02x17 - The Other Woman

[bunniefuu]

[whimsical music]

- Come on.

- No way.

- You know, dancing helps to work off your frustrations.

- Really? - Yeah.

Here, like this.

That's it, Mrs. Roper.

You really got it.

- I don't know if I can keep it.

- Just follow me.

- Woo. - That's it.

Here, and take my hand.

Okay, back.

Under my arm.

Woo, you know, I think you're just

about ready for Disco Palace.

- Yeah, do you think so?

- And just shake it.

[audience laughing]

Get down.

- Good idea.

[audience laughing]

- See, now wasn't that fun?

- I...

- Wait till you catch your breath.

I'll get the mail.

Now, what were you trying to say?

- That I couldn't catch my breath.

- Anything for me?

- No, just a bunch of bills and...

Oh, here's something for Stanley

from the US Treasury Department.

I wonder what it is.

- Why don't you open it?

- There are two things that Stanley never lets me touch.

One of them is his personal mail.

[audience laughing]

- What's the other?

- His toolbox.

[audience laughing]

Besides, I don't believe in prying.

- Looks like it's already half open.

- Oh, hey, you know, you're right.

One little pull.

And it will fall right out.

See?

- It's a check.

- Oh, let me see.

Oh, Jenny, it's an insurance rebate from the VA

for more than $300.

- Fantastic.

- Oh, what a wonderful surprise.

- I wonder what Mr. Roper will spend it on.

- I don't know, I haven't decided yet.

[both chuckling]

No, he'll probably spend it on something nice.

You know, sometimes Stanley can be very considerate.

[door knocking]

- [Stanley] Helen, open the door.

- Oh, there's Stanley.

He'll find out I opened his mail.

- Helen. [door banging]

- Oh, if we only had some glue

or some scotch tape or, or some of that.

[door banging] Thanks, Jenny.

- [Stanley] Somebody get the damn door.

- Oh, I was right, Jenny, there was someone at the door.

- You sure took your time.

- Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

- While you were in here yapping,

I was out there watching my arms grow longer.

[audience laughing]

- That was stupid of me, sweetheart.

- No excuses, I don't...

What?

- Here, darling.

You let me take those from you.

- Darling?

The mail come in yet?

- I don't know.

Oh, there it is.

- Oh, good.

Bill.

Bill.

Bill.

- Anything interesting, Stanley?

- Just another bill.

- Where are you going?

- Oh, upstairs to make a phone call.

- Well, why don't you make it down here?

- What, and disturb you two?

I'd never do that.

- Since when?

Jenny, he's hiding it from me.

But why?

What's he up to?

- Ah.

- David, aren't you gonna go out to play?

- I'm too tired.

- Me too.

[whistle blowing]

- I'm home, family.

- Why isn't he tired?

- Tired?

Tired?

Did I hear the word tired?

Look at this face.

What do you see?

- There's a little hair right there.

- Besides that.

- Nothing.

- Right.

Bright.

Perky, clear-eyed.

I've gotten up at four in the morning

for the past five days.

You'd never know it by looking at me.

- You'd know it by looking at us.

- I woke up this morning at four o'clock like you did.

- Really?

That's great.

How come?

- Maybe it was your singing of "76 Trombones".

[Jeffrey laughing]

- I'm sorry, little fella.

- Jeffrey, why do you have to sing when you wake up?

- It's all part of the plan.

It gets me off to a flying start.

- But why are you getting up so early, Daddy?

- Now, by waking up early every morning,

I am training this body to perform with less sleep.

Well, it's like if you were to put less

and less gas in your car.

Sooner or later, you'd-- - Run out of gas.

- Run out of gas. [audience laughing]

No.

Now, let me give you a better example.

- But why do you wanna sleep less?

- Why?

To broaden my horizons.

To get more out of life.

To sell more townhouses.

You see, David, the greatest men in history

have done as I am doing.

Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, Napoleon.

- They sold townhouses? - Yeah...

No.

They all slept less in order to do more.

They say that's why Alexander the Great

was able to conquer the world.

- Maybe that's why he died at 33.

- Now, be serious, Anne.

I'm sure he caught something.

Anyway, my project is working for me

and I want my family to be as excited about it as I am.

- I'm going to take a nap.

- Hides his excitement very well.

- Jeffrey-- - Now, I know

what you're gonna say, Anne.

Where are the tangible results from all of this?

- No, I wasn't.

I was going to say I'm going to take a nap too.

- Anne. - Jeffrey.

This project is not working out.

- Oh [speaking in foreign language].

It's a great success already.

Now, don't you realize I've already done a day's work,

run my five miles, and I still have the rest of the day

ahead of me?

- Oh, goodie.

Then you can do tomorrow's work today, go to sleep tonight,

and not get up till the day after tomorrow.

- That's not how it's done, darling.

What I mean is that I have the rest of the day

to prepare for my meeting with Mr. McLaughlin.

- Mr. McLaughlin from Silver Glen Townhouses?

- That's right.

And if I play my cards right,

I will be head of sales for Silver Glen.

- When is he coming?

- Oh, for lunch.

- For lunch?

- Right, which I forgot to tell you about.

Sorry.

Ah.

- Jeffrey. - Yes, dear?

- How long is this gonna be going on?

- Maybe forever, Anne.

Especially since I've discovered that little cat naps,

a moment here, a moment there, totally refresh me.

- Refresh you? - Yes.

- At night, you go right to sleep and I'm still awake.

And in the morning, you're awake and I'm still asleep.

We're never both awake in bed at the same time anymore.

Jeffrey, do you see what I'm try...

[audience laughing]

Jeffrey?

♪ 76 trombones led the big parade ♪

♪ With 110 cornets ♪

Why am I singing?

♪ Close behind

♪ They were followed by rows and rows of the ♪

[whistle blowing]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Mr. Roper?

Who's calling, please?

Lucille?

Lucille who?

Oh, me?

I'm Mrs. Roper.

What do you mean then you must have the wrong number?

Hello, hello?

[audience chuckling]

Oh, Stanley.

[audience laughing]

Do you know somebody named Lucille?

- Lucille?

Lucille, Lucille, Lucille who?

- I don't know.

She didn't tell me her last name.

- Then I don't know her.

- Stanley.

Listen. - Listen.

Lucille is a very common name.

I bet you could stop anybody out on the street

and every single one of 'em would know a Lucille.

Or maybe even be a Lucille themselves.

- Where are you going?

- To the barber's.

- You had a haircut yesterday.

- Did I say barber?

[audience chuckling]

I meant hardware.

Hardware.

I have to go to the hardware store.

- You got all dressed up to go to the hardware store?

- Yeah, well, it's in Beverly Hills.

[audience laughing]

- Oh hey, maybe I'll go with you.

- No no no no no, you can't.

- Why not?

- Why not, why not, why all these questions?

Where are you going, why are you all dressed up?

What's the matter, don't you trust me?

- Oh no, Stanley, it isn't that.

- It's a phone call.

Okay, just forget the phone call.

There must be a thousand Lucille Pomeroys around here.

[audience laughing]

- Lucille Pomeroy?

He knows her last name.

[audience applauding]

- How long have you been married?

- A hundred years.

- And how many times has he cheated on you?

- Oh, this is the first time.

- Well?

- That I know of.

- Listen, from what I've seen of Mr. Roper,

you've got nothing to worry about.

- Well, I admit, he's no John Travolta but--

- No, no, no.

What I mean is, well, I know what he's like.

And can you really imagine him getting involved

with another woman?

- I can't even imagine him getting involved with me.

- So?

- Nah.

You're right.

Oh yeah, thank you, Jenny.

- For what?

- Well, for making me see I was wrong about Stanley.

- Well, you're welcome.

And now that this is all settled, I'll make us some lunch.

- Oh, hey, I got a better idea.

Why don't we get all dressed up

and I'll take you out to lunch?

- That is a better idea.

- How would you like to try that new French restaurant

around the corner?

- Great.

That'd be a real treat for me.

- For me too.

Stanley forgot his credit card.

[laughing]

- Do you know what their specialty is?

- Ah, Mrs. Roper.

- Hello there.

Oh, wait a minute, Jenny.

I'll go ask Mr. Brookes.

Mr. Brookes, you've been to Chat Marcel.

We're going there for lunch.

What's a good thing to order?

[audience laughing]

- Yeah.

You know, something pretty special.

- Or maybe something pretty ordinary?

- Well, maybe they didn't have anything he liked.

- Come along, Jenny, before he talks our ears off.

- Nice talking to you, Mrs. Roper.

[audience laughing]

Hi.

- That's the way I am.

I like to keep going.

Get the most out of life.

And if I happen to get rich

in the process, so much the better.

[both chuckling]

- Oh, you're going to like Jeffrey.

- Well, I don't know, he's two minutes late.

- Ah, Mr. McLaughlin.

I'm sorry I'm late but I was so busy selling a house,

I forgot the time.

- I like him.

I like him.

- Please, sit down, sit down.

- Thank you.

- Are you all right?

- Never felt better.

- Now, as you know, Mr. Brookes, I am looking

for someone to take over sales at my Silver Glen Townhouses.

The townhouses that bring you back to nature.

Yes, everywhere you look at Silver Glen,

you can see the beauty of nature's handiwork.

Just picture those rolling lawns flowing gently

in every breeze.

The trees bending sleepily in the wind,

while inside, residents pass their days in dreamy calm.

♪ 76 trombones led the big parade ♪

- I beg your pardon.

- That's all so wonderful.

It's like a parade.

- Oh, yes, yes.

Well, as exciting as Silver Glen is,

the thing you have to emphasize when you're making your sale

is the quiet.

The serenity.

The absolute peace and tranquility.

Which is not to say that we don't

have exciting recreation at Silver Glen, because we do.

We have a fully equipped gymnasium for the man of the house.

- Ow!

[audience laughing]

How wonderful!

- Oh, yes, yes.

Of course it is.

And for the lady, we have a sauna.

Now, all that is on the west side of Silver Glen.

While, on the east side, we have a recreation hall.

Of course, back on the west side,

we do hope to put in a tennis court.

- He's still over at the recreation hall.

- Recreation hall.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. - Bravo.

I like a man who shares my enthusiasm.

I have been searching high and low for someone for this job

and I think I've finally found my man.

I've found a man with energy.

A man with a gusto.

A man with the get-up-and-go to make things happen.

Congratulations.

[audience laughing and applauding]

I'm sorry, Mrs. Brookes, but if I wanted a drinker,

I'd hire my brother-in-law.

[audience laughing]

[door slams]

- You're late.

- I tried calling you to explain but your wife answered.

- Yeah, well I had a tough time getting out of the house.

Did you bring the locket with you?

- Yes.

Isn't it beautiful?

- Yeah, it should be for $200.

- We agreed on 300, remember?

- Okay, let's compromise, 210. [audience chuckling]

- Mr. Roper.

Oh, I get it, you're joking.

Trying to give the impression

that you don't like to spend money.

- Monsieur, would you care to see our wine list?

- Why not?

This is a special occasion.

[audience laughing]

Uh, we'll have the...

Bring us a couple of Cokes.

[audience laughing]

- Oh, Jenny, isn't it beautiful?

- Yeah.

- Oh, I'm so glad we came here.

Oh, a table for two, please.

- Your name, madam?

- Roper.

- Ah.

But you are already here.

- Yes, I know.

- [Stanley] $250?

- That sounded like Stanley's voice.

Oh, but it couldn't be.

- I'd like to see what Helen looks like in this.

Would you mind trying this on?

- Not at all.

Uh-oh, I think I'm gonna need some help.

- Here, let me give you a hand.

[audience laughing]

Let's see what that looks like.

Not bad. - Not bad?

It's beautiful.

- My wife would never expect me to do something like this

in a million years.

[audience laughing]

- Special today is [speaking in foreign language].

What do you think?

You're right, it doesn't appeal to me either.

[audience laughing]

- Mr. Roper, you look like you've seen a ghost.

- I wish I had.

You could reason with a ghost.

- What?

- Give me that thing, I'm in a hurry.

Come on. - Just a minute.

- I don't have a minute.

- Monsieur, can I help you?

- Mr. Roper. - You wanna give me a hand?

This is my wife's locket.

- Mr. Roper.

Mr. Roper. [audience laughing]

Mr. Roper.

- But you didn't see him, Jenny.

He was draped all over her.

- Oh, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

- Of course there is.

He's having an affair.

I just can't imagine something like this happening

to a happy marriage or even to one like ours.

[audience laughing]

- Oh, come on, Mrs. Roper.

I'll bet when he comes home,

he'll be able to explain everything.

Then you'll both have a good laugh

over this whole terrible misunderstanding.

- Yeah, well, maybe we'll laugh.

But first, I'm gonna k*ll him.

[audience laughing]

- Helen.

- You watch him try to weasel out of this.

- This time, you've gone one step too far.

- What?

- It was bad enough with all the questions,

but now you're following me around, spying on me.

- What?

- Helen, what is marriage if there isn't trust?

- Trust?

I found you with another woman.

- That's another thing.

Because of all your snooping and spying,

I didn't even have time to pay her.

[audience laughing]

- You were going to pay her?

- Of course, there's a lot of work involved.

You know, first you-- [audience laughing]

- I saw you give her that present.

- It's your locket.

- He gave her my jewelry. [audience laughing]

I don't have a locket.

- I got the locket for you, see?

- Oh, please.

Haven't there been enough lies already?

- Hey, hey, hey, it's a...

- Everybody told me not to marry you,

but did I listen to them?

Oh no.

And you wanna know why?

Because I knew that you were always

my faithful Stanley who loved me.

But I was wrong.

You like hamburger better.

[audience laughing]

- Helen, will you listen-- - You must think I'm

such a fool. - Helen, Helen.

- You're right, Mrs. Roper.

He really put one over on you.

- There, you see, everybody knows.

- To Helen.

A gift to wear close to your heart

where I always want to be.

- [Audience] Aw.

- Oh, Stanley.

Oh, you had this made for me?

- At the jewelry store.

Lucille's jewelry store.

- And the picture taken on our wedding day.

I thought we'd lost it.

- I found it when I cleaned out the storeroom.

See, I wanted this to be a surprise for you.

- Oh, Stanley.

Can you ever forgive me?

- I don't know. [audience laughing]

I mean, you hurt my feelings, Helen.

I mean, how do you make up for that?

- Oh, I think I know a way.

- I forgive you.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

Helen, I forgive you.

[audience laughing and applauding]

[upbeat music]