03x13 - Where the Woodbine Twineth

[bunniefuu]

["Alfred Hitchcock" theme music]

- Good evening.

As you can see, I'm in training
for a pie-eating contest.

I take all athletic
matches seriously.

I've been practicing
for some weeks now

and have myself honed
to a razor-sharp edge.

Furthermore, I do not
expect to have any trouble

making the weight.

This evening, in addition
to a pie-eating contest,

we are presenting
a story entitled

Where the Woodbine Twineth,

or, as our network insists
on calling it, WT2.

Where the Woodbine Twineth
is about a little girl

who had some
imaginary playmates.

This would not seem to be
a very serious problem,

but it was.

It was.

We now have a different
kind of competition,

an endurance contest.

The question is,

how many of you can endure
the next 60 seconds?

[haunting orchestral music]

- To everything,
there is a season

and a time to every
purpose under the heaven.

A time to be born
and a time to die.

A time to plant,

and a time to pluck up
that which is planted.

A time to k*ll,
and a time to heal.

A time to break down
and a time to build up.

A time to weep and
a time to laugh.

A time to mourn and
a time to dance.

A time to get and
a time to lose.

[somber orchestral music]

- Want to see your room, Eva?

Come on, honey,
I'll show it to you.

Jesse, give me a bag.

- I'll carry it, Miss Nell.

- I'll carry it.

- Poor baby.

- Fix me cup of coffee, Suse.

- Yes, Captain King.

- I'm awfully
sorry, Captain King.

I sure admired Amos.

- Thank you, Jesse, thank you.

- Well, my room
is through there.

Right next door.

This used to be your daddy's
room, once upon time.

Do you hear me, Eva?

- [Eva] Yes, Aunt Nell.

He's never coming back, is he?

Even if I pretend,
he'll never come back.

- Even if we all pretend.

- Look at all the bumblebees
out in the garden.

Do bumblebees die?

- Yes.

- Am I an orphan?

- Who told you that?

- I heard someone at the
church say I was an orphan.

That they didn't know what
was going to become of me.

What is going to become of me?

Am I going to die?

- Not for a long time.

You're going to
live here with me,

and we're going to
have a very nice life.

- Is it dark where Daddy is?

- I hope not.

I don't know.

- m1ngo knows.

m1ngo says it's
brighter than day.

They have bumblebees there, too.

- Who's m1ngo, honey?

- A friend of mine.

My best friend.

Can I have some iced tea
with four spoonfuls of sugar?

- Suse'll make you some.

- But I wanna put
the sugars in myself.

Oh, wait!

- [Nell] What is it?

[eerie instrumental music]

Eva, what is it?

- Nothin'.

It's just that I'm
expecting someone,

and I thought for a
minute, I saw them.

- Should re-roof the
front porch, 43.71.

$25 to clear off the back lot.

The funeral'll be at least 750.

- You just make out the
checks, I'll sign 'em.

- They're all made out.

- Nell.
- Yes?

- I'm just bringin'
it up one more time,

and I'll never mention it
again, you just listen.

Absolutely sure you
want to keep Eva here?

I could take her with
me in the morning,

leave her with her
mother's people.

- She's Amos's child.

I know he'd have wanted
me to take care of her.

- Big job, taking care
of a six year old.

Things aren't gonna be
as quiet around here.

- I'm aware of that.

I'm even looking forward to it.

It's been too quiet around
here for a long time.

- You aren't doing this out
of a sense of duty, are you?

- I don't know.

I never thought
about it like that.

It'd make no
difference if it was.

And I think, well, I suppose
we do a lot of things

out of a sense of duty.

- I never asked you to stay
here and manage this house.

Never kept you here
for one minute.

- I never said you did.

But someone had to stay
with Mom until she died.

Amos was so busy going to
school, getting married.

- Nell--
- I'm sorry, Father.

I haven't been able
to cry about Amos yet.

I need a good cry, I'll be fine.

What time will you be
leaving in the morning?

- Nell--

- I have to tell Suse what
time to fix breakfast.

What time?

What time?

- Here we are, all
washed and ready for bed.

- [chuckles] Come,
give your old grandpa

a big hug goodnight.

'Cause he'll be way downriver

before you wake
up in the morning.

You wanna come and go to
New Orleans with grandpa

on the boat?

- I wanna stay here
with Aunt Nell.

- Well, you better get to bed.

Aunt Nell won't want a cranky
little girl on her hands.

You'll be cranky if
you don't get to bed.

- I'm afraid of the dark.

Will you stay in my room?

- Yes, tonight I will.

Yes.

[haunting music]

- 25, 86, 89, 200.

Is that 100 almost, really?

- You getting tired?

- My arm feels like
it's about to fall off.

If my arm ever fell off,
would I grow another one?

- I don't think we have
to worry about that.

- m1ngo told me it would.

I'll be glad when m1ngo
comes, so you can meet her.

- I'd like to meet
her very much.

- You would?
- Of course.

- She's not very big.

- How big?

- She's big enough to
live in a bird cage

but little enough to
have a frog for a horse.

- I see.

- Leave it on a little bit more.

- All right.

[eerie music]

- Croak, croak, croak.

You hear the frogs?

- Lots of frogs.

Down by the river.

- Croak, croak, croak.

That means that m1ngo's coming.

She'll be here sometime tonight.

- Go to sleep, Eva.

May I turn out the light now?

- No.

Do you believe me about m1ngo?

Tell me the truth.

- The truth?

- Mm-hm.

- I think you're
a very sweet girl

with a wonderful imagination.

- That means you
don't believe me.

I knew you wouldn't believe me

when I tell you things are real.

Daddy didn't believe me, either.

And Daddy's dead.

Turn out the light.

- Eva--

- Turn out the light,
I wanna go to sleep.

Croak, croak, croak.

[haunting music]

- What are you doing in there?

- m1ngo came.

We're playing hide and seek.

I'm hiding from her, shh.

- Come back into bed, Eva.

You mind me.

- No.

- Eva.

- Oh, all right.

- Eva.

- I don't like you.

I was having fun.

- You mustn't talk back at me.

- Why?

- My mama would've washed
my mouth out with soap

if I talked back
at her like that.

- You're not my mama.

My mama's dead.

m1ngo saw her.

m1ngo said her eyes were open.

She said she saw Daddy
and Mama dancing together

down in the ground.

- You mustn't make
up things like that.

- It's not made up.

What m1ngo says is so.

[haunting orchestral music]

m1ngo brought her
family with her

'cause her house caught on fire.

They didn't save a thing.

Not even a pair of shoes.

Mr. Peppercorn is her father.

He has a beard very much like

the way grandpa used
to wear on his chin,

except Mr. Peppercorn's is red.

Same color as his eyes.

Sam and Popo, they work
for Mr. Peppercorn.

Suse?

Well, they all live here
under the davenport.

No!

No, Suse!

- What is it, honey?

- That's where they all live.

You don't vacuum under there.

Give it to me, 'cause I know
how to keep from hitting them.

[Suse giggles]

- It's nice to see
you helping, Eva.

Eva?

- What?

- I said it was nice
to see you helping.

- Oh, she's lots
of help, Miss Nell.

[eerie orchestral music]

- They don't like Aunt Nell.

They always hide when
they see her coming.

I keep telling them that she's
really very nice down inside

and that they mustn't
be afraid of her.

- Mm-hm.

- Is Aunt Nell and old maid?

And what is it?

Is it when you're snippy?

Does loving someone make
you not snippy, Suse?

- Some folks says it does.

- I love m1ngo.

Mm, and Mr. Peppercorn,
Sam, and Popo,

and I don't feel snippy at all.

So there must be some truth
in what some folks say.

[Suse clicks]

[giggles] And then I
thought it was a mouse,

but it was a long,
green, thin lizard.

And the cat came pat, pat, pat,

and jumped up on the bed and
put it under my covers, ee!

And I touched it with my toes.

- Eva.

Who were you talking to, Eva?

Now, you heard me.

Tell me the truth.

They're my friends, m1ngo,
Mr. Peppercorn, Sam.

- Oh, Eva.

- Yes, ma'am?

- There's no one in this
parlor but you and me.

- You never believe me when
I tell you things are real.

- They aren't real.

- They are!

- They aren't.

It's not the truth.

- They are.

- They are not.

- They are, too, you don't know.

- Eva.

- They are real, they
live under the davenport.

- Oh, Eva.

- They're little.

- Well, you just
show them to me.

- No, they don't like you.

- Well, that's just too bad,
because I want to see them.

- No.

- Why not?

- You just can't.

- Because they aren't there.

- They are, they are.

[haunting orchestral music]

- Well, we'll see about that.

- No, no, leave them alone, no!

No, please leave them alone!

Don't do anything bad, no!
- There is nothing!

- No, no.

- You see, there is
nothing there, nothing.

- They're gone.

- They're gone because
they were never there.

- You did it.

You made my friends
go away, they're gone.

You did it.

You're an awful, old,
snippy, old maid.

- I'll rinse your
mouth with soap so hard

it'll make your head swim.

- You did it, you made
my friends go away.

You did it, you did it,
you made them go away!

- Eva?

Eva?

Have you seen Eva?

- Not since breakfast.

- She better come on.

- Have you looked out
under the puzzle tree?

- Eva.

Jesse.

- Yes, ma'am?

- [Nell] Have you seen Eva?

- No ma'am, not since breakfast.

- You better get the car
outta the garage now.

I don't wanna be late.

- Yes, ma'am.

[door thuds]

- If she comes crying because
she didn't get to see the boat

and meet her grandpa,
it's her own fault.

I'm not playing hide
and seek with her.

- We're going to have
raspberry cobbler, baked ham,

corn on the cob, fresh
tomatoes, and spoon bread.

Everything the
Captain's fond of.

[car honks]

There's Jesse with
the car, Miss Nell.

- I hear him.

[door thuds]

- Where'd you put
the ham, Jesse?

- [Jesse] What ham?

- I asked you earlier to get
me a ham outta the smokehouse.

- Didn't ask me.

- Jesse, I told you the
first thing this morning.

- Not me.

- We need anything from town?

- Just about outta
cornmeal, Miss Nell.

- You didn't tell me
doodly-doo 'bout no ham.

- I told you before I
poured you your coffee.

- Come on, come
on, we'll be late.

The captain'll be
waitin' on the dock.

- I'd remember if
you told me, Suse.

- Nevermind, I'll get it myself.

[Eva giggling]
[eerie music]

Who's in here?

[Eva giggling]

Is that you, Eva?

- No.

- Your Aunt Nell's been
lookin' high and low for you.

- I know.

- You missed going
down to the dock

and seeing your grandpa
come in on the boat.

- I know.

- Didn't you wanna go?

- Yes.

- Well, why didn't
you answer, then,

and make your whereabouts known?

- I couldn't.

- Why not?

- 'Cause Mr. Peppercorn came,

and I couldn't be rude
to Mr. Peppercorn.

He came back on a butterfly
for just one minute

to tell me somethin'.

- You better come on,
get down from there

before you break
your neck. [chuckles]

Come on.

Oh, my goodness. [clicks]

Just look, just
look at them hands.

Ooh, and that face.

And you smell like a
piece of smoked meat.

- I was pretending I
was a string of peppers.

- Oh yes?

Well, we're just gonna have
to throw you in the tub

and clean you up
before they get back.

What are you grinnin'
about, young lady?

- I promised not to tell.

♪ Bum bum, here I come ♪

♪ Where you from ♪

♪ New Orleans ♪

♪ What's your trade, lemonade ♪

♪ Get to work and
show us something ♪

♪ If you're not afraid ♪

- [Suse] Oh, you
better stop that.

You're gonna make
yourself dizzy.

Now, come on, come on.

- Captain King, Captain King!

[Captain King laughing]

- How's my girl?

- I'm fine!

- Jesse, hand me the big
box on the front seat.

- [Jesse] All right, Captain.

- I got somethin' here for ya.

[Captain King giggling]

- Put me down,
Grandpa, put me down!

- Numa.

- What did you say Eva?

Now, don't mumble.

Thank your grandpa nicely, now.

You'd think I haven't taught
you one shred of manners.

- Numa.

[gentle orchestral music]

It's Numa.

He told me she'd be coming,

but I wasn't sure it was
grandpa bringing her.

Mr. Peppercorn said--

- [laughing] Oh, Eva.

- I don't wanna be a
taddle tale, grandpa,

but Aunt Nell made
them all go away.

She took an umbrella
and poked at them,

but this morning, Mr.
Peppercorn came back

for just one minute.

He said when she poked at them,

she broke Sam's foot,
and that none of them

would ever come back
with her in the house,

no matter how much
they loved me,

they were sending
me Numa instead.

She's just like he said.

- Take your doll and
go to your room, Eva.

Eva, take your doll and
go upstairs, you heard me.

- Yes, Aunt Nell.

Thank you, Grandpa,
for bringing me Numa.

- [Captain King] You're
welcome, I'm sure.

[paper rustling]

- I want to talk to you.

- Talk to me over
a nice mint julep.

- I've been almost out
of mind all summer long.

It just doesn't stop.

There's a whole community of
'em livin' under the davenport.

They all rode frogs.

[Captain King laughs]

Well, it's not too funny.

- She's just a baby, Nell.

- I know, but it's
all she talks about,

all she thinks about.

She never lifts a
finger around the house.

When I was her age, I
made myself very useful.

Now, you know I did.

- Yes, you did.

- Mama'd have taken
a switch to me

if I'd acted the way she acts.

- You're not sorry you
took her in, are you, Nell?

- She's Amos's child.

- You're not
answering my question.

- No, I'm not sorry, but I
intend to do something about it.

A child must learn to live
with the reality of the world.

Sounds like something
you said to me

once upon a time, doesn't it?

- Sounds familiar.

- I'll be grateful
if you'd brush up

that particular lecture.

It was pretty effective,
as I remember.

I'll go get her.

You might also tell her that
I'm not a snippy old maid,

impossible ogre.

[door thuds]

[children giggling]

Who was in here with you?

There was someone
in here with you.

I distinctly heard two voices.

Who was it, now you answer me.

- You never believe me when
I tell you things are real.

- Now, you tell me the
truth, you hear me?

- It was just me,
just me and Numa.

[playful orchestral music]

- How does one improve
each shining hour?

Some say by injecting
a station break

in the center of it.

I shall allow you to
judge for yourselves

before rejoining us
for the second half

of Where the Woodbine Twineth.

♪ Bum bum here I come ♪

♪ Where you from, New Orleans ♪

♪ What's your trade, lemonade ♪

♪ Get to work and
show us something ♪

♪ If you're not afraid ♪

[Suse giggling]

- What does Numa say today, Eva?

- Today, Numa says that
she misses Grandpa,

and that she's sorry he
had to go away so soon.

And that she'll be glad when
he comes back up the river.

- Yes.

- And that summer's
just about over.

- Mm-hm.

- And life is very hard.

[Suse clicks]

Oh yes, life I hard,
that's what Numa says.

- I'm on my way
to choir practice.

Anything we need?

- You look pretty, Miss Nell.

We're just about
out of cinnamon.

- Do you want to
come into town, Eva?

- Can I bring Numa with me?

- Well, I don't want everyone
in town to see my niece

walkin' around
talking to a doll.

- Then I'd rather
stay here and play.

- Where's Jesse?

- I'll get him.

- [chuckles] You didn't make
up your bed this morning.

- I will, I forgot.

- I'll put her to
work, Miss Nell.

I'll see that she
sweeps the porch,

and she can help
me make pie crusts,

and I'll see that
she makes her bed.

- Tonight is missionary meeting.

I'd like an early supper.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Aunt Nell doesn't
like Numa any more

than she likes Mr. Peppercorn.

Let me sift it some.

- All right.

- Numa says if Aunt Nell
ever made her go away

like she did the others,
she'd take me with her.

- And where would that be?

- Where the woodbine twineth.

- Where?

- Where the woodbine twineth.

- I don't recollect ever
hearin' of that place before.

How far from Creesop's
Landing is it?

- I don't know, but I
expect it's far away.

So far away, you
never come back.

♪ Never come back where
the woodbine twineth ♪

♪ Never come back ♪

- Don't do that, honey.

- We don't just always talk.

Sometimes we get tired of that.

When we do, we just play.

- What do you play?

- Jacks, bum-bum,
house, dress-up, doll,

sometimes we just play doll.

- Just plain ol' doll?

- Sometimes Numa gets
tired of being doll.

- [Suse] Oh, she does?

- Let me roll some.

- All right.

- Mm-hm, real tired
of being doll.

So I play doll, and
she puts me in the box

and plays with me.

- She puts you in that box?

- Mm-hm.

- And you're the doll?

- Mm-hm.

Can we go play now?

- You'd better get
that bed made up first.

- Oh yeah.

I forgot.

[eerie instrumental music]

♪ This little piggy
went to market ♪

♪ This little
piggy stayed home ♪

♪ This little piggy
had roast beef ♪

♪ This little piggy had none ♪

♪ This little piggy
went wee wee wee ♪

♪ All the way home ♪

[children giggling]

- Suse!
- Yes ma'am?

- [Nell] Were you sleeping?

- [Suse] Yes, ma'am.

I was just lyin' down for
a few minutes to cool off.

- I'm sorry, go back to sleep.

- [Suse] Yes, ma'am.

[children giggling]

♪ Bum bum, here I come ♪

♪ Where you from, New Orleans ♪

♪ What's your trade, lemonade ♪

♪ Get to work and
show us something ♪

♪ If you're not afraid ♪

[children giggling]

- Eva?

Who's that with you, Eva?

Eva?

Who were you playing with?

- I'm not going to tell you.

- You were playing with
one of those children

from down by the river.

Where does she go?

- There was no one
here but me and Numa.

- Now, don't you set
out to aggravate me.

I suppose you're
going to tell me

that it was Numa I saw.

- You never believe me when
I tell you things are real.

- Well, we'll put a little stop
to this nonsense right now.

- No, Numa!
[haunting music]

Numa, Numa!

- Now, you behave yourself.

- I want Numa!

I want my Numa, no!

[Eva sobbing]

I want my Numa.

- You can have her
back when you tell me

who you were playing with
just now, not before.

- I hate you!

- [Nell] Don't you
talk that way to me.

- Shut up!

- Don't you sass me.

[Nell sobbing]

Oh, Eva.

You better not bite me.

- I'm going to!

- You just do and see
what happens, miss lady.

- But Numa said, she said
if you ever made her go away

she'd take me with her.

- Oh, Eva.

[Eva screaming]

Stop it, Eva.

Eva, stop that.

- Miss Nell.

Put her to bed.

- But she hasn't had
her supper, Miss Nell.

- Put her to bed.

- Yes, ma'am.

Come on, baby, come on.

[lively piano music]

[lively piano music]

- Well, I finally found
out what was wrong.

It was just that old spring
that needed tightening up

real tight.

- Well thank you, Jesse.

- I'm sure glad it didn't
happen when Suse was in here

cleanin' up.

She'd have climbed
right up that wall.

- Thank you, Jesse.

- You're welcome, ma'am.

[lock clicking]

[keys clattering]

- Suse!
- Yes, ma'am?

- I'm going now.

- You sure you don't
want Jesse to drive you?

- It's just over
to Nan Foster's.

You taking that up to Eva?

- Yes, ma'am.

It's all right, isn't it?

She didn't have
any dinner, either.

- You think I've been
too strict, don't you?

- Don't ask me, Miss Nell.

- She talked back to me,
that's not to be allowed.

- No ma'am.

- I'll be home early.

- Have a nice
evening, Miss Nell.

[Suse knocking]

- Eva.

Eva.

Look what I brought you.

Chicken and dumplings
and a glass of milk

and big piece of pie.

- I'm not hungry.

- Well, I'll just leave it
anyway in case you get hungry.

I don't want you
knockin' on my door

in the middle of the night,

wakin' me up and
looking pitiful.

What you mad at me for?

- I'm not.

- You're not?

You sure?

Okay.

Good night, baby.

- Night.

[haunting instrumental music]

[keys clatter]

[door thuds]

[lively piano music]

- Jesse?

Jesse?

- Listen.

- Oh, that old piano,

the spring done got
untied again, Mama.

I thought I had
it fixed for sure.

I'll see what I can
do about it this time.

[haunting instrumental music]

[keys clatter]

- Suse, Jesse?

Suse?

- You home already Miss Nell?

What is it, dear?

- Where's Eva?

- Up in her room, I reckon.

- Well, how'd the parlor
door get unlocked?

- Who locked it?
- I did.

- When I was in there, it
wasn't locked, Miss Nell.

It wasn't locked at all.

- [Nell] It's all
right, Suse, I hear her!

- [Child] Where the
woodbine twineth

it's summertime all the time.

There's apples and peaches.

You can play anything
you want to play

anytime you want to play it.

The jets and the stars and the
ball is the sun or the moon.

There's candy canes,
and everybody has a dog.

- [Child] Where the
woodbine twineth.

♪ Where the woodbine twineth ♪

♪ Where the woodbine twineth ♪

♪ Where the woodbine twineth ♪

[leaves rustling]
[crickets chirping]

- So you're the child
who's been sneaking up here

to play with Eva.

Now scat!

You go on home, go on!

Go on home, go on!
[child whimpering]

Scat!

You go on home where you belong.

And never come back!

[somber instrumental music]

Eva?

Now, don't you hide
from me, do you hear me?

If you know what's good for you,

you'll come to me right now.

[Nell screams]

Eva.

Eva.

[dramatic orchestral music]

Come back, come back!

Numa!

Numa, come back!

Numa!

Please, Numa!

Please, come back!

- That concludes
tonight's story.

Next week, we shall
return with another.

Until then, goodnight.

[playful orchestral music]

[bold orchestral music]