02x14 - Whatever Happen to Billy Whatsisname?/Just the Two of Pus

[bunniefuu]

[Laughing]

When you change the channel,

We start talking about you
behind your back.

[Western movie playing on tv]

Hey, billy.

Fetch me a glass of water.

- You got it, mandy!

- What took you so long?

There's a speck on my glass.

What are you trying
to do, k*ll me?

Now shine my shoes.

- I'll give them
the old spit shine.

[Hacking up phlegm]

[Spits]

- Oh! Not again!
This is my good robe, too.

- Here's a list of books
I want you to get for me

From that fancy-pants
bookstore downtown.

Now, get going.

You're late.
I don't want them anymore.

But thank you.

- Wait a sec.
What'd you say?

What did you just say?

- Uh, I said, "thank you"?

- I don't believe you.

I do all kinds of
things for you

And you never show me
any appreciation.

- Didn't I just say,
"thank you?"

- Do you even know what
"thank you" even means?

- To express gratitude,
to give thanks to,

an acknowledgment expressive
of a sense of favor
for a kindness received.

- ha ha ha h*!
So that's the way
it's gonna be, huh?

Well, thank you, too.

I am never speaking
to you again!

- Oh-kay.

[Whistling]

- Hi, mandy.
Hi, irwin.

I said, "hi, mandy."

- Mandy doesn't want to talk
to you anymore, so beat it.

She's with me now.

- Aww, are you still mad

Because you were
such a jerk yesterday?

[Growling]

- Well, I forgive you!

You know, mandy, I was scared
you never, ever

Wanted to talk to me again.

Pretty silly, huh? Ooh!

Heeey, what's going on?
"You're being replaced"?

- Next.

- Please, mandy.

May I please be
your replacement billy

And take the sacred, coveted,
spot by your side!

- Aah!

- Hello, sperg.

Do you think you're tough enough

To be my new replacement billy?

- Just try me, squirt.

- Fine. We'll start with
something easy.

Get me... A glass of water.

A... A glass of w-water?

[Clears throat]
sure. No problem.

I can't take the pressure!
[Sobbing]

- Next.

- hi, mandy.
Guess who I am?
Duh-ha-ha-ha!

- Billy's dad?

- Duh-ha-ha-ha!
No, no. Just billy.

- Why would you want to be
my billy replacement?

- Duh-ha-ha-ha!
Are you kidding?

This makes me feel


Where are you people
getting all these billy outfits?

- Oh, billy was wearing
this one. See?

[Whistling]

- Hi, mandy!

- Billy, meet
the new billy, bobby.

- Aah!

- Introduce yourself, bobby.

- Hi! I'm b-b-b-b-b-b-b... Mandy!

- Perfect.

Smell you later,
no-longer-billy billy.

- It's too bad I'm gonna
have to hate you forever

For stealing my friend,

Or we could hang out.

- Hey, billy that isn't
billy anymore.

Stay away from bobby.
He's my friend, not yours.

[Piano playing on tv]

- Grim, can I ask you something?

- You're going to anyway.

- Do you still like me?

- Listen, billy, when you kids
won the bet over me,

I promised to be both of
your best friends forever.

But no, I don't like you.

- Do you know where mandy found

That creepy new
little brat, jerk,

Big-nosed, goofy, laughing,

Stupid-dressed, empty-headed,
not billy billy?

- Me and mandy found bobby
on internet

While looking up farts.

- Well, I'm going to
put a stop to bobby

And win mandy back,
or die trying.

- Let me know if you need help
with that last part.

- tuesday the sixth.
Bobby and mandy
go to the movies.

I shall continue monitoring
their progress

And formulate a plan
to win mandy back,

So it's crucial that I stay
completely... Uh... Focused!

- That's the last time
I let you suggest a movie.

There wasn't even a single
pirate in it.

What the... Eww.

That's it.
Time for a pounding.

- I'm the one who gets
pounded by mandy.

[Crash]

[Blows]
nobody gets hit by mandy but me!

- What's going on here?

- I was just...
- Stalking us?

- No!

I was just following you
wherever you went.

- So you were spying.

- I wasn't spying, I swear!

I was just lurking in the bushes

Watching your every move!

- Listen, billy,

Bobby's the new billy
around here.

Get the message?

You are nothing.

- Aaaaaahhhhhhh!

[Crash]

- Come on, bobby.
Let's go.

- Hello? Mandy?
Anyone out there?

Hey. Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here.

- This better be good, bobby.

- Where's he taking us, mandy?

- I don't know.
Bobby said it was a surprise.

- what the...
- They're gifts for
the both of you,

My two bestest friends.

- Uh, you're giving me a car?
But I can't drive yet.

- It's just something nice
for being such good friends!

- I... I don't know what to say,

But you're a much better friend
than billy ever was.

- I'll say.
[Honks horn]

- Yeah. I'm not just
some billy clone, guys.

I'm my own person.
I am your friend.

[Laughing]

Who even remembers
old billy whatsisname, anyway?

- Aah!

h* hum.

- Hi, billy.

- Hi, mom.

- We're going to look after
a local boy for a few months

Who came to town for a job
he found on the internet.

- Hello, billy.

- Aah!

- I'm sorry, bobby.

Billy doesn't usually
act like that.

- I'm used to it.

- So have you been
having fun around town?

- I sure have!
Pretty soon I will completely
take over billy's life!

Friends, family, possessions,
all will be mine!

[Laughing]

- What?
- Uh, I mean, duh, bobby like fun.

- That's what
I thought you said.

So, how do you feel
about picnics?

[Strumming guitar]

- So, uh, billy.

- Bobby, dear.
Billy's our son.

- Yeah, whatever.

Do you know any
songs of l'amour?

- Just one.

♪ I used to be a fool,
trying to be cool ♪

♪ but soon I realized
I was happy living
other people's lives ♪

♪ And soon you'll learn
that when your back is turned ♪

♪ I'll smash and I'll burn ♪

♪ and I'll maim and crash
and bash and usurp
and steal your life ♪

And, well, it pretty much
goes on like that for a while.

- Oh, that's so romantic.

- You're the best billy
we never had, bobby.

[Growling]

- Ahh, that boy sure can sing.

you know, he really does
make a much better billy
than you.

[Growling]
stupid... [Snoring]

Yaa... Yaa!

[Growling]

[Breathing heavily]

Oh, I was just dreaming.

- Or were you?

Listen, billy, and listen good.

I want you gone.

- Can I go to the arcade, then?

- Wh... No. No.

I mean I want you
to disappear permanently.

Your friends don't like you.

You're nothing but a burden
to your poor mother and father.

They all choose me over you,

So there's no reason for you
to even be here!

I'm giving you


Or I'll get rid of you myself.

- Who are you?
Why are you doing this?

- If I told you,
I'd have to destroy you.

- But weren't you going to
destroy me anyway?

- Yeah, but... Uh...

Now you've only got
till morning!

- All right, bobby.
It's on. It's on.

Man: there.

[Giggling]

[Ringing]

- It is time.

- Bobby... [In higher pitch]
bobby, wake up.

This is the real billy's mom.

I have special pancakes for
spoiled rotten brats like you.

[Giggling]

- For me?

I'm here, new mom!
Where are all those pan...

Hey, there's no
pancakes in here!

Darn. Well, there's
nothing in here

But me and that magical
underworld vortex

To another dimension.

[Whistling]

- hey, billy.
What are you doing
with me scythe?

- Nothing.

- Where's bobby at?

- Oh, I sent him
to another dimension.

- Eh, I never really liked him
that much anyway.

- Me neither.
I only hung out with him

Because I had
nothing better to do.

Hey, billy, fetch me
some water, you dog.

- I'm back in the saddle.

- You know, even though I still
despise billy beyond reason,

He's a pretty good friend.

You're right.
We'll keep looking.

[Siren wailing]

- fascinating.
Truly and absolutely
extraordinary.

When the heck did we
get an x-ray machine?

Why is it that no one tells
dr. Ted about these things, huh?

i know why.
It's because no one
likes dr. Ted.

They're all jealous of dr. Ted,
that's what it is.

Now, let's see
what we have here.

Uh-uh.
Uh... When did we get clipboards?

Do we have to be licensed
to use this stuff?

Now, then, have you been
in contact with

Any flesh-eating vegetables?

- Uh... No.

- I'll put that as a "maybe."

Have you participated in any
tractor tosses lately?

- No.
- Uh-huh.

About how much toilet water
do you drink a day?

- Wait. What?
Hey, look, pal.

- Hey, don't yell at dr. Ted.

Dr. Ted doesn't like
to be yelled at.

♪ Please use inside voices ♪

- Well, what about my condition?

- Aah!

- Golly, why do you think I was
hiding you behind that machine?

I can tell you it wasn't
to take x-rays.

All I know is your condition
is very advanced

And I'm not sure what I can do.

- You mean my face may be
like this forever?

- That is a strong
possibility, son.

I'm not much of a doctor,

But I can tell you that
pimples are deadly.

We'll have to take
extreme measures.

- Aah!

- A shaman taught me this.

I'm sorry we don't have plastic.

Everyone wants plastic. Hmm.
Have a good one.

[Munching]

[Passing gas]

- Excuse me.
I just had chili and onions.

Come in, my child.

All crater faces are welcome.

Oh, uh, do you have one of
those new dollar coins?

Oh, thank you.

So, what can wanda
do for you today?

- Uh, fix my face?

- Shut up, boy.
Wanda is getting a vision...

A vision about
your hideous face.

- Yes! I want to clear it up.

- There is hope, my young fool.

Are you ready for my wonder?
[Passes gas]

- Uhh...!

- That was
the hot dog/egg combo.

Let us begin, my humble brute,

and see what the book of facts
can tell us.
[Passing gas]

Uh... Hmm... Ah, yes!

An old burmese recipe
might work.

It says... It says...

- What is it, you old crone?

- You need bones,
very old bones.

The bones of the grim reaper.

I can't read whatever language
this is,

But, uh, you must take his bones

And rub them upon your face,
or something.

- Really?
- Yes, probably,

But the most important part
is that you never, ever...

[Ding]

Sorry. Time's up.

Fear not, there is one more
thing I can do for you.

[Passes gas]
one sec.

I don't have plastic.
Everyone wants plastic.

- Hey, look!
A bag gnome!

- Who wants a piece of me?

- Ooh! I do! I do!
I want a piece!

I love pieces!

- Who's the talking bag?

He's starting
to freak me out, man.

I think he's after
me lucky balloons.

- Oh... Yeah.
It's me... Sperg.

- Look at what baboon face
did to me lucky balloons.

What am I gonna do now?

- So what do you want?

- Oh, uh, I just wanted
to hang out with you and grim.

- You want to hang out with us?

- Oh, please, can i?

- Can I borrow this?

Hey, it's like I'm invisible!

Can you see me? Huh?
Can you? Can you? Ha ha!

- Uh, no, I can't, billy.

- I'm right here, spergie.

- Ok, that's enough.

Listen here, you mutant.
I know you're up to something.

You're the enemy, sperg.

The enemy never just wants
to hang out.

So just stay away
from me, got it?

these losers want to waste
their time with
your lame butt, fine.

You're actually
doing me a favor.

Losers? I'm not sure I want
pincushion face

Hanging out with us.

- No! Wait!
It could be just us guys.

No girls telling us what to do.

Unlike mandy, I'm game for
anything you guys want to do.

- Oh. He's in for sure, then.

- This is going to be the best,
best friendship day ever!

- Aah!
[Birds squawking]

[Laughing]

[Dance music playing]

- Aah!

- Oh, thank you, funny face.

- Look!

- Costumes!

- And a one.

- And a 2.

- And a 3 for spergie!

- I just love these
western outfits.
Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk!

Hey, sperg, look, sperg,

Bet you can't tell who's who.

- Huh? Who am i, huh?

- I got 8 seconds!


Yee-haw!

- Billy boy, grab his ears.
He's starting to buck.

- hee hee!
Sperg hurts when
he's having fun!

- He sure does, billy.

[Inhales]

- Oh, yeah!

Oh, hey, mandy.

Sorry you didn't get
the invitation

To the best friend dinner,

But that's because
I didn't send it.

- Were you talking to me?

- Yes. Make sure
you clean up over there.

- I'll clean.

- Thank you.

- Yes! Almost ready.

- Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Keep rubbing those bones, sperg.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, could you turn down
the heat a little, man?

A glass of water
would be great, man.

How about a pillow?

- Hey, spergie, old buddy.

- What?

- Never mind.
I got it.

- not again.
You'll have to excuse
my acquaintances.

Cheers to best friends.

- Hey, sperg, do you like
feathers in your eggs?

- Keep rubbing
those bones, sperg.

- sperg! Is cottage cheese
supposed to have
hard brown things in it?

- More rubbing, sperg!

- Sperg! Do you want
to meet the magical pizza man?

- Put some deodorant on, man.

- Hey, sperg!
Made you look!

It stays crunchy in milk!

- Yeah, maybe a good meal
would put some meat on me bones.

- Bones, bones, bones,
bones, bones.

- Aah! That's it!
Give me a bone!

- Oh, I see.
You want to arm-wrestle, eh?

When I turn my hat around,
it's like a switch.

Like a switch, man.

- It's ready!

Hey, are you guys playing
"over the top" without me?

Tear his arm off!

- Go long, billy!

- Nooo!

- I got it.

- Aah!

- Your skin is so smooth.

- Yeah! Baby soft!

- You know, it's like I don't
even know who you are anymore.

- Ouch!

- But what about our friendship?

- Just look at that.
The bag actually worked!

Oh, yes, I can see
what a good job I did.

Dr. Ted is very pleased
with the results.

There's just the issue of
the bill.

$16,000 sounds fair,
don't you think?
I thought so.

- Hissy? Hissy?

Hissy!

Mrs. Butterbean,
have you seen hissy?

He's not in his jar.

- Hissy passed away.

- Passed away to where?

- You'll recall you were
with him at the time.

- Hello, hissy.

- I'll give you a nickel
if you eat it.

- Poor little hissy.