01x01 - Going Bonkers (1)

[bunniefuu]

♪ Once upon a time in Toontown ♪

♪ There was a cat that had it all ♪

♪ Fortune and fame, top of the game ♪

♪ Up until he hit the wall ♪

♪ Now he makes a livin' downtown ♪

♪ Walkin' on a brand new beat ♪

♪ Slippin' through the new day
Trippin' on a two-way ♪

♪ Ticket down a one-way street
Beep beep beep ♪

♪ Who's that cat ♪

[siren]

♪ Crackin' up crime? ♪

♪ Stoppin' the clock ♪

[clock ticking]

♪ Hope he gets here on time ♪

[old car horn]

-♪ Let's go-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Yeah! Totally nuts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ No ifs, ands or but buts ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Someone's stealin' the show ♪

♪ Can't stay, I gotta go, go! Oh, no! ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Things gettin' outta control ♪

♪ Now you're caught in a trap
Ready to snap ♪

♪ Snappin' the cap
And you're takin' the rap ♪

♪ But ya can't hold back
That wacky attack ♪

♪ That's why you're still a star ♪

-♪ 'Cause you're-- ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

-♪ Bonkers ♪
-♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

♪ Wherever you-- wherever you--
Wherever you-- ♪

♪ Wherever you are ♪

♪ Bonkers ♪

[crowd cheering]

Bonkers! Bonkers!

Oh, please, please, everyone.

-He has no time-- [groans]

Always time for my public.

Hello, hello, oh, thank you for coming.

Couldn't be better. Thanks, Fred.

Hi, there. Better go. Gotta run.

-Oops, careful, careful.
-[crowd cheering]

[crash]

[engine starts]

Kiss noise, kiss noise, smooches,
love you, hugs, mean it, got to run.

Your jacket, sir.
Your script, sir. Your dog, sir.

Hiya, Toots.

Mi, mi, mi!

James, the studio.

[car revving]

There it is, Toots, the face
that launched a thousand cartoons.

-Good morning, Mr. Bobcat.
-Morning, Ed.

Good morning, Mr. Bobcat.

Good morning, Fred.

Morning, Mr. Bobcat.

-Costume!
-Costume!

Ahh... another day, another Bonkers hit.

That toon makes me more money
than the mint.

[laughter]

Whipersmith, bring me
the Hollywood Herald.

Let's see how big an anvil we dropped on
the competition this week.

[stammering] I-I'm afraid they dropped
an anvil on you, W.W.

What?

"Toughy toons studio tops charts
with karate superhero cartoon."

No one muscles W.W. Wacky
out of first place.

-[man 1] Stand by.
-[director] Quiet on the set! Roll!

Scene one, take one.

Speed! Ready when you are, Mr. Bobcat.

The Bobcat is ready.

And... action!

[horn honking]

[horn blaring]

Stand-in.

And... action!

Cut.

Fall apart, you were great.

Thanks.

Cut! Cut again!

Folks, there comes a time
when the cheese gets hard

and the cherry falls off the sundae.

Your contracts are canceled.

What? Canceled as in goodbye,
go home, we don't like you anymore?

Canceled?

We're fired?

[Fawn] What does that mean?
I'm overqualified for any other job.

I had a contract.

W.W., what are you saying?

Pies in the face are out, kid.

The bicep bill squad is in.

All right! Strike the set!

Come on, come on, turn in your mallets,
anvils, fake noses.

[Fall-Apart] But I've always
been very fond of this.

Mr. W.W., how can you do this?

Easy. It's my studio.

But the fans love my stuff.

No, no, no.
They love smash 'em and bash 'em.

So I'll join the new ranks.
I'll eat hand grenades for breakfast.

I'll do anything you want.

I want you, not to scuff the red carpet
on your way out.

Bye-bye.

[screams]

Not even a severance pie in the face?

What is this?

The final curtain on my career.

No, it's a mix-up.

W.W. wouldn't kick me out.

He thinks of me as a son.

[gulps]

Washed up like yesterday's laundry.

Not even a clothesline to call my own.

[rats squeaking]

[man] No... it just isn't right.

It just isn't...

[raspy breath] alive.

Here's your dinner, boss.

[laughing] And guess whose
favorite toon just got fired?

[man] Bonkers. D Bobcat.

Well, well, well.

A star of his stature unwanted
by every studio in town.

[malicious laughter]

[man] But not by his biggest fan.

Mr. Doodles, I have
an important mission for you.

Oh, sure thing, boss. [whimpers]

What mission is that?

Let me, um...

draw you a picture.

[Fawn] Oh, Bonkers, we'll stand by you.

[Mad hatter] For richer or poorer.

Down the drain like yesterday's dishwater.

Cast aside like a used gum wrapper.

Look, if you guys want
to change your minds

and go it alone, I wouldn't--

Guys?

Oh... gone in the dust.

Can't blame them.

Who'd want to hitch their wagons
to a fallen star like me?

What kind of chief of police
could miss a rising star, like me?

I've been shining
in his face for 12 years [croak]

and he still hasn't seen my talent.

After I bust this park mugger,
I'll be promoted for sure.

Come to Lucky.

[quacking]

Don't move, duck. This is a stickup.

[screaming]

That sounds like Donald duck.

Wait here, Toots.
This could be my lucky break.

Excuse me, Mr. Duck.

I'm Bonkers D. Bobcat.
You've been my idol since I was an extra.

Would you have an opening for me
in your next picture?

A sliver, a crack?

Get rid of him
or I'll fricassee your feathers.

[stammering] But--

[tutting] Now don't make any hasty casting
decisions till you've seen my stuff.

Ever catch me in
Northwest police to the rescue?

Hi-h*, good guys, away!

A 10.

He gave my acting A 10.

You've got a heart of gold.

You got gold? Hand it over.

No, I don't. Leave me alone.

Look, I'm versatile.

Wait till you hear my six-g*n impression.
Sounds just like the real thing.

[g*n firing]

It's the mugger.

Tell him not to sh**t!
Tell him not to sh**t!

Ta-da!

Did that in my last picture.
The fans went wild.

They mobbed me for an autograph.

[screaming]

-[tire screeching]
-[Donald panting]

I haven't showed you how I captured
the gangsters g*ons in Glasgow,

in a triple half-hitch ankle lock.

Thanks for your help, pal.

You should have been a cop.

-I should?
-Oh, yeah. We ought to be partners.

You're just the guy I need
to advance my soaring career.

I am?

[Shirley] Crimebusters live at City Park

where Bonkers D. Bobcat has just saved
this famous duck from this crummy crook.

-I did?
-What?

Wow!

Oh...

And topping our news, in gratitude
for saving Hollywood's most beloved duck,

Police Chief Kanifky will personally
present Bonkers D. Bobcat

the Citizen of Valor award.

This is the kind of support
I like to see from the citizenry,

working foot in stomach
with Hollywood's finest.

Why, I--

Really, it was nothing.

I just did what I did in
The Shanghai Cops,

Scotland Yard 511,
Dirty Dives of New Delhi.

A cop with world-wide experience
masquerading as a cartoon star?

Brilliant cover.

What I wouldn't give
to have him on the force.

So, Bonkers, may I call you Bonkers?

Cartoons are booming, you know.
Lots of toons in this town.

In fact, I've been thinking
of starting a toon division.

Say, would you consider
making Hollywood your beat?

Me, work hand and glove, hoof and mouth
with the long arm of the law?

Yes!

Get the city so clean
you can eat off the sidewalk?

That's the spirit.

Draw a regular paycheck?

Every other week.

Bonkers D. Bobcat reporting for duty, sir.

[Lucky] Chief, you're looking
at a 12-year veteran,

a guy who watches
Colombo reruns in his sleep.

Memorized the d*ck Tracy movie backwards,

-trailed more crooks than any other cop.
-[bell dings]

So, tell you what?
You give me a trench coat and a promotion,

and I'll be your next Sherlock
[dragging] Holmes.

Well, I'm out of coats,
but I've got the perfect slot for you.

Glad you dropped by, Pickle.
This is you, isn't it?

Yes, sir!

Patrolman Lucky Piquel, sir.

You mean, Detective Pickle.

Huh?

I'm being promoted?

That's right. Congratulations, son.

My very own detective badge.

-Ow!
-Look at you.

A coiled spring of energy.

Lucky that I found you an undercover car
that'll hide your get-up and go.

My own undercover car.

And a partner worthy of your mettle,

single-handedly cleaned up London,

not to mention, Old and New Delhi.

[Lucky] Oooh!

[chief] And this crackerjack crime fighter
personally requested you as his partner.

He's waiting for you in your new
undercover office.

Must be, uh, deep undercover.

Eh? Eh?

Would anyone ever suspect a hotshot
detective team worked down here?

Why don't you do the honors?

Oh, sir, I'd...

[sighs]

My own office.

[gulps]

[gulps]

Hiya, partner!

Welcome to the toon division!

He's--

Ooh, that's--- Ooh, mmm--

Poor guy, he's speechless with gratitude.

And the crooks'll be speechless with fear

when we hit the streets elbow to elbow,
bunyan to bunyan.

That's what I like, teamwork!

And now your first case.
I don't mind telling you it's a tough job.

You want us to put the number
one most-wanted crook in jail?

Tougher.

Our ten most-wanted crooks
in the phone book?

Ooh, tougher than that.

Bubba Bear is missing.

[alarms blare]

-You mean--
-Yes.

-Wears those funny pants?
-That's him.

Shook hands with the President Ester?

The same.

[wails]

Well, that's what I like to see
in my officers,

sympathy for the poor, forgotten victim.

Um, uh, excuse me, sir--

[chuckles] minor point.

Who the heck are you talking about?

Everyone knows Bubba Bear,

the cartoon star
with the unforgettable laugh...

[imitating laughter]

Yeah, unforgettable.

Rings in your ears forever.

He's just been fired
from Trolley Toons Studios.

He was last seen walking home.

He never got there.

[panting]

Aah!

[whimpering and screaming]

[Lucky clearing throat]

You know, before we start
on the Bubba Bear case,

we have to decide--

Whether the coat hook's
on my side of the door or yours?

No. Who's, uh... Senior Partner?

Since, you know, we do things
differently here

than in New Dinghy, Dairy--
wherever you're from.

I figure it ought to be,
you know, well, me.

Purely to help you out, of course.

You know, show you where
the good doughnut stands are,

which side of the road we drive on,
how we divide our pencil drawers.

Divide? I wouldn't hear of it.

The senior partner
deserves his own pencil drawer,

-Well, I--
-His own paper clip cup.

-Gee, I--
-His very own desk cover.

Well, that's real generous.

I brought my own office supplies.

Okay, g*ng!

[laughing and cackling]

Used to be bit players
in kindergarten precinct.

How do you like 'em?

I'd like 'em on your side of the office.

Sure, partner.

Um... which side is that?

The side that's farthest from my side.

This way, guys!

[honking]

[Police light] Hey, come on, move it!
Out of the way!

Hey, come on, pipe down!

All right. So, what about this lady?
Move it! Move it! Move it!

[Lucky] Not now!

[wailing] Oh, come on, come on, police!
Police! Emergency! Emergency!

-[cackling]
-[Lucky] It's not. It's--

[wailing] Everything off the street!

Move it! Move it! Move it!

-got a million things to do!
-would you please--

[Broderick] Listen up!
We got a 10-20 at 9-40 in a 7-14!

Missing bear! Name - Bubba.
Height - five feet. Weight - 110.

Age, somewhere between here and eternity.

Code 3-6-12. 10-4, over and out!
Over and out!

[Lucky] Can it!

-Who are these guys?
-Old pals of mine.

Had bit parts in a cartoon cop show.

Found them in an unemployment line.

I can see why.

Hey, there's Bubba's house!

[police light] Thank you! Thank you very
much! Aren't you nice? You're beautiful!

Lovely, Lovely, check them out! Come to--

[imitating siren]

-[police light wailing]
-[Broderick] 10-4! 10-4! Use caution!

-Got a 9-17!
-[overlapping dialog]

A 6-18, A 3-27, and A 1-48.

-Shut up!
-[crashes]

Boss, it's me,
I've got the Bear's costume, but...

[man] But what, Mr. Doodle?

Bonkers is here.

[man] Excellent! Bring him to me.

But now he's got police protection.

-How can I--
-Capture him?

You'll find a way, Mr. Doodles,
[laughs] won't you?

[screeching sound]

Yes, sir.

-You won't disappoint me, Mr. Doodles?
-Never, sir.

You won't make me angry, Mr. Doodles?

Oh, no.

Nice speaking with you, sir.

[man] Your pleasure.

What... are you doing?

Sneaking up to the scene
of the crime like Sherlock Holmes.

You see, back when I was in
Scotland Yard 511...

[laughing]

I would always use
this particular technique to--

Oh, man.

You don't do it that way here?

Even Sherlock Holmes
wouldn't do it that way here.

[laughing] I should have known, silly me.

This is Hollywood.

Sherlock Holmes would charge
in like d*ck Tracy!

[crashes]

Ah-ha! Look at this place.
Signs of a struggle everywhere!

Yeah, signs of bad
housekeeping everywhere.

Watch out for the banana peel.

Did you say banana peel?

Yahoo!

[bell dings]

Lucky, what are you
doing in the flower b-- [gasps]

Brilliant deduction, partner!

So, the gardener did it, eh?

Uh, quick question.

What police department
did you say you were from?

Oh!

Look out!

Missed!

I won't get a gold star
from the boss today.

Forget what police department you
came from. What planet did you come from?

What are you doing?

Saving your life.
I think that was no accident.

Sure, it was.

The whole house looks
like one good hiccup and it'd collapse.

Listen, I...

I owe you my life. Thanks.

Say no more, ol' partner of mine.

Hey, hey, hey!

-I'm here to serve.
-Fine.

-Listen
-Protect and to serve.

-Day or night.
-Thanks, but don't... ahh...

Ah-choo!

What is that? We are not to catch colds.

We are to go home,
eat chicken soups, go beddy-bye.

[car door opens and closes]

Uh, well... yeah, thanks.

But, um, you know,
it's close to quitting time anyway.

Can I drop you at home?

I don't... [sniffles] have a home.

They...

They took it away!

-Oh, gee, that's a tough break.
-I know.

-You could sort of--
-Sort of what?

drop by my place, you know,
meet the wife and kid.

You'd let me roost under your roof?

-Well, you know--
-Make me a fixture at your table?

Not a permanent fixture. I--

-Let me sing in your shower?
-Partner, I didn't say that you--

-[Bonkers crying]
-Oh, nuts.

-[Bonkers] Don't think of me as a partner.
-[Lucky] Uh?

[Bonkers]
Think of me as an orange, fuzzy son.

-[Bonkers wailing]
-[Lucky] Oh, good.

[tires screeching]

Mom, Daddy's home!

Oh! Bonkers D. Bobcat!

In the fur.

[crashes]

Oh, I love your cartoon!

-[Dyl] I just don't believe it!
-[Bonkers] Thanks... Really.

[Marilyn]
Wait, till I tell everybody at school!

-[Dyl] Can we have y'all autograph?
-[Bonkers] Sure, puppy, anything.

Wait a minute!

Dyl, Marilyn, you both know this guy?

Daddy, he's the greatest
cartoon star that ever was!

I've got all his shows on tape.

Shanghai Cops, Dirty Dives of Delhi,
Scotland Yard 511.

They make cartoons in Scotland yard?
That doesn't sound right.

Yeah, we shot that
in Hollywood, U.S. of A.

♪ Land of make-believe ♪

Oh, yeah, make-believe.

Fine, well, that answer's that.

So, uh, when were you a cop...
uh, for real?

Me? Never! [laughs]

Until now, ol' partner of mine.

Lucky? Honey?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

Honey, it's been a big mistake.

I got to call the Chief.
I need a real partner.

[Bonkers] Oooh!
A real partner? What's wrong?

You're not a real cop! No wonder you--

Oh, and, and-- oh, then you--

Oh, lucky, don't send me away!

Don't be influenced by the fact
that I saved your life.

Think of all the people out there
crying for justice in a cruel world.

[continues sobbing]

-Those people need me, yes?
-Alright.

And I need you!

I got no where else to go!

You know, Lucky, that's just what you said

when you told me you wanted
to become a police officer.

Did I hang onto your leg?

Aw, Daddy, let him be
your partner, Please?

Yeah, daddy, please?

[sighs]

Oh, okay.

[Bonkers] Yahoo! [cheers]

Oh, okay, fine.

Stop that.

All right! All right!

Look [sighs] study this police manual.

Tomorrow morning I'll try to teach
you how to be a cop.

I can't believe I said that.

Yes, sir. Detective Piquel, sir,

I'll have this rememberized
from cover to cover

before the crack of dawn, partner.

Yeah, that's fine... partner.

-He called me partner!
-[crashes]

[dog barking]

Yes, sir, he just left now.
I promise I'll get him this time.

[man] I trust you will
keep that promise, Mr. Doodles,

Or what I have in store for Mr. Bonkers...
[evil laughter]

...will happen to you.

[theme song playing]