03x04 - North Pole Position/Papa's Got a Brand New Sam

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

PORKY PIG: (STAMMERING) Day 16.

The journey to the Arctic
has been long and difficult.

But it will all be worth it
once we are the first to
discover the North Pole.

I'm completely lost.

This map is totally useless.

That's because
it's the map of
Florida, sir.

Oh, so we won't be
stopping by the
Tallahassee then?

No matter! I'm the greatest
Arctic explorer of all time.

The only thing I need is
my bravery and intuition.

Now follow me to great...
(SCREAMING)

Mr. Duck, you fell through
a snow drift.

DAFFY: I know that.

I was just checking
how deep this one was.

Pretty deep.
Pretty... Pretty deep.

Hang on. I'll send rope
to pull you back up.

No, need. I shall use
my trusty pick axe.

And scale my way
back to the surface.

(RUMBLING)

Uh-oh.

DAFFY: I'll take
that rope now.

As we go into the cold,
cold grip of the Arctic,

the less faith I have
in this explorer.

Hey, you dare me
to stick my tongue
to my metal walking stick?

No, no. It's too cold.
You'll get your tongue stuck.

So do you dare me?

No, I didn't say I dare you.

Is that a dare I hear?

There's no dare. Stop.

Psyche. You should have
seen your face.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Oh, brother.
Like I would be

dumb enough to put
my tongue on this.

Ooh. My tongue. It's stuck.

Calm down, Mr. Duck.
The worst thing
you can do is struggle.

Hey, it worked.

Mr. Duck, be careful.

The penguins, although,
usually friendly,

can become aggressive when
they are feeling threatened.

Not to be a
"Know-it-all-Nellie,"

penguins are only found in
the Antarctic, not the Arctic.

Would you get out of here?
This isn't a nature documentary.

Oh, that's for sure.

I ain't worried about
a few lame ducks.

These birds can't even fly.

Oh, no. You've
angered the tribe.

I can see that.
What do I do?

You're gonna have to
fight the tribal leader.

What tribal leader?

Wait. This guy?
This is a tribal leader?

This little spud?
Oh, boy.

Oh, is this little
piddle pengi vengi
who's gonna--

What the--

(SCREAMING AND GROANING)

You were lucky, Mr. Duck.

They could've really hurt you.

Oh, yeah. I'm one lucky duck.

Mr. Duck, it's getting
colder out here.

Maybe we should set up
a tent and take shelter.

Look, if you're cold,
you improvise like me.

See? A keen explorer is
always on the look out

for things to help him
battle the elements.

That's why I was
able to spot this fur coat.

You just found a coat in
the middle of the Arctic?

That's right. It was
just lying on the ground.

It's very warm but
also extremely heavy.

(YAWNING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

He's gaining on us.

Quick, put on these
cross-country skis.

DAFFY: You've got to be
kidding me.

Mr. Duck, we're headed
for the ocean.
What do we do?

Jump on one of
these blocks of ice.

(GRUNTING)

Ah, we're saved.

Thanks a lot,
global warming.

He's gaining.

Hey, bear.
You come any closer,

I'm gonna turn you
into a throw rug.

Ah, go on. Run.

You see that?
He takes one good look at us
and then high-tails it out.

I think it's because
of these k*ller whales.

Relax. As long as
we're floating

on this chunk of ice,
we're totally safe.

Hey, look.
They're putting
on a little show.

That's not a show.

They're making waves to
try and knock us off the ice.

That is it.
We are doomed!

Who put this sign here?

Oh, sorry, Mr. Duck.

I did it! I did it!

I'm the first explorer to
discover the North Pole.

I'm the greatest explorer
that ever lived.

(CHEERING)

Santi Claus?

That's right, Daffy.
The missus and I have
lived here for years.

So, technically,
you didn't discover
the North Pole, I did.

What? It's-- It's--
It's not fair.

I want to
be the first.
Me, me, me.

(CRYING)

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Well, someone is making
his way on the naughty list.

While you're in there?

Will you put me down
for a hot tub this year?

You got it, dude.

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

He gets a hot tub,

and I don't get to be
the first to the North Pole?

This is ridiculous.

Yep. Definitely
the naughty list.

Hey, you darn birds,
get out of that tree.

And get into this
cozy little bird house
that I made for you.

Hey, you darn naked mole rats,

stop huddling up together
for warmth

and put on these fashionable
hoodies I done sewed for you.

There's something
not right here.

Why, I love all you
woodland creatures.

Good morning,
you squirrel varmint.

All right, Sam,
what's the deal?

Are you up to something?

Oh, no, rabbit.

I've turned over a new leaf.

I'm a kinder, gentler
Yosemite Sam

Here, critter. Have a big
ol' sack of nuts I got for you.

Squeaks, put that down.

It's probably
full of snakes.

Huh, what do you know,
no snakes.

Oh, you broke everything.

Yeah, I know.
But Sam's a mean guy.

Oh, what about now?

Maybe I was
too hard on him.

I'll go apologize.

Hey, Sam. I--

(CHUCKLING EVILLY) Those dumb,
little critter nincompoops.

They don't know
I just discovered oil
in this here forest.

And the only reason
I'm being nice to them

is so as I can get 'em to sign
over all their land to me.

Why that little so and so!

Time to teach him
how bad being good can be.

Sign here, initial here.

Have a cookie.
(WHISPERING) Your land is mine.

Oh, hello, rabbit.

You know, Sam.
I think maybe I was
wrong about you.

I think you really did
turn over a new leaf.

Great. Then sign over your land.

Not so fast.

I'm gonna need to see
few more good deeds first.

But after I do the deeds,
you have to sign the deal.

Indeed.

All right, rabbit.
What's my first good deed?

You got to help me
cross the street.

My hole's on the other side.

You've got to
carry me across.

Let's go.

Look out for that truck!

- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- Look out for that van.

Confounded!

Forward. Backward. Jump. Up.

Left, right. Left, right.
Be a stop.

Sweet mother of--

You know what,

I think my keys fell out
of my pocket back in
the middle of the highway.

Could you go back and get 'em?

I ain't going back out there.

Then I guess I can't
sign over my land.

(MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY)

(SCREAMING)

I still couldn't find
your damn keys, rabbit.

Well, what do you know.
They were in my pocket
all the time.

What are we doin' here?

We're visiting an elderly person
and seeing if they need
help around the house.

Yeah? What do you want?

Good afternoon, sir.
My name is Yosemite Sam.

- And I'd like to--
- You're not from
the government, are you?

No, I'm here
to help you
with some chores.

You could help by
getting off my property.

That guy's off his walker.

Try it again. Beneath
that crusty exterior,

beats a crusty heart of gold.

Oh, razafraza.
Listen, old timer,

I just wanna help you out
with a few chores.

Oh, sure. So you can
scare me out of my money

to pay for your fancy
horseless carriages?

I don't think so.

That old man is
a wheelchair ninja.

I ain't going back there.

Then I guess
I can't give you my land.

Ooh.

Now listen, old timer,
I'm gonna do some
chores for you.

And you ain't gonna run me over
with a wheelchair or hit me
with your walker.

- Promise?
- I promise.

Well, good.
Then I'll start
painting your fence.

(GROANING)

Didn't say anything
about beating you
with my oxygen tank.

(LAUGHING)

Now we're gonna help out
at the cat shelter.

Are they dangerous?

Nah, they're just p*ssy cats.

And you're just gonna be
giving them a teeth cleaning.

Hold still, kitty, while
I get your-- Ooh, tarnation.

I think you've got gingivitis.

(SNARLING AND SCREAMING)

That was the most
impacted molar I ever saw.

Wait, this is mine.

But I did it. I did
all your good deeds.

Well, you proved me wrong.

You really have
turned over a new leaf.

I guess that means
you'll be signing over
your land to me?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeehaw! Here you go.

I done fooled you, rabbit.

Well, I hate to break it to you,
but there's oil under this land.

And now it's all mine.

I'm gonna be
rich, rich, filthy rich.

Wait a minute
This oil tastes familiar.

Oh, yeah. Turns out
the old soup factory
up the hill busted a pipe.

What you thought is oil,

is actually black bean soup.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
But I hates black bean soup.

Well, Sam learnt the hard way.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Ooh!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)