03x14 - Viktor the Science Swede/Dorlock and the Disorient Express

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Microscope,

test tubes, and splitting
atoms in two.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
-(expl*si*n)

It's Viktor,
the Science Swede.

Because science is fun.

Hello, children.

I am Viktor,

and I know all things
about the science.

I even have this

smarty guy bow tie
to prove it.

Yellow stuff. Purple stuff.

- VIKTOR: Boom!
-(expl*si*n)

Science.

-(INTENSE MUSIC)
- ALL: Oh, Viktor,

you're amazing.

Basking the glory.
That is my science.

In the great outdoors.

BUGS: Excuse me, doc.

But your little science show
is really loud.

You mind doing it
somewhere else?

Oh, look children.
A wooden creature.

He will be
the perfect guinea pig

for my experiments.

Guinea pig? What?

Exactly! To demonstrate
static electricity.

First, I shuffle my footsies.

Shu-ffle. Shu-ffle.

And then I give the bunny
a little shock.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
- BUGS: Ahhh. Hey!

- VIKTOR: Shu-ffle, Shu-ffle.
-(BUGS SCREAMING)

Look here, you!

- Shu-ffle. Shu-ffle.
-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

No more,
"Shu-ffle. Shu-ffle."

Thank you.

(ELECTRIC BUZZING)

BUGS: Ahhh!

Oh, I'm gonna be
his guinea pig, all right.

Except Viktor is the one
who is gonna get tested.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
-(BUG SCREAMS)

VIKTOR: I could talk
your figure out.

Will be here, right back.

In my next experiment,

we will see if heavier objects

fall faster
than lighter objects.

BUGS: You know, doc?
I think I misjudged you.

- I'll be your guinea pig.
- Oh, goody.

Now, we can have
all the funzies.

Now, I will drop this bunny
and this bowling ball.

And see which one
hits the ground, first.

Hey, doc. Hang on.

I see something
on the ground down there.

I think it's a $20 bill.

$20?

That'll buy
a Bonzo Bunsen Burner.

Uh? Where's the money?
I don't see it.

It's a little to your left.

-(BALL IN FREE FALL)
- VIKTOR: Um?

I still don't see--

What other objects
can we experiment with?

Let's see
if this air conditioner

falls faster
than this feather.

(VIKTOR GRUNTS)

BUGS: How about
this fire place

trade to this blueberry.

Or this easy chair

-and this paper clip.
-(VIKTOR STAMMERING)

Or this car
and this boulder.

VIKTOR: Ahhh!
BUGS: Or this bus
and this satellite.

BUGS: Or this whale
and this cargo ship.

(CRASH)

If you take away
air resistance,

objects fall into the earth
at the same speed.

You've cracked the cord

and my skull.

Ahhh!

VIKTOR: It's time for
one of my periodic breaks.

Now, we're going to see,

how far away a magnet
has to be to pull an object

into it's grasp.

In this case,
the object is this rabbit.

Which I've chained
in these irons.

And this button
turns the magnet on,

- like so...
- Just a sec, doc.

I got an itch on my nose.

Could you scratch it for me?

Ugh, fine.

- Is it here?
- Just a little lower.

BUGS: Higher.
VIKTOR: How about here?

BUGS: Just a little
to the left. Ah.

There you go. Perfect.

Isaac Newton!

So, I just push
this button, uh?

-(VIKTOR GRUNTS)
- Wow.

Let's see if they can work
from 10 feet.

-(THUD)
-(VIKTOR GRUNTS)

BUGS: 20 feet.

50 feet.

(MACHINE WHIRLING)

You've got
quite a magnetic personality.

(IN SWEDISH ACCENT)
Don't let the bunny
get you down, Viktor.

We are learning
so much from you, Bugs.

VIKTOR: Stand by,

I'm just calculating
my next move.

Now, we are going to explore,
force versus mass.

Using this wind turbine

and this little bunny.

Behold, the magic of science!

VIKTOR: Uh? (GRUNTING)

Psst, I'm gripping the floor
with my toes.

(GIGGLING)

I don't understand.

What is wrong
with this machine?

Gee, doc, I don't know.

Maybe you should try it.

All right. I will.

Start it up when I say so.

Turn it on.

(SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)

Turn it off, Rabbit.

Get me--

(GASPING, GRUNTING)

BUGS: Hang on, Viktor.

I'm gonna see how much stuff
this wind turbine can support.

(SCREAMING)

Avogadro's number.

This experiment really worked.

Now, we're all floating.

ALL: Way to go, Bugs!

Ugh, I'm turning
this experiment off.

Oh, I don't think
that would be a good idea.

Holy strudel...

Out of my way, Bunny!

Ugh. Uh-huh!

Now, let's see
how you like it, Bunny.

When the need force rule
in reverse.

(TURBINE POWERING DOWN)

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

What the...?

(SHOUTING)

(CRASHING)

The experiment
really blew me away.

(VIKTOR SCREAMING)

You're supposed
to be the guinea pig.

Not me!

Shu-ffle, Shu-ffle,
shoe full!

Okinawa! (SCREAMING)

That's the thing about
science experiments,

the results can be shocking.

The science is fun.

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
-(VIKTOR GRUNTNG)

(SIGHS)

WATKINS: It was
the middle of winter.

Dorlock Holmes and I,
had just wrapped up a case

of international intrigue.

We were (STUTTERING)
traveling on the

Great Disorient Express.

(STUTTERING) Dorlock,
had been working non-stop.

He was exhausted
and getting disagreeable.

-(SPLASHES)
- DORLOCK: Watkins,

I can't believe you used
all the bread

for your sandwich.

How can I finish
my Dorlock double stacker,

if you hogged all the bread?

But I only used two slices.

Those two slices

are what makes it
a double stacker.

You know what?
It's close enough.

I better eat this
before I start to get cranky.

Watkins,
this is gonna get messy.

Turn off the lights.

DORLOCK: Nice work, Watkins.

WATKINS: We're in a tunnel.
DORLOCK: Oh, really?

- DORLOCK: How long is it?
-(TUNNEL PASSES)

(STAMMERING)
About that long.

(GRANNY SCREAMING)

Dorlock, come quick!

There's been a crime

or something
in the dining car, all right?

A crime, you say?

A sandwich can wait.

Come, Watkins.

And thus,
Dorlock was on the case.

(SIGHS)

Okay, people.

I don't even know
the crime, yet.

But everyone here a suspect.

So, what happened here?

- Was it m*rder?
- No.

- Was it blackmail?
- No.

Was it arson?

How would I know?
I was with you.

Someone stole my salad.

You are telling me,
you are screaming
over a missing salad?

I was the one who screamed.

- That, was you?
- Yes, I was frightened.

Wow. You scream
like a grandma.

That's not how
a grandma screams.

FOGHORN: My grandma screams
like this,

- Ahhh!
- Oh, yeah?

My granny screams like this,
Ahhh!

No, no, grandma's
scream like this,

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

- Enough!
-(SCREAMING STOPS)

All right. First thing to do
is seal off this room.

(SEALS BARKING)

There, the room is sealed.

No one gets in or out.

Uh, I have to go the bathroom.

-(SEAL GROANING)
- I'll hold it.

Now, someone stole
Granny's salad.

- And I think it was Granny.
- What?

Oh, I know your type.

You thought
if the first salad
went missing,

they'd have to give you
a second one, free.

In fact,
I bet you're sitting on it.

- Right now!
- ooh!

DORLOCK: Hmm.
GRANNY: Oh?

It's gotta be in there,
somewhere.

- GRANNY: Oh, my.
-(COINS JINGLING)

-(GRANNY STRUGGLING)
-(CATS MEOWING)

Oh, I guess, we can cross you
off the list.

Here's your lotion.

I get scabby elbows, too.

Okay, if it wasn't
the old lady,

then it was baldy.

Why would I take her salad

when I have
my mozzarella sticks?

Maybe you can't stand
to see someone eating healthy.

Now, where is it?
Where is the salad?

Is it in your shirt?

Is it in your pants?

Is it in your...

It's not in your underwear,
is it?

- No!
- Whew.

Okay, I'll take your word
for it.

Hmm. It wasn't blue hair
and it wasn't no hair.

Then it must've been...

DORLOCK: That chicken!

I say, I say,
I'm a rooster, son.

A rooster? You look
more like a salad thief.

In fact,

I bet there is lettuce
in your teeth, right now.

Corn, corn, corn.

There is nothing here by corn.

It's 'cause I'm eating
corn chowder, here.

Hmm?

And no doubt underneath it
is a salad!

Are you are say you, sir,

are embarrassing yourself.

(GASPING)

My chowder's gone!

The thief has struck again.
No food it safe.

-(FOGHORN SCREAMS)
- DORLOCK: And clearly,

the criminal
is still among us.

What about you?

You have been awful quiet.

I think you
might be the thief.

Me? How do we know
it wasn't you?

You think it was me?
That's ridiculous.

That's preposterous.
I could never--

Or could I?

Yes, it's brilliant.

And it would have taken
a genius of my caliber

to pull of a heist
this complicated.

Where was I,
when the salad vanished?

I was with Watkins,
in the cabin.

It's true. You were with me,
the whole time.

Even when the lights went out?

I guess you could have
done it.

You guess? My alibi
is looking shaky, Dorlock!

All right. I did it.

Flappy, Jojo, take him away.

Oh, no! If I'm going down,

I ain't going alone.

My mozzarella sticks.

-(BITES)
-(SCREAMING)

They're gone! Who took them?

GOAT: I did!

I took all the plates.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

we have our thief.

But I gotta ask ya,

why did you do it?

I'm a busboy. It's my job.

So, it was an
elaborate scheme.

You waited for the lights
to go out.

Then lifted the plates
from the tables.

- Yeah.
- And there out

that you delivered them
to the dishwasher.

- Uh-huh.
- Where the plates are washed

and dried,
so they can be used again.

Yeah, that's how
a dining cart works.

So, I suppose
you'd say you were

- just following orders?
- Yes!

Well, I'm sorry to say,
my dear boy,

but the darkest pages
of history

are filled with people

who were just
following orders.

Porter, throw him
off the train.

Then you gotta have to clean
your own dishes.

Let him stay.

The case
of the absent appetizers
has be solved.

This calls
for a celebratory sandwich.

Someone stole my sandwich.
Who was it?

It's no mystery. (GULPING)

(HIGH PITCH SCREAMING)

Now, that's how you scream
like a grandma.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)