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01x06 - A Quarter/Red

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "2 Stupid Dogs". Aired: September 5, 1993 – February 13, 1995.*
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Show is about two unnamed dogs—neither of whom, as the title states, is very intelligent—and their everyday misadventures.

01x06 - A Quarter/Red

Post by bunniefuu »

Today, two stupid dogs find their long

lost son and ride him on their backs. I

got it

and on the Super secret secret squirrel.

You don't suppose the egg is really

cursed, do you?Two stupid

dogs!

Two stupid dogs! Two stupid dogs!

Oh, that's nothing. Once I slept for

eight days, got up and ate, then went

back to sleep for another eight days. I'm

not kidding. It happened. Please

deposit 25 cents. What?

Please deposit 25 cents.

OK. Do you have a quarter?

Nope. Do I have a quarter?

Nope. Please deposit



Come on. We've got to find the quarter.

I've seen people stick paper in this

thing. Then quarters come out. Quick,

give me the paper.

There!

Hey! Stay in

there!

AhStop that! Eat the

paper! Eat the paper! Eat the paper, you

stupid machine! There

you go.

Whatcha doing now?Getting a corner.

Get ready. It's about to get us a corner.

Hey, that's what we need. One of those.

We need a dollar. Where are we going to

get a dollar?I don't know.

That's it. We know how to have fun. We

do?Sure we do.

Come on. OK.

Before you can receive any money, you

must first pass a simple psychiatric

examination. OK.

First, we will engage in a word

association game. I say a word,

then each of you says the first thing

that pops into your brain.

Airplane. Ohh Food.

Woman. Food.

Grasshopper. Food.

This isn't working. Food.

Let's move on to the implant test.

What do you see?Food.

And this one.

Food. And

this one.

You dogs are entirely too stupid to

qualify. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But we need a dollar. Don't expect to

earn any money here. I'll tell you about

professional psychiatric help.

At least $5000

worth $5000. Come on,

we got to get $5000.

Earning money is easy. Just look at me.

I'm a mega trillionaire 10 times over.

How did I do it?By selling all-purpose

vinyl cleaner and real estate. We

need $5,000. $5,000?Why, that's

lunch money to me, friend. Last year,

I earned $5,000 every

second. We have a second. Good.

Then you two can learn my secret method

for making big bucks. It's so easy. All

you do is follow my patented step-by-step

method. First step, you'll need to

purchase my special collection of

self-motivating half-hour audio

cassettes, volumes one through 12, as

well as my personally autographed

gold-plated cassette player.

Second step, you'll need my 15K starter

kit of nifty, slick, all-purpose vinyl

cleaner. Keeps your car looking new

through 100 washings.

We don't have a car. Third

step, a lifetime membership to my Buck

Big seminars and a subscription to my

biweekly newsletter. Open wide, friend.

Plus my best-selling autobiography Give

Me Money and the sequel Give Me More

Money. So to

get you started on the road to earning

$5000, I'll need

$10,000.

OK.

umm Give me $10,000. A

bank robber!

Let's get out of here. Somebody's living

the place.

He was big and hairy with a big,

bulbous purple nose. Like, uh,

this, ma'am?That's

him! $10,000?Where are we

gonna get $10,000?Where?

WhereWhereThat

looks just like me.

HmmHuhTournament!

You gotta get $10,000.

What?Yes, turn 'em in.

You must have $10,000.

Okay.



Hello. Hi. How you doing?Not so

good.

Uh, Puppy. Get me out of

here.

Hey, we'll catch up to Secret Squirrel

after this. Super Secret

Secret Squirrel back in business.

Penny, send in Morocco Mole.

Likewise, Morocco Mo...

Wait a minute. What am I doing here first?

I always come second. Not

this time, Double M.

I've got a special assignment for you.

For me?But why?Government

regulations state that every Super Secret

Service agent must be given an assignment

at least once in his career.

All you need to do is

hold on to this rare and important egg

for three seconds and then give it back

to me. Gee, I don't know.

What makes it so rare and important

anyways?Some sort of ancient

Egyptian thingy. You know,

horrible curse on whoever holds it or

some such rubbish. 'Course I've never

gone in for any of that nonsense, have

you?I

guess not. There's a good

chap.

One, two.

Why ever did you do that?

So the egg wouldn't bump into the door

and get all smashed.

Quite. What do I do now, Chief?

Agent 000 reporting for duty, Chief.

Perhaps I can be of assistance.

Oh, secret. Thank goodness you're here.

I dropped the egg. We'll just have to get

it back, Morocco. Going down.

Oh, Secret, you're such a good catcher!

Thank you, Punches. My pleasure, Morocco.

And don't suppose you could lend

me a parachute?No problem. I'll just

soften my landing by employing my

ever-ready instant haystack grenade.

Secret, where are you?Never fear,

Morocco. The egg is safe and sound.

Oh, there you are, Secret. I was so

worried. Thank goodness the egg is safe.

Maybe I should hang on to the egg for a

while, Morocco. Oh, no

secret. It wouldn't be fair for you to do

all the work. This is my assignment.

That's the Super Secret Service spirit,

Morocco. Here you go, pal. Hold it with

pride. Gee, thanks.



What do we do now, Secret?We get it

back... again.

Once again, the egg is safe and sound.

Uh oh

Secret, where are you?

Look here.

Should I carry the egg this time?

Hold out your hand, Barraco.

There. Oh, it's working.

Oh, secret. I'm holding the...

I'll get it.

Things couldn't possibly get any worse.

Government property. Danger.

Minefield. Be really careful.

This calls for my anti-gravity galoshes.

Got it. Good work.

Be careful, Secret. You almost dropped

it. Maybe I'd better hold it.

Oopsie.

Uh oh,

what do we do now, Secret?Ah,

there you are. Well, don't just lie

there. Come in, come in.

I see you've retrieved our rare egg. Now,

where were we?Ah, yes.

One, two,

three.

You've done it. Egg-cellent work.

I made a funny. What a clever...

Oh, look, secret. I got it.

You don't suppose the egg is really

cursed, do you?Don't be silly,

Morocco. Why, it's probably no more than

an ordinary chicken egg.

Foolish mortals, you have released me

from my eggshell prison. Now I

aspimpotent, the greatest evil

sorcerer of all time.

will finally rule the

world. Oopsie. Should we

go after it again, secret?Not

this time, Morocco.

Oopsie.

Two stupid dogs. Got a break.

Now on with the show.

Look at all the glorious nature!

Look at all those trees!

Where's the food?Food?I don't

know. We're in nature.

HmmWe need nature stuff. Just look

around. There's all kinds of stuff. Yummy

tree bark. How

about some chewy fungus?

Tasty rocks.

This dead squirrel.

How about a caterpillar?Ah,

he's cute.

Some dirt?Those dandelions?The

cheesecake. Cheesecake!

Cheesecake. Cheesecake. It's not fake.

It's cheesecake. It's not

just cheesecake. It's

chocolate strawberry cheesecake.

I made it myself. Bye.

Granny.

Gosh. What big eyes you have! And

what a big scot you have!

And Granny, what a big dot you

have!

Oh, I almost forgot! I brought you a

present, Granny! Is it cheesecake?

Now close your eyes! It's

gotta be cheesecake. I know it's

cheesecake. I love

cheesecake!Surprise!

You're beautiful, Granny.

What's a granny?I don't know.

And I brought this great-- Bag! Basket of

goodies for you too, Granny. You're

a granny. What do we eat?Silly

mister. We can only eat

this basket of goodies in the warmth and

safetyof Granny's Woodley Cottage.

Where's that?Deep in the woodly

woods. Follow me! I know

exactly where we're going.

Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Tra-la-la...

Follow me. Tra-la-la-la-la-la

Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la...

oh

Maybe you should lead, Granny.

Okay.

Food.

Great! Let's go!

My porridge is too hot!

My

porridge is so cold.

Help! Help

How was yours?Just right.

Except for the lumps. Now,

can we have the cheesecake?I don't know.

Are you sure this is Granny's

house?Of course it's Granny's house. Just

look around. Here's Granny's three beds.

Here's Granny's three TVs. Granny's three

toilets.

Now, can we have cheesecake?Well, if

Granny said so! Let's eat.

Cheesecake! Cheesecake! Cheesecake!

Cheesecake!

Oh, my gosh!

Look at the time. Never eat sweets after



Right, Granny?Time for back. What

you said. No,

now. We can have cheesecake tomorrow for

breakfast. Good night,

Granny.

Hey, somebody's been drinking out of my

toilet. Somebody's been drinking out of

my toilet, too.

Somebody was raised in a

barn.

Cheesecake!

Hey! Hand over that cheesecake!

OK, dogs, here comes a break.