05x12 - Spidermandy/Be A-Fred, Be Very A-Fred

[bunniefuu]

[Laughing]

If at first you don't succeed,
you're not me.

Hey, billy boy.

How was school?

Not good.

I feel like I spent the whole
day with a clamp on my head.

I need a nap.

Should we tell him he does
have a clamp on his head?

Now, where's the fun in
that?!

Oh, hi, dad.

Oh, hey, hideous giant
spider.

[Screams]
ow!

What are you doing to my bed?!

Oh, I'm so glad you're here,
dad.

It seems I came down with a case
of the spiderpox.

So I thought: what better way to
get better than to have my dad

Take care of me?

Well, now that I know you're
here, I'm gonna take a nice long

Nap.

Aah.

Oh, sorry that all my sores
popping on your sheet.

I gotta get that thing out of
my bed without touching it.

But how?

Think, billy.
Think!

Think!

Think!

Aw, gladys, would you look at
that.

Our little boy asleep in our
bed.

You know what I love to do when
he's like this?

Get out of my bed, billy!

Just precious.

[Meows]
[hissing]

[Grunting]
hey, billy.

Why you sleeping on the ground?

Because my cat hates me, my
dad can't learn to share, oh,

And a giant spider who won't get
out of my bed thinks I'm his

Daddy.

If you are the spider's
daddy, doesn't that make mandy

The spider's mommy?

I mean, you guys are married,
right?

Married?

Pudding, you're a genius!

Hey, what a minute, pudding.

What are you doing outside so
late?

Oh, we live outside.

I was raised by wolves.

Hey.

[Snoring]


It's either a bloodthirsty
vampire or billy with some

Dimwit plan that includes me.

Please, please be a vampire.

[Knock on door]
all right.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Mandy, my love, will you take
this ring and marry me?

Billy, do you know what time
it is?

It's time for two people who
loves each other to enter a bond

Of matrimony.

You don't even know what
matrimony is.

As a matter of fact, I do.

I got some for lunch today.

What?

Matrimony and cheese.

Yeah.

Well, first off, romeo, that's
not even a real ring.

It's a balloon.

No, it's not.

It's a rare fudge swirlian
gemstone.

It's a balloon.

No, it's not.

Then open your fingers.

No!

Open your fingers or I open
your ribcage.

Now, you want to cut to the
chase and tell me what's going

On?

[Screaming and babbling]
ok.

I need you to marry me.

That way you'll be the giant
spider's mommy.

You can take care of him until
he's over his spiderpox and can

Get out of my bed.

It's all very simple.
So what do you say?

Hmm?
Hmm?

Hmm?

Billy, turn around.

Well, ok.

Ow!

[Grunting]
good night, billy.

[Snoring]
aagh!

What the?

How the?

Why the?

Spiderpox.

Billy, wake up.

What the... What the... Huh?

Huh?

Huh?!

Billy, up here.

What's happening to me, billy?

[Stammering]
[screaming]

[Stammering]
what happened?!

You're a...
[Screams]

Billy, be quiet and listen to
me.

I think I have spiderpox.

Whatever happened to me is
getting worse by the minute.

You don't even want to know
where this web is coming from.

I need to find grim.

Oh, sure.

He's... Aah!

You're a sp-sp-sp...
Oh, forget it.

[Whistling]
and now back to "everybody

Loves rainman."

I think my wife hates me.

Yeah.

Definitely hates me.

[Laughing]
huh?

Help!

All this weeping is making me
hungry.

I'm starving to death.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hmm.

Let's see.

I know they're back here.

Ah, here we go.

I've been saving you two.

A little fiber.

A little dairy.

Now we're talking.

Bottoms up.

Wait a minute.

Something's not quite right
around.

Where is every... Ah.

Sinister salt substitute.

Ah, there we go.

Come to papa.

Huh?
What?

What was that?

Billy.

Hey!

What the... Oh, no.

[Screaming]
mom?

Dad?

Grim?

Cat whose name I can't remember?

Billy, up here.

Get out of the house.

Hey, how come I wasn't
invited to the big web party?

Boy, I tell you.

Guys falls asleep, and it's
forget you later.

Mm-hmm.

Billy, listen to me.

Get out of the house now.

It's mandy.

She's...
She's what, grim?

A great big spider?

Oh, hey, mandy.

[Hissing]
[screaming]

Mom, dad, grim, help!

Go away!

Go away!

Legs too tired!

Can't keep running!

Hold on, billy.

I'm coming.

Billy, it's me.

Grim, I think...
Aah!

Rolling head!

Billy, wait.

[Gasping]
I'm in my happy space.

I'm in my happy space.

I'm in my happy space.

Billy, billy, we don't have
much time.

Mandy has come down with
spiderpox.

Spiderpox?

But that giant spider...
Shh.

What do we do now?

The only cure is magic spider
venom from the spider she

Contracted it from.

Do you know where such a spider
is?

Uh... I could check my room.

Why did I know you were going
to say that?

[Screaming]
go, billy, and spare us all from

Agonizing doom!

[Screaming]
wow!

How'd I do that?

[Screams]
hey, dad.

Come back to keep your little
boy company.

Quiet!

You'd do anything for me, huh?

Yep.
You bet.

Anything for you, dad.

I need you to fill this cup
with venom.

Whoa.

For a minute there, I thought
you were gonna ask me to stop

Loving you 'cause that's the one
thing I can't do, dad.

Just shut up and fill the
cup!

Oh, no.

Your fangs are pointed up.

Cups don't work that way.

I've tried.

No problemo, dad.

Check this out.

Pretty cool trick, huh?

All righty.

Milk away.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

There you go, dad.

Say, what do you got planned for
this stuff anyway?

[Crash]
[panting]

Oh, my gosh.

Dad, why didn't you tell me?

She's so beautiful.

She's like the mom I never had.

The most beautiful mom I never
had.

Yes!
Yes!

Huh?
What?

That's it.

Eat my head like a real mother
would.

Yes!

[Gasps]
[groaning]

You're gonna have to bite
harder to crack the exoskeleton,

Mommy.

[Spits]
billy, what just happened?

You were a big, mean, giant
spider.

But first this other spider was
in my bed, and then grim's head

Popped off...
Whoa.

Whoa.
Hold on there, jackson.

Just tell me.

Were you involved in any way?

Well, yeah.

I guess you could...
Ok.

That's all I needed to know.

I'm out of here.

Will you be my mommy?

Does a chicken wear
underwear?

Well... [Clucking]
I'd have to say...

You don't have to say
anything.

All you gots to do is go away
and never come back.

Uh, sure, dad.

If that's what you want.

Anything for you.

Wow.

Billy, I'm impressed.

Well, mandy, I am a man.

And sometimes a man must be
tough.

Tough.

And when life gets tough, what
does a man do?

Wash it down with some lemonade.

[Burps]
what?

I'm fine.

Uh-oh.

Ah, you're awake.

Most kids who drink half a cup
of spider venom don't live to

Tell about it, but then most
kids aren't friends with the

Grim reaper.

I want waffles and ice cream.

I've got some bad news,
billy.

It seems you were carrying the
spiderpox virus on your unwashed

Hands.

So everyone you touched and
everyone they touched became

Infected.

Wow!

It must have taken a lot of
spider venom to cure all those

People, huh?

Oh, no.

You told jeff to leave and never
come back.

We couldn't get any more venom.

Well, how bad can it be?

[Grunting]
nice going, genius.

[Gasping]
[screams]

Good morning, son.

[Meow]
[screams]

Oh, hello, billy.

Would you like some eggs...

Before I devour your head?!

[Screaming]

Honey,
please come out of the bathroom.

No!

But it's been 15 days.

Oh, if only there was someone
famous who could tell us what to

Do.

[Gasps]
the grim reaper!

You're a big-time underworld
celebrity.

That's right.

And when us big-time celebrities
need to make a big move, we use

Big move laxatives.

Now with 30% more fibertol.

That's a lot of fibertol.

Just imagine this traffic jam
is you trying to go to the

Bathroom.

Big move laxatives get things
moving again.

Ahh.

You're looking at a new monster.

Don't go in there.

[Laughter]
no, seriously.

Don't go in there.

Big move laxatives.

When it's time to make your
move, make it a big move.

Now you can win a chance to
spend a day with me, the famous

Grim reaper, courtesy of big
move.

Just write in 500 words or less
all the fun things we'd do.

Contest rules on each bill.

Enter today.

Not bad, eh?

You look fat on tv.

Thanks.

Thanks for that.

Why would anyone want to win
a day with you?

You two gremlins are looking
at the hottest new spokesperson

In the underworld.

You're not that exciting, you
know.

Says the boy he eats his
boogers on toast.

[Doorbell rings]
oh, he's here!

The contest winner!

Now, remember I'm a big-shot
idol to this guy.

So when he sees me, he may
start, well, you know, screaming

And crying and lose control of
his bladder.

So be ready.

[Doorbell ringing]
yes.

[Doorbell ringing]
yes.

Yes.

[Doorbell ringing]
hello.

Hi, mister.

My name is fred fredburger.

I can spell my name real good.

F-r-e-d f-r-e-d-b-u-r... G-e-r.

Fred fredburger!
Yes.

Hey, guess what.

I can fit two fingers in my
belly button.

Whoa!

Yes, it is i, the grim...
Look!

No nose!
No nose!

No nose!

No nose!
Fred?

Yes?

You have to leave.

I'm waiting for a big fan to
arrive.

I won a contest.

I wrote the best essay ever.

My mama told me so.

See?

What's it say?

"I want to eet sum frozun
yogert."

He gets 500 words of wish
fulfillment, and that's all he

Put?

He's obviously a man of
simple pleasures.

Whoa!

Very simple.

This can't be right.

You two watch him till I get
back.

This is some kind of joke,
right?

I'm a professional celebrity
squandering my talent on stuff

Like this?

I demand to see the other
entries.

I demand to see the other
entries.

Oh!

All these people wanted to spend
the day with me.

I'm having an emotional
overflow.

Read a letter.

Any letter.

With pleasure.

"I want to eet sum frozun
yogert."

"I want to eet sum frozun
yogert."

"Frozun yogert."

"Frozun yogert."
"Frozun yogert."

How come these are all the same?

Because fred fredburger wrote
every single one.

Nobody else even entered.

I don't understand.

See this chart?

Yes.

This chart has nothing to do
with us.

Now, this chart... This chart
shows sales have been declining

Ever since we hired you.

Apparently no one wants to buy a
product with death on it.

Whose dumb idea was it to hire
you anyways?

Oh, give me one more chance.

I'll make sure fred fredburger
has the best day of his life.

It'll be a public-relations
success.

Oh, it had better be, or else
we shall teach you the new

Meaning of corporate
responsibility.

[Gulp]
I like frozen yogurt.

Hey, this frozen yogurt tastes
like invisible.

You gotta pick a flavor
first.

Any flavor you choose.

Just tell the nice man what you
want.

Oh, boy!

Hey, what flavor is that brown
one?

Chocolate.

I like chocolate.

Yes.

Hey, what flavor is that green
one?

Mint.

I like mint, mint, mint,
mint, mint.

Hey, what flavor is the brown
one?

Chocolate.
I like chocolate.

Yes.

Hey, what flavor is the green?

Look.
The green one is mint.

The brown one is chocolate.

Got it?

Yes.

Hey, what flavor is the...
Just get him both flavors.

You want toppings on that,
sir?

What kind of...
All of the toppings!

Aagh!

Aah!

Aagh!

Aah!

Aagh!

Aah.

Aagh!

Aagh!

Aagh!

Aagh!

It's like stupid in stereo.

Aagh!

Here, mandy.

Take a picture to commemorate
this exciting moment.

Zoom in so you see my features
clearly.

No.
No.

That one didn't count.
His mouth was open.

Try again.

Fred, stop eating.

Fred?

Yes?

You want this picture to be
real nice, don't you?

Yes.

And you're gonna want to show
it to the nice people at the...

Look at me, fred.

Show it to the nice people who
are paying for all this, right?

My yogurt is melting.

Forget the yogurt for a
second.

No.

Wait till we smile.

Dang it, fred.
Wait!

Ok, mandy.

Take the picture.

[Crying]
well, now you're ruining

The...
Stop taking pictures.

And, you, stop crying now.

Give me that spoon.

Now smile.

Bigger!

Take the picture already.

You told me to stop.

I meant stop when we weren't
ready.

But now we're ready.

I wasn't ready!

My face hurts.

Now?
Yes.

Now.

Take it.

Hey, can I be in the pic...
Dang it, billy!

I'm gonna tear your head off.

No!

[Screaming]
oh, no!

You... My yogurt!

No, fred.

It was an accident.

Fred fredburger!

Fred fredburger!

Fred fredburger!

Good going, yogurt k*ller.

Fred, where'd you go?

Fred, come out of the freezer.

[Screaming]
please, fred, the c.e.o.s are

Gonna beat me up.

[Screaming]
billy, mandy, what am I gonna

Do?

I'm dead meat if he doesn't have
a good time.

Give me that essay.

Ok.

But I don't see what good this
will...

Here.

Oh, fred?

Hey, fred, look.

We haven't done everything on
your list yet, see.

You wrote that you want to go to
sassy cat land.

I wrote that?
Uh-huh.

You sure did.

Right?
Yeah!

'Cause you love all the fun
rides!

And the silly characters.

And the hot dogs and nachos
and...

I like nachos!

Yes!

See, fred, this is gonna be
great.

There's nothing more fun than
amusement park rides.

Yes.

[Laughing]
[screaming]

I'm so happy to hear you're
enjoying yourself.

Holy moly!

Fred fredburger!

Well, I guess my endorsement
premier is...

History.

Do you hear me, reaper?

Fred fredburger is history.

Well, technically they never
found the body.

So it's quite possible that...
This is for ruining our

Company, chuckwad.

And by the way, you're fired.

Oh, why, mommy?

Why?

[Crying]
hey, I found this guy, and

He's hungry.

Can he share our food with us?

Sure.

We have plenty of nachos and
frozen yogurt.

Do you like nachos and frozen
yogurt?

Yes.

My name is fred fredburger.

That's a good name.

Can you spell it?

Hey, what flavor is that

Brown and yellow one?

Chocolate banana.

I like both chocolate and
bananas.

Yes.

Hey, what flavor is that pink
one?

Strawberry.

Hey, what flavor is that
orange one?

Orange.

Mmm.

Hey, what flavor is that
grayish-white one?

I taste like nachos.

Yes.