03x05 - Lifestyles of the Wealthy and Obnoxious/The Starship Mentalprise

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(FROG CROAKING)

There you go, Lenny.
That's a good boy.

Oh, hello there.
I was feeding my pet kangaroo.

Off you go, Lenny.

Welcome to Lifestyles of
the Wealthy and Obnoxious,

the show that goes inside
the homes of the rich and famous

to remind you
how sad and pathetic
your lives are.

I'm your host, Tad Tucker.

And today, we're going
inside the mansion

of a super-fabulous,
super-famous, mega hunk, me!

Tad Tucker.

So come on in,
and let me show you
how cool and rich I am.

There's only one thing
as pretty as my
Italian sports car.

And that's me.

You... handsome... devil.

(KISSING)

(THUDS)

Right now,
you're probably saying,

"Hey, Tad, what's with
all the rabbits?"

Well, I'm gonna have
a big rabbit barbeque.

Nothing like eating
a bunch of rabbits

right from the grill.
(CRANKING)

Oh, no! My ride!
Get back here!

I'm gonna give
Tad Tucker a ride,
all right.

A ride to crazy town.

(PANTING)

Well, bad news is
I never did catch up
to my car.

Whoo!

It's out there somewhere.

But the good news is,
you can definitely catch
my beautiful sprawling grounds.

The place where I love to
boost my self-esteem

through solitary
low-skill hobbies,

like boomerang throwing.

As soon as I give the signal,
Lenny back there will launch
a clay pigeon into the air

and I'll knock it down
like the expert I am.

Okay, pull! (EXCLAIMS)

Oh, my knickers!
(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)

I'll just, uh,
tie these babies up.

Okay, pull!

Betraying trousers! (GROANS)

(GRUMBLING)

(GRUNTS)

This ultra-top wombat tape
oughta keep my bloomers up.

Okay. Pull!

(GROANING)

Let's go for something
a little more relaxing.

Like a stroll through
me old hedge maze.

Fans always ask me,
"Tad, what are..."
(GROANS)

Ow.

The grounds
keep a muscle...

(MUMBLING)

(GROANING)

Whoa! Talk about
a noggin' throbber.

I think the smart thing to do is
just stand still.

(GROANING AND MUTTERING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Ah, my pants. Whoa!
(SCREAMING)

Hello there. Ugh, it only
took me two hours to
get out of that hedge maze.

Nothing can help you recover
like a sweat in my very own
steam room.

I'll just sit back
and let the steam melt
all that tension away.

(CRANKING)
(DOOR LOCK CLICKS)

What? Sounds like
the door locked.

Well, it does seem to be
getting a bit warmer in here.

Feels good, though.
Good for the pores.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Just gonna take
a looky-loo outside
for a second.

(GRUNTING)

No! The humidity,
it made the door swollen.

I got to get out.
Got to get out!

Ow! Hot rock. Hot rock.

(EXCLAIMS AND GROANS)

(PANTING) Got to stay low.
Got to stay low.

(TAD PANTING)

(POPPING)

(WEAKLY) Lenny,
I'm gonna miss you most of all.

(expl*si*n)

(SIZZLING)

Let me show you
the inside of my mansion.

This is my dining room.

And that there is
my favorite piece
of art work.

Now, if you're thinking
that's my favorite because
I'm the subject of it,

you're absolutely right.

And being beautiful
can make me work up
quite an appetite.

Which is why I always have
an elaborate spread like this
sitting out.

Here are some
wonderful Anzac biscuits.

Some mouthwatering barramundi

and some witchetty grubs.

(CHOMPING LOUDLY)

(SLURPING)

(SMACKS LIPS)

Yummy. And here's
my second favorite food
after rabbit,

the Outback wild turkey.

(SMACKS LIPS) Ow!

What the... (GROANS)

(GROANING)

(SNARLING)

Oh, take that, turkey.

That's the drawback
to fighting a turkey.

It always...
makes me...
so sleepy. Oi!

Isn't that right, Tad?
(GROANS)

I'm back, and I'm here
to show you a toy only
rich people have.

It's called an
exercise gyroscope.

It's how we wealthy people
stay slim and trim.

The faster I spin,
the harder the work out.

Whoo! Oh, yeah. I can
really feel it working.

(WHIMPERS) Oh, no.
I'm going too fast.

Whoa! Whoa!

(BABBLING)

No! (GRUNTS)

TAD: Hey, there's my car.

Tad might be
wealthy and obnoxious,

but it doesn't make him smart.

Just sit still.
I'm almost done
probing you.

MARTIAN : (ON COMPUTER)
Marvin the Martian, come in.
Marvin the Martian.

Oh, drat. I hate when
my probing gets interrupted.

Marvin here.

We are ready to invade

the planet of Calzonia's,
the evil supreme overlord
of the universe.

I didn't think that was
happening until the 23rd.

Today is the 23rd.

Well, look at that.

I got so busy
with my probing
I didn't even notice.

Sorry, earthling,
you have to leave.

I have to overthrow
the evil supreme overlord
of the universe.

(SCREAMING)

Was that real? Or did I
overdo it on the goji berries?

Oh, yes, Jackie.
I'm headed to the
sci-fi movie convention.

You never heard of it?

It's only got all
the props and costumes

of the greatest
space movies of all time.

(GROANS)

In fact, I see
one of the props right now.

Later, Jackie.
Whoo-hoo!

Wow! Look at this.

This is the exact replica of
a starship from that movie
Planet of the Martians.

(GASPING) I bet legendary
sci-fi actor Dirk Rodrigo
sat right here.

(EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

Who are you
and how did you
get in here?

Relax, Bob.
I got a VIP badge.

I can go anywhere
in the convention I want.

This is my spaceship,
you crazy earthling.

Are we in character?

Okay, you pretend
to be the Martian

and I'll pretend
I'm commander
of the space force.

Fine, my Martian friend.

Commander Daffy Duck
controls your ship now.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh! Uh-oh.

(MARVIN THE MARTIAN SCREAMING)

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

I'm not sure what movie
this thing is from, but I bet
it was PG 13.

Oh, wow! Is this
a video game, too?

Uh-oh. Looks like
we've got some
enemy fighters coming our way.

MARTIAN: (OVER RADIO)
Sir, come in, sir.

Ooh! Is this an
online game, too? Tight.

Daffy Duck here.

We have a detailed
battle plan to proceed.
We are ready to attack.

Sweet. Let's do this.

(YELLS) Leeroy Jenkins!

You're destroying
my entire fleet.

It is not your turn.
(GRUNTS)

MARTIAN: The commander ship
has been hijacked.

Treat as a hostile enemy.

No! What a spammer.

Give me those controls.
We're going to hit the planet!

Take it easy, Bob.

You're geeking me out
way too hard.

DAFFY: Whoa. Is this
the main ball room?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow! The convention
really went all out this year.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

You dare invade my zone?

My Calzonius?

Oh, dear. It's Calzonius,
evil supreme overlord
of the universe.

O-M-G!

You're legendary sci-fi
actor Dirk Rodrigo.

I loved you in
Green Parade Space Ninja
One, Two and Four.

Three? Eh, not so much.

Say, what was it like
kissing Carlet Electron?

Kind of like this?

(GRUNTS)

(GROWLS)
Whoo-hoo!

(CAMERA CLICKS)
My eyes!

Okay. Just a few more with me
so people know I'm pals
with Dirk Rodrigo.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Let's try a happy one.

A sad one.

Now act like we just ate
bad Chinese food.

(GRUNTS) That is it.

I am going to feed you
to my space monster.

Wow. You can even make
cheesy lines of dialog
like that sound believable.

See? This guy is a genius.

Um, Mr. Duck, he really
is the evil supreme
overlord of the universe.

You don't have
a girlfriend, do you?

(CAL YELLS)

Bon appetit,
space monster.

(SPACE MONSTER GROWLING)

What doesn't this
sci-fi convention have?

Now, what movie are you from?

Was it Valley of
the Spaceworms?
The Creature from Planet X?

Amazon Space Monkey?

Stop steaming up my tail.

(GROWLING)

Hey, you're getting
a little too into character.

(GROANING)

That's it.
Cosplay time is over.

Take off that mask and
fight like a real nerd.

What kind of costume
is this anyway?

It's not a costume.
It's a real space monster.

It's all real!

Huh?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Just, uh, let me get that
tongue back in there,

close those big sharp teeth.

(SCREAMING)
(GROWLING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

DAFFY: Let's get out of here!

At last, my galaxy battleship
cruiser is refueled.

I can finally conquer
the entire universe!

Duck!

What are you doing?

Getting us back to Earth.

But I'm from Mars.

Guess what? We're moving.

(CRASHING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)

Wow. That entrance
was out of this world.

You have no idea.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)