01x04 - Chasing Squirrels

[bunniefuu]

[enchanting instrumental
music playing]

[man and woman
grunt, moan softly]

{an8}Will you not be
coming back to see me?

I have to bring Circe
back to the US,

find out what's going on here.

Why she tried to k*ll you.

Do you not think it's best
to just...

bong!

[chuckles softly]
We say, "Bang."

But it doesn't sound like bang.
[chuckles softly]

It sounds like "Bong."

- Bong!
- Bang.

- Bong!
- [chuckles softly] No, bang.

[both chuckle]

No, we can't k*ll her.

It's not the way
we do things in America.

[Ilana]
The Internet says otherwise.

Well, it's not how we
should do things.

[sighs softly]

You're such a good man.

I have such feelings for you,
Richard Flag.

I have to go.

[theme music playing]

- [coins clinks]
- [mechanical whirring]

Where is the Weasel?

We all know your boss
has enough problems

after being caught using
human beings as cannon fodder.

Does she really need the hell
I am about to rain down

upon this place for refusing
to let me see my client?

Ugh, Elizabeth. I told you.

- That he's sick.
- Yes.

- Sick, how?
- I don't know.

[stuttering] Stomach something.

He's been
coughing up hairballs.

You are a terrible liar.

I'm not lying.

What happened to your leg?

Well, I was fighting off
an alien invasion.

Fine. Don't tell me.

- Oh.
- You mother...

[Weasel whimpering]

Even though you got us into
some trouble over there,

you're good at this.

If the need comes up
for this type of group again,

I hope you'll be a part.

{an8}I didn't realize
I had a choice.

[helicopter whirring]

[Frankenstein] Why is she
looking at him like that?

Who is he?

[Lieutenant] Rick Flag.

General Boy Scout.

He and I fought together
in Jarhanpur some moons ago.

Did you see the way
she looks at him?

She loves him.

{an8}She loves his
handsome, stupid face.

Well, okay.

A bearded face.

Able to grow hair.

All right.

Well, I showed you
what you paid for.

This is where The Bride is.

We better land
before they spot us.

{an8}- You're judging me.
- What?

{an8}For not being able to
grow hair on my face.

{an8}As if that makes me
some sort of baby-man.

{an8}Uh...

{an8}What are you
talking about, bud?

{an8}I don't even know...

- [helicopter beeping]
- Hey!

Mind your own business!

- [Elizabeth] John.
- [Weasel squeals]

- Hey!
- [grunts]

Stop that! Let him go.

General, where did you
take this man?

- Man?
- Yes, man.

- Who are you?
- My name is Elizabeth Bates.

I'm an attorney
with the Freedom Project,

representing John Doe.

John Doe.

That's not his real name.

We don't know his real name.

You don't know his real name
because he can't talk.

No... I mean, yes.

Well, where he was
is classified.

- My client is innocent.
- [chewing]

I thought he k*lled


[police siren wailing]

Where'd he go?

- [gasps]
- [child yells]

Stop, police!

- He was accused of.
- And convicted.

- And unfairly convicted...
- Okay.

...of k*lling eight children,
not 27.

Oh. Then he's a saint.

There's no real evidence.

I've been waiting for him
for three days.

Fine.

Take him.

[groaning]

[neck snaps]

{an8}[grunts]

She here yet?

[grunts, groans]

[grunts]

I'll make you feel pain
like you never knew existed!

[grunts]

I'll k*ll your whole family!

Leave her be, boys.

[breathing heavily]

Nice to meet you, Circe.

My name is Amanda Waller.

You have no right
to keep me here.

What are the charges?

We're charging you with
first degree witchie-poo

and Maleficent
in the second degree.

Oh, and Bette Midler in that
one movie in the third degree.

[laughs]

That's an actress, John.

That's not a character's name.

He's talking about Hocus Pocus.

Again, not a character.

I'll k*ll you.

[Waller]
As I understand it,

you can't cast spells

as long as your hands
are restrained.

So you're just another
redheaded waif

in an inappropriately
revealing outfit.

[Circe scoffs]

Go to hell.

Why do all you supervillains

need to be so sexed up
all the time?

You like that, John?

I mean, sort of.

It's a little thirsty.

{an8}You've found yourself
in the middle

{an8}of an international
incident, Red.

So you help me, I help you.

What were you doing
in Pokolistan?

Trying to save
your worthless lives.

[scoffs] Come on,
she tried to k*ll us.

Save our lives, exactly how?

From that
princess b*tch, Rostovic.

I was trying to k*ll her

to save the world.

Oh, come on.

{an8}I know it's hep to be
a superhero these days,

but your resume
doesn't exactly back up

the Glinda the
Good Witch routine.

All I see here are m*rder
and as*ault charges.

Even the devil doesn't want
to see the world dying.

[Waller] And we should
believe you, why?

[Circe] I will show you...

the future,
Amanda Waller.

Do you want to see it?

Or perhaps you want to
stay a pig

in the slop of
your own ignorance.

Show me, how?

I told you about Rostovic.

If you want to
see for yourself, join me.

She's full of it.

According to her file,
she's possibly clairvoyant.

Which one is that again?

Reading minds?

- No, seeing the future.
- Oh.

With her hands restrained,
she can't cast spells,

but she might be able to...

{an8}What?

Get into your head.

Don't do it, Waller.

I'm just hoping that
one of these photographs

might provoke
some type of reaction in...

[slurping]

No, no, no, no.

Don't. [sighs]

Jesus, John.

[snaps fingers]

Huh?

Do any of these photographs
mean anything to you?

[Weasel sighs]

[kids giggling]

[child] Over here! Over here!
Pass, come on!

Over here! I'm open!

[Weasel grumbling]

Hey, what's that?

Whoa! Is that a groundhog?

That ain't no groundhog.

No way. Too big.

Come here, boy. Come here.

Look what I got.

Fetch, get it.

Your mom's gonna k*ll you
if she knows you're feeding it.

What? It's hungry.

[Weasel cooing]

I got an apple.

Oh, boy.

[retching]

[door opens]

Time's up.

I'm going to
figure this out, John.

[intense music playing]

- You ready?
- For what?

[Waller gasps] Ahhh!

[upbeat rock music playing]

[woman screaming]

[people screaming]

[laughing maniacally]

[gasps]

[groans, pants]

What the hell was that?

{an8}- Waller?
- I don't know.

She's obviously pulling some
sort of Jedi mind trick on you.

I don't know.

{an8}- It seemed...
- [Flag] What?

{an8}Legitimate.

- Come on.
- Really?

- There's no freaking way.
- [phone buttons beeping]

Who are you calling?

[Waller] So?

All my research says Circe

is, in fact,
legitimately clairvoyant.

On Themyscira,
it's taken as fact.

Oh, and now we're taking
Themyscira as fact?

Dude, it's a real place.

We know that now.

I know it's a real place,
but what kind of place is it?

An island of all women?
Come on.

Ten years ago, Circe warned
the women of the island.

And yes, they are all women.

Sign me up, right?

She warned of a tsunami that
was going to k*ll thousands.

Many, but not all of the
islanders took refuge inland.

A major tsunami did indeed hit

within an hour
of what Circe predicted.

Those who took refuge survived.

Those who did not, did not.

Since then, her talents
have fallen,

more often, on the less
altruistic side.

And why do you think
what she just did to me

isn't on the less

altruistic side?

She's clairvoyant.

She's not able to
imagine futures.

I don't see how
what she showed you

could be anything
other than genuine.

- Oh, come on.
- Flag.

Gather the Commandos
and head back to Pokolistan.

To do what?

{an8}To k*ll the princess.

You have to be kidding me.

What the...
Who even are you, again?

Aisla MacPherson.

Dr. MacPherson

is a tenured professor
at Terrebone University.

And the world's leading scholar
on Themyscira.

A place where no outsider
has ever set foot

because anyone who tries
is k*lled.

Why are you wasting time?

Argh! If Circe is
so clairvoyant,

why didn't she know that
Weasel was gonna

beat the crud out of her?
Or that Phosphorus was gonna

burn her damn face off.

Clairvoyants usually don't
have control over what bits

of the future
they see, General.

Oh, that's convenient.

John, contact
the Pokolistani Embassy.

Tell them we have information
of another credible threat

- against the Princess.
- Waller, stop!

Now that we've
gained their trust,

it should be easy to get
the Commandos inside

and neutralize her.

Stop it, damn it!

Are you telling me
the United States is now

in the business of
executing people

for crimes they haven't
committed yet?

The United States
is in the business of

saving the damn world
by any means necessary.

Please, Amanda.

- Amanda?
- Listen to me.

I'm telling you,
I've met this woman.

- This isn't her...
- Bumping uglies with someone

doesn't mean you're
infallibly able

to know a person's
character, General.

- I didn't...
- Oh, now,

don't lie to me, Flag.

I'm not doing this. I'm out.

- So, what now?
- [door opens, closes]

We find a leader who's
less whiny, little b*tch,

and more just b*tch.

Ugh.

Ah, so glad to be back home
to the sweet smell of...

What is this today?

Hyena vomit?

What, are we supposed to be
buddies now?

I think so.

Look, creature from
the black buffoon,

I'm just saying, this ain't
enough for me, is it?

I'm a big boy.

I'm hungry.

I've been on a long flight.

[both laugh]

What you lookin' at,
Manic Panic?

Give her back her food.

[growls]

[groans]

[roars]

[exhales]

Hey there, give me that.

There you go.
Now everyone's happy, right?

Except for you.

Because you no longer
have food,

and you're ugly.

And this one
because he no longer has a jaw.

- He also might be dead.
- Bride.

Right, I know.
Back into the hole.

No. You're leading the team
back to Pokolistan.

Nina, Phosphorus, Weasel,

get ready to leave.

Yes, listen, I need to
talk to the princess.

[guard speaks other language]

The Princess Ilana.
Ilana Rostovic.

Is she there?

[guard, in English]
I no speak English. Call back.

{an8}No, listen! The princess's life
is in danger.

Thank you.
To call back, though, yes!

[Flag] No! It's a matter
of life or death.

Muerta! How do you say...

[line drops]

Damn it!

- [tires screech]
- [rock music playing]

Huh?

[groans softly]

- [yells]
- What the...

- Huh?
- [yells]

You think she'll love you?

She'll never love you.

[grunts]

[yells]

- [groans]
- [Rick grunts]

- [clicks empty]
- Huh? Ah!

[both grunting]

Don't move.

I'm gonna guess your eyeball

isn't as bulletproof
as the rest of you.

[Frankenstein screaming
and stomping]

I should be the one
screaming here.

You attacked me for no reason.

For no reason?

[laughs]

{an8}And now I'm stuck here
on your back

{an8}in an incredibly
uncomfortable position.

[continues laughing]

I ought to blow your brains out

just so I can get down.

I'm laughing.

I heard you!
It's unconvincing.

[sobbing] You think
she'll love you?

She'll never love you.

Who? The Princess?

Now you call her...

Your princess?

{an8}Is that your pet name for her?

Dear God, I can't believe
this is happening to me.

She isn't your bride.

She's my bride.

[g*n c*ck]

{an8}Oh. The Bride.

Who else would I be
talking about,

you DILFy piece of sh*t?

Listen to me.

The Bride and I have
nothing going on between us.

She's not my type.

And I'm not hers.

- Okay?
- She's everyone's type!

[sobbing] And so are you.

Well, thank you, but no.

Now, can I please come down?

You promise to stop
attacking me so we can talk?

[sighs wearily]

You want a coffee or something?

I'll have tea.

That is a beautiful story.

What a beautiful love
you share with this Princess.

Well, I wouldn't say
it's exactly love.

Oh, it is love.

But she isn't the person
this Circe says she is.

I can't just stand by while
she's m*rder*d in cold blood.

No, not with this
great love at stake.

- Okay.
- The two of you,

like Leonardo DiCaprio
and Kate Winslet in Titanic.

Have you seen that movie?

- Yeah.
- Oh, not many people have.

But at this point, I have
trouble distinguishing

between you and Leo.

Okay.

Which one of you
is king of the world?

Leo.

Okay.

My love is also great.

But more like
When Harry met Sally...

Have you seen that movie?

I have, yeah.

They want to come together.

Everyone knows
they should be together.

They love each other so much
that, one day,

in the middle of a restaurant,
Sally looks at Harry

and is so overcome
with passion,

she has a pleasure mess
in her pants.

I don't think that's exactly
what's happening in that scene.

My bride, she plays
these little fetch me games,

but she knows inside, as I do,

that we are destined
to be together.

Right.

So, maybe,
we can help each other.

Best friends.

[spits] What?

Why did you help me
in the cafeteria?

I owed you
for almost getting you k*lled.

Oh.

Well, I...

When you put it that way,
we're not exactly even.

I mean, I almost wound up dead.

I'm not sure getting my gross
food back makes up for that.

[both chuckle softly]

They want us
to k*ll the Princess.

Why?

Says, It's on a need to know
basis and...

[both] we don't need to know.

Have you ever
k*lled anyone before?

Sure. You?

Do I seem like
I've k*lled somebody?

[chuckles] Not really.

Are you going to
k*ll the Princess?

Eh. One less human.

More room for the monsters
to roam.

[Weasel whining]

[child] Look at that.

Look at that. Look at that.

[all laughing]

Look, over there!

Come on. Come on.

What the hell?

Hey, look.

Somebody left
the back of the school open.

Let's go!

We'll get in trouble.

Not if no one finds out.

Oh, no.

Our grades.

[all] Whoa!

Glug, glug, glug.

Oh, I'm so drunk.

[all laughing]

[phone beeping]

Come on. Over here! Over here!

I don't know
what the hell it was.

Some type of damn werewolf.

He took the kids
into the school.

I think he's gonna k*ll 'em.

[policeman] Okay, okay.

We'll be there
as soon as we can, sir.

Well, hurry the hell up.

Ugh! Okay.

I don't know, sounds like
some kind of whack job, but...

[gasps]

Georgie, door.

[gasps] Ahh!

What are you
so afraid of, child?

And what's that thing
done to you?

Yeah, whoa! [laughs]

You, stop!
Get away from them kids.

[police siren wailing]

[gasping]

[child crying]

Where'd he go?

[gasps]

Hey, it's got a kid.

Stop, police!

There. I see it.

Ah!

[screams]

[continues screaming]

[Weasel whimpering]

I wonder what he's
dreaming about.

Probably just
chasing squirrels.

[somber rock song playing]