01x02 - Son of Evil/The Right to Bear Arms/The Trouble with Skarrina

[bunniefuu]

Once upon a time, there was a

Jillionare playboy who was

Blown up in a tremendous
expl*si*n.

His brain survived [stomach,
too]

And was attached to the body of

A stupid circus bear.

I am that brain.

My name is hector con carne,

And I will one day rule

The world

[Sniffing]

What is that horrible stench?

[Rumbling]

[Roaring]

Behold the ultimate
weapon--the sword!

Now who's bad?

Why are we watching
this, again?

Because with swords like that,
we can conquer japan.

Japan?

Yes. We'll take over
the whole country.

What for?

What for?!

Have you no appreciation
for the exotic?

Well, i--
japan...

A beautiful country
filled with tradition,

Romance, mount fuji,
pagoda park,

And most of all, sushi!

[Roar]

That's right, boskov.

We'll have all
the sushi in japan--

An excellent source
of protein.

Well, fish is
considered
a brain food.

I propose a full-fledged
samurai attack

On the city of tokyo.

We'll start training
the troops tomorrow morning.

Come on, troops!
Put your backs into it!

Destructicus?

Hello, mother.

Oh, goody--
future boy.

Hey, what's with
the costume party?

Oh, hector wants
to take over japan.

With wooden swords?

Turn back
while you still can.

Hector: so,
what are you
doing here?

Destructicus
dropped by
from the future

For a visit.

Lucky us.

So, son, have you
captured anything yet?

You mean like
the hearts and minds
of america's youth?

No, I mean
capturing countries
with your evil power!

Oh, no, no, no, dad.
That's not my thing.

I believe in one force--
the force of good.

Yes, of course.

Boskov,
spit that, please.

What?!

Yes, father.
I fight for good.

I am a protector of
truth and justice.

[Laughing]

Dinner's over.
Let's go.

Ghastly:
welcome to the lab.

Swank.

This is my latest project--

A state-of-the-art
biomechanical, supersmart,

Ionized carbonite

Kurosawa samurai exosuit!

Very nice.
How fast does it fly?

Fly? Huh?

It doesn't fly.

Why not?

To make it fly
would be an easy
mathematical adjustment.

Actually,
this figure is off.

Now, if we reconfigure it
by using a new program

And erasing all of these
mp3s off the hard drive

To make room for
the data...voila!

Oh, I'm so
proud of you!

In fact...

I'm giving you
the keys to the
samurai exosuit.

But, mom, i--i can't.

I trust you,
son.

Aw...

Just don't tell
your father.

Hector: ghastly!

Ghastly, come and see me
at once.

Be right there,
chief.

Chief, destructicus
enhanced the exosuit!

Really? Well, well, well.
I am very pleased.

Yes!

We will use it to dominate
the world, right, boskov?

[Growl]

There will be nothing
to stop us this time.

[Screaming]

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

[Panting]

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

Hector: so,
what do you have
to say for yourself?

Well, I did what
I thought was right.

Well, you thought
wrong, ding-dong.

But I saved japan.

You disgraced
the family name.

Yeah, but--

But what?

But we're both
very proud of you

For creating
your own path

And making
your own decisions.

Isn't that right,
chief?

As long as you
decide to do good,

Will you promise not
to tell the world
you're my son?

Ok. As long as you decide
to promote evil,

Do you promise
not to tell anyone
you're my father?

Ok.

Can I keep
the exosuit?
No!

Oh, chief,
let him keep it.

It fits him better
than it fits you.

Great.

Thanks, dad.

Good-bye, son.

Good-bye, mother.

Sissy.

See you in the future.

Ah, I guess he's not
so bad, eh, chief?

That's just it.
He's not bad at all.

Con carne: boskov,
you're disgusting.

[Burp]

Ha ha ha!

To think that the greatest
criminal mind in the world

Is wasting away on this
stupid, stinky, oafish animal.

Chief, I finally
completed my master
work.

What the heck
is that, ghastly?

Well, it's sort of
a brain-trading machine

To transport your brain
into a human body.

Of course! I saw this
once on scooby-doo.

I've gathered
some specimens

For you to choose from.

We have a president,
a despot,

A potentate,
an impotentate,

A king, a queen,

Brad pitt, and a man
in a funny suit.

I hate all
of these people.

I did the best I could,
but we ran out of funds.

That's ridiculous, ghastly.

Super villains never
run out of funds.

h* h* h*!

Skarr, assemble
the troops at once!

I need the bravest
and healthiest trooper

To step into that
machine behind me.

Uh, what does
that thing do?

Well, it, uh,
kind of, uh...uh--

Ghastly!

This is the new cerebral
transmuter 2000,

Capable of transferring
the chief's superior brain

Into the cranium
of one lucky recipient.

What happens
to his brain?

That's not important!

But what if a guy
gets in there

And his molecules
get all mixed up

And then they transmute
into a hideous mon--

Shut up!

Thank you, ghastly.

Now, who will volunteer?

Skarr? Skarr?

Hee hee hee!

Are you certain
you want to do this?

Skarr?

Skarr?

Skarr?

Guards, place general skarr
in the transmutation chamber.

Wait! No!

There's been a mistake.
Let go of me!

Ghastly,
start the machine.

Right, chief.

Hoo hoo ha ha ha
ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha
ha ha ha!

[Crying]

[Bell rings]

What the heck happened,
ghastly?

I felt something,
but nothing transmuted

Except...my arms!

These are not boskov's arms.

They're general skarr's!

And that means?

[Yawn]

Ow! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

This is unacceptable.
Change us back immediately.

Sorry, chief.
It's not that easy.

I need time to make
the proper adjustments.

I don't like this, ghastly.

Relax, chief. I'll
take care of it.

Meanwhile, why don't you
go wait in the lounge?

Lounge? What lounge?

I did not know
we had a lounge.

Oh, yes, sir.
It's very nice.

Snacks, games, tv,
you name it.

You just relax
in the lounge

While I go fix
the transmuter.

Hurry, ghastly.

Say, look at this lounge.
Very swanky.

Why did I not know about this?

I bet this cost plenty.

Pool table,
big-screen tv, foosball--

There's even a kitchen!

Who authorized this?

Boskov, control yourself.

Give it up, boskov.

General skarr has your arms.

[Cries]

[Growl]

[Muttering]

No way, boskov.
I dislike honey.

It tastes too much
like...honey.

[Growl]

Nonsense, boskov.
You can't touch me.

You have my arms.

h* h* h*
h* h* h*!

Right.

I'll just be after
that honey.

Stupid con carne.
Dumb bear. Lousy honey!

Here's your
stupid honey.

Where do you want it?

Hey! Wait! No! No!

Ha ha ha!

If I concentrate,
I can control boskov's arms.

I really hate honey.

I can make
you do anything.

No, no, you sick--
noo!

Ha ha ha!

Oh, yeah?

Well, it works
both ways,
con carne.

I can control
my arms, as well.

Shake it up, baby!

Ha ha ha!

Ooh! Ooh, I know.

Hey, boskov,
are you ticklish?

[Laughing]

Now who's
in control, sir?

Hee hee hee!

h* h* h*!

What? Uh-oh!

Aah!

Ha ha ha!

[Sniffs]

[Crying]

That should do it.

It's just got to work
this time.

Sergeant, did you
bring me some volunteers?

Yes, sir, major
doctor ghastly, ma'am.

Private doofus here
and russell the potato.

Are you crazy?!

Hey, hey, ix-na
on the azy-cray.

Russell's kind of
sensitive-like.

Just put them
in the chambers.

Ghastly?

Here, chief.

Ghastly, why is it
taking so long?

I grow impatient.

Got to go, chief.

We'll have your arms
back in a jiffy.

In the meantime,
try to relax.

Now!

[Bell rings]

[Gasp]

Hey, I'm naked!

Aargh!

Ha ha ha
ha ha ha!

Well, what do you know?
A talking potato.

Don't forget the ketchup.

I've blinded the beast.
Now I've got you, con carne.

Ha ha ha!

[Growl]

Huh? Oh!

Chief, I've got the solution!

[Buzzing]

Ugh! Where am i?

You're gonna be
all right, chief.

I had to operate
to reattach your arms.

This is all your
fault, skarr.

What have you got
to say for yourself?

[Mumbling]

Oh, does your face hurt?

Because it's k*lling us!

[Laughing]

[Dolphins crying]

[Snoring]

[Dolphin cries]

[Crash]

[Crash]

[Yawn]

[Humming]

Ow.

Huh? What the...

Rust?

Ooh, who's the wiseguy
who put water in my oil can?

[Laughter]

Ooh, hector.
I'll get you
for this.

Quick, major dr.

Switch off before
I bust a gut.

[Laughs]

Ooh, I must retaliate.

I have to exploit
his biggest weakness.

Now, let's see. Which one of
hector's lackeys is the dumbest?

You are, by far,
the most attractive woman

I've ever laid eye on.
And I'm not just
saying that.

You are beautiful.

Tell me
about yourself.

[Flush]

Oh, don't be shy.
I won't bite,
you know. I--

Ahem.

Do you mind?
I'm practicing my
woo-pitching.

[Slapping]
aaah!

Uhh...

Stupid singles club.

I knew this was a bad idea.

Like I could ever meet
the right woman

In a place like this.

[Whistle]

Hector: major dr. Ghastly,
tell me about
this new invention.

This is my
super-potent
adrenaline serum.

Just one drop could
send any child into

A never-ending
hyperactive state.

Parents from all
over the world

Would pay a king's
ransom for a cure.

Allow me to
demonstrate on this

Common ordinary
chinchilla.

[Whimpering]

Aaah!

I like it.
I like it.

Major doctor,
I order you

To make up a big
smelly batch of
this stuff.

Then, we can
put it into
all of

The popular
breakfast
cereals, and--

General skarr?

Uh, hector, ghastly,

I'd like to
introduce you to
my new girlfriend.

Say hello
to skarrina.

Skarr! Get away
from that thing!

What's that
supposed to mean?

That's no woman,
you twit.
It's a b*mb.

Get rid of her.

Oh, please.
A b*mb?

Is that the best
you can do?

Just look at her.

Hmm. She's got
metal skin.
She's ticking.

And don't forget
the big
honking fuse

Coming out of
her head.

Stay out of
this, you.

And that goes for
the rest of you.

My personal life
is none of
your business.

Her head is full
of dynamite, general.

Hmph. Let's go,
honeycakes.

Argh. Skarr's head is
as empty as a coconut.

Ghastly, to
the videophone.

Yes?

Very funny, estroy.
The joke is over.

Ooh, I'm afraid
I don't know what
you're talking about.

Don't you play
dumb with me, you
chrome-plated ninny.

Tell skarr his
girlfriend is
a b*mb.

Oh, she's the b*mb,
all right.

Catch you later, g.

[Laughs]

Estroy, come
back here.

Skarr: well, I'm
glad someone is
happy for me.

You just can't
stand for me
to be happy.

You're like
a sponge. You
take, take, take.

I'm going to say
this one last time.

She is a b*mb!
Open your eye, man.

You are being stupid.

Now get rid of her
before it's too late!

Why can't you people
just be happy
for me?

General skarr
needs love too.
Is that so wrong?

Skarrina and I are
going to my room,

And we're locking
the blast door.

She's going
to blow.

[Siren]
ghastly: attention. Attention.

All personnel must
evacuate at once.

This is not a drill.

[Quack
quack]

Please form a single-file line

And evacuate the complex
in an orderly fashion.

[All screaming]

No one is
that stupid.

Come on, chief.

Hmph.

Just look at them.

They'll stop
at nothing

To come between us.

So typical.

General skarr, this is
your last chance.

Get on board before
it's too late.

Suck eggs.

[Crash]

Ghastly: I'll
take that as a no.

Good riddance,
you cretins!

Oh, I apologize for
the behavior of
my associates.

They're just jealous.

Of course, looking
at you, it's easy
to see why.

[Laughs]

Don't be nervous,
because now I'm
going to

Take you in my arms
and kiss you,

Very quickly,
very hard.

[Kiss]