03x23 - The Royalty Trap

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music playing]

Dinah, look. I bought you a new collar.

It's got a nametag with our address
and phone number,

so people will know where you live.

-And a little bell, see--
-[meows]

Dinah, wait!

Mom told me to put this collar on you
right away.

Dinah, how did you disappear so fast?

I'm not running all over this house
looking for you.

Which means I'm stuck here
until you come back.

Actually...

I may have to wait.

But that doesn't mean
I'm stuck in my room.

[theme music playing]

♪ Hold on to your seat
Let's go for a ride ♪

♪ Now that we're here
On the other side ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ It's a curious place
With a wonderful crew ♪

♪ And you're never quite sure
What they will do ♪

♪ Use your imagination
You'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

-Hi, Your Majesty.
-Oh! I'm sorry, Alice,

but I can't let you use the phone.

-I beg your pardon.
-Normally I wouldn't mind,

I'm expecting a very important call.

You? Ha!

Let her use your phone, Twinkle Toes.
I'm the one who's going to get the call.

-That's okay. I don't--
-You? Ha!

Go ahead, borrow her phone, Alice,
it won't matter.

-Seriously, I don't--
-Use hers, Alice, she won't be needing it.

But I don't need to call anybody.

Good gracious, Alice,
why didn't you say so earlier?

I am the one that's going to be getting
the call from the Royalty Hall of Fame.

I know it, you know it and Alice knows it.

Actually, I don't know it.
What's the Royalty Hall of Fame?

-[both gasp]
-You must be kidding.

Being picked for the Royalty Hall of Fame
is the greatest honor a queen...

-Or duchess.
-...can receive.

Each year, one, and only one,
new royal person is selected.

And this year...

-that person is going to be me.
-Me.

Alice, tell Duchy here
who you think deserves to be selected.

Yes, tell Twinkle Toes
whom you would pick.

[pop music playing]

♪ Either one of you is great ♪

♪ You're both so neat, I'd hesitate ♪

♪ And to decide, I'd have to wait ♪

♪ The choice would be so hard ♪

♪ Perfection, you have both attained ♪

♪ And might as well pick stars ♪

♪ To make a choice would be a strain ♪

♪ I'm calling it a draw ♪

♪ You know you're both so fun ♪

♪ I can't seem to make up my mind ♪

♪ Who would win the cup?
It's a royal toss up ♪

♪ You're quite a pair
You know it's true ♪

♪ And I don't know, what could I do? ♪

♪ Either one would be the best ♪

♪ To make a choice would be a test ♪

♪ You know you're both so fun ♪

♪ I can't seem to make up my mind ♪

♪ Who would win the cup?
It's a royal toss up ♪

♪ Yeah, it's a royal toss up ♪

[in unison] See? I told you she'd pick me.

[ringing]

Hello? You did? I am?

Tonight at 6:00? I'll be there.

Was that the Royalty Hall of Fame?
Did they select you?

Yes, it seems they did.

Aren't you excited?

Please, Alice, my being picked means
that my dear friend here wasn't chosen.

I wouldn't want to be a poor sport
and make her feel bad.

That's nice of you.

Just because I was given
the greatest honor

a royal person can ever receive,

and she got nothing. Nada.

Bupkiss, zilch, zero, el-zippo.

And on top of that you'll have to watch me
be honored in front of millions of people

on national television.

There's no reason to rub it in.

I couldn't be happier for you,
Twinkle Toes.

And I really mean that.

One o'clock, get my nails done,



[laughs]

Oh, good grief, what a mess.

How many times have I told that Rabbit
to keep my gardening tools picked up.

Oh, well, I'll do it myself.

[lock clicks]

Hey, what's going on here?

-Somebody let me out. Help. Help!
-[knocking]

Twinkle Toes?

-Is that you in there?
-Oh!

Oh, Duchy, thank goodness.

I can't get the door open. Let me out.

You forgot to say "please."

Oh, harrumph! Please let me out.

"Pretty please."

Pretty please.

"Pretty please with sugar on top."

-Oh, open this door!
-All right. Hold your crown on.

[grunting]

It's locked. Do you have the key?

Of course not!

If I had the key,
don't you think I'd have used it by now?

My, someone around here
is a cranky crabapple.

You're not talking about me, are you?

I'm sorry, did that sound like
I was talking about you?

Tell you what, I'll get help,
you stay here.

Don't go away.

"Don't go away," she says.

Ha, ha. That's so funny I forgot to laugh.

Hello! Where are you?

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Hey, Rabbit, whom are you looking for?

I'm looking for the Queen.

Oh. [chuckles]

Sorry, sorry. I'm looking for the Queen.

So we heard.

We haven't seen her. Is there a problem?

Well, yes. You see, the Queen was selected
for the Royalty Hall of Fame,

but no one has seen her since she left.

And the royal nail salon called,
the royal beauty parlor called,

both saying she'd missed her appointments,
and I'm worried she may be lost.

She probably just went shopping,
you know the Queen.

Once she sees a sale at the mall,
she's trapped.

No, it's not like Her Majesty to miss
getting her glamour nails polished,

or her queenly curls coiffed.

I'd better go back to the palace
and garden

in case the Queen has returned.

Goodbye.

Oh!

[laughing]

Silly. Why don't you let me search
the palace and garden,

while you look out here, way out here.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

I couldn't ask you to do that.

Oh! [laughing]

So silly. Oh, nonsense.

The Queen is my friend, I wouldn't dream
of having her miss a big night, would I?

Besides, the more of us there are
looking for the Queen,

-the more likely we are to find her.
-Right.

We can even get
the Hatter and Hare to help.

Well, all right.

But you are sure you'll call me
if you see her?

Of course. If I see her.

So the Queen is absent, eh?

Well, you came to the right place.

"Department of Missing Royalty"?

I don't know, I've never heard of that.

Trust me, we know what we're doing.
Tell them, Dormouse.

Trust them, they know what they're doing.

Thanks, pal.

And remember, there's more cheese
where that came from.

[pop music playing]

♪ If it's missing monarchs
You're searching for ♪

♪ All we can tell you is look no more ♪

♪ You lose them, we find them ♪

♪ Forget about the difficulty ♪

♪ Tracking them down is our specialty ♪

♪ They'll appreciate your loyalty ♪

♪ You come to
The Department Of Missing Royalty ♪

♪ Now finding a prince is always a cinch ♪

♪ And catching a king
Is an easy sure thing ♪

♪ When it's a duchess an earl or a duke
Our system works ♪

-♪ It's never a fluke ♪
-♪ It's never a fluke ♪

♪ Locating a queen is merely routine ♪

-♪ Just leave it to us ♪
-♪ Just leave it to us ♪

♪ You lose them, we find them ♪

♪ Forget about the difficulty ♪

♪ Tracking them down is our specialty ♪

♪ They'll appreciate your loyalty ♪

♪ You come to
The Department Of Missing Royalty ♪

Now, please describe the royal person
you wish us to find.

Describe her?
You know what the Queen looks like.

Uh, just go with us,

we have to do something
to justify our jobs.

She's about this tall, wears red,
and she orders everyone around.

Huh...

-Sounds a little like the Queen.
-Mm-hm!

Don't worry, she's as good as found.

We have a saying around
the Missing Royalty Department.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Uh, no, I was thinking of:
"We always get our Queen."

-Oh, okay. Well, I like my saying better.
-Of course you do. Me, me, me...

There. I may be stuck in here,

but at least there's more room
to move around.

Too bad, you're not more like me.

-Why would I want to be like you?
-Huh?

I'd look terrible with purple hair.

Ha-ha-ha.

I meant that I never get stuck anywhere.

If I don't like where I am,
I just disappear.

Say, that gives me an idea.

If you disappear from here,

may I go along for the ride
if I grab your tail?

Hm, sorry.

When it comes to coming and going,
I have one rule: no passengers.

Oh, Cat! Now what?

I can't just sit here

Hm. Maybe I can pass the time
by doing my royal aerobics.

Okay.

And step, and up, and rest, and rest,
and rest, and breathe. [panting]

And stretch your arms,
and stretch your arms, and breathe.

[panting] And step down.

-[yells]
-[crashing]

Hello? Anybody home?

Oh, harrumph!

Hello?

Duchy, is that you?

Yes, it is. And I brought you something.

Oh, the key. Finally.

I didn't think
I'd ever get out of here. Oh--

Hey, what's this?

Why, it's a cookie.
I thought you might be getting hungry.

What? This is ridiculous.

I thought chocolate chip
was your favorite.

I don't need a delicious snack.

I need to get out. I'm gonna be late
for the Royalty Hall of Fame.

I have an idea about that.

If for some reason
we can't get you out of here in time,

I would be willing to take your place
at the ceremony.

What? Never!

Please, you'd still be the one
being honored by the Hall of Fame,

I would be accepting the honor for you
in your absence.

You'd also be the one who got to be on TV
and have her picture in all the papers.

I won't let you do it.

That's very kind of you to think of me,
but I really don't mind.

After all, I'm just thinking of you,
my good friend.

[pop music playing]

♪ Rest assured, Twinkle Toes
I'm here to your rescue ♪

♪ Your good friend, the Duchess
Will accept the award for you ♪

♪ I'm only thinking of you
That's all that I can do ♪

♪ And my face on the front page
Is in there a bit too ♪

♪ I'll figure a way
To get you out of this stew you're in ♪

♪ It's the least that I can do
As your dearest and closest friend ♪

♪ I'll accept so graciously
As I turn to the camera ♪

♪ I'm sure they'll appreciate
Someone so glamorous ♪

♪ They'll clap and I'll bow
'Cause I really know how ♪

♪ To turn all their heads
And make them say wow ♪

♪ After all, I'm only thinking of you
That's all that I can do ♪

♪ And my face on the front page
Is in there a bit too ♪

♪ Rest assured, Twinkle Toes
I'm here to your rescue ♪

♪ Your good friend, the Duchess
Will accept the award for you ♪

♪ Thinking of you ♪

Well, I'd better be going.

After all,
if I am forced to go on TV for you,

I'm going to have to get
my nails polished and my hair done

and pick out some new shoes.

Oh, Duchy, come back here.

Did you hear me? I said come back here.

Hm...

-There.
-Oh, thank you.

I've never been good
at tying these things.

My pleasure.

Eh, looking good.

You know what they say,
clothes make the caterpillar.

Thank you. I want to look my best.

I'm hosting the Royalty Hall of Fame
show tonight.

And may I say,
I'm sorry you didn't make it.

Perhaps next year.

Well, actually you may see me there.

Sadly, the Queen may not be able
to make it

and I may be forced
to accept the honor for her.

Of course,
it's the last thing I want to do,

is take her place
in the center of attention on TV,

in the spotlight.

Yes, you seem all broken up about it.

Perhaps you should listen to this story.

This is a tale of a cow named Lucy
and her sister Olga,

the stars of the Barnyard Basketball team.

But they were also sibling rivals.

Sisters who always competed.

If Olga made an "udderly" amazing shot...

Lucy wouldn't rest until she made one
that was even more dazzling.

If Lucy scored 30 points...

Olga wasn't happy
unless she scored at least 31.

In fact, the sibling rivalry
was really a case of dribbling rivalry.

As the season went on,
Olga and Lucy kept competing,

and the team kept winning.

Finally, it was time for the big game
against Dairy Farm High.

Everyone in the barnyard thought

that with Olga and Lucy on their team,
they couldn't lose.

But Olga and Lucy's rivalry
had gotten out of hand.

Or, should I say, out of hoof.

They spent so much time
competing with each other

that they forgot to worry about
the other team.

And so because of Lucy and Olga's
sibling rivalry,

not only did their team lose,

but instead of being the heroes
of the game,

the two sheepish cows were the goats.

So, what you're saying is that we all lose

when we worry about competing
with each other too much.

A very good lesson in there for the Queen.

Uh, just for the Queen?

I'll say, you should have heard her
rubbing it in

when she was chosen for
the Royalty Hall of Fame and I wasn't.

Of course, I'm above such pettiness.

Why else would I be willing to help her
by taking her place?

-Rabbit, you look exhausted.
-Sit down. Take a load off.

Thank you. I'm...

I've searched every inch of the forest
looking for the Queen.

-Oh, there, there.
-You poor thing.

I've talked to the Tweedles, to Alice,
no one knows where the Queen is.

Except us of course.

Well, that goes without saying--
What? You found her?

We didn't get put in charge

of the Department of Missing Royalty
for nothing.

Well, where is she?

She's locked in the royal tool shed.

-More tea?
-Yes, thank you--

She's locked in the royal tool shed?

-Didn't you let her out?
-Of course not, that's not our department.

But you said you were in charge
of the Department of Missing Royalty.

We are, but we know where the Queen is,

therefore she isn't missing
and our work is done.

If we were in charge of the Department of
Letting Royalty Out of Locked Tool Sheds,

it'd be a different story.

-That's completely ridiculous.
-How true that is.

-Crumpet?
-Thank you--

Egads! I've got to save the Queen!

She's supposed to be at
the Royalty Hall of Fame... right now.

Goodbye.

-Buh-bye.
-See you.

[fanfare playing]

Ladies and gentlemen,
royalty and subjects,

welcome to the Royalty Hall of Fame.

Tonight we honor the newest royal person
to be selected,

the Red Queen.

[audience applauding]

And now,
the Queen would like to say a few words

about how she got her start
in the ruling class.

However, since she is unavoidably absent,

we will hear from her good friend,
the Duchess.

-[fanfare playing]
-[audience applauding]

Thank you.

I'm sure if Twinkle Toes-- Uh, the Queen
were here, she would want to tell you

this is a day she has dreamed about
ever since she was a tiny princess.

But enough about that.
Let me tell you about me.

I was a brilliant child...

Mr. Rabbit, I know where the Queen is.

-She's--
-In the tool shed, I know.

I'm here, Your Majesty.

Oh, finally. Did you bring the key?

Well, of course I brought the key.

It wouldn't make much sense
if I came without the key, now would it?

-You know--
-Rabbit!

Sorry. Sorry.

Now, let's see.

Uh, where did I put it?

[muttering]

I put it somewhere. I'm sure...

Here... It is here somewhere.

You don't have the key?

Don't tell me you don't have a key!

Oh, nonsense, of course I have the key.

Unfortunately it's in my other vest.
I'll be right back.

Oh, Rabbit! Rabbit!

Oh, harrumph! Harrumph!

Oh, harrumph! Harrumph!

[audience applauding]

Next, the Queen will tell us her plans

as a new member
of the Royalty Hall of Fame.

Once again, speaking for the Queen,
the Duchess.

-[audience applauds]
-Thank you.

Now I'm sure as a new member
of the Royalty Hall of Fame,

the Queen plans to do
many, many good deeds.

After all,
there is a first time for everything.

Now, getting back to me. Let me tell you
about the time in high school

when I was voted most likely
to run out of closet space...

I found the key! I found the key!

You know, it's funny, I could have sworn
this would be in my other vest.

But then I remembered
the little hook on the refrigerator

-with the magnets where we hang--
-Rabbit!

Sorry. Sorry.

-Ah!
-All right, let's go.

Um, did you maybe want to
get cleaned up first, Your Majesty?

Oh, there's no time for that.

I've got to get to
the Royalty Hall of Fame

before the ceremony is over.

Come on, let's go.

-[Rabbit] Your Majesty?
-[knocking]

Uh, Alice?

The door seems to be locked.

Someone?

I believe you have the key.

Hello?

Hello out there!

And now,
the moment you've all been waiting for,

the time when the Red Queen
is officially welcomed

into the Royalty Hall of Fame,

by being presented
with this lovely plaque.

[audience cheers]

Thanks. Now once again,
on behalf of the Queen,

I'd like to say--

Oh, take your grubby hands
off my plaque, Duchy!

-[audience applauding]
-Well...

First, I'd like to thank my good friend,
the Duchess,

for standing in for me in my absence.

I'll get back at her--

Uh, I'll thank her in my own way later.

[stammers] And I'd like to say that
normally I look much better than this.

[audience laughs]

Uh, you see, a funny thing happened
on the way to the Royalty Hall of Fame.

[audience laughing]

Did I ever tell you about the time
I got stuck in the royal tool shed?

-[laughing]
-[audience cheering and applauding]

You hear that, Alice? They love me.

[pop music playing]

♪ I almost missed ♪

♪ The ceremony for the Hall of Fame ♪

♪ I was in such a tizzy ♪

♪ But it would not be the same ♪

♪ Without my royal name ♪

♪ I have my plaque to claim ♪

♪ Because they love me
They really love me ♪

♪ There was a chance ♪

♪ I didn't look quite up to snuff ♪

♪ Appearing only 90% queenly enough ♪

♪ But my people trust ♪

♪ Their Queen has the right stuff ♪

♪ They love me, they really love me ♪

♪ The world love me ♪

♪ Ah-ha-ha! They love me ♪

[audience applauding]

-Dinah, are you back yet?
-[meows]

There you are. Couldn't stay away, huh?

Before you leave again,
we're putting on your new collar.

After all, with this name tag and bell,

I'll always be able to find you
whether you want me to or not.

[theme music playing]

♪ That's all for now
But we'll see you again ♪

♪ Come back real soon
Now that we're all friends ♪

♪ Where every day is something new ♪

♪ With music, rhyme and a dance or two ♪

♪ Use your imagination
And you'll understand ♪

♪ It's an adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventure in Wonderland ♪

♪ Adventures in Wonderland ♪