03x49 - Out of Towner Alien Encounter/Down Horace-Scope

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

There's nothing like picking
apples on a summer's day.

(GRUNTS)

Hey, it's stuck.

What the--

(YELLS)

Eh, what's up, Spock?

I'll tell you what's up,
inferior life form.

You're going to tell me
how to take over the Earth!

Sorry, pal. But this planet
is already taken.

So why don't you take
your little spacecraft

and toodle on back to
where you came from?

If you don't help me,

then I will use
my disintegration ray

to destroy you!

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
On second thought,

maybe the Earth could
use some new management.

Oh, goody, goody.

Tell me all your
earthling secrets.

All my earthling secrets?

Well, I'm scared of the dark,

I don't always brush my teeth
before bed,

and sometimes I wear
the same underpants

two days in a row.

I mean, secrets to
taking over the Earth!

Oh, those secrets.

Well, if you wanna
take over the Earth,

the secret is mastering
three activities.

I just love activities.

And mastery.

(PLAYERS GRUNTING)

All right. This is one of
the three activities

you must master
to take over the Earth.

It's called football.
We do it every weekend.

It looks like they're trying
to rip each other's heads off!

Yeah, pretty much.

But if you wanna
take over the Earth,

you gotta be able to run
all the way down to the end
of the field

and score a touchdown.

You're new at this.

I'm gonna help you out.

Now here's the play.
Tight right, Z-54,

butterscotch crunch
on three.

I don't know what that means.

- Just go long!
-(YELLS)

Down, set, Red Omaha,
Red Omaha!

I'm Red Omaha!

Get out of here,
I'm trying to save the world!

(RED OMAHA YELLS)

Hut, hut, hike!

(MARVIN YELLS)

You did it, Marvin!

You scored a touchdown!

MARVIN: (GROANING)
Oh, goody, goody.

And now it's time
for the extra point.

(SCREAMING)

He's good!

If I'm good,

then why do I feel so bad?

It doesn't matter
how you feel.

You did it!

You learned football!

So, that means I'm ready
to take over the Earth?

No, you have two more
activities to learn.

Follow me.

Welcome to your next activity.
The steak house.

Now, if you wanna
take over the world,

you have to get your picture
on this restaurant's
wall of fame.

And the only way to do that

is to eat the biggest steak
they have.

(WHIMPERS)

Now bring out
the big one, boys!

Huh?

(BEEPS)

Oh, dear. (GROANS)

Heavens to Murgatroyd,

this is too big!

Then I guess you can't
get your picture on the wall.

What? Wait.

Marvin never quits!

You know, for a little guy,

he's got quite the appetite.

(MARVIN BURPS LOUDLY)

There. I... (GAGS)
did it.

Now let's get your picture.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Now that you've mastered
the art of overeating,

you have to master
the art of overshopping.

At this wholesale
warehouse store.

Look at all these great deals.

I don't know why,

but I suddenly have the urge
to buy everything!

That's right.
Hit it, Rhoda.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ You gotta buy
You gotta buy in bulk

♪ You gotta buy
You gotta buy in bulk

♪ Don't just sit and sulk
You gotta buy in bulk

♪ Second verse
Same as the first

♪ You gotta buy
You gotta buy in bulk

♪ You gotta buy
You gotta buy in bulk

♪ Don't just sit and sulk
You gotta buy in bulk

♪ Yeah ♪

(MARVIN GRUNTING)

You need bigger carts.

(RUMBLING)

Oh, no.

Now that I've got my bounty
loaded into my spaceship,

it's time for
planetary domination!

You should've had it
delivered, doc.

Ooh, you tricked me, rabbit!

You'll pay for this!

(SARCASTICALLY)
Oh, no.

(GASPING AND PANTING)

Eh, what's up, doc?

I'm too tired to chase you.

I'm still exhausted from
shopping and gorging on meat.

Forget about chasing me.

I have a better activity
for us to do.

Another root beer?

No, thank you. I'm good.

This is actually
the ultimate Earth activity.

It's called
"Putting your feet up."

Ooh, I like
putting my feet up.

In fact, I could put
my feet up all the time.

What about taking over
the Earth?

I think the Earth
has taken over me.

(BURPS)

I'll see that burp
and raise you another.
(BURPS)

Oh, no. I'll see that burp
and raise you another.

(BURPS)

(BOTH CONTINUES BURPING)

Gentlemen, this here is
the noted oceanographer
Blacque Jacque Shellacque.

Is that the guy
in the courtroom

with the little,
tiny typewriter?

No, Horace. An Oceanographer
is someone who explores
the vast ocean waters,

and documents and tells
his adventures.

Well, we think Blacque Jacque
is using his documentaries

as an elaborate
sponge-dealing operation.

I believe that's ill*gal.

Yeah, I need those things
to clean my dirty dishes.

Sponges are a valuable part of
the delicate ocean ecosystem,

but they're worth
a lot of money.

Your assignment will be to
go undercover,

and work on
Blacque Jacque's sub.

We're gonna make
sub sandwiches!

All my dreams
are coming true!

You're not making
sub sandwiches,
you knucklehead!

But I got so excited
I cut all this roast beef!

Don't worry, buddy.
I'll find a nice home
for you someday.

No problem, Chief.

- You can count on us.
-(CHUCKLES)

Let me tell you about all
the different sandwiches

there are in the world,
all right?

There's Monte Cristo,

there's grilled cheese,

there's ham on rye--

So, you silly willies
are my pathetic excuse
for a crew, eh?

Oh, man.
That little guy is angry.

That's hilarious.

Porky and Horace,
reporting for duty, Captain.

Well, don't just stand there
like day-old poutine.

Get into my submarine!

There is exploring to do

and money to be made.
(CHUCKLES)

(SUBMARINE SONAR BEEPING)

Now, you are my crew
and you will do as I say.

You will be
a finely tuned machine.

What's a what? Did you say
hot tuna on wheat?

I do not want a sandwich!

I said "Fine tuned machine!"

(CHUCKLES) Yeah,
I still don't know what
you're saying, lil' fella.

Stop patronizing me.

Now, get to your stations!

You got it, Mr. Jacque.

Ooh! Look at all these
cool buttons and lights!

Gee, I wonder
what this one does.

(GROANS)

Hmm, doesn't seem to be
doing anything.

Hey, maybe the button
is sticky or somethin'.

Horace, stop pressing
those buttons!

Ooh, sorry. Better?

Press the same button!

We gotta get that periscope
off the Captain.

(YELLING)

Oh, no. Where did
Blacque Jacque go?

Oh, hey, Captain.

What are you doing
outside the sub?

Oh, no. We gotta get him
back in here quick!

You two are
grossly unqualified.

BLACQUE: Okay,
let's try this again.

You will film me

as I narrate the beautiful
water dance of the fishes.

Roll film, pig.

This is the coral that lives
on the ocean floor.

Its finely delicate structure

is a perfect hiding spot
for electric eels.

Huh?

-(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
-(GROANING)

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

Hey, Porky.
You got the high score.

(PORKY SHUDDERING)

Thanks for this cage, Captain.

Is this to protect me
from sharks?

It's to protect you from me if
we don't get this next shot!

Maybe we can film something
soft and cuddly?

Like sponges.
Do you know where they are?

What do you know
about sponges?

-(THUDDING)
- What was that?

Hold on,
I'll be right back.

Wait, what about me?

BLACQUE: You'll be fine.
Just stay in the cage.

Horace, I think Blacque Jacque

is swimming off to steal
the sponges.

I'm gonna go after him.

Open the cage.

Okay. You got it!

(SCREAMS) Sharks!

Close the cage!

Oh, don't worry, partner.
I got this!

Whoops. Wrong button.

BLACQUE: Get away
from my little piggy,
you overgrown halibut.

One down, one to-- (SCREAMS)

(SHUDDERS) Horace.
It looks like this is the end.

I want you to know what
you were a great partner.

Hey, shark.
Don't have the ham.

Try the roast beef instead!

Mmm.

(CHOMPING)

(BURPS)

Horace, you did it!

You saved my life--

(STUTTERS) You saved my bacon!

(CHUCKLES) I knew I could be
a great sandwich sculptor.

Now let's go stop
Blacque Jacque from
stealing those sponges.

(GROANING)

PORKY: There he is.

(BLACQUE GROANING)

Get your croissants
off of me!

HORACE: Chief, what are you
doing on the ocean floor?

And why do you have
that big bag full of
ill*gal sponges?

Because I'm the one
stealing the sponges!

(ALL GASP)

(CHOMPING) Mmm.
Mm-hmm-hmm.

You see, Blacque Jacque here

kept interrupting my
sponge-stealin' scheme

when he films
his little videos.

I signed you two dunderheads
to stop him.

I figured you'd keep him
far away from here,

so I can steal all these
fluffy sponges for myself.

Feel 'em!
They're so fluffy.

So goldarn fluffy!

Ooh, he's right.

They are fluffy and whatnot.

He's also right about you two
being dunderheads.

Even so, we did our job
and caught the bad guy.

Horace, take the Chief away.

What's gonna happen to me?

You're going to jail.

Where unlike sponges,
they won't be soft on you.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)