with this crazy house?

[sighs]
Calm down, Man Ray.

You're a master
of super-villainy.

Just need a different
plan of attack.

[chuckles]

[doorbell rings]
Pizza delivery!

Hey, you're not
the regular pizza guy.

Uh, He's-a sick. On-a vacation.
Got lost?

He's-a lost and-a sick
on-a vacation.

Ooh! Hey, there he is!

- Hey, Luigi!
- Hey! Buon giorno, Patrick!

Here's 'a your daily


Heh! This guy said
you were sick! Heh!

Hey! This is-a my-a pizza
territory, capiche?

What're you gonna do
about it, short stuff?

Hmm...

[both growling]

Uh, I was just leaving.

[wheezing]

[both grunting]
[Man Ray groaning, moaning]

Hey!

Muah!

- [doorbell rings]
- Oh, hello.

- Can I help you?
- I'm Man Ra--

[clears throat]
Uh, Manny, ugh,

a traveling
portrait photographer,

and I want to
take your picture.

- Ooh!
- Would you care to

peruse my portfolio?

Oh, I'd love to!

Oh, would ya look at that.

Isn't that cute!

Oh, my, so artistical!

Oh! You simply must take
a portrait of my whole family.

- Come in!
- Whoa--

Wait right here
while I wrangle my brood!

You little genius, you!

[growling]

Agh! Now to find
that basement and my b*mb.

- [chuckling]
- This is my darling daughter!

Now where did
I put my darling husband?

Ooh-hoo-hoo!

Ooh!
Camera equipment!

Huh? Wha--

[giggling]

[continues giggling]

[roars]

[growling]
If I give you this,

will you stay out of my way?

You betcha!

[giggling]

Ahem!

I'm just going to find your
little photographer's room!

- Huh?
- I'm back!

This is my dear hubby Cecil!

Whoa!

Hey! Watch it, fella!

Sorry, but I need
to practice my shadow boxing!

I start my new job

as a jelly-weight
prizefighter... yesterday.

He's going up against
the Annihilator!

Aren't you, sweetie?

Have fun while I
track down Patrick!

Keep it up, Pop!

I'm getting
some great action shots!

Say, you're pretty good
at this boxing stuff!

Well, I do have the reflexes

of a supervillai--
er, a super photographer!

Hey, come on!
Spar with me!

[sighs]

Aah--

[crashing, thudding]
Oh...

[woozy muttering]

One more round!
You barely grazed me.

I found Patrick!

Oops!
I forgot to get GrandPat!

Ugh! There's more
of you morons in this house?

Whoo!

Now, hold this pose

while the rest
of your nitwit family shows up.

Let's hope they don't.

[singsong]
Now to find

that baaaasement!

Ahhh--

Who's the weirdo
in the long johns?

He's gonna take
our picture, GrandPat!

Picture?
I don't want my picture tooken!

Cameras steal your soul!

Now, everyone say fleas!

Wait, I gotta get my guys
for the photograph!

- [panting]
- [sighs]

I almost forgot

super-duper Mermaid Man

and lame and weak Man Ray.

- [whimpering]
- Grrr...

Hey, take that, Man Ray!

Oof! You're so dumb!

[high-pitched voice]
Oh, I surrender

to your powerful fisticuffs,
Mermaid Man!

- [whimpering]
- I don't sound--uh...

Man Ray doesn't sound
like that.

Ow! Stop it, Mermaid Man!

You big meanie!
Wah! Wah wah!

Ehh, let me show you
what really happened!

Grovel before me, Mermaid worm!
I'm exposing my belly in fear!

Ooh! Careful of
my Man Ray doll!

It's really rare
'cause nobody wants it!

Impossible!
I had my own fan club!

I mean... I'll need a dark room
to develop your photos.

Our basement's the darkest
house in the room!

Aaah!

I'm beginning to miss prison.

Huh? What?
This isn't my lair.

Ugh, it must be deeper!

Oh, there you are!

Everybody's upstairs waiting
for you to take our picture!

Ha-ha. Huh? What?

Before I can take
your family portrait I, uh,

need to bury your toys
deep underground!

- Why?
- Reasons.

Well, you've convinced me.

I gotta get digging!

[grunting]
Ah, ah, ah!

[GrandPat moaning]

Uh-uh-oh!
He said "Don't move."

Ugh.
I don't have all day.

Well, I do have all day.

But move over--
you're boring me!

Where'd that kid go?

Hellooo?

- Hello.
- Ahhh!

[gasps] Ohhh, my lair!

Everything is right
where I left it!

Kid Ray, you're still here!

Boy, when I say stay put,
you really stay put!

Hmm?
[crack]

[whimpers]

Ooh!
Ha... ha ha...

b*mb?

Oh, b*mb?

b*mb?

Here bomby bomby!

What are you looking for?

I'm looking for
my Blackhole Doomsday b*mb!

It's about yay big with fins.
Blows up the universe?

Oh that! Ha ha.

We found your
thingy years ago!

[ticking]

My Doomsday Blackhole b*mb!

What have they done to you?

Pfft! It's not a b*mb.

- It's our nut smashing table!
- Huh?

It's perfect for smashing
seanuts!

Watch!

Stop! Hold it!

Say cheese poofs!

- Oops! I missed!
- Oh no.

[crack]

[dramatic music]

all: Aaaah!

[French accent]

[humming]

Manny, Manny, Manny,
blowing up the whole earth!

- For shame!
- [chuckles]

Ah, prison!

Oh!
[giggling]

[growling]

[eerie music]

[snarling]

[all screaming]

Oh, no!

The giant mutant sea ape

{\an8}is escaping!

{\an8}I guess there's only
one thing we can do.

We'll have to put him
out of our misery.

[cheering]

Hooray!

Wow, that was awesome!

With all those super duper
special o'fects,

that was the best-er-iest
show yet!

Can't wait to do that
again tomorrow.

I don't know, Patrick,

our robot gorilla
put us way over budget!

There won't be a show tomorrow

unless we can come up
with some more money!

Aw, and I wanted tomorrow's
episode to be in CG!

Aww!

Sorry, CG Patrick!
We gotta have a show!

- I can't let down the lawnies!
- Lawnies?

Yeah, the kids
out on the lawn!

The Patrick show has been
giving away

babysitting for free!

If we charge
for watching these kids,

we can have
all the robot gorillas we want!

[dynamic music]

[babbling]

If your kid
is driving you crazy,

and you would rather be lazy,

bring your kids
down to "The Patrick Show"!

It's the way to go!

We'll watch your kids
for lots of dough!

[background chatter]

Freedom...

Oh boy, twins!
Double the fun!

- Yeah, fun.
- Let's get outta here.

Patrick Show Babysitting
is open for business!

- No!
- These kids are going bananas!

How are we gonna
keep them safe?

I'm on it!
What's safer than a safe?

Patrick!

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm...
mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Maybe we'll try a playpen.

Hey!
Let's do a show aimed at kids!

Great! I'll get the crossbow.

Ehh, maybe start
with a song instead?

[piano chords]

♪ It's a wonderful thing ♪

♪ To be a twit ♪

♪ To not have a clue,
to be a nitwit! ♪

♪ Let's be dumb!
Let's just be dumb! ♪

♪ Let's just be dumb
together! ♪

♪ You don't need brains
to climb a tree ♪

♪ Have lots of fun,
or get stung by a bee ♪

Whoa!

♪ Now let's fill our heads
with nothing today! ♪

♪ We'll empty our brains
and together we'll say! ♪

♪ Let's be dumb!
Let's just be dumb! ♪

♪ Let's all be dumb together ♪

Huh? Hey, where'd the babies
go?

The babies tied their diapers
into a rope and escaped!

[gasps]
No kids, no cash!

Watch out for that last one.
It's mine.

Ew!
[babbling]

Ohh. They're just playing
in the neighbor's yard.

Thank Neptune!
[motor hums]

Oh, no!

It's Robot Gardener day!

- What?
- It's Robot Gardener day!

I can't hear you because
it's Robot Gardener day!

- Robot gardeners!
- Robot gardeners!

Aaah!

{\an8}Uhhh...

This fortified playpen

should keep the little
sweethearts where they belong!

Hey Kids!
It's time for Ouchie's Hints!

Ouchie wants to tell us something,

and he has left hints
around the house!

Can you help me figure out
what Ouchie wants?

Huh, here's an Ouchie hint
on his food dish!

I wonder what it could mean?

Ouchie's hungry!

Shh! Quiet!
Trying to think!

Hmm...

Ouchie want eat!

A can of Ouchie's food?

A can! Maybe he wants me
to do the cancan!

♪ ♪

[laughing]

Whoa!

- Pffft!
- Okay, maybe not.

I gotta figure out
this conspir-stery!

Huh.

If Ouchie's not here,
maybe he's there?

But if I'm me and you're you,

who is the man
in the purple pants?

[sniffing] And why does my
armpit smell like lemonade?

Hmm...

Ooh!

I know what to do!

Huh?
[panting]

Maybe a little brain food
will help me figure out

what Ouchie wants.

I'm hungry, you dolt!

Oh, and the kids
are gone again!

What kids?

Oh! Those kids!

Shrimp sauce!

The babies
are playing in traffic!

Don't worry, I got this.

Welcome to the wild world
of Baby Fishin'!

Today I'll teach you how to be
an Angler of little angels!

For a Steelhead Toddler

you wanna use a tufted nappy!

[horns honking]

Now,
with a Big Mouth Babbler,

the twisted teething ring
is the way to go.

O' course for the wily
Rainbow Moppet,

all you need
is a number four pacifier!

Too old, throw it back.

[whimpering]

Ohh...

[exclaiming]

Now, that's a big baby haul!

Huh? These babies need
to learn some manners!

[high-pitched voice]
Hi kids,

I'm Marcy the Manners Manatee!

For today's lesson in manners

we're going to learn
a magic word!

- Alakazaam?
- No. Try again.

Abracadabra?

No!

- Asparagus?
- No!

The magic word is please!

Ooh! I've gotta try this out.

What am I doin' in this box?

I told you I wanted
a sky burial!

Observe as I cut
this complete stranger

into two pieces!

[breathing hard]

- Hey!
- And now, I will

magically
put him back together

using my magic word!

Pah-leeease!

[fanfare]

Ooh!

Ohh, and I
just had my hips rotated!

I think your magic word
is broken.

Argh!

You moronic, imbecilic dimwit!

- [overlapping shouting]
- Lemme outta here!

What's the magic word?

[dolphin sounds]

- Whoa!
- Wow!

That's not very kid friendly!
Bad puppet!

I guess we should've used
tempered glass.

Ooh, ooh, ooh... baby tracks!

This way.

Well, I'm stumped.

Oh, hey babies.

Did you grow taller?

[snoring]

Ah--[mutters]

Down on Slobbery fields

at the crack of dawn,

the Slobby Tots
are back on the lawn.

Oh, how I wish
those brats were gone!

- [whimpering]
- Oh, wicker heads!

I remember those
from my pagan days!

Boy, were they itchy.

Booger ba-ba doody didey!

Booger ba-ba doody didey!

Booger ba-ba
doody didey!

Booger ba-ba doody
didey!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Huh?
- Hooray!

The dumb Slobby Tots'
dumb parents

are taking 'em
to their dumb home!

Thank you for doing such
an excellent job

watching our little monst--

uh, I mean, little darlings!

[overlapping chatter]

We did it!

We made enough money
to do tomorrow's episode!

- Yay!
- Eight hours from now,

I can do
my solid gold diaper show!

Mmm!

[humming motor]

both: Oh, no, Robot
Gardener day!

[both sobbing]

Welp,
you know what they say--

out of the frying pan
and into the mower!

[laughing]