03x10 - Driving Miss Daffy/Second Fiddle

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

ELMER:
Congratulations,
Mrs. Rosencrantz,

you passed
your driving test
with flying colors.

Oh, thank you,
young man.

Now may I have
my driver's license?

Absolutely.
You've been a model...

(GRUNTS)

Gran is back
in the saddle, baby!

Yee-hah!

Oh, she was
in a hurry.

Uh, let's see.
Mr. Daffy Duck.

Is Daddy Duck here?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Woo-hoo!

Daffy Duck is my name
and drivin' is my game.

All right, Mr. Duck.

Now, the first thing
we need to do is
a physical inspection.

Okay. So,
I've put on
a few pounds.

I got this blister
on my finger.

And, uh, I have
a bit of a
nose-picking problem.

See? The blister
is from all
the nose-picking.

Not a physical
inspection of you.

A physical inspection
of your car.

So, you don't
need me to turn
my head and cough?

Just get back
in the car.

Woo-hoo.

Okay. Mr. Duck.

For starters,
I'll just need you to
pull your vehicle...

Ow! You ran
over my foot!

Oops! Sorry,
I'll just backup then.

Ow!

Now you ran over
my other foot, too!

Hold on. Hold on.
I can fix this.

Ow! Ooh!
Ah! Ooh! Eh!

Better?

Uh! They don't pay me
enough for this.

Now, before we begin,

let's make sure
your mirrors
are well-adjusted.

You've got it.

Mirrors, I love you.
I appreciate you.

And if you ever make
a mistake I'll love you
no matter what.

Mmmwah!

They seem pretty
well-adjusted to me.

Will you knock it off?

Now let's make sure
your blinkers work.

I think these babies
are working pretty good.

But I can't imagine
driving like this.

I meant your
turn signals,
you silly duck!

Right.

Stop messing around
and put your
seats back up.

-(BOTH GRUNTING)
- Better?

(STRAINING)
Put the seats
back down.

Up! Down!

Are you well-adjusted?

Your first road test
will be to go through
all these cones.

Put your hands
on the wheel
at 10:00 and 2:00

and then you can go.

Got it.

What are you doing?

You said put my hands
on the wheel at 10 to 2:00.

It's only 1:30.

Just put your hands
on the wheel

and drive through
the cones!

"Drive through the cones."
Gotcha!

(ENGINE REVVING)

Sunday! Sunday!
Sunday!

Come out to
Monster Truck Rally

and watch Daffy Duck
and the Minivan-asaurus

take on garbage can...

-(CRASHING)
-...taco stands,
even filthy frying pans!

Stop!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

You were supposed
to go around the cones!

Not through them!

What's the fun in that?

The fun is passing
your driver's test.

Only two more chances
to get your license.

That's one more chance
than I'll need.

Okay. Now show me
you can parallel park
so I can fail you.

Roget that!

ELMER: Just pull up

so you're even
with the other cars.

Now, turn the vehicle
45 degrees,

- and ease on...
-(CRASHING)

Oops!
Let's try that again.

Oops!

Oopsie!

Stop!

Oh! I'm gonna have to
get out and guide you.

Okay now, gently
put forward and...
(GROANS)

Can I get
an ambulance?

(SIREN WAILING)

I did it!
No thanks to you.

Lyin' down on the job?
(SCOFFS)

Tsk, tsk!

This is your final chance
to get your license.

Now, the first thing
we're gonna do

is merge into that
highway traffic.

You've got it.

(CARS SPEEDING PAST)

Well, what are you
waiting for?

I've got to time this
just... Now!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Whoa! Slow down!
You're tailgating!

Of course
I'm tailgating!

It's almost
lunchtime.

Oops!
Drooped my weiner!

Oh, no!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

So, what did I miss?
(MUNCHING)

Keep your hands
on the wheel!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Who needs hands?

I can steer
with my feet.

Say, how about
a little music?

-(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING)
- Ooh! I love this song.

(HUMMING ALONG)

Stop dancing!
You'll get us both k*lled!

Okay! Whew!

All that dancing
made me sleepy!

-(SNORING)
- Oh, no!

Oh, please, wake up!

I'm awake!

(SNORING)

(CRASHING)

-(SOBBING)
-(YAWNING)

Are we there yet?
This traffic's terrible.

I'm taking a shortcut.

No!

Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

Look out for
the Rutherford B. Hayes
Presidential Library!

(THUDDING)

Mr. President.

The nor-we-gee-na-wa?

It says wrong way.

You're reading
"wrong way"
the wrong way!

I'm not going
the wrong way,
that truck is!

-(SCREAMING)
-(TRUCK HONKING)

Well! I guess
I'll take that
license now.

Oh, you're gonna
get your license
all right.

I may not be
able to drive,

but I'll still be
on your bumper.

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, when do
I start playing?

Where's my part?

(MUSIC ENDS)

- AUDIENCE: Hooray!
- Oh...

The concert's over?

But I didn't even
get to perform.

-(PLAYS OFF-TUNE)
- AUDIENCE: Boo!

(GRUNTING)

Wonderful concert,
everyone.

Except for you,
Leslie.

But Uncle Maestro...

This isn't the time,
Leslie.

Tonight is
a special night

as we say goodbye
to our second
chair violinist,

-Sir Tootsalot.
-(TRUMPET TOOTS)

Excellent.
(EVIL CHUCKLE)

Now that old wind-bag
is gone,

I am certain my uncle
would make me
second fiddle. (CHUCKLES)

And now I know
it's short notice,

but I know
just the man
for the job.

Everyone,
please join me
in congratulating

our new second
chair violin,

-Bugs Bunny!
-(SHOUTS) What?

A rabbit

Everyone knows that
rabbits have
no musical ability.

Not true.

Rabbits have
no more reason to
play in an orchestra

than they do
wearing leg warmers.

What?
They keep
my calves warm.

You look ridiculous!

I wanna be second violin!

(LAUGHS) You don't
have an ounce
of musical ability.

Wait!

I challenge
this rabbit
to a music off!

Winner gets
second chair.

Cool with me.

I don't wanna be
handed a job if
someone's better than me.

Oh, you're going down,
tough guy!

See you tomorrow!

- Sweet kid.
- Not really.

I'm gonna
end this audition
before it begins!

(EVIL CHUCKLE)

When that
rabbit walks in,
I'll pull this lever

and knock him out
with a sand bag.

Hello?
Is anybody here?

Hold on, Mr Rabbit,
I'll be right out.

And first,
just stand right there
and don't move.

-(THUDS)
-(GRUNTS)

Eh, nothin's
happenin', Doc.

No, actually,
come over here.

You'll see it
over here.

Uh, do me a favor,

pull this lever
and a surprise
will befall you.

(CHUCKLING)

Wait, let me
get away
from the snadba...

I mean, the surprise.

(EVIL CHUCKLE)

Mr. Sandbag,
bring me a dream.

(THUDS)

(EXHALES)

That would have
been hilariously ironic if...

-(SHOUTING)
-(CRASHING)

Uh, Leslie,
where's the surprise?

(GRUNTING)

Oh, well,
it's the thought
that counts.

-(GROANING)
-(THUDDING)

Huh? Hey,
that's really nice.

Too bad Leslie
wasn't here to see it.

All right, let's get
this pointless audition
over with.

Oh, boy!

Prepare to be
amazed, Uncle Maestro!

(SCRATCHING,
OFF-TUNE SOUNDS)

-(SOUND CONTINUES)
-(MEOWING)

Ah, get off!

-(FEROCIOUS MEOWING)
-(GROANS)

(LAUGHS) Okay,
that's enough, Leslie.

- But I didn't get to play...
- No, no, no, no.

Let's see what
the rabbit can do.

Oh, it's the
rabbit's turn, eh?

Let's see how well
that rabbit plays

when his violin strings
are all greased up.
(EVIL CHUCKLE)

There he is.

Here is your
violin, Mr. Rabbit.

Oh, why, thank you.

We're "oil"
rooting for you.
(EVIL CHUCKLE)

(PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

Huh?

How impressive?

His hands move
like greased lightening.

No! He should be
messing yup.

Oh, I know
what'll stop him.

(LESLIE SCREAMING)

Well, I guess
we're moving on
to the encore.

(CANONS FIRING)

-(MUSIC ENDS)
-(GROANING)

Bravo!

Amazing performance!

Bugs, you're not
going to be
second chair violin,

you're going to be
first chair violin

and first chair cello!

First chair
every single instrument!

You're a
one-man symphony!

Oh, thank you, Maestro,
glad you liked it.

Ah, Uncle...
Uh, Uncle Maestro,

if he's first chair,
does that mean
I can be second fiddle?

Oh, no, Leslie.

You're going to be
first chair cannonball.

First chair cannonball?

I know, right?

I want you both
to play this exact
same performance

every single night.

You think you can
handle that, Bugs?

I can handle anything,

as long as
it's in my "cannon."

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)