01x04 - Herbie the Best Man

[bunniefuu]

can Randy stop that honeymoon perfect the perfect clone

Jim takes Herbie to the church or is it Herbie we never had any green paint on

him no one would believe I've been stood up by a car will Jim miss his own wedding can he find the real herbian

time can Jim save Herbie from the big junkyard in the sky we'll see next on

Herbie the Love Bug [Music] [Applause]

[Music] but he's bright and he's sassy when

you're with him you better leave your cares behind

Herbie he makes you feel that there's a rainbow waiting just around the bend

and if the chips are down you know we'll help you to the end and hurt is my best

friend my best friend [Music]

[Applause] my best friend

mmm [Music]

Kirby what is the matter with you

some days I can't figure you out [Music]

Herbie white not left that strike insubordination

school's the other way not this way right there stalling for the third time well you've

got this down to perfection

Ruby if you're nervous about our getting married just remember I'm the guy at the altar now come on

well I'll have to put you in the shop new plugs new points I don't know maybe a major tune-up

you're going to be out of action for a few days you'll you'll miss the wedding [Music]

foreign

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Applause] [Music]

[Applause] there to keep you awake on your

honeymoon left over from the bachelor party you didn't quite have all right and now Jim

what would a cake get a bachelor party be without a lovely lady inside ready bubbles am I

yes sir Mrs Joseph if I'd known how ravishing you were in a bathing suit I probably

never would have gotten engaged surprise I can't believe all of this

attention everyone attention please I have something to say

[Laughter] [Music]

well first I just wish that uh someone would fix the oil leak in this

this adorable little car now Jim for you well I must say I said my cat for Susan

myself but uh the better man won no hard feelings for anything congratulations

thank you uh thank you Randy thank you everyone

for this kind show of appreciation I appreciate it I'm very grateful and I know Susan will be too

[Music] say except when two cars enter an

intersection at the same time [Music]

watch out fellas close my closet MOM stand aside there is

listen we took a vote and you lost two to nothing Well count again I win four to two four that's right mother cook

housekeeper and nag don't forget nervous bride oh

I'm just trying to make room in my closet Jim is going to be here with his things and there's not going to be any place for them but how about the

out there it's not gonna be forever also you're not marrying Jim forever oh marriage yes close no

oh fellas come on Jim has agreed to try living here with us so let's try to make him feel at home right from the

beginning okay to the Attic no wonder Bachelor shutter

would get him married I don't know Mom Jim doesn't seem very nervous

I never see anybody so nervous in all my life I haven't either and you're only the best man

in fact stuff I'm bringing in that's a good idea bill then I won't have to worry about the best man's nerve fight I

don't worry about a thing if I'm not worried about a thing I'm very happy I'm doing what I want to do hey if you're

just the least bit worried you just come talk to Big Daddy Bowl that's what I'm here for is I gotta get you to the church but there wouldn't be a wedding

without you and the girl in the ring now the girl's got you and you've got the girl uh uh who's got the ring

I gave you the rain yesterday can I get the ring sure I gotta find the ring where's the ring oh oh just relax we've

got till noon tomorrow well if you're as nervous as I am and as you ought to be we better start looking for it right away

um well it just got to be here somewhere huh oh I got it I got it I told you not

to worry I'll just beats me smooth sailing from here on out

yes yes it's a clever little Gadget well this is very interesting but what

I'm really interested in is what you found out with this thing well it depends on what you're looking for it's something anything to discredit him the

man broke up my wedding I'm going to return the favor well I have bugged many people over the

years uh kind men and beslies oh I don't need your resume I've already got it what about Jim Douglas clean the man is

clean stays out of trouble no dolls on his side does not smoke does not drink you

couldn't even get him in a beer commercial never mind what he would do and what he wouldn't do what has he done

well I bugged him tagged them tell them I couldn't come up with a thing I never seen a guy so clean I wish my daughter

would bring a guy like this home instead of a bum she's been running around with you know what I mean I'm not interested in your door daughter what am I paying

you for well I got this tape here

it's pretty clean but uh for a kind of a wild party he would say

now now we're getting somewhere a wild party huh yeah you know lots of music

lots of broads a chick even came out of a cake and you know what kind of a party it's

those uh broads were little old ladies I was at that wild part

yo sure you would have got it they were all laughing at

with you or without you Jim Douglas is the guy I'm going to be laughing at

Susan you up there I'm here hi where you been home

where are your things home Oh I thought you were bringing them over

today I didn't think it was definite what about tomorrow is that definite tomorrow is definitely definitely

I'm sorry I guess I'm a little surprised I mean I cleaned out my closets and I

and I made room in the drawers and uh well they'll still be available after

the honeymoon won't they or good

will you what

Susan this is where we're going to be staying isn't it

well I thought so but then again I thought that you were going to bring your things over here today and unless

you're still hesitant about moving in here why won't anybody believe me I think it's great because it just isn't

normal for a man to be this rule the day before his wedding

well I don't have that much to bring over just a few blocks thank you

thank you

well I guess you decide to move today after all oh I better get his stuff out before I move in

[Music]

I thought you'd be back Jim changed your mind about moving today huh

well never say I didn't give you helping hand s

oh say Jim uh you plan to leave that refrigerator or what

Jam or where does it say that groom Ducks

out and leaves the best man to do all the work what am I talking to you for I'm as crazy as him

[Music] now up the coast there is a Charming

Hotel on the cliff food so so but the view is absolutely spectacular now and the desert there's a great spot

with a pool and a spa and then of course they're the island now don't worry I'm a whiz at making

last minute reservations I hate you maybe I should come back some

other year maybe I should join you your thing

's never know when he's kidding sometimes I don't know either listen you

two pick a honeymoon any honeymoon but let me know as soon as you can and I'm not kidding okay

thanks bye oh well you better watch that you rat I

hate you stuff it cost me two husbands and three boyfriends five

well it's not going to cost me a boyfriend or a husband or a moving man

I better unload that stuff before it unloads itself just a minute just a minute I want to show you something

okay this is my grandmother's wedding dress

I'd love to wear it tomorrow Jim that is you'd look beautiful in this

doesn't it need fitting or something did you wear that at your first uh

it yes I did Jim and if you don't want me to wear it at our wedding oh it's okay

it's okay no problem I mean the only sentiment for me is that it was my grandmother's I just loved her dearly

but I was worried about what you'd think

oh it's a pretty bad tear there I'm unfortunately I'm not

very good with needle and thread foreign

[Music]

Randall what are you doing in here it's my bugging room Douglas is so clean he's boring good how about you

and when you behave like this you're just as boy you put him out of your mind Randall

mother how can you talk to me that way you know the closest thing to my heart is Revenge keep it up keep it up and

you'll get sick again I don't care as long as I get Douglas in that ridiculous little carve here now leave me alone

I hate to see you obsessive like this reminds me of when you were in high school and you imagined all those boys

were out to get you oh because they were they were just because I had the only

sports car in the 12th grade you know what they did to me they ruined my graduation they put that horrible stink

b*mb in my car they oh mother I love you I love you I love

you Randall are you quite all right mother I've never been so all right

[Music]

me help you uh yeah I'm looking for a Mr uh Rainey

yeah you're looking at him oh good my name is uh Bigelow yeah

uh well you were referred to me by a uh private detective name of uh O'Brien

oh sure Brian yeah I took his daughter out a couple of times

Yeah well yeah well he said that you could uh well you might be willing to to got a

hot car oh no no nothing like that no it's just that uh well I I want you to do something for me

and well Brian said that that you're the kind of man that doesn't ask any questions just work we got the Bucks oh

yeah um what do you want me to do

[Music] I want you to put a stink b*mb in a car stink b*mb no questions

questions and when it's set to go off at a particular time tomorrow I'll deliver the car you deliver the goods

[Music]

thank you thank you I I thought a rehearsal would be a good idea you know how calm the nurse

that way we could get better acquainted I know exactly what's going to happen so we won't have any slip UPS tomorrow

now you're the bride

this is my daughter oh oh oh of course it had such a run on

on May and December marriages lately but this is more like a November and November

thanks but I'm only October oh sorry September August I'm terribly sorry no

no offense intended I hope no offense taken no oh good thank you now uh

where's uh the best man oh that's Beau but uh one of us had to watch the store today and so I figured

under the circumstances it should be him I was the best man in the school play once oh

yeah it was a mystery I poisoned the groom

I hope I have better luck thank you

thank you thank you thank you now what about the matron of honor oh the

matron of honored is our travel agent if she doesn't work today we don't get a honeymoon tomorrow

I could pinch hit since no one will let me be the bride that's good

well uh will we be having a flower girl not me not mainly even one or clothes in my

closet oh well what we'll move into position and we oh okay

to the left please yes

[Applause] that's a good idea

[Music]

until I wait for you Mr Bigelow I don't need anyone ugly when I'm borrowing a car well if you'll excuse me

Mr Bigelow when you have such a nice car I can't think why you'd want to borrow a funny little car like that you're not being paid to think Miss Schaefer you're

being paid to take shorthand do accounting figure budgets work computers and other menial tasks now go I'm in a

hurry [Music]

Tim Douglas you are in for a surprise

Mary [Music]

it's a little early for the happy hour let's go [Music]

foreign it's okay uh something wrong with the

steering step out please uh officer I'm in a hurry we see that so are we

[Applause]

any more of this rough stuff and I'll have your badges you can have them rubber legs right after you pass the

sobriety test drinking you think I've been drinking unless those figure eights

you were doing happened on tutti frutti ice cream I am Stone Cold Sober I'm the

president of a bank I'm an honorary member of the Marine color guard well maybe you'd better come downtown then

never never will it take long

[Music]

never before and never again will I go through this kind of humiliation you

what about me I wasn't even drinking oh you must be a throwback to your great grandfather on your father's side it's

that car there's something about that car son when a man is sick he really

shouldn't drink but find me why me when the little old ladies are driving it's so nicey nicey butter wouldn't melt in

its mouth and little old ladies mother I love you I love you I love you

son the last two years of his life your great grandfather couldn't even have visitors

[Music] honey have

Grandma's wedding dress no I thought you put it away I was just going to I I

thought I left it right here I haven't seen it

because if I haven't seen it either not since I showed it to Jim earlier

they don't suppose he he what well he didn't seem too anxious for me

to wear it is that what he said no but I could tell by what he didn't say

sometimes when men are jealous they don't like to admit it but I wish he had had more

confidence in me I mean I wouldn't even have considered wearing it if you didn't want me to you didn't have to take it

mother you don't even know he did well where is it

do you want me to wait this time for you Mr Bigelow it's not Mr it's Auntie you

must have an old auntie in your family somewhere want to look like you then break it and uh give Auntie a kiss

people are beginning to stare whatever you say Mr auntie

now we should go for a nice little ride with Auntie

foreign

[Music]

come on [Music]

foreign [Music]

would you mind stepping out of the car please Madam have you no respect forcing your citizens not when they drive like

you do man would you please step out of the vehicle

would you step over to the curb man okay so what you're thinking

[Music]

what else have you been doing [Music]

foreign are you busy no no just some last minute

things this just came back from the cleaners looks good doesn't it I think I'll just hold it up like this on this

hanger for the whole ceremony

don't you wonder what I'm gonna be wearing well yeah yeah

did because you already know what I'm not going to be wearing I think I missed a turn somewhere

Jim I realized that we're going to have the rest of our lives to get to know each

other but I just want to be open about something that's on my mind sure honey

sure go ahead you sure you don't want to sit down no no no no Jim I want us to be open

with each other and uh that's why I wish that you had been open with me this morning

about the dress I mean if you didn't want me to wear it I mean why didn't you just tell me

instead of taking it if you took it

and you did thank you I don't understand why you didn't have

the confidence

grandma would have loved to see you in her dress and so would I

[Music]

surprise [Music]

foreign [Music]

foreign I've never seen a car door I couldn't pick open we've never seen a car like

this one if you want a stink b*mb in there I gotta break the window no no no no no no it's got to be immaculate

there must be another way and there is

[Music] yeah this one

now what would it take to make this one look exactly like that one

[Music]

by tomorrow morning

[Music]

Herbie the Love Bug will continue

foreign

well look at you you're not even up yet what are you doing here three hours to a countdown

hi I I couldn't sleep I I got nervous what are you so nervous about you you're

so kind you're driving me crazy but I'm under you I didn't see her be out in his usual spot

what happened you get a little nervous last night couldn't sleep had to go for a drive I slept like a baby boo

and Herbie's right where he's supposed to be is my one in a million morning and I

don't want anything to spoil it [Music]

it's perfect perfect a perfect clone

it's so perfect I can't tell which is the original which is the fake oh well that's easy

foreign

the dirty little original

and that one has a stink b*mb

how's it rigged it it's set to go off at

the time you asked oh that's beautiful

what do we do with this one

[Music]

thank you

death by crunching at noon

you know I was wrong

it looks as good on me as it did on the

hangar have you checked the time lately

What for you announce it every 10

minutes well we better be out of here

before the next announcement

hey what do you think you're doing get

on them

get that thing out of here no way that's

my regular spot no way uh hold it now uh

have we got everything

I got the groom

I got the Rick

the ring where's the ring we gotta go

without the ring

[Music]

get lost

I can't believe it I I forgot that I put

it on this finger so I would forget that

I put it on the other hand

remind me to make this my one and only

wedding okay you've never survived

another one ever

foreign

[Music]

well I guess he did my best to make her

nervous the rest is up to you yeah I'll

see you in church okay

radiant Susan you look radiant oh Susan

you look absolutely beautiful but then

what else is new I'll thank this if I

make it through the wedding where are we

going on our honeymoon well you have a

gorgeous Suite on a cliff overlooking

the oceans

into the Hat last minute cancellation

some poor groom got cold feet

that's the kind of cold-beated sun

Shivers at my spot where is the groom uh

I'm nearly as nervous as I was at my

almost way

uh he'll be here

although yesterday I wasn't exactly

throwing bouquets at him he came out

smelling like a rose

well I do hope he has that kind of luck

today

well this is the big day Herbie

we're finally settling down huh

you know where we're going don't you

I'll give you a hint

do you remember that

remember you played it all over town I

was beginning to think you wrote it

it's funny I would have thought you

would have been Hawking it like crazy

today

I hope you're not having second thoughts

about this wedding because I'm not I

mean Susan is the greatest and those

kids

maybe you think she should have married

the competition huh you know old uh

aren't you going to give me a for Uncle

Randy

you today the cat got your time

hope you're not sulking because you're

not going on the honeymoon if that's it

buddy boy just saw corn because this is

a honeymoon for two

don't you know cigarette smoking could

be dangerous to your health

[Music]

y Herbie

Harvey

him again yeah I wonder what he's gonna

look like this day no I'm sorry I'm

sorry I I don't know what happened our

first accident and you pick a police car

gonna be late for the wedding

oh

scraped it right down to the green paint

can I see your driver's license please

green paint

Herbie never had any green paint on him

I'm sorry officers but but I thought

this was Herbie and Herbie was never

Benny Green in his life I mean I know

him like I know myself

I think we've got another one

Herbie Herbie that that's what I call my

car your car what happened to the drunk

and the little old lady

I don't know what you're talking about

but I own this

and if this isn't it then the question

is where's Herbie would you mind if I

call the church uh you're not going to

get any help from there

I know you think I'm Looney but I am

getting married today I mean I I think

I'm getting married today in 15 minutes

if I make it I need to phone my bride

and tell her what's going on here do you

understand I

wish I knew what was going on with

Herbie

it's Susan

yeah it's me I'm fine honey but I can't

say the same thing about Herbie well

what is it I mean if you're stuck can't

you get a cab well no it's not that

simple you see I started out in Herbie

or what I thought was Herbie but it

wasn't Herbie after all this somebody

has painted another car to look like him

well you're finally sounding like the

nervous groom I would have almost been

disappointed if you didn't listen I just

relax tell me where you are and I'll

send someone over for you no no no you

don't realize what I'm trying to say

Susan something has happened to Herbie

he's gone

can't we worry about it after we're

married it is only a car well it's more

than a car I mean he's he's like one of

my family uh

damn

we're getting married in 10 minutes

aren't we you wouldn't be so Cavalier if

it was one of your kids

Jim everybody's here what do you want me

to do

I'll be there just as soon as I can will

you wait for me well

I'll do my best

only because no one would believe I've

been stood up by a car

foreign

[Music]

we'll keep our ears and eyes open but if

I were you I'd go get married

it's Wrecking Yard false alarm a car is

back

real nice guy that Rainey got a new set

of teeth recently Cincinnati took out my

sister

a car is is backfiring at a wrecking

yard yeah he's got a bunch of these

relics out there if he hasn't sent them

to The Gallows already

The Gallows

car smasher

hey look look if you've ever played a

long shot take me there please it could

be the life or death of a car

[Music]

oh

[Music]

foreign

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

up

how do you stop that thing how do you

stop it

[Music]

get him out of there okay okay hey

Charlie get him out

he's stolen from me buddy I don't know

nothing from stolen cars okay well don't

you go away I want to talk to you

[Music]

you might be careful not a scratch on

him you're here

easy

easy does it

work

it's okay Herbie

it's okay now

goalkeeper it's all right just relax and

stop crying

it's all over but what did you give me

escape

I know it's nothing compared to to what

you went through it's okay boy now just

relax we're together again I keep

telling you I don't know who he was all

I know is he kept giving me money yeah

that could be anybody

me

or it could be our old friend Uncle

Randy Herbie can you get me to the

church on time

he might with a police ask for it

let's go

what a shame and we had such a splendid

rehearsal yesterday I guess so when he's

caught up with him but that doesn't mean

he won't be here listen I'd stay and

wait for him we all would well we all

have and now it's time to go come on

I'll be

Jim I know dear and you must look on the

bright side you still have your Uncle

Randy I'm driving Susan let's go

I saw the honeymoon reservation canceled

somewhere there must be some groom

without cold feet

okay

well I got two out of three got one

bride one ring missed the groom

oh come on Elizabeth we're parked out

and back

thanks fellas

Reverend Talbot it was such a lovely

rehearsal and I was looking forward to a

beautiful wedding so am I oh look they

left you just missed them and I've got

the next wedding

perhaps

I'm having back in 15 minutes but I

dropped my book what else is new

don't worry about that when we find the

bride

thank you

now Susan don't blame yourself you gave

him every chance now don't misunderstand

I never said anything against him and I

never would but when a man puts his car

before his bride to be well

[Music]

too late too late

I don't care if he has the whole church

of England with him

Mr Bigelow getting out the car and

there's evidence up ahead to prove it

[Music]

foreign

this is a crazy story I was trying to

tell you about you

of course now somebody else can fill in

the detail

are you accusing me Douglas we'll have a

little chat Bigelow right after the

honeymoon don't listen to him Susan no I

didn't steal his miserable little car

and I resent the accusation I resent

being accused of anything see I wasn't

drunk his miserable car was drunk oh I

know I know he prefers little old ladies

but let me tell you he didn't prefer me

when I was a little old lady

ha

[Music]

ha ha

Reverend could you excuse me I'm sorry

could you spare a little more of your

time would you drive the children and

follow us oh chilly thank you

every Sunday at eight we have a quiet

hour

[Music]

Susan Susan don't listen to me he left

you once he'll leave you again soon

you're making a big mistake

I can't let you do it sir

[Music]

I walked I walk I walk

[Music]

oh Douglas

he never brought me here before maybe I

was waiting for the right moment come on

we brought you some flowers

oh lovely

thanks we picked them but I'm not gonna

be the flower girl

uh Reverend I I think we're ready now

unfortunately I dropped my book

well it's perfectly all right Reverend I

think this is one that we can do by

heart

Susan I I love you very much

and I want to spend my whole life with

you

diversity and happiness

working to

well to make a meaningful life for us

Julie and Matthew and Robbie too

I love you too I'm so glad you came into

our lives

My Hope

have a long and caring life with each

other no matter what the problems

together as a family Julie Matthew

Robbie and I and you curvy

there's really nothing I could add to

that

except do you have a ring a ring

[Music]

just a minute

my best man had the rain

place the ring on the third finger of

the left hand and repeat after me with

this ring with this ring Ivy wed

I'd be with

Jim and Susan

may the Lord look upon you and fill you

with grace that you may Faithfully live

together in this life and in the world

to come have life Everlasting I Now

pronounce you husband and wife

foreign

give Robbie a pain can a new station

wagon Drive hurry to drink you have the

honor of being the first juvenile

delinquent in the family when Herbie

takes it on the lamb you bring that car

in and the reward is yours will Herbie

The Fugitive Escape capture with a price

on his cylinder head

where's Herbie Jim promise can fugitive

Herbie become Dr Herby to a sick little

boy we'll see next on Herbie the Love

Bug

this week the heroes of golf gather at

the Masters join CBS sports for

exclusive live coverage of the final

round starting this Saturday on CBS

now stay tuned as the young man

struggles to proof his manhood Kenny

Rogers stars and Coward of the County a

CBS special movie next following news

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