01x05 - Nick Takes Over Hollywood

[bunniefuu]

You tell him I want him out of that trailer.

I want him out of that trailer right now.

I don't care if he's exhausted.

This is my movie.

If I come down there, you--

Do you hear me? Are you listening to me?

Stella, there's a nick cannon here.

Who?

Stella stolper. How are you doing?

Do you have an appointment?

I'm a very busy person.

I just want to pitch you a film just real fast.

Can I just pitch the movie? Please? Please?

You got seconds, kid.

All right, cool.

It's a great film about martians and munchkins,

And they attack the world.

And this guy sergio, he saves the world.

And his love interest ramona, she's great.

She'll be played by any, like,

Big "a" list actress.

And the munchkins take ramona up into mars,

And then sergio has to go to mars and save her.

He's fighting, kicking the munchkins off,

And he's kicking and he's kicking them.

And all of a sudden at the end, he screams,

"No, ramona! No, ramona!"

What do you think?

Nick: but wait!

I didn't get to tell her

The part about when the munchkins go and do double dutch!

Wait! You ain't got to pull on me, man!

This is a hit movie!

Fine! I don't need this studio!

sh**t. I wrote this movie,

I'm gonna produce this movie,

I'm gonna direct this movie.

I'll put this movie out by myself.

Come on, driver, man. Let's go.

You know, I'm taking over hollywood.

Can you believe these people?

♪ I'm taking over ♪

Come on!

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ First name nick ♪

Yeah, nick cannon here,

You know, taking over hollywood.

We snuck onto an actual live studio.

They've been waiting for a guy like me

To come in and just take over.

I got my suit, chillin'.

Got my glasses, got my cell phone.

I'm ready to make it happen.

All I need now is a parking space with my name on it.

We gonna find that. We gonna make it happen.

Hey, you guys know where I can find some movie stars?

You know where I can find some movie stars?

No, I don't, man.

Know where any movie stars are?

Man: yeah, up around the corner.

Around the corner to get some movie stars?

Oh, yeah.

You know where I can find some movie stars?

You know any movie stars?

You're looking at one.

You--that is you, huh?

That's me.

Shaft. Loved you.

Movie stars in here?

Movie stars in here?

I didn't mean to interrupt.

Do your thing, player.

Are you a movie star?

[Laughing] no.

Are you sure you're not a movie star?

[Laughing]

You're acting like one.

Are you a movie star?

I've seen you somewhere.

I have a great script for you.

I'm producing, directing.

It's called martian munchkins attack.

Give me a line-read for ramona right there.

"I can't believe the alien munchkins from mars

Have stranded us on this desert island."

Wow. That was great.

Have my people call your people. Ok.

Pardon me, pardon me.

Are either of you movie stars?

He's a movie star maybe some day.

Doing a great film called martian munchkins attack.

Would you like to read for it?

"If my experience as a waiter has taught me anything,

"It's that people hate it when you drop their food

And pick it off the ground and serve it to them."

That was great. I'll have my people call your people.

Excuse me, sir, are you a movie star?

No, I'm not.

You sure? Because I'm doing a great film.

It's the next big film.

Oh, are you?

I'm telling you. Martian munchkins attack.

Great characters-- ramona and sergio.

I'm looking for my sergio.

Give us a read, just a quick read.

Line it up right--

"No, ramona. Don't give up hope."

Wow!

You might be my sergio.

Ok.

All right, I'll call you.

You might be my ramona.

I don't know about that, but all right.

Hey, hey, amanda bynes! I got a movie for you!

It's a wonderful movie.

It's called martian munchkins attack.

Would you want to do this movie?

Sure, you can talk to my people.

My people will talk to your people.

We'll do lunch,

And I loved you in that thing that you did.

That was wonderful.

Martians attack is going to be great.

Me, you-- we'll do a sequel.

Hey, frankie, baby. Hey.

It's a great movie.

It's called martian munchkins attack.

You'd be sergio.

Sergio is, like, the lead guy.

You feelin' it? You feelin' it?

As a matter of fact, let's go over a few of the lines.

I'll be ramona for a second.

"I can't believe the alien munchkins from mars

"Have stranded us on the desert island.

Aah! Curse the alien munchkins. Oh, no."

"No, ramona. Don't give up hope.

"I'm a secret ninja.

"Training has taught me everything.

"Just--there's always a way.

Don't give up, all right?"

Frankie, baby, that's great!

I'll use this kid.

Hey, wonderful relationship we're starting here.

All right.

Uh, who's directing?

Me.

Mmm. We'll see.

I'm a great director. I direct everything.

We'll see what happens.

Hey, frankie? Call me.

Frankie wasn't really feeling me as a director.

Maybe it's the threads,

So let's change it out a little bit.

Action!

You got to come up more.

More motivation. More motivation.

Great job, people, looking good.

I'm not believing you, though.

There you go.

Need a little more energy on the bicycle,

A little more energy.

Pedal a little faster. There we go.

You're delivering food. I like that.

I've been practicing my directing.

I see.

You feeling the director thing?

Mmm.

You're doing great.

Give me more. Give me more.

You.

I see it.

That do anything for you?

No.

Keep practicing.

But, frank...

No, no, that's all wrong. No, wait. More!

You can do it. Be bushy.

Come on, sway with me. Sway.

Go back to your roots. Go back to your roots.

Sway.

"No, ramona. Don't give up hope..."

Nick, voice-over: hey, yo, don't go nowhere,

'Cause you won't believe what I got up my sleeve.

"...in servitude."

That's oscar material.

That's oscar material, right?

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

All right, so I learned everything I need to know

About producing and directing my film.

I think I'm ready.

All I need now are some big stars.

And how else can I find stars for my movie?

Star maps.

What's up, my man? Hi.

How you doin'? You chillin'?

I need a star map.

These things really work? Yeah.

Now, the people's houses--

Stars are really on here, right?

Yeah. It's upside-down.

Antonio banderas.

Antonio banderas on here.

Demi moore.

Demi moore.

Tom cruise, bruce willis.

Bruce willis on here?

Yeah, jackie chan.

I need bruce willis in my film.

Yeah? Yeah. Jackie chan, too?

Yeah.

What about the guy from welcome back, kotter? He on here?

I think. I don't know.

Mr. Drummond? He on here?

All right.

All right, I'll break you off. I'll break you off.

I think this will work.

This is going to get my movie made.

Play on, player.

Got my star map. Time to go get some stars.

♪ Nick cannon ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

Ah ha ha ha.

[Rings doorbell]

I hope this map works, man.

Woman: coming! Who is it?

It's n-- it's nick cannon.

Hello?

Hey, raven symone.

I'm nick, and I'm doing this script.

I'm trying to get this movie done,

And you would be, like, perfect in this movie.

Sorry, sir, but I don't take scripts

From people off the street.

I'm not a person off the street,

I'm a big producer.

I got a lot of names up in--

What's your name again?

Nick cannon.

What movies have you written before?

This is my first one, but this is hot.

It's about martians and munchkins

And, like, they attack.

And you just put the martians--

An oompa loompa attack.

No, I don't do things like that.

Wait, hold up. H-hello.

You was funny in dr. Doolittle .

Really? You liked it?

Yeah, you were real funny.

Ok, still can't do the movie.

Man, I'm at tom cruise's house, you guys.

This is it.

Hey, I didn't know tom was jewish.

Hey, how you doin'? I'm looking for tom cruise.

Are you the butler?

No, no, I'm thomas cruise.

Hey, the camera does wonders.

Hey, this is tom cruise, y'all.

Ok, I'm doing this movie.

It's about martians and munchkins,

And they're attacking, and I was just wondering

If you could read a couple lines if you was interested.

Give me a quick line-read,

And the part is all yours.

Just play it right there.

"On your knees, all of you."

Tom, you--you were a little better

In your last film.

That, you know, that hero that you played,

Give me that.

On your knees, all of you.

Yeah, that was good, tom.

Yeah, that was real--real good.

It's a pleasure meeting you, mr. Cruise.

Loved you in the one where you had

Your drawers on sliding across the floor.

That was a good one.

♪ Nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

[Knock knock]

Mr. Pants!

[Singing]

Somebody's here.

Uh, m-mr. Pants?

Sir? Sir?

Man: yeah? In here!

Hey, how you doin'?

I didn't mean to catch you at a bad time.

My name's nick cannon. How you doin'?

Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're the nickelodeon guy, right?

Yeah, yeah.

My kids love your show.

Oh, really? His kids love me.

Watch it all the time.

Actually, I got this script, man.

I'm dying to look, but I want to do something edgy.

This--this is edgy,

See, because it's about martians and munchkins.

You could play a martian, we can get you all green,

Because you got the shape, right, goin' on.

You could be the alien.

Is it going to get an academy award?

Yeah, come on.

I want to do it. How much?

I got $ .

$ . No.

Listen, you know how you got in?

You found your way in, find your way out.

$ Is a lot of--

No. Go ahead.

A-all right.

Man gonna spit toothpaste on me,

And then tell me--

Now is the winter of our discontent,

Made glorious by this son of york.

This star map says halle berry's house should be...

Hey. Hey, this is halle berry's house!

I think this-- hey, that's halle berry!

Halle! I--i--i got this movie that I'm in!

I want you to be in this movie!

Halle! H-halle! It's a movie about some martians

And some munchkins, and they're attacking.

They--they're attacking.

[Sighs]

Man.

Halle wasn't feeling it, either.

Come on, y'all.

[Doorbell chimes to tune of dixie]

Hey, man, what's goin' on?

Hey, yo, my name is nick cannon, man,

And, uh, I love your work, man.

You were dope in varsity blues,

Good burger-- you was off the hook.

I'll get down to the point real quick.

I'm doing this movie, man--

Martian munchkins attack.

The concept is hot, because it's, like,

Martians and munchkins.

You can be sergio, man.

You can give a line-read and everything.

Is sergio one of the leads?

Yeah, sergio's the lead.

You're considering me for one of the leads?

I don't know what to say, man.

You don't understand.

Just read the--

I've been looking for a new project lately,

And this is great.

Hey, man, you know what? I'll do it for free.

I'll do it for free, just because of the fact it's you, man.

I need this. Thank you.

You don't understand what this means to me, man.

All right, I'm going to have my people call your people.

Ok, your people call my people.

So you got my numbers and stuff, right?

Nah, you didn't give me no--

Hold on. Wait, wait.

You know what, I'm gonna get your number, too.

Let me get my cell phone.

I'm getting out of here, yo.

Where are you going?! I got my cell phone!

Wait, come here!

Wait!

I need work!

Yo, you guys, I just snuck into a press junket

At the four seasons hotel in beverly hills.

I'm trying to get eddie murphy to do my movie. He's here.

So I'm going to sneak in like I'm a reporter

And try to get eddie murphy to read my lines for my movie.

Y'all with me? Come on. Let's go. Let's go see...

I heard something. I heard...

[Imitates murphy's laugh] from out of that room...

Ed! My man! What's going on?

I'm nick cannon, and I'm taking over hollywood.

What's your advice to an aspiring, you know,

Young actor/filmmaker like myself to try

To get, like, a big-budget movie made?

What my advice is? Yeah.

Blaze your own trail.

Because, like, I went to one of these studios around here and, like,

Tried to take over the lot and they kind of kicked me off the lot and everything.

I was blazing my own trail. Yeah.

Like, I was pitching a movie about some martians, right? And some midgets.

I love it. You love it?

Yeah. Man, you would be great in it, too--

But would I be playing a martian or a m*dget?

Nah. See, you would be playing sergio.

I'm playing sergio?

You are sergio, 'cause the martians are midgets.

Oh...

You see that? m*dget martians.

Do I fight the martians or do i--

Yeah, you fight the martians and--

Like, look. Let me show you, man. Oh, you got a script.

I got a script with the martians.

See, look. Let me show you, man. Ok.

See, ramona is your lead.

We can get, like, halle berry or somebody will play ramona. And sergio--

"No, ramona, don't give up hope.

"If my secret ninja training has taught me anything,

"It's that there is always a way.

"And if my experience as a waiter has taught me anything,

"It's that people hate it when you drop their food,

And then pick it up off the ground and serve it to them."

Oh, that's oscar material.

That's oscar material, right? Right?

I'm gonna have my people call your people. Yeah.

We're gonna do that. Yo, psst! Eddie is gonna be sergio.

Martians attack. It's comin' at ya.

m*dget martians attack.

m*dget martians attack. Yeah.

Theaters near you.

Thank you, man. All right.

Go blaze that trail.

I'm gonna go and blaze the trail

With the m*dget martians and all that.

Trailblazer.

Thanks a lot.

♪ Nick cannon, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

I'm here at my homeboy's studio, michael burnett.

He does all the special effects

And cool makeup for lots of movies,

Television shows-- all that type of stuff.

So I'm gonna go in here and see if he can hook me up with some makeup.

See? He got all kind of crazy stuff out here,

Like--hey, what's up, willie?

Something wrong with your trunk, dog.

Come on.

What's goin' on, man?

How's it goin'? Michael burnett-

Special effects, makeup extraordinaire.

He does it all. You got to help me.

Sure. What you need?

I need to be a martian.

Something like-- here's an alien over here.

No, I need something with some teeth

And a big head and a space suit.

Well, let's go take a look over here.

♪ I'm gonna be a martian ♪

Rrr!

See? Do I look alien-like?

See? Just imagine if we was midgets.

I'm, like... A puff daddy martian.

Heh heh heh.

Martians wear nikes.

Ow. I bit my tongue.

What happened to my ears?

Martians cry, too.

We cry.

Hold on.

You know, I think you're ready to go scare some people.

Yeah!

Good luck.

Thank you.

[Roaring]

Hey, yo! Don't go too far if you want to see more stars.

I feel sticky and tingly.

Is it 'cause of my hair?

You get the award for being my homegirl.

Thank you!

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

[Hip-hop playing]

Hey, what's happenin', y'all?

I am latanya,

And I'm lettin' everybody know, forget the emmys,

Forget the grammys, forget the oscars.

I got my own award, y'all, and it's called the weavies. Hey!

What other award can you, like, braid their hair?

We're gonna give somebody some weavies. It's gonna be off the hook.

Andy, how you doin'? My name is latanya.

And you get a weavie for being my new boyfriend.

Is it 'cause of my hair?

No, it's because--that's, like, everybody gets a piece of my hair,

But your hair is nice, too.

This is, like, my first award.

That is andy d*ck's first award ever--

Is a weavie from...

The latanya.

I can't talk to you,

Because I got to go present,

But I want to give you a hug, 'cause you look good.

Oh, thank you. You get the award for being my homegirl.

Oh!

Thank you!

See you, girl!

You sure? Yeah.

You take it. That's yours. All right.

I'm giving out my own awards,

And I'm going to give you an award because you are fine,

And my number's on the back so you can call me.

Oh, well, look at this.

My name is latanya. Don't...

Latanya!

Yeah, I love your fingernails.

You got a date? Can I go in with you?

Ha ha ha ha!

I just, you know, 'cause I got my little--

I took a date. I'm not the cheatin' kind.

Oh, he got a date.

Tsk. Well, give me my award back, then.

I'll give you a call.

Ok! Ok, call me! Call me.

Ooh, he said he was gonna call me, y'all.

Julia! Ooh! How you doin'? Hi.

I'm just gonna give you my own award. This is called a weavie.

And that's for the best dancer, 'cause, you know, I be dancin' too.

And I was just wonderin', what would you like to say about receiving this weavie?

I want to thank god.

Me and god have a good relationship.

Go, girl.

Ben, how you doin'? I just want to give you my own award.

I'm giving away weavies, and I just wanted you

Because you are the funniest guy that I know, ok?

Thank you very much. Good luck to you.

He was a nice guy.

Forget what everybody say.

My name is latanya, and I just wanted to give you this weavie

For the coolest glasses and coolest shirt.

Unbelievable. Thank you.

I feel privileged.

I feel... Sticky and tingly.

I'm gonna keep this on the dashboard of every car I ever drive.

Oh, you do that!

Ooh, ashton! Ashton!

Ashton kutcher!

You are, like, very funny and everything,

And I was wondering if you came with a date,

Because, if not, can I go in with you?

I mean, yeah, you could,

But I just think my real dates would be upset.

Oh, ok, I understand. But you're gonna call me later, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Ok. I just--ooh!

I wish I could go back to the seventies every time I see you!

You should.

Ooh, yeah!

Donald, can I talk to you for a second?

How you doin'?

I'm gonna give you a weavie,

Because you are most likely to go out on a date with latanya.

And my number's on the back, so make sure you call me,

And you can receive that award on our behalf.

What do you have to say? Give a speech.

Uh...what's up? Thank you for this award.

I do feel that this is a very important award,

And to get one of these is amazing.

I just want to say thank you to the fans.

And you're gonna call me, right?

No.

I've been givin' out my own awards.

I've been givin' out weavies, and I'm gonna give you one today

For the coolest eyes. Did y'all see his eyes?

And, you know, I was just wonderin', did you have a date?

Because I would love to go in here with you if you can get me in.

Ha ha ha!

I'm not laughing at it.

It's just that I am meeting somebody here, so--

Oh, ok. He's meeting someone.

Ok. Maybe at the party. Will you save me a dance? You gonna save me a dance?

That would be nice. Thank you.

Do you think I could be, like, a vampire slayer?

Oh, I totally think it.

Just, like, put your finger in their heart and they'd explode.

Ok, so you gonna call me and give me the number so I can come?

Yeah, I'll tell them. I'll tell them to call you.

Say, "call latanya."

Latanya. All right.

I'm gonna be on vampire slayer, y'all.

Hey! I'll be...

I'm giving my own awards out,

And I'm gonna give you your own weavie

For having the most names.

I don't know what I just won, but thank you.

This is the first award I ever got,

And I want to thank my mom, my pastor,

And my therapist, my psychiatrist,

And my family doctor, and my baby doll, too.

All right. Thank you so much.

And you appreciate that weavie. You get the weavie.

Can I keep it?

No, give it back.

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

Now, that was a scene from the new sci-fi film

Called martian munchkins attack.

And I must say, it was an emotional roller coaster.

I laughed and I cried

And I laughed again, followed by more crying,

And this is, hands-down,

The best film about martian munchkins attacking

That I have ever seen.

And it is sure to launch the career

Of a hot new newcomer, nick cannon.

He produced, wrote, directed, and starred,

And it's truly a remarkable feat of filmmaking.

If you like martians or munchkins or things that attack,

Well, this is tom hatten saying, "check it out."

♪ Nick cannon ♪

Oh...

I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry.

[Crying]

Oh. Keep it together.

All right.

Man, this is so unexpected.

I didn't have time to prepare anything.

I would like to thank frankie muniz,

Amanda bynes, eddie murphy, ron lester,

Raven symone, joey pants, michael burnett,

And everyone else who helped me on this episode:

My manager, my other manager,

My agent, my manager's agent, my agent's manager,

And all the little people.

You like me.

You really like me.

[ Kisses]

Yeah.

I got it.

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon ♪

♪ Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick ♪

[Applause and cheering] ♪ nick, nick, nick, nick, nick cannon... ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ To my ladies, take this party over ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Or to my dogs, take this party over ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ Ain't no party like a nick cannon party ♪

♪ 'Cause a nick cannon party don't stop ♪

♪ To my ladies, take this party over ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Or to my dogs, take this party over... ♪

Captioning made possible by nickelodeon and u.s. Department of education

Man, we snuck in and it still wasn't worth it.

Martian munchkins attack is garbage.

Horrible.

I don't usually go to movies,

And this is why.

I thought the character of the martians were very subtle

In this movie and very emotionally developed,

And I found it a very interesting film.

This was a great date movie.

What do you think, sweetie? Great date movie, right?

Yeah, it was great.

So would I see any other movie?

No! This movie rocked, man!

I waited weeks in line for this movie.

I was right at the head of the line.

This jammed it, and before that,

Weeks for the trailer. That rocked, too, man!

It was great! [Sniffs] well, great!

We takin' over.