02x06 - Who k*lled Tex Fest?

[bunniefuu]

- Whoa, check out
all this stuff.

- It looks like we got
a visit from the football fairy.

- COACH: [chuckling]

- I did not mean you, sir.

- Yep, our hard
work's paid off.

Not only did the school
provide us with this new field,

it answered our request
for new training equipment.

- I guess all those emails
we sent the principal

with photos of Newt's beggin'
face finally worked.

- [whimpering]

What can I say?
I'm adorable.

- All right, now, kids, I insist
that you read carefully

all the instructions on
the equipment before you--

- [tape ripping off]
- Here.

- --open.
- Woo!

- [ball thuds Coach]

- ♪

- You may be winning now,
but you'll be jealous

when I'm the one
with finely-toned ankles.

- Fire it up, Quiet Chris.

- [football thuds]

- Didn't feel a thing.

- Coach, what's all this?

- Well, I made sure that
our new training equipment

came with an upgrade
to our hydration station--

the Smoothie Samurai blender.

- How is a blender supposed
to help us train better?

- Oh, well, you see,
the key to good training

is good nutrition.

- Uh, is that ice cream?

- [blender whirring]
- I can't hear ya, Dixon!

- [blender stops]

- Hey, you guys are
late for practice.

Where have you been?

- Sorry, Coach, but we just
heard the worst news.

And Ricky had to stop
and post about it.

- I have a lot of followers.

- What's the news?

- The principal just
called Tex Fest.

- ALL: What? No!

- [football thuds]
- [glass shattering]

- COACH: No-o-o-o-o-o!

- ♪

- ♪ You won't find
me in the bleachers ♪

- ♪ Yeah that girl
is one of us ♪

- ♪ I'm made of spice
and sugar ♪

- ♪ She's pretty...
she's pretty tough ♪

- ♪ Then add
a little glitter ♪

- ♪ She off in
a cloud of dust ♪

- ♪ And you get...
you get... ♪

- ♪ A game changer,
play maker ♪

♪ Take the ball,
she'll see ya later ♪

- ♪ I'm on a dreamlike,
teamlike ♪

♪ Livin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ Play like Friday night

♪ Kickin' like
one of the boys ♪

- ♪ She got it goin', goin',
she got it goin' on ♪

- ♪ One of the boys

- Ace McFumbles here,
reporting from the front line,

as students mourn
the loss of Tex Fest,

our annual festival of food,
fireworks, and fun rides.

The scent of despair
makes even

this grizzled news veteran
say, "Mr. Davis..."

[blowing long raspberry]

- I can't believe
Mr. Davis called off Tex Fest.

- Why doesn't he just
cancel Christmas

while he's at it?
- I agree.

- Do you know how
many girls' number

I get at Tex Fest?

It's like the Black Friday
sale of meeting girls.

I'm the smooth,
sleek, 4K TV,

and they're
the crazy shoppers

bustin' down the door
at the Troy Mart

to just snatch me up.

- Troy Mart?

Is that the new store
in the mall

like Who Are You Kidding?

- Yeah, it's right
next to that store

You Wish You Were Me.
[laughing]

What? Her joke
was bad, too.

- Guys, look, we've
got to do something.

The school shouldn't be
able to just take away

our favorite tradition.

- I'm not buyin' it.

There is no way they would
take away Tex Fest.

Y'all are tryin'
to trick me.

- Sawyer, what are
you talking about?

- Tex Fest is dead.
- Sure, it is.

Or y'all are tryin'
to trick me.

Cancel Tex Fest,
you crazy kids.

Y'all are just
messin' with me.

- Poor guy's in denial.
What are we gonna do?

- We've gotta get
Tex Fest back.

Oh, I know! Wait.

Maybe we could--no.
What if we--

- There's nothing
we can do, Bella.

The decision has already been--
- Shhhhh!

I can hear her
wheels turning.

- You know, touching
my lips in public

will only fuel everyone's

will they or won't they
rumors about us.

- No, they won't. Ever.

- Okay, I say we storm
Mr. Davis' office tomorrow

and let him know how much
Tex Fest means to us,

and demand he bring it back.

- I'm in.
- Me, too.

- Sophie?
- Oh, sorry.

I spend enough time in
the principal's office,

I do not wanna
go voluntarily.

- ♪

- So why are you late
this morning?

It's like the third
time this week.

- I know. My mom's in the
principal's office right now

apologizing for making
me late again.

She's been acting
really weird lately.

- Like what?

- She keeps missing
her alarm in the morning

and she's been eating peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches.

- That's not weird.
- Dipped in mayo.

And she cries during fast
food commercials.

[fake sobbing] You can feed
your whole family for $9.99.

- So, she's super tired,
craving weird foods,

and she's crazy emotional?

Sounds like somebody's
pregnant.

- [gasping] Who?

- Your mom.
- What? No.

- Hi, girls.

Okay, don't worry, sweetie,

I sorted it all out
with Mr. Davis.

You guys have
such a good day.

- SOPHIE: [laughing]
Watch.

She's gonna walk back in
here in two seconds

saying she forgot something
in the principal's office.

- Woops, I forgot my keys
in the principal's office.

- What? [laughing]

Baby brain.

- ♪

- Hi, uh, we'd like to speak
to Mr. Davis, please.

It's about Tex Fest.

- I'm sorry, but Mr. Davis
is not in.

- I know there are probably
lots of angry students

complaining about Tex Fest.

But all we want is a nice,
calm, sit-down with him.

- NEWT: Or a stand-up.

You know, sitting
is actually very unhealthy.

You should consider
a standing desk.

- Uh-huh.

But Mr. Davis is not in.

- Okay, step aside, people.
I got this.

- So, uh, Miss Fernandes.

May I call you Denise?
- No.

- So, Miss Fernandes,

I hope you didn't put
any sugar in that coffee,

'cause, uh, you're
already sweet enough.

- You do know your
mother and I

share a pew at church
on Sundays, right?

- I did not.

And I repent.

- Hey, if Mr. Davis
isn't in,

then who turned
on that light?

- That light is a sun
lamp for his ferns

and it's on a timer.

- A timer sun lamp.

Oh, please, Miss Fernandes,
you can do better than that.

- Okay, you win.

The truth is Mr. Davis...
is actually...

not in!

- Oh, no, she didn't.
Troy, hold my scrunchie.

- Settle down, wildcat.

- Fine. If Mr. Davis
wants to play like this,

then we'll be back tomorrow
with the whole school behind us.

Tomorrow morning--the whole
school up in here.

- Please leave.

- Oh, uh, I'll
see you in church?

- ♪

- Sophie!
[laughing]

I talked to my mom
and you were right.

She's having a baby!

- BOTH: [squealing]

- Oh, my gosh! Congrats!

You're gonna be
a big sister!

- Thanks.
I'm super excited.

I've been vision
boarding all day.

We're gonna have matching
hairdos, matching outfits.

We're gonna mix
stripes and florals

and make it work!

- You do know there's
a 50/50 chance

she could have a boy, right?

- Ew! Why would she
wanna do that?

A boy?

What would we talk
about or do together?

How will we pull off
stripes and florals--

and don't you dare
say paisley.

- Pepper, if it's a boy,
it's gonna be okay.

- No, it's not.

I don't know the first
thing about baby boys.

- But I do.

You should come over
to my house this weekend.

I have to take care of my
youngest brother, Berto.

- Okay. Cool.

Wait, Berto's not
the biter, is he?

- No, that's Emilio
and he grew out of it.

Mostly.
[sighing]

- ♪

- STUDENTS: [chanting
"Bring back Tex Fest!"]

- It's day three of
our 24/7 coverage

of the Tex Fest fiasco.

With Bella Dawson
leading the protest,

students have gathered
to demand answers

from the school's resident

fun sponge party
pooper principal.

Yes, Mr. Davis,
I mean you!

- What in the world
is goin' on here?

- ACE: Oops!

- There are 43 students
here to see you.

- Sorry, Mr. Davis,

guess you can't hide behind
your desk jockey watchdog now.

- Watchdog?!
- Okay.

Miss Dawson, what is
the meaning of this?

- This is what happens when you
try to avoid the student body.

If you had met with us
yesterday, we never would--

- Avoid you?
I went home sick yesterday.

- Then why did that
light turn on in your office,

if you were "home sick"?

- Oh, the sun lamp
for my fern?

It's on a timer.

- Liar!

Hey, who said that?

- In any case, we feel
it's totally unfair

that you took away Tex Fest.

- Yeah, we look forward
to it all year.

- It's just plain un-Texan
of you to cancel it.

- Mr. Davis, we're not leaving
here until we get some answers.

- That's right.
- Yeah.

- I cancelled Tex Fest

'cause we didn't have
the money this year.

- Oh, yeah? And where
did the money go?

To pay for that fancy sun lamp
timer for your ferns?

- Ouch! Burn. Burn.
- [palm slap]

- I understand you're upset.

But I suggest we discuss
this privately.

- Why? Do you have
something to hide?

- Miss Dawson--

- We're not leaving here
until we get the truth.

- All right.

Tex Fest was cancelled
this year because

the money that would
have gone to it

went for that
new football field

and all that new equipment
y'all have been asking for.

- BULLDOGS: What?

- We k*lled Tex Fest?

- Yep, you did.

- In a shocking
turn of events,

the football team
k*lled Tex Fest.

In other news,

angry student throws
pudding cup at quarterback.

- Huh?
- [pudding splats]

- STUDENTS:
[shouting angrily]

- ♪

- Hurry, if we make it to the
locker room, we'll be safe!

- Maybe we lost 'em!

- Wait, let's talk
about this.

- [pudding splats]
- Oh!

Jokes on you.
I love banana pudding.

[gagging]
Oh, it's lemon.

[coughing]

- Where's Newt?
- I'm right here.

Open up!
- Get in here.

- Newt, why'd you
fall behind?

- These stupid heavy ankle
weights slowing me down!

- I just wish the school hadn't
turned on us so quickly.

- Who can blame them?
We made this mess.

- Disperse or I'll give
the whole school a detention!

- STUDENTS: [booing]
- Thank goodness that worked.

I cannot give
the whole school a detention.

- You can't? Good to know.

- Listen, I'm sorry
I kept the team in the dark,

but this is exactly
the kind of chaos

I was trying to avoid.
- I don't get it.

Why did the school spend that
much money on the team,

if it meant cutting Tex Fest?

- Well, it was
a tough choice,

but I knew how much the team
wanted that new equipment.

Otherwise you wouldn't have
sent me all those emails

with Newt's picture in 'em.

- Curse my adorable face.

- Okay, well, then we'll
give our equipment up.

We'll return it and use the
money to bring back Tex Fest.

- Whoa, hey, now.
Let's not go crazy here.

Bella, we need
that new equipment.

- Do we? Do we really
need parachutes

and football
throwing machines?

- Well, when you say
it in that tone,

everything sounds ridiculous.

Do we really need oxygen?
See what I'm sayin'?

- Look, it's too late.

I can't return
used equipment.

Just give it some time.

I'm sure all will be
forgotten by next Tex Fest.

- That's a year away.

- What are we gonna do now?

- My hope is just to get
pudding out of suede.

- What about a car wash?

- Suede in a car wash?

Bella, are you
listening to yourself?

- No, Newt, maybe we can
earn enough money

with a car wash fundraiser
to bring back Tex Fest.

- Oh, yeah.
- That would work.

- We are not going
down in history

as the team who
k*lled Tex Fest.

Bring it in, Bulldogs!

- ALL: Hoorah!

- Coach?
- Yeah.

- Is there a storm coming?

- Yeah, thanks to you guys,

there's a 60 percent
chance of pudding.

- ♪

- I'm sorry I'm late. I...

I didn't wanna come.

- Pepper, you'll be fine.

This is Berto.

I would like to
officially welcome you

to the glamorous world
of being a big sister.

- [toy farts]
- [giggling]

- Now baby boys are all
about the three Fs--

farts, food,
and unfortunately more farts.

- [toy farts]
- [giggling]

- Wow, he really
likes that.

- Yeah. Boys aren't
complicated.

- [cell phone ringing]
- Oh.

Oh, Emilio's calling.
I'd better take this.

¿Qué pasa?

Wait, you're where?
I'll be right there.

Emilio and Raph are stuck in
a dumpster down the street.

- Do you have to
help them now?

- Normally I just
leave 'em there.

But it's trash day.

- Uh, you can't go!
What about Berto?

- He'll be fine.
Just remember the three Fs.

You got this, big sis.

- Uh...

[nervous laugh]
- [sad whimper]

- Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, baby, don't cry.

- BERTO: [crying]

- Ohhhh! Why isn't
this working?

Farts, don't fail me now!

Ohhhhh!
- BERTO: [crying]

- Uh-oh, big sis
in big trouble.

- All right, this is
going to be hard work,

but it'll be worth it
if we can save Tex Fest.

Uh, do we have
everything we need?

Buckets.
- Check.

I borrowed these
from my cows

and asked them to hold
their milk till I get home.

They were not pleased.

- And I got my stepmom Brenda's
Aegean Sea sponges.

She doesn't need them.
You can't scrub off crazy.

- Troy, what did you bring?

- My unbridled enthusiasm
and tireless work ethic.

I didn't know I was
supposed to bring something.

[chomping]

- Well, okay,
I brought soap, so...

How about we set
everything up right here?

Right there works, too.

- Oh. Hey, guys,
this is a car wash.

But why not?
We can wash your bikes, too.

- Uh, you're the one
who's gonna need a wash.

This is for Tex Fest!

- [pudding splatting]
- Hey, whoa!

- What? No tip?

- [pudding splats]
- Oh!

I brought this on myself.

- TROY: Mm-hm.

- ♪

- This is amazing.

We'll have enough money
for Tex Fest in no time.

- Check it, guys--
I just got a $5 tip

and a high school
hottie's number.

- It looks like
a license plate number.

- It's still a number.

- Hey, Coach.

- Hey. Some of your classmates
covered my truck in pudding.

- Don't worry. We'll clean it
up and make it good as new.

- Yep, for 15 bucks.

- What? You think
I'm made of money?

I'll tell you what--
I'll give you ten

and any change you
find in the seats.

- Fine. Cheapskate.

- Dang!
[laughing]

That's how Coach
makes a deal.

- Hey, I found a $20
bill in the back.

- Of course you did.

- ♪

- What do we have here?
- It's a Tex Fest fundraiser.

And we have made more
than enough money

to bring it back,
right, Newt?

- Including tips,
we've raised $2435.

- Woo!

How's a free carwash
sound, Mr. D.?

- Well, I do appreciate
your efforts.

But Tex Fest costs the school
about five times that amount.

Sorry, kids, Tex Fest
is not happening.

But I will take
that free car wash.

- For real?

- Well, I refuse to go
a year without Tex Fest--

even if I have to
do it myself.

Huh? sh**t.

[claps hands]

- Wait, okay, that's exactly
what we're going to do,

but without the...

That.

Newt, go tell Ace to bark out
that Tex Fest is back on.

The rest of you--follow me.

We've got one last
play to make.

- [honking horn]
Hey!

What about my free
car wash?

Oh, man...

- Please eat the food.
It's the second F.

[groaning]

I'm sick of being
a big sister.

- [blowing raspberry]

- Okay, that is hurtful.

- [blowing raspberry]

- Oh, you want farts.

I know, but the toy broke.

- Fa-a-a-a-rt!

- Me? Fart?

[laughing]

I can't do that.

- [loud groaning]

- Okay, okay, I'll try.

Uh...
[straining]

- BERTO:
[load groaning]

- I'm sorry,
I'm a private farter.

[straining]

I can't do with you
looking at me.

Oh, I can't do it!
- [giggles]

- Wait. What just
happened?

Oh, please, you were
just happy.

Oh, come on.

- [shouting, straining]
- [giggling]

- SOPHIE: [laughing]

Nice moves.

I told you baby boys
were easy.

- Thanks, Sophie.

But I'm still crossing
my fingers for a girl.

- Just in case--

you still might wanna
invest in a fart machine.

- Poo poos.

- Poo poos?

- You got this,
right, big sis? Okay.

- [country & western music]

♪

- Your palms are so shiny.

- Thanks. It's my
glitter hand cream.

- The Amazing Ricardo
sees something...

soft, sweet, and pink
in your future.

- Oh, is it a baby sister?

- Here you go, Pep.

- Ah, close enough.

- No, you tell Coach

he has to knock down
all six milk bottles

to win the giant
teddy bear.

I don't care
if he is cryin'.

- Bella, this is incredible.

How'd y'all manage
to do this?

- We used the money
from the car wash.

And our new equipment

came in real handy
for carnival games.

[laughing]

- [football thuds]

- MR. DAVIS: [laughing]

Well, I can see how much
Tex Fest means to everyone,

so you have my word it will
never get cancelled again.

- Thanks, Mr. Davis.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to thank everyone
for actually showing up.

- All right.

- What's up, Silverado?

- CROWD:
[cheering, applauding]

- Thank you for coming to
our version of Tex Fest.

You're all such great fans
of the football team

and we felt terrible

that we were the reason
Tex Fest was cancelled.

So we know this isn't
quite the real thing,

but we still hope
you're having a good time.

Are y'all having fun?

- CROWD:
[cheering, applauding]

- And, as a final
peace offering,

I'd like to direct your
attention to the dunk tank

where my fellow
Bulldogs and I

will be taking turns
getting dunked.

So, if you're still having any
hard feelings about Tex Fest,

stop throwing pudding...

Yes, I'm looking
at you, Stacy...

- [pudding cup drops]

- ...and start
throwing footballs.

First up in the tank
is the brave Troy Dixon!

- CROWD:
[cheering, applauding]

- Don't worry, ladies.

I can assure you these good
looks are waterproo--

- [bell dings]

- [sputtering]

Nice arm, Miss Fernandes.

- I'll see ya in church.

- What ever happens,
man, I love you.

- I know.

- [bell dings]

- Oh, time out. I forgot
to take my boots--

- [bell dings]

- Sugar beets!

- Um, excuse me,
is this water heated?

- [bell dings]
- Ah!

- Why do I have
to go twice?

- [bell dings]

- 0 for 3?

Come on, my grandma
throws better than that.

- [bell dings]

- Well played.

- ♪