Makayla's Voice: A Letter to the World (2024)

[bunniefuu]

[hissing softly]

[breeze gently gusting]

[voice 1] The most beautiful sound

I have ever heard

is the empty way

the air flows between the trees.

[woman] No. Okay. Let's try the next one.

[rewinding]

[voice 2, deeper] The most

beautiful sound I have ever heard

is the empty way

the air flows between the trees.

[woman laughing] No. Okay.

Let's go to the next one, then.

[rewinding]

[voice 3] The most

beautiful sound I ever heard

is the empty way

the air flows between the trees.

[gentle music playing]

The sound goes unnoticed by most.

But to me, it sings.

It creates melodies

that resemble my own silence.

I belong in nature.

Effortless noise.

The wind is my muse.

It inspires me to beam in my own way.

Silent?

[chuckles softly] Not us.

We are the sound of hidden beauty.

Winds of autism.

[voice continues on recording]

I soar in trees.

Think about that one.

"P."

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Reach. "Portia."

"I." "Is."

"My." You got it.

Mm-hm.

Don't put it down

until you get to your letter. There.

"Portia is my voice."

Awesome.

I love that voice you picked.

She's super... [laughing]

[joyful piano music playing]

[Portia as Makayla] My name is Makayla,

and I live in Atlanta, Georgia

with my family.

My mom is a fashionista

who owns a boutique store.

My sister is studying music in college.

My brother is heading into middle school.

My dad is a famous music producer.

And I have autism.

Silence is my cage,

but it is my gift to the world

to sing my silence out loud.

It is my hope to inspire you

with my journey.

Thanks for being here. This is my song.

[music ends]

[laughing]

So, Makayla's official diagnosis

is the 22q deletion.

It's the Phelan-McDermid syndrome.

So, basically,

she has a partially deleted chromosome.

So it's a pretty rare diagnosis,

and... there was nothing

anybody could do about it.

Everything just didn't come together

like it was supposed to.

[pop music playing on phone]

[dad] Makayla, I don't know what you want.

That's enough.

Hey.

Probably the thing that's been

the most frustrating for us

is knowing that, you know, your daughter,

you know, for 14 years, you know,

we're sure she has

plenty of things to say,

or things that she's thinking about,

but she can't communicate.

And that's probably the most heartbreaking

thing about this whole thing is,

you know she wants to communicate,

or she can, or, uh...

But she doesn't know

how to get it out of her.

[playing tune on keyboard]

[gentle piano music playing]

[Makayla repeating] Dee-dee-dee.

[Portia as Makayla] Like I said,

I have autism.

It is a huge part of me.

[girl] Remember...

[Portia as Makayla] I do not speak,

but I do communicate.

I use a letter board

to type out my thoughts.

It is hard work, but worth it.

[beat playing on stereo]

I am also a girl who loves music...

and has an interest in art.

I recently went to Paris

and saw great pieces by my favorite,

Vincent Van Gogh.

He is trapped inside his emotions

the way I am trapped inside my body.

[piano music continues]

Van Gogh used color to communicate...

and I use letters on a board.

For speaking people,

language is only worthy

if they're spoken by someone with speech.

But the deepest messages

come from those who, like Van Gogh and me,

communicate differently.

[music ends]

- [doorbell tinkling]

- [woman] Yeah, note to buyer.

You know, we got to stick with

the fit and flair, and...

For the first years of Makayla's life,

we weren't sure if she would communicate.

Before she knew how to letter-board,

we had no idea what she was thinking.

And now that we have had her

working with Roxy, now we know.

And it has opened up a whole new world,

having her communicate.

It's a beautiful thing 'cause it's, like,

"Who is this child?"

Um...

And we're still learning who she is. So...

[joyful piano music playing]

[Portia as Makayla] Dear Mom,

it's me, Makayla, your pretty girl.

I'm writing because

I do not get the chance

to talk with you in my day-to-day life.

Mom, so many things I have to tell you.

First thing, I'm super, super smart.

I learn by listening.

My mind is a sponge

that drinks knowledge like it's juice.

All my senses are heightened,

and I can feel emotions through them

as if they are music.

In my silence, I've learned

that many assume silent equals dumb.

I don't like that.

It hurts my feelings. It's mean.

But I also understand why it's thought,

and that makes me sadder.

I know that I'm lucky you and Dad

found Roxy so I could do this.

All I have dreamt about in all my dreams,

really, is doing this.

Christmas is coming,

and I have one huge request.

I want a date with Dad to see

fishes and dolphins in the aquarium.

I love you, Mom. Makayla.

[music ends]

When a student is first learning

how to use the letter boards,

they might need a lot of assistance,

a lot of prompts.

There's a motor piece

where it's Makayla using her body

to literally get every single letter

on the letter board.

And so that motor piece

is something that's pretty exhausting.

[both breathe deeply]

One more.

There you go. "A..."

In the beginning, with Makayla,

we would do lessons,

and I would ask her,

''Today we're learning about galaxies."

"Let's spell galaxies."

And it wasn't that I was quizzing her

on how to spell galaxies.

I was helping her

become confident in her body

and pointing to the letters accurately.

The stronger she got,

the more confident she became,

and the more I was able

to open up the questions

to be able to ask something like,

"Tell me about autism."

"What are your dreams?"

Because at that point,

she's figured out how to move her body

and point to these letters accurately.

I feel, like Makayla specifically,

she's tapping into a layer of herself

that most of us, especially speakers,

just don't have access to

because we are constantly listening

in order to respond to somebody else.

Whereas Makayla's listening,

and she's taking in her world,

and internalizing it, and reflecting on it

at this deep, deep soul level,

that I feel perhaps

her father has access to as an artist.

- [R&B music playing]

- My ode to Georgia...

Let it rip, let it ride...

[music ends]

[joyful piano music playing]

[Portia as Makayla] Hi, Dad.

Happy late Father's Day.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

I love you so much.

It is unreal.

I am so lucky to be your daughter.

I get so happy when you are near me.

I giggle and cheer because

I don't want to allow you

to ever doubt your worth.

Daddio, you gave me so much.

Limelight, music, and love.

You found my voice before anyone else did,

when I myself never knew

my voice could be heard.

A lot of my strength

comes from the way I see you work.

You are the best.

I love you, Mr. Dad.

Makayla.

[music fades out]

[grass rustling]

[Portia as Makayla] I need

to ask for help.

I run when my body separates from my mind.

And then I notice and get scared,

so my legs move forward.

"Eloping" is what Mom and Dad call it.

The hard thing is, I panic,

so it's kind of hard to pause

when I'm freaking out.

[Makayla groaning]

[Portia as Makayla] I need help.

My hunch is that...

I need space to hear my music,

but my body takes my idea too literally.

[thunder rumbling]

My head hurts,

and this happens a lot in storms.

I'm thinking I'm needing a little rest.

[Makayla panting]

Silence.

- [melancholy music playing]

- Hi, Roxy.

I did not like school today.

It really confuses me how my body

creates so much trouble for me.

How is it fair that I have these troubles,

and it's only me?

I got mad today at school

because I had a major moment of envy.

Is that bad to have jealous feelings?

I'm just... I'm not sure

how to feel big emotions

without my body exploding.

[door banging]

[melancholy music continues]

Everyone has everything,

and nothing is hard.

All hardships erase joy.

I have an example.

Autism.

I wish I could be more like my siblings.

[no audible dialogue]

[emotionally] How can I feel

so much in silence?

Emotions are hard to keep inside.

They rupture our insides if kept in.

With silence, we are forced to hold it in.

We don't get to choose

how to release or express how we feel.

So, emotions, for those like us,

come out oddly.

We also experience so much alone,

thanks to autism.

So we are left in our big feelings, alone.

That's scary,

and that fear causes us to do things...

- [Makayla shouting]

- ...we normally would not dream to do.

Forgive yourself.

[shouting continues]

That's the best way to release.

And by doing that,

you teach forgiveness to others.

[music fades out]

[Roxy] How are

autistic individuals special?

So, really,

I'm thinking about in regard to gifts.

[Makayla grunting]

[Roxy] Can you write "autism"?

- A.

- "A."

What letter would come next?

U.

[Roxy] Okay.

[Makayla] A.

[Roxy] Yep. What letter comes next?

I gotcha.

"I..."

[heartfelt piano music playing]

[Portia as Makayla] I see how the autistic

mind mirrors the soul in a cosmic way.

It sees colors in sound.

Music in the wind.

My soul sees what others cannot.

Truth, honesty, and love

are colors surrounding the heart.

I literally see that.

It's music. Silent like me.

Roxy, I wish I could show you.

It is so beautiful,

like the nebula you showed me.

I hope I can change the world.

Am I able to?

I hope I can be confident enough

to not be scared

to have influence to change hearts.

I want to show these boards to the world.

Be an advocate for autistic people

without a voice.

I think my father can help

since he knows so many people.

When she letter-boards,

it's the small things.

The fact that she calls me "Daddio."

Like, how does she come up with "Daddio"?

I never said the word "Daddio" or...

She'll bring up things

that we may have said... years ago.

Um...

We always call her "pretty girl."

And I remember the first time

her letter-boarding to her... To my wife.

It was like, she was basically

introducing herself... to my wife.

And just saying, like,

"Look, guys. This is..."

"This is me. I'm your pretty girl."

- [heartfelt music continues]

- [sighs]

Um...

Um...

"I'm really smart."

"I pro...

I process information really fast."

"And, um... I'm different, but...

I'm here."

And... And... [clears throat]

And that's the biggest thing

for me. It's, like...

I mean, she's 14, and...

we're having our... [clears throat]

We're having our first conversations

as of six months ago.

She's a smart girl,

she has it all in there.

We just got to... It feels like...

It feels like a child

that we have to go out and grab

out of this... out of this body.

So, um yeah, it's just...

It's just amazing, and,

you know, all our efforts now

are just to continue this progress

and keep her talking, you know?

[music fades out]

[Roxy] Yeah, so sometimes

when Makayla and I are together,

I ask her if she wants to do

a lesson or a creative writing.

And this one day in particular,

she wanted to do a creative writing.

And she wrote

the most beautiful piece of writing

I've ever heard.

She's written many things after this,

and this is still the one

that stands out to me.

And so the question

that she was asked was,

"Snakes, are they interesting

or creepy, and why?''

Um, and this is what she wrote.

"I once noticed

a tiny snake slithering on the ground."

[Portia as Makayla] It dared to exist in

a space made for others not like him.

Some people ignored it, others feared it,

and some deemed it dumb

and unworthy to live.

[somber music playing]

They laughed and sneered

as they became the predators to fear.

Soaked in their own misjudgment,

they dared to end its life.

Noticing this threat,

the snake began to hide.

Like a lightning in the nocturnal sky,

the snake began to move.

Back and forth it went,

as if demanding to be heard.

Back and forth it went,

becoming the new predator.

I often feel like that snake.

Small, unseen, unnoticed,

and sometimes feared.

I live silently in a world of talkers.

The snake lives discreetly

in a world of walkers.

My letter board

is how I demand to be heard.

Back and forth I move my index finger,

spelling out each chosen word.

Back and forth I type,

unbecoming the mute

that once lived inside.

Creepy or interesting,

I'll let you decide.

I hope to help others.

I hope to keep learning about the world.

I hope I can end silence and autism.

I love this voice.

It is raspy, like I imagined.

But I want to use my real voice now.

What can you tell Dad?

- I love you.

- I love...

Aw, thank you, baby.

Thank you so much. I love you too.

[laughing]

[music fades out]

[vibrant music playing]

Do you have any questions for us,

since we're all together?

This is a... This... We're never really

all together at a letter-boarding session.

"R-I-N." Okay.

"I'm wondering how you see..."

"I'm wondering how you see me."

Beautiful, strong, brilliant.

I really wish to be

as smart as you one day.

Who's your favorite friend at school

and why?

Oh.

- "Alexis." And why?

- Alexis.

Why is she your favorite?

"N" and "K" and "spunky."

- She's spunky. Yes. She is.

- She is spunky.

[all laughing]

Is there anything

you want to do, um, for a living?

Okay, I got you. "T," then?

"H," then? "O," and

"Author."

You want to be an author?

- Okay. Well, you're on your way.

- Yeah.

You talk like an author.

What's your favorite place to travel?

"M-E-X."

Right on it.

"I-C." Right on it.

"Mexico." She talks about it a lot.

[dad] So you want to go for like, this...

Christmas break?

- Okay.

- [Roxy] Yeah, you've...

Oh. [laughs] She said yes. "S."

[all laughing]

[sister] Are there any other languages

you would like to learn?

"R. S-S-I."

Reach. "A..."

"Russian." I cannot teach you Russian.

[laughing]

You want to learn Russian?

[Roxy] That's not what I thought

she was gonna say.

- [Roxy] Why...

- Why Russian?

"O, D." "Odd."

Yeah. It's an odd...

[vibrant music continues]

Why are you so resistant

to getting in the pool at the beginning?

"T-S-M-Y-L."

"It's my style."

[all laughing]

Is there any kind of final words

or any kind of statement you want to make?

"I. I-M-N-O." Right on it.

"I'm not..." "L," I got you.

"I'm not S-I-L-E-N-T."

"I'm not silent."

- Good job, Makayla.

- Good job!

[Roxy] Makayla, I'm so proud of you.

I'm so proud of you.

- You're doing amazing.

- Yeah.

So you can do anything you want.

- [dad] Can you say "bye" to the camera?

- [mom] Say "bye." Can you say "bye"?

[softly] Mm. Bye.

Say it louder, one more time.

[louder] Bye.

[dad] Bye. There we go.

We'll take it. Okay.

See you later, Makayla.

[heartfelt music playing]

[music fades out]