02x07 - Sir Lamp, The Great Golfer

[bunniefuu]

♪ All cats in rows of six

Two at the rear ♪


♪ Together they lined up

In rows of six, two at the rear ♪


♪ Their whiskers all aligned

In rows of six, two at the rear ♪


♪ Their tails were all entwined

In rows of six, two at the rear ♪


♪ Six times seven is

Plus two makes ♪


[Milady]
Sir Lamp, The Great Golfer.

Whoa! [grunts]
[gasps]
Pass, Meatball!

-[Milday gasps]

-[Lampo grunts]

Pilou, stop him.
[Pilou and Milady yell]
Oh, my whiskers!
How are you going to get past me, Lampo?

I'll pass the ball to Meatball, Milady!

And then I'll score!

Meatball, give me an assist!
[Milady grunts]

Take aim but not with your eyes,

using your cat-like senses is wise.

[Lampo grunts]

Lampo… [laughs]

…that shot was cat-tastic!

Thanks, Meatball! I knew I would score!
Uh, Lampo, the ball of wool is over here.

But, if the ball is over there,

how did Lampo score?

It's a golf ball. Where did it come from?
Um, it's mine! Give it back!
Since when do you play golf, Boss?
Uh… Since always!
Golf is a refined sport for superior cats.
Unlike Tail-off.
But Tail-off is pawesome! Hmm!
Hmm.
[Winston] Hole in one!
Let's go see what's going on.

-[Meatball struggles]

-Winston is playing golf.

[grunts]
[pants]
[worried meow]
[gasps]
[sighs in relief]
Hmm? Huh! [chuckles]
[grumbles]
[laughs] Another one!
I'm a champion. Right, my beloved Boss?
[meows]
[grunts]
[gasps]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[gasps]
[sighs in relief]
[grumbles]
Make room for Winston, the golf champion!
Applause, please.
[laughs]
[meows]
Huh? Winston, a champion?! Pfft!
Huh? Hmm.

Shut it, Buffy-losers!

Winston and I are top-class golfers.

No, you're a top-class braggart.

Hmm! I've even set up a tournament

to prove how good I am.

A golf tournament? Good, count me in.

It's a tournament for champions only.

And you are not a golf champion.


[laughs] You're not inviting me

because you're afraid to lose.


No, I'm not inviting you

cos you don't know how to play.

Take it easy, Lampo.

When you learn how to play golf,

Boss will invite you.


But I already know how to play, Milady.

And I'll prove it.

[Pilou giggles]
Meatball, come with me.
Stay out of trouble, Lampo.
Boss didn't invite you.
[Milady and Pilou] Huh?
[laughs]

That's why the one going

to the tournament will be Sir Lamp,

the rooster-cat golfer.
And Meat Paul, his loyal assistant!
[Milady and Pilou] Meatball?
I'm going to have a snack with Lampo. Ah!

-[munches]

-[sighs]


Boss, the course is all ready

for the golf tournament.


Thanks for agreeing to be our referee,

Edison.


-I always play fair!

-[Blister and Scab sneer]


-I'm ready to play.

-My ball will reach the moon!

It looks like we're all here.

I don't see any players

apart from Snobine and Cosmo.


[whispers] Just two challengers

showed their faces.


The others were all afraid of you, Boss.

[chuckles]

All right, let's begin.

[Lampo in English accent]

Wait a moment! I'm here too!

And you, uh… Who are you?

[English accent] The name is Sir Lamp.

And he is Meat Paul.

Have we met before?

Impossible.

It's my first time playing in this town.


So you clearly don't know Boss,

the golf champion!

Oh, my treats!
Make way! A champion needs space.

Boss is already

throwing his weight around.

Good thing we came, Pilou.
Let's keep an eye on Lampo

and make sure no one cheats

or plays pranks during the tournament.

[over megaphone] Let's begin!

Each of you must land your ball on that

platform to complete the first challenge.


I'll go first.

My shot will be refined and elegant.

[yelps]
Snobine's ball did not reach the platform.
[whines] Hmm!
I'll hit the ball like a rocket!
[grunts] Oh!
Oh!

Cosmo's ball

also did not reach the platform.


-Yeah!

-Whoo-hoo!

[both] C'mon, Boss!
My turn! My turn!
[grunts] Ah!
Ha! An unbeatable shot.
Boss's ball has landed on the platform.
[Blister and Scab] Great, Boss!
It's gonna be hard to do any better.
Oh! One of my treats!

Could it be we met one time

at the trout treat open?

Ah! Ooh.

A rooster-cat only eats corn flavored

treats like this one.


-[munches]

-[sighs]


Sir Lamp's ball has landed

on the platform, tied with Boss.


Sir Lamp and Boss

will proceed to the next challenge.


-Cosmo and Snobine are eliminated.

-[Cosmo and Snobine sigh]

My victory is merely postponed, Sir Lamp.

Let's keep playing, Boss.

This game isn't over yet.

And neither is my snack time! [munching]
[gulps]

Second challenge:

reach the hole in the fewest strokes.


-Wait till you see this, Meatball.

-Make way! I'm going first this time.

Huh?

[whispers] Blister, Scab,

you know what to do.


-[Scab and Blister] Don't worry, Boss.

-[chuckles]

[gasps] Let's keep an eye on them.
Hey! Where'd they go?
[grunts]
[yells]
[grunts]
[gasps] Huh?
How is that possible?
Hmm… There's something fishy going on.
Too easy. Sunk the putt!
Pawesome shot! In the cup in two strokes.
Ha! It's gonna be impossible to beat that.
I'll manage a hole in one.

No! I was sure

that was going to be a hole in one!

Oh, that's too bad.
Blister and Scab are cheating!
Milady, we have to tell everyone. [grunts]

-How un-fur-tunate! He's come up short.

-[gasps]


Sir Lamp already took two strokes,

so he can't do better than Boss.


Now, it's time to award our winner

for the golf tournament.

[grunts] Boss!
[Milady] No! He cheated!
Who said that?

Blister and Scab used a rope

to move the hole!

Hmm!
[Blister and Scab laugh]
[whistles]

In that case, Boss is disqualified

and I declare Sir Lamp the winner!

Are we really sure the winner is Sir Lamp?
What does Sir Lamp have to say?
I'm sorry. I can't win.
Huh?
Because I wasn't invited.

-[growls]

-Oh!


[chuckles] And I'm just here

for the snacks. [gulps]

I was out of line.

But I still proved

I was better than you, Boss.

Oh, really?

Then I challenge you to one more match.

Something extremely difficult.

Just you and me.

-No cheating!

-No disguises!

[Meatball] And no treats!
Unfortunately, that's the last one.

This challenge

has to be the most difficult of all.

We both have to sh**t for a hole in one.

But the ball has to pass

scratching post tower!


Perfect! And we'll both hold our clubs

with our tails!


-Hmm!

-Hmm!

[grunts]

[Blister and Scab] Pawesome shot!

Great, Boss!

Let's see what you can do.

I've never held the club

with my tail before.


Lampo, remember your cat-tastic shot

playing Tail-off?

"Take aim but not with your eyes…"
"…Using your cat-like senses is wise."

What is he doing?

Tee-ing off with his eyes closed?


-Hmm?

-Huh!

[grunts]

-[Milady and Pilou] Well done, Lampo!

-[Blister And Scab] Well done, Lampo!

Shut up!
[giggles] I'm the golf cat champion!

But it was your advice that let me win,

Meatball.

And I already know how to thank you.
[gasps]
[giggles]
Ready, Meatball?

[grunts] You were just lucky last time,

Lampo! Are you ready to lose?

Whatever you say. [grunts]
But we're playing Treat-golf this time.
[groans and meows angrily]

[chewing] Nice shot, Lampo.

Treat-golf is my favorite sport!

[Buffycats laugh]