01x09 - Billy and the Bully/To Eris Human/Big Trouble in Billy's Basement

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

[Laughter]

♪♪

Happiness is a waxen
two-headed baby

Catch, irwin!

Recess is great.

We can study
the effects of gravity
and have fun, too.

Less talking,
more ball-throwing.

[Grunts]

Billy: yay!

Say, this gravdity has made
the ball all dirty.

I'll have to clean it.

Good, clean fun--
hee hee hee--

With my friends.

My very best friends.

Hoo! Eeeee!

It's sperg
and his deadly wedgie.

You could be next,
billy.

Ooh! Next?

Oh!

Why did I pick today
to wear underwear?

You got a problem,
wuss?

Uh, could you stop picking
on my friend,

Please?

Or what?

[School bell rings]

We'll finish this
after school.

Sperg rules!

Nice comeback, billy.

Thanks for nothing.

[Crickets chirping]

[Elastic snap]

Billy: aaah...

[Birds squawking]

[Music on tv]

I warned you to keep
your mouth shut.

I...

Hurt in places
that don't exist.

Let me tell you
what my mama
once told me

When I had
bully problems.

Ooh! A story!
A story!

Mmm. Hee hee hee hee!

Very well.

These bullies--

They threw things at me

And called me names.

Bonehead!

And my mama told me...

Sticks and stones
may break your bones,

But names will
never hurt you.

Now, go, my son.

Gee, thanks, pal.

Sticks and stones!
Sticks and stones!

Does that sticks
and stones thing
really work?

No.

I got an idea, mandy.

Let's walk
on the other side
of the street.

Don't be such a coward.

Well?

Sticks and stones
may break my bones,

But names will
never hurt me!

Yeah heh heh heh heh!

Not a problem.

Grim!

What is it, billy?

Sticks and stones, grim.

It--it doesn't work!

Well, what do you
expect me to do
about it?

You know that thing that
you do that you're not
supposed to do anymore?

Uh...

The thing with the scythe
and the swinging.

you know.
[Clucks]

Hee hee hee hee!

I want you to do it!

There he is, grim.

Sic him, boy!

Hee ha ha ha!

Who's your
lady friend, wuss?

[Wind howling]

I am the grim reaper!

[Laughing diabolically]

[Deep voice]
are you ready
to meet your doom?

You--you--you--

You're a real bonehead!

Bonehead?
[Crying]

Ha ha ha ha!

This is getting
embarrassing.

I'll have to take care
of this myself.

[Slurping]

Oh!

Does the baby like
his milk?

[Crying]

Ah!

Mandy: hey, sperg!

I got a bone to pick
with you.

Sperg:
well, well, well!

If it isn't
the wussy squad

With a new member--

Sally teacup!
Ha ha ha ha!

Why don't you say that
a little closer?

Unless, of course,
you're chicken.

Are you calling me
chicken?

Yeah!

And I eat chickens
for breakfast.

I'll make you regret that!

Bring it on.

[All murmuring]

Yaaaah...

Well?

I'm afraid of you!

[Wailing]

Well, that takes care
of that.

Aw,

Did you have to be
so hard on him?

Sperg! Wait up!

Gee, sperg,

Sorry about you being
a chicken and all.

All I ever wanted
was to be loved,

To care,

To be cared for!

[Sobbing]

Here.

Thanks.

[Blows loudly]

Let's...be...friends!

Really?

Even after all
those wedgies?

Friendship is better
than wedgies!

[Both laughing]

Aaah!

Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group
and u.s. Department of education

Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.ncicap.org--

Grim:
oh, pooh.

What is
it now, grim?

Well, it's
just that

When you said we
were going to a mall,

I thought you meant
we would see people

Being torn limb from limb
by a ferocious beast.

Not this!

Don't get your robe
in a bunch.

We're only here
to get billy some socks.

Socks socks socks
socks socks!

Socks socks
socks socks socks!

Where's the socks?!
Give me the socks!

I still don't
understand

How a boy can wear through
so many pairs of socks.

Uh, he doesn't
wear them,

He eats them.

But...
Oh, never mind.

I really don't think
I want to know.

Duh, socks ahoy!

g*ng way!

Uhh...
Sweet mama.

Hey, how about
some tacos?

No.

Eris.

Eris? What the heck
kind of food is that?

No, not food--

Goddess.

[Screaming]

So, who is
this eris?

She be eris,

Goddess of discord
and chaos.

She's hot.

Well,
don't look now,
casanova,

Here she comes.

Oh, how do
me look?

Is my hair ok?

Does my
breath smell?

What do me do?

Oh, what
should me say?

I think me
going to faint.

Grim, just act cool.

Right.

Hey, grim.

How you doing?

You know, like
totally tubular.

That's mall talk
for good.

So, when did
you have a kid?

Uh, what kid?

I am not
grim's kid.

I am mandy.

And I tricked
your pal grim here

Into being
my best friend
and toady for all time.

Like, is that so?

Like, yes, it is.

Oh, my gosh,
you're this
kid's pet?!

Kinda.

That is, like,
so totally radical!

[High-pitched humming]

That is so
totally gnarly

That you tricked
old grimmy into being
your best friend!

Forever!

Don't rub it in.

Would you care
to join me

In causing some chaos
and destruction?

Yes, yes, I would.

Like, far out.

Oh, uh, eris?

Like, yeah?

Wouldn't you
rather, um,

Like, get a milk shake
or something with me?

Grim, are you, like,
totally hitting on me?

Well, i--

Oh, like,
grotty to the max.

You are so, like,
bag your face,

Gag me with
a spoon, gnarly.

So, is that a yes?

Grim, like,
don't you know
I am, like,

Totally after,
like, one guy?

Who that?

Him!

Grim: oh,
of course--adonis.

How cliche.

Well, what that guy got
that I don't got?!

Like, uh, skin
for starters.

Like, later.

Yeah, like, later.

Ahh...yeah,
like, later.

[Sniff]

Ripe.

Now, then,

The first and only rule
of doing this is

Everybody
is a target.

Take, for example,
that guy.

An innocent--
the perfect mark.

Behold,
the golden apple,

Source of all
my chaotic magic.

Now, a simple toss
of the apple and...

Adequate.

Hand it over.

Aah!

Viola.

Hmm, skateboard ride

Into perpetual fall
down up escalator.

Not bad, not bad.

Yes, that's comedy.

Hmm...i see
another target.

Where?

Like, right here,
baby!

First rule, baby--
everybody is a target.

Ah ha ha ha ha.

[Growls]

I admit,

It was, like, a
totally long set up

But totally
worth it.

Like, so long,
sucker! Ha ha ha.

She get you.

Yep.

Hey, guys,

I finished
my grocery
shopping!

What do you--

Hey,
what's wrong
with grim?

He was
dissed by eris,

Goddess of discord
and chaos.

Ew! Grim's got
a girlfriend!

Grim's got
a girlfriend!

♪ Grim and eris
sitting in a tree ♪

♪ K-i-s-s-i-n-g

K-i-s-s-i-n-g--
that's it.

Hey, guys,
want to go see a movie?

Movie!

Whatever.

Good. I'll meet
you there.

Hey, eris.

Back for
more abuse,
papoose?

Actually, I just
ran into adonis

In the movie theater.

He said that he, like,
totally digs you,

And if you
feel the same,

You should meet him
in there.

Totally.

Adonis?!

Oh, why didn't
you say so?!

Adonis?

It sure is dark
in here.

I hope
I can find--

Oh, there he is.

I'd recognize
his suave locks
anywhere.

Like, hey, adonis,
babe,

How about kiss?

Aah!

Aah!

[Panting]

Like,
first rule, eris.

Aah!

First rule--i rule.

You ok,
bonehead?

I've never washed
this cheekbone.

Now I never will.

Eww, kissing
is gross!

Anyone for
a hot-buttered
sweat sock?


[Humming]

Ah.

Billy: hi, grim.

Ooh!

No! You are not
to touch this book.

It is not meant for
the eyes of the living.

the bad book is
the official illustrated
handbook of the underworld.

[Sighs]

Mandy: grim.

It's time for
that manicure
you promised me.

Let's go.

What, now?

But I was just
getting into my--

Now.

[Sighs]

Fine.

[Grumbling] every time
I try to do something
around here...

Hee hee hee!

Later, billy.

Yeah! Wahoo!

Ahh!

Ooh!

[Evil laughter]

[Grumbling] "grim,
give me a manicure."

Every time I try
to do something...

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

Adequate.

Next.

[Billy yells]

That sounded
like billy.

His butt must be
stuck in the cookie
jar again.

the bad book!

Stupid boy.

He's probably fine.

You, ridiculous
hooded one.

Give me your scythe.

Huh? My scythe?
What for?

I require it to open
an interdimensional
portal

That I may
summon my master,
yogg sawhaw.

Yogg sawhaw?

Is that some
sort of yogurt?

Fool! He is an
entity far beyond
your comprehension.

You will give me
the scythe.

I will do
no such thing, billy.

Then...

Suffer.

[Whistling]

Boy, you sure
showed him.

I must get the book back
so I can figure out
how to fix this.

Obviously, billy's
too powerful for you
to take on now, grim.

Alone, anyway.

[Ringing]

Hello? Yeah.

Come on over.

Who are you calling?

What are you up to now?

Nothing,
you lunatic.

[Chain saw buzzing]

Liar.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm!

Mm-hmm.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, harold.

Eh?

Huh?

Yah!

[Both screaming]

[Smack]

Ohh.

[Yells]

There's more
where that came
from, princess.

Ha ha ha ha!

Teach you to mess
with the living.

[Screaming]

Hoss, this is not
what I called you for.

Grim is not the problem.

Huh.

Well,
what is the
problem then?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe that.

So, it's not normally
like that, huh?

You kids stay
close behind me.

I'll do the talking.

All right, evil.
There's a new
sheriff in town.

Eww. Oh, yeah.
This definitely looks
like the work of yogg.

Yogg is a supernatural
being from another
dimension.

Bad stuff's
going to go down.

Billy: ah ha ha ha ha!

Look below.

[Yelling]

Huh?

Ohh.

Ha ha ha ha!

You'll soon learn
respect, little one.

Huh?

The only way to seal
the portal is to throw
the book itself into it.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ok. Later, billy.

[Billy yells]

[Groans]

Great work, kid.

You saved the whole
world from total
destruction.

You do, uh,
realize that you've
sentenced billy

To an eternity in
another dimension
though, right?

We all have
to make sacrifices.

They didn't want me.

Well, I guess that
makes you a total loser.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

[Grim, hoss laughing]

Ha ha ha.

I am
a loser.

♪♪