03x30 - Riverboat Rabbit/Dorlock, P.I.

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Ah. Floating down
the Mississippi River.

The trees are swaying,
the frogs are chirping,

and that giant
steam-powered paddle boat

is racing towards me.

(SCREAMING) Yikes!

-(WHIRRING)
-(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

What's this? A stowaway?

On my riverboat?

I'm not a stowaway.

Your riverboat
ran over my dinghy.

Well, you got in my way with
your pathetic little dinghy.

You would be wise
not to besmirch my dinghy.

(CHUCKLING)
Okay, okay.

Let me make it up to you.

Step into my office.

You're not just
blowing smoke, are you?

I'm not.

But this here smokestack is.

(BUGS SCREAMS)

This captain is going down.

With or without his ship.

Well, that takes care of that.

(EXCLAIMS)

(SLURPS)

I've been saving this
for a special occasion.

Well, hello there, ma'am.

These eyes have seen
many beautiful sights,

but none of them
compares to you.

Oh, my. Are you speaking
to little old me?

Would you allow me
the pleasure

of showing you around
my magnificent riverboat?

- Oh, how lovely.
-(SMACKING)

Are you okay?

Yes, ma'am.
Just enjoying the company.

May I show you the bridge?

As long as you don't
show me the poop deck.

This here is where
I steer the ship.

It's called the wheel.
Give it a try!

Whee!

That's why we
call it a whee-l!

Now, how'd you like
to take me for a spin?

(THUDDING)

Are you okay?

That kiss sure packed
a wallop.

Will you marry me?

I think we should
put this relationship

on the breaks.

Huh?

Whoa!

How dare you play
with my heart, rabbit?

Gators! Help!

(GURGLING)

Now, where'd you
get off to?

Yoo-hoo!
Oh, captain, my captain!

Don't move a muscle.

I'm gonna come up there
and clean your clock.

BUGS: Yoo-hoo!

(DOORS SLAMMING)

BUGS: (WHISTLING) I give up.

Aha!

I got you now, rabbit.

Rat biscuits.

(EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING)

Help me, rabbit. Help!

I know just
the thing you need.

(GROANING)

-(GRUNTS)
-(SPLASHES)

-(EXCLAIMING IN RELIEF)
-(HORN BLARING)

- Got it.
- I hate you.

BUGS: Yoo-hoo!

For your listening pleasure,
the musical stylings

of your riverboat captain,
Yosemite Sam.

But I can't sing.

You have to.
Look how excited they are.

(ALL CHEERING)

But I don't know no songs.

Here. Just sing this.

But, I...

(PLAYING THE PIANO)

♪ Oh I can't stand you people
You're all a waste of space

♪ Go jump into the water
And put a smile
Upon my face

JOHN: Hey, are you
singing about us?

No, this isn't about you.
Not at all.

♪ I know I said I wasn't
But I'm singing about you

♪ John's ugly and he's smelly
Rick has fungus in his shoe

JOHN: Now, wait a minute.
Are you singing
about us or not?

'Cause that was
pretty specific, Rick.

RICK: For sure, John.

No, honest. This is
not about you guys.

Maybe I should
stop singing.

JOHN: No. Sing what's
left on the sheet.

RICK: Yeah.
Finish what you started.

(PLAYING THE PIANO)

♪ You're ugly
Dumb and smelly

♪ And your breath
makes me sick

♪ But all of you
Are better off
Then being John or Rick ♪

-(SPLATTERS)
- JOHN: All right,
that does it.

- JOHN: Get him, boys.
- RICK: Get him, boys.

-(BOOING)
-(EXCLAIMS GRACIOUSLY)

(LAUGHING)

(YELLS)

Ooh!

Get off my paddle, rabbit.

(EXCLAIMS)

(GURGLING)

(PANTING)

- Hey, what's up, doc?
- Oh, hey, rabbit.

Rabbit?

Okay, everyone.
We're gonna throw
this boat in reverse.

(EXCLAIMING)

BUGS: Now forward, and back.

Forward, back, forward.

(EXCLAIMING)

- BUGS: Forward, back.
- Please!

Okay, doc.

Phew.

Go backward. Go backward!

Forward! Go forward!

Go backward!

I'm weary.

This is a much better way
to ride down to Mississippi.

(PANTING)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

Who knew?

All it takes to
power a steamboat
is a little dinghy.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(BULL BELLOWING)

(CAR REVVING)

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hello?
- LIAM: Dorlock.

It's your wealthy benefactor,
Liam Luxurious.

Hold on. It's Liam Luxurious,
my wealthy benefactor.

I was staying at his estate
in exchange
for detective work.

Some art has been stolen
from the local art museum,

and I need you to find it.

You got it. Dorlock P.I.
is on the case.

Dorlock, you told me
you were gonna clean the pool.

Well, Piggins,
I was gonna clean the pool

but I started eating
this bowl of caviar
and forgot.

Oh, the caviar
is for special occasions only.

Oh, but this is
a special occasion.

We have a case to solve.

- What's that?
- My super cool theme music.

I can't solve a case
without it.

To my super cool sportscar!

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GRUNTS)

Can I help you?

Dorlock Holmes, private eye.

- This is my sidekick, Piggins.
- I'm glad you're here.

Someone has stolen
the Jade Stuffengerben.

Gesundheit.

I didn't sneeze,
the Stuffengerben
is one of these.

They stole
a tiny green dwarf?

This isn't a robbery,
it's a kidnapping!

It's not a real dwarf,
it's a sculpture.

Who would make an ugly
little thing like that?

I made it.

Where did you last
see these (STAMMERS)
Stuffengerben?

Gesundheit. It was in
a display case over there.

Out of my way.

The first thing we need to do
is dust for fingerprints.

Piggins,
dust for fingerprints.

Hmm.

(SNEEZES)
(EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING) My eyes!

Oh, stop it.

You're ruining
the art museum.

Get it off me! Get it off me!

Dorlock, look at this.

Someone left this orange
paintbrush near
the display stand.

A clue!

To the super-cool sportscar!

-(SPUTTERS)
-(CRASHES)

(CRASHES)

So, why are we
at the art fair again?

Because the art fair
is filled with artists.

Artists who use paintbrushes.

And orange paintbrushes!

DORLOCK: That big chicken
must have stolen
the Stuffengerben.

And I bet he's hiding it
in that trunk over there.

I'll distract him while you
go through that trunk.

- How're we gonna do that?
- With a disguise.

Oh, there you go,
Miss Delilah.

Your Foghorn masterpiece
is complete.

(IN FEMALE VOICE)
Care to paint my picture?

My, my, my.

You're more pretty
than an apple pie
made of sunsets.

Please step
inside my studio,

so I may immortalize
your most beautiful visage.

(GRUNTS)

Now, let's get you posed up.

Now, if you could just
tilt your head a little
and raise your arm,

extend your right pinky
three inches,
flare your nostrils,

spread your toes,
adjust your earlobe,

turn your ankles out
30 degrees,
invert your elbows

and slide your heels
underneath your pelvis.

Maybe let's go back
to the original pose.

(expl*si*n)

Hold on, you
ain't no pretty lady.

And you're an art thief.

- You stole the Snuffengerben.
- Gesundheit.

It's not here. There's nothing
in this trunk but a bunch
of broken polka records.

Then at least you didn't
waste the dynamite.

See? I told you
I didn't steal nothing.

Then where did you
get that paintbrush?

That guy gave it to me.

(CAR REVVING)

- He's getting away!
- Time for
a super-cool car chase.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

- The bridge is up!
- I'm down.

All right, where's
the Stuffengerben?

Look at all these boxes.
He's stealing paintings, too.

That's not a painting.
That's a pizza.

I didn't steal anything.

I'm a pizza guy.

If you didn't steal any art,
then where did you
get all these paintbrushes?

The janitor at the art museum
gave them to me
in exchange for some pizza.

The real mystery is
why everyone keeps paying
for things with paintbrushes.

To the museum!

The jig is up, Janitor.

Now come along peacefully,
or face the consequences.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

I'm warning you, old man.

I know krav ma-duck,

a combination of jujitsu,
karate and clog dancing.

Super cool karate fight!

- Hiya!
- Get out of my face.

(SMACKS)

Come on, old timer.

We know you took
the Snuffengerben.

Yeah, of course I took it.
I was cleaning it.

You did it! You found
the Jade Snuffengerben.

Gesundheit.

It just goes to show you,

finding a Snuffengerben
is nothing to sneeze at.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)