03x09 - Duck/Aren't You Chupacabra to See Me?

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

- [Laughing]

- By the pricking of my thumbs,

Something wicked this way comes.

[Wolf howls]

- Honey, I'm home!

Whoo! What a day.

Even the flies
were dropping like flies.

Mmm!

Dinner smells good!

Whatcha cookin', baby?

- [Shrieks]

- Me favorite!

Oh, what did I ever do to
deserve a wife as good as you?

- [Shrieks]

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

Gosh, I love snuggling
in front of the fireplace.

Baby, you remember our
honeymoon at the dead sea?

- [Shrieks]

- Ha!

I haven't lived down
that nickname yet,

Have i, billy?

Billy?!

I mean "baby!"

I mean... I mean... Wait!

This is not me beautiful house.

This is not me beautiful wife!

- Same as it ever was!

Same as it ever was.

Same as it ever was.

Same as it ever was.

Same as it ever was.

- Stop saying that!

Man, I was having
the nicest dream.

Oh, no!

Nice dream?!

- What's the big deal?

I have nice dreams all the time.

- Billy, I'm the grim reaper.

I ain't supposed to
have nice dreams.

Me dreams should be filled
with an endless void

Of wailing darkness.

When I have good dreams,

A vortex opens
in the back of me head

Bridging this world
and the dark realm,

Thus allowing a menagerie of
nightmares to slither on out!

- Oh, yeah!

I had the same problem yesterday

After I ate that burrito.

- Help me look around.

- For what?

- For the nightmare bugaboo
I was just telling you about.

I want to make sure there
aren't any running loose.

- Oh, ok.

No boogers in here.

- Well, I didn't find
anything too unusual.

Except for this.

- Oh, ok, look!

I can explain.

- Wait a second.

Has that duck always
been over there?

- What duck?
- This duck right here.

- I don't see a duck.

- Billy, I know you're stupid,

But not blind.

This duck right here.

- Oh, wait!

This is a game where
we make stuff up, right?

Ok!

Then I see a big,
green eleflant...

Name herbert mchoover.

He plays the drums and listens
to "freedom rock!"

- No, dummy!

A real duck, right here on the...

- [Blows raspberry]

- Grim.

You made a butt burp.

- What? No!

It wasn't me!

It was the... - [Blows raspberry]

- Ok, grim.

I'm gonna wait out in the hall

Until you and your butt

Can agree on a polite
way to behave.

- I don't know what kind of
backwater, low-level nightmare

You are, but you're messing
with the wrong dude!

I am the grim... - [Raspberry]

- That's it!

Dang.

Where'd I put me... Ah!

Ok, duck,

Prepare for complete
and total obliteration!

- [Blowing raspberries]

[Raspberry]

[Raspberry]

[Tires squeal]

- Look, I have some
important work to do now.

So not a peep.

Got it?!

[Buzzer]

- That must be my son
finally come to apologize.

- Mr. Hickey.

I have come for you!

- It's been 20 years, paul,

But you look exactly the same!

Aren't you gonna give
your old dad a hug?!

[Sighs]

- Oh, well, see,
I'm actually here...

- Just one hug, paul,

And my heart can rest easy.

[Sighs]

- How 'bout I just give you
a piece of hard candy?

You people like
that stuff, right?

- [Whimpering]

- Ah! Here we go!

- Oh.

- Oops.
I'll get that.

- [Blows raspberry]

- Uh... Ha ha.

That was the uh...
The invisible duck.

Ha ha.

- [Blows raspberry]

- I had the same
problem yesterday

After I ate a burrito.

- You know what?
This isn't working.

I'll come back another time.

- I love you, son!

- This stupid duck has totally
thrown me off my game.

- What's wrong, mister?

You look so sad.

- It's nothing.

- You want my soda?

- No, thanks.

- No, really.
You can have it.

- That's the nicest...

Wait! That isn't that nasty
generic cola, is it?

- No, it's name brand.

- Oh, that's the nicest...

- [Blows raspberry]

- No! It wasn't me, dagnab it!

- [Blows raspberry]

- See?! It was
the ding-dong duck!

- [Blows raspberry]

- Look at me body!

I ain't got no guts, nothing!

How could I poot, huh?!

I'm a skeleton!

- [Screaming]

- Look at me body!

Look at it! Look at it!

So,
uh... What are you... In for?

- I beat the snot out
of a guy...

For farting!

- Guard!

- Just the sound of it
makes me so angry!

- Guard!

- Angry!

- Guard!

- All right, reaper,
your bail is here.

- I came as soon as
I got the call, yo.

- Oh, I knew I could
count on you, irwin.

- Here you are, officer.

- Gee, thanks!

[Grunts]

How much was
in that piggy bank?!

- $4.28.

- So, you like to be a jokester,
do you, mr. Funny guy?

Mr. Comedian, eh?

- I don't understand!

- Well, the bail is $3,500.

- I was only trying
to be helpful!

- Now, get out of my jail!

Out!

- Sorry, grim!

- Yeah!

Yeah, you'd better run!

I'd like to think
I make a difference.

- That was wickety-whack, yo!

Hey, a duck!

[Horn honking]

- Come on, dude!

What's up, my main man?

You've been awful
quiddity-quiet back there.

- This duck is kind
of creeping me out, dad.

- What duck, dude?

- Yo.
- Don't be buggin', dude.

- Yo!
- Dude!

- Yo!
- Dude!

- Yo!
- Enough!

Granmama does
not want to hear

Any more back sass
out of you.

- Word!

- Sorry, granmama.

- [Blows raspberry]

- Huh? Did you just break wind

In front of your granmama?

- That wasn't me, yo.

It was the...
- [Blows raspberry]

- Oh, baby!

Oh, that is just nasty!

- [Blows raspberry]

- Dang! Please open up
a window or something!

- [Blows raspberry]

- Dude!
- Baby, why you gotta be nasty?!

- [Blows raspberry]

- Oh, goodness!

Someone please open a window

And vent this nastiness out!

- [Blows raspberry]
- dude!

- It's not me, yo!

- [Blows raspberry]

- Well, I think someone
won't go to the baseball game

If they keep lying!

- I did it!

It was all me!

I popped a fluffy!

I played the tushie trumpet!

I made a ham blast!

Can I please go to the game?!

- See, son.

It's all about accountability.

Now, we're not gonna
have any more

Priddiddy-problems, are we, son?

- Goodness, I hope not.

- [Crowd noise]

- Commemorative goatee!

Get your commemorative goatee!

- These seats
are the b*mb, dude!

- Hush, child!

They're about to
start the ceremony.

- I'd like to thank all
the fans for coming out today

To show their support
for my goatee...

Since this is my
goatee's last game

Before it's traded
to atlanta... - [Booing]

- I think it would be fitting

If we observed
a moment of silence.

- [Blows raspberry]

- It's that fat kid!

- Someone stop him!

He's mocking the goatee!

- It's not me!

- Uh, I think we
better jittitty-jet.

- [Mob screaming]

- Why does this stuff
always happen to me, yo?!

- I blame that
hippity-hop music!

- [Yelling]

- After which,
the family was arrested,

Tom, I think it's safe to say

This gassy kid will
forever be known as

The boy who ruined baseball.

- Oh, tooty mactootalot.

[Laughter]

- Or that.

- Well, at least that
crazy duck went away, yo.

- Yeah.

But I wonder who will
his next victim be.

- [Whistling]

Hey, a duck!

What the heck just happened?

- At the rate this duck is
getting people into trouble,

I predict this cell will be full

In about 4 hours!

[Raspberry]

Man, he's working fast!

- I'm not even on this
stupid show anymore!

- You know,
I'm beginning to wonder

If anybody can stop
that demon duck.

- And he was like, "naa!"

And so, I was all like, "aah!"

- And then what?

- [Blows raspberry]

- Obviously someone
was raised in a barn.

A fart barn!

- [Blowing raspberries]

[Inhales deeply]

[Blows raspberry]

- Young lady!

Is this any way to behave?

- No. I suppose not.

Walking up and yelling
at someone

While they're trying to work
does seem kind of rude.

- [Raspberry]

- Young lady, I do not tolerate

Such behavior in my library.

- Well, then, that's
really your problem,

Not my problem, isn't it?
- [Raspberry]

- I will not stand for this!

- There's an empty
chair right there!

- [Whistling]

- Look, lady, could you have
your meltdown somewhere else?

I've got a report due tomorrow
on the history of corn,

And you're kind
of distracting me.

- [Blowing raspberries]

[Raspberry]

- Mandy, i...
- [Blows raspberry]

- Mandy?

- [Blows raspberry]

- Mandy, I need to know if...
- [Raspberry]

- [Sighs]

Is everything ok at home?

- It's fine, sir.

- And you're eating ok?

Not too many beans or broccoli?

- I eat fine, sir.

- Mandy, I'm not called
principal goodvibes

Just because I had my name
legally changed to it.

I can be your friend.

- [Blows raspberry]

- But you have to let me know
if there's anything wrong!

- Nope. Nothing, sir.

[Door opens]

- Sperg is at it again.

- You there!

What do you think you're doing?

Young man, this is
not how we empower

Other's emotional well-being!

Sorry, mandy.

I have to take care of this.

Oh, and don't touch
the p.a. System while I'm gone.

The microphone right there
with the big red button,

Don't touch it.

- Knock yourself out.

[Feedback whine]

- [Inhales deeply]

[Blows raspberry]

- I though I was
the only one around here

Allowed to cut the cheese.

- [Raspberry ends]

- [Cheering]

- [Blows raspberry]

- You think you've won?
- [Blows raspberry]

- You think you've
humiliated me,

Broken me, driven me crazy,

When every day of my life
I've had to deal with...

Compared to that, you're just
an insignificant pimple

On the butt of the world's
smallest amoeba.

You have no power over me.

- [Farts]

- [Groaning]

- And she was all like, "naa."

And I was all like, "nah!"

- Oh, look, mandy's home!

How was detention today?

- Only 74 more days to go.

[Raspberry]

- Man, that duck's been

Following you around
for two weeks now...

Morning, noon, and night.

- Actually, he disappeared
after the first day.

- Then that means...
- [Fart]

- Oh, baby, that is just nasty!

- Labbie, timmy's fallen
into the well again!

Go save him, labbie!

Save him!

- Hey, wait!

I think we've seen
this movie before!

- No, duh!

- Yeah.

Don't we have anything
else to watch?

- But if we turn it off,

We'll never know what
happens to labbie!

- "Oh, labbie, you're our hero.

Here, take this golden dog bone
as a token of our gratitude."

- "Woof, woof."

- Oh, labbie, you're our hero.

Here, take this golden dog bone
as a token of our gratitude!

- Woof! Woof!

- Are you guys pa-psychic?

- No, you pea brain!

We've watched this


- Oh!

It's over!

- Whoo-who!

Yes!

Now what should we do?

- Let's watch it again!

- Save him! Run!

Run like the wind!

- I can't believe that timmy
fell in the well again!

I mean, doesn't that
kid get sick of

Falling into it over
and over and over

And over and over
and over and over

And over and over and over
and over and over and over?

Oh, it's over!
Let's watch it again!

- No!
- No!

No more labbie!

Get your jackets,
you little couch apes.

Underworld video.

A haven for underworld type
characters like myself.

- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Let's get this one!

"The legend of
the chupamacabra."

- What is this nonsense?!

I can't believe
I paid $6.00 for this!

- Shh! Shh! Shh! Quiet!

This is the best part!

- That's it! I'm out of here!

- This video is the biggest load
of hooha I've ever seen.

Why do you insist
we watch this stupid thing?

- Am I the only one
who understands

The complexities
of this ambitious

Cinematic masterpiece?

This movie isn't stupid!

You're stupid!

- Oh, billy!

Why you gotta be like that?!

[Sobbing]

- Aah!

Now I can enjoy
my movie in peace.

- [Boing]

- [Giggles]

Hey! What happened?!

Where'd
the chupamabrabaguppaga go?

[Giggles]

Whoa!

I didn't know this
movie was a 3-d!

Hello!

My name's billy! What's yours?

- [Gobbling sounds]

- What the...
- [Groaning]

- Billy, what happened?!

- [Groaning]

I don't know.

I fell asleep...

And had this crazy dream
that I was naked at school.

And the chupacablahblah
attacked me.

- Billy! Oh, my gosh!
What's that?!

- What's what?
- Over there!

- I don't see...
- On your back!

- On my hat?
- Curse you, boy!

On your back!
- What?!

I don't see...
What are you talkin' about?!

- There it is!
k*ll it! k*ll it!

- Let me handle this.

- I think it's trying to
suck his brains out, man.

- [Slurping]

- Poor thing's gonna starve.

- Billy, where did
you get that thing?

- That's the thing that
came out of the tv last night.

- That's a chupacabra?!

- I believe it's pronounced
"chupamaflabblah."

She's my bestest friend!

- [Sucking]

- I call her daisy!

- Hmm.

You know, billy,

Chupacabras are
blood-sucking creatures.

This thing is cursed,

So be very, very careful.

- Uh, grim,
what do you mean by cursed?

- I mean they only
bring suffering.

- Well, I ain't suffering.

- [Gasps]

- Well, I am.

- I'm blind.

- Ha!
Come on, daisy.

Let's go play outside.

Hey, irwin.
What's that you got?

- Oh, it's my new
weiner dog, yo.

His name is oscar.
I got him yesterday.

- No way!

I got my dog yesterday, too!

Check it out.
Its name is daisy.

- Ha ha ha ha!

Billy, that's your dog?!

[Scoffs]

My dog is way better than yours.

- [Sniffs]

- Your dog looks
like some freaky,

Deflated anteater or something.

Last time I checked,

Dogs didn't look like that.

- Oh, yeah?!

Yeah, my dog can do stuff
that other dogs can't!

- Oh, yeah?!

Well,
my dog is so cool that... Huh?!

- [Coughing]

- Uh, oscar?

- [Retching]

- Aw!

That's just daisy
showing her affection.

[Laughing]

- Oh, billy!

- Yeah, irwin?

- I feel so lightheaded.

- [Sucking]

- See?!

She likes you, too!

[Thud]

Come on, daisy.

- His dog's still stupid.

- Ruff!

- All right, daisy,
I'm your new master.

And you have to obey
my every command.

So... Stay!

Ok!

Cool.

Uh... Roll over.

Speak.

Beg.

Play dead.

- Billy, we need to talk.

- About what, grim?

- I think it's... Time...

You give back the chupacabra.

- But I love daisy!

She's my faithful
canine companion.

- No, she's not, billy.

Daisy is the corporeal
manifestation

Of the video images
you saw the other night.

- Tee hee hee!

Mandy talk funny words.

- What I'm trying to say is

Daisy is a ghost that is cursed
to live inside the videotape.

It comes out of the tv

To suck the life
out of its victims.

That's how it feeds.

That's how it survives.

Now, we must return
it back to the video

From whence it came.

- But why?!

- The video is overdue.

And my perfect record
is in jeopardy.

- And, billy,

You're obviously not ready
for the responsibility

Of owning a pet.

Remember when milkshakes
got stuck in a tree



- Meow.

- [Barking]

[Snarling]

Playing with milkshakes is fun!

[Growling]

Oh, yeah!

I guess you're right.

I love having daisy around,

But I didn't know having
a pet would be so hard.

Ok, grim.

Let's take her back.

I... I... I love you, daisy!

- I love you, too, billy!

- No!

- Don't worry, billy.

Some day you'll be
ready to have a pet.

- And I'll love it
forever and ever.

- Meow!

Meow!

- Quiet down!

Can't you see
I'm mourning the loss

Of the only animal friend
I'll ever have?!

- Meow.

[Cell phone rings]

- Hello?

Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

No, no. Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

No, man, I'm seeing
her later tonight.

What? Speak up,
I can't hear you.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

No, way! He didn't.

- [Blows raspberry]

- Hey, man, I'm gonna
have to call you back

From a different theater.

Someone is being
really rude in here!