02x03 - Lil' Pork Chop/Skarred for Life

[bunniefuu]

- [Laughing]

- Is it weird in here,
or is it just you?

- She loves me!

She loves me not.

She loves me!

She loves me not.

She loves me!

- Who are you in love with now?

- That snail right there.

She loves me!

She loves me not.

Hee hee hee!

She loves me!

Look, mandy!

[Crunch]

I think I'm gonna puke.

- Why don't you do something
productive with your life?

- That's a great idea, mandy.

Hey, billy,

Why don't you come
fishing with me today.

I know a bay

Where they practically
beg to be eaten!

- Eaten?

But doesn't that hurt them?

- Aw, fish don't
have feelings son.

They're made of foam latex.

What do ya say?

You coming?

- No!

Fish are living creatures

Who deserve our love
and respect.

- Aw, gee!

I never thought of it that way.

So, you coming or what?

- No!

- That's the spirit, son!

Come on! Hop in!

You're gonna love
fishing with me!

- Say, billy,
if you like fish so much,

Why not get your
very own pet fish?

- Yeah!

[Horns honking]

- Ha ha ha ha ha!

"Fish are living creatures

Who deserve our
love and respect."

Ha ha! Good one, billy.

But seriously,

Let's get down to
fishing, shall we?

- Nope. No!

No, nope!

No. No. No.

No.

- Billy,

Just choose a stupid
fish already.

- Just a minute.

No.

No! No! No!

No!

- How may I provide you with
excellent service today?

- No!

No.

No.

{\An5}no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no,

No, no.

No.

He's perfect.

[Gasping]

- Surely you can pick
a better fish

Than that worthless,
pathetic runt.

- Don't make fun of him
'cause he's worthless!

I'm gonna name him
l'il pork chop.

- Fine.
Have it your way.

Now,
grab your stupid fish and let's go.

- [Laughing]

- Now, billy,
the first rule of fishing

Is be real quiet.

Think you can do that, son?

That's my boy!

Real quiet.

- [Panting]

- Hey there, l'il pork chop,

Welcome to your new home.

Aw!

Don't let grim
and mandy's insult

About your size
get you down.

- Wait, mandy.

- They're just jealous
I have a fish to love.

And they don't!

- I think billy's
talking about us.

- You see,

I understand how it
feels to be little

'Cause I'm little.

But they... They don't
understand anything

But hate, hate, hate!

- I hate it when
he gets like this.

- Oh, hi, fellas.

How's it going?

[Barnyard animal sounds]

Porkchop needs a tissue.

Now, where was i?

Oh, yeah.

Hate!

- Maybe we were a little hard

On billy's new fish.

- Don't tell me you're
going soft on me.

- Of course not!

It's just that... You see...

When I was a boy,
I also had a pet fish

Named chutney.

He was my best friend.

Hello, chutney!

Daddy's here!

You want to see him?

- Pathetic, grim.

Really, really pathetic.

- Guess what else, porkchop.

Maybe some day you'll
grow up and be...

President.

President porkchop!

- [Wheezing]

Good night!

[Laughing]

Oh, gosh.

I wish you were big.

[Snoring]

- Big, hmm?

Hmm.

Well, I think old uncle grim

Can take care of that.

There you go,
little porkchop.

Grim ain't such
a bad guy after all,

Is he.

[Rooster crows]

- [Yawn]

Good morning,
little pork... [Gasps]

[Screams]

Porkchop.

Little porkchop!

You got big.

My wish came true!

- Never mind that now!

Your life is in terrible danger!

We must go now!

- Oh, wait till mandy
and grim see this!

Then, when I woke, there he was,

All big and tough.

- [Gasping]

- Grim, do you have
anything to do with this?

- Well, i... You see...
- Grim.

- Yes, ma'am.

I made him grow.

- Mm-hmm.

Just as I thought.

- Grim didn't make
porkchop grow.

It was my love
what made him grow.

- Fools!

You are wasting time!

Can't you feel it!

The oxygen in here
is getting thinner!

Soon there'll be no air left,

And we'll all... Die!

- Ok.
Enough of this.

Grim, you go make an antidote

To return the fish
to his normal size.

- Maybe that's a good idea.

- Billy.

Go get me his fishbowl.

- Roger, dodger!

- And, you,

When grim returns
with the antidote,

It's back in the bowl for you.

Got that?
- I am never going back

In that little glass prison.

- Oh, yes, you will.

- You heard him, mandy.

We don't need your bowl!

Or your stupid water.

And we don't need you!

Right, porks?

- I prefer not to
get in the middle.

- Right!
- Fine with me.

I'm sure you'll have
a whole lot of fun

With your mutant fish.

- Ok, porks,
what you want to do?

- It's too late
for anything now.

The air is gone!

The sun... It is over!

[Car alarm whirs]

[Alarm clicks off]

- Aw, don't worry, porks.

I know just what you need.

Come on!

- Billy, wait!

I've got the antidote!

- Now then, billy,

The second rule of
fishing is patience.

That's how you catch
the big ones!

- Awk! Awk! Awk!

- I know I never told
you this before, billy,

And I probably never will again,

But I love you, son.

- Awk! Awk! Awk!

- What did I tell you, porks?

Nothing like a day
of fun in the sun

To take the edge off...

Especially in this kind of heat!

- [Groaning]

- In fact, they say
it's the hottest day

In the history of the world!

- It's hot!

- [Grunting]

- Oh, that's odd.

You look kind of pale.

You're white as a sheet!

There, there.
I know just what you need.

That's the stuff,
eh, porkchop?

Porks?

- [Grunting]

- Maybe you're hungry.

- [Screaming]

- Uh-oh.

[Toilet flushes]

Good-bye, little porkchop.

You were a good friend
and a loyal companion.

[Playing]

- Billy, are you in there?

I got the antidote for
the little porkchop.

- Aw, you're too late, grim.

I flushed him already.

- You flushed porkchop?

- I think I'd get
him down at first

Being that he was
so gigantic and all.

- No!

- I miss porkchops.

- Get over it.

It was just a stupid fish.

- Don't talk about
porkchop that way.

His love was a beacon of light

In a dim world.

- Hey, everybody.

- I wonder if he figured out

That billy never actually
went fishing with him?

- Wait till you see the fish
that billy and I caught!

- Guess not.

- Hi, dad!

- Come on, billy.

Let's show these amateurs
what fishing is all about.

Check out this beauty.

- [Gasps]

It's porkchop!

- And he's back to his
pathetic normal size.

The toilet must have
flushed him into the bay

Where billy's dad was fishing.

But that doesn't explain
how he got small again.

- Don't you get it, mandy?

The scum in the bay...

That was the antidote all along!

[Laughing]

- [Laughing]

- Hey!

Don't laugh at him
'cause he's small!

I don't care what
you guys think,

It's not the size of
the fish that counts,

It's how you cook him.

- [Gasps]

- I think I'm gonna puke!

- [Growls]

What do you want?

Why are you here?

- Pizza delivery!

- Are you alone?
- What?

- Are you alone?

Answer it.

- Yeah! I'm all alone.

Jeez, mister, I mean, jeez!

- It is sorry.

It forgets sometimes.

It was not always like this...

Broken, haunted, wretched.

Is that pepperoni?!

Once, not so long ago,
it... Hot! Hot!

Ow!

Once, not so long ago,

It was a man like you.

- Yeah, cool.

Ok, that's will be 8.50, dude.

- It was on a day
much like this,

In this very house...

- Faster, george, faster!

He's still coming!

- [Screaming]

- So, as I was saying,

There are lots of words
that rhyme with cheese!

- I've got an idea.

- Keys, peas, fees,
seas, freeze...

- It's not working!

- I'm gonna try and shake him.

Hang on, honey!

- Knees, breeze, squeeze, tease,

Trees, fleas, please!

- [Screaming]

- Hang on.

We're driving to australia.

- They'll be back.

They always come back.

[Laughs]

- But he was wrong.

They stayed in australia

And became dental hygienists!

So, the house went up for sale.

And that's when it made
horrible mistake number one!

It bought the house.

- [Breathes deeply]

- Cursed!

Cursed!

Woe to all who
live in that house!

For they shall only know pain!

Pain!

Oh, and welcome to
the neighborhood!

Here's some nice gelatin
the wife made!

It's got bits of
fruit and stuff!

Ok, well, bye.

Cursed!

- [Gasps]

- Hi, I'm billy,
your new neighbor.

I like roller-skating
and long walks on the...

[Coughing]

It should have walked away.

It should have
ignored the child.

But instead it made
horrible mistake number two.

- Uh, do you need to come in

For a glass of water?

- [Burps]

Wow! Go into an old,
one-eyed weirdo's house!

Why not?

Ah!

Thanks for the water,
mr. One-eye.

- My name is mr. Skarr.

- How come you only
got one eye?

Are you sensitive about it?

If I had only one eye,
I'd be sensitive.

You should wear
an eye patch like a pirate,

Then you'd just
need a puffy shirt.

Do you own a puffy shirt?

You look like you would.

Hey, what's that cool stuff?

Wow!

Get a load of all
these spiffy w*r toys!

Boom. Pow!

- Those are not toys!

They are precision
crafted replicas.

- Whoa, mama!

Look at all this weirdo stuff.

- Get out of here!

This is my private study.

- Hey, everybody, look!

I'm a used car salesman!

- Be careful with that.

It's an atomic...

[Horse neighs]

Hot pants ray g*n.

Little boys should stick
to spears and rocks.

- Why do you have
all these doodads?

- Believe it or not,

I used to be a general
in a fearsome evil army.

- No way!

- We caused quite
a bit of havoc, we did.

- So, why'd you
move to this dump?

- We got bought out by a big
entertainment corporation.

It seems they didn't
want competition

For world domination.

- That story was so
beautiful it gave me gas.

[Farts]

But do you ever
miss your old job?

- Miss commanding
regimented forces

Of destructive power,

As we encircled the globe
with our terrible

Iron fist of might,

Crushing down all
the pathetic fools

Who dared stand before us,

Gorging out bellies on
their cries for mercy?

At last, I alone stand

As the glorious dark lord
of all the known universe!

[Panting]

Not so. Never miss it.

- What's this thingamajiggy?

- It's an automatic
stabbin-flabber.

- Turn it on!

- No! I couldn't.

- Come on, make it stab me...

Here, right in my forehead!

- No, i...
- You know you want to!

- Yes, i... No,
that's not me anymore.

I'm a good neighbor.

I mow the lawn.
I scrub the grout.

I clip coupons.

- You disgust me!

I thought you were bad.

You ain't bad!

You ain't nothing!

I think I'll go hang
with my cool friend

The grim reaper.

That cat is one bad dude!

- The grim reaper?

On our block?

- He's got a big,
long magic pole

That does all sorts
of bad stuff.

- You mean his scythe.

- Yeah, that thing.

- Wog!

Wog, wog, wog!

- [Screaming]

- [Laughs]

- If anyone stole it from him,

They'd be the baddest
of the bad!

Yep.

Just stole it from him.

The scythe, master of the world.

Ultimate power.

- Ok, run along.

Play in the traffic. Bye.

- What the hay!

Me pants!

- Did you miss daddy?

Oh, daddy missed you.

[Yells]

No!
Stop it!

Stop looking at me like that.

I reject you!

[Sighs]

I think I'll go make some
nice golden cornbread.

The real corn makes it special.

[Telephone rings]

[Loud heartbeat]

[Children laughing]

Hello?

Hello.

Who is this?

- Ultimate power.

- [Laughing]

So, it had decided
to steal the scythe.

That was horrible
mistake number 3.

- Uh, look, chief,

I got other pizzas
to deliver, so...

- Do you want a tip or not?

- Uh...
- [Laughing]

I'll show them
what real power is!

Take my love, my pain,
and all of my anger!

[Laughing]

Oh, come on!

[Laughing]

- So, we were thinking
of setting you free.

- Really?

- Yeah, all you gotta do is

Say you're a little girl.

- I'm a little girl.

- I'm not sure I bought it.

- Yeah.

Are you a pretty girl?

- I'm very pretty.

Look at me, I'm queen pretty!

Aren't boys just so dreamy?!

I can talk on the phone
for hours about nothing.

- Grim?

- Let's brush my hair
and paint my toes!

- You can stop.

We were only kidding.

- Oh, it's fun to accessorize!

Let's all ride some
magical pink ponies.

I'll name mine
sparkles fantastic!

- Target sighted.

- And of course we pretty
girls love to skip.

♪ Skippity, skip, skip [laughs]

♪ Skippity, skip, skip

Ha! Being pretty is fun!

[Laughing]

- Oh, nuts to this.

- [Laughing]

- Give me that!

- Hey!

It's not polite to steal
from little girls!

- I did it!

I'm super bad!

[Laughs]

What shall I do first?

Give myself hair.

It works!

- Bravo, mr. Skarr.

Bravo.

I've been watching you.

Oh, really now.

Put that thing down before
you poke your other eye out.

Since you're new,

I'll be nice and explain
the rules.

I am the one who gets
annoyed by billy.

I am the one who
bosses grim around.

And most importantly,

I am the one who plays
with the scythe.

So, you see,
when you steal from grim,

You steal from me.

And you don't want to
steal from me, do you?

- No, i... Wait!

This is mine!

I earned it!

You can't just...

What are you?!

- I'm just a pretty little girl.

Thanks for the cornbread,
mr. Skarr.

Oh, and welcome to
the neighborhood.

- [Sobbing]

- And it lived
miserably ever after.

The end.

- What is going on?

- [Clears throat]

Ok, see, it's like this...

- I asked you to watch
the house for just 3 days,

And you let
the place fall apart!

- Well, that was horrible
mistake number 4.

I'm not very reliable.

- Get out!

- [Grumbling]

Oh, the wife wants to know,

Dinner this wednesday?

- Sure.

- Cursed!

- So, dude, uh,
I guess you owe me 8.50...

Plus tip.

- No!

- [Backward voices]