01x02 - One Simple Task

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

Frank, don't eat the pizza.

Cheesy.

Oh so cheesy,
cheesy pizza.

[slap]

ow, ow

Hot, hot, hot, hot,

hot, hot, and stuck.

Hot, and stuck.

Burnies, burnies,
hot pizza burnies.

Hey.

Watch it, mate.

[heavy rock music]

- Pizza?
- Fantastic.

Can we have some pizza?

You want some pizza?

Stupid moron

What'd you say?

He called you a stupid moron.

Morons, are we?

No, no, don't..

please let us go.

what are you? what are you?

what do you think you're-

Ah!

No! no, no!

who knows why you're doing this?
Hands up?

no! No, no, no, no, no, no.

no.

help!

no, no. no, no, no.

no. no.

Just no.

Just no. no, no.

If we ever see you again,

we won't be so friendly.

Good park.

[theme song]

♪ I got the feeling,
got a bit of an inkling ♪

♪ this is going to be
one of those days ♪

♪ - this is a show all about me.
- And me ♪

♪ and all the things I do
and all the things I see ♪

♪ and also what I see ♪

♪ I got the feeling,
got a bit of an inkling ♪

♪ as long as we're together,
it'll be okay ♪

[upbeat music]

I can't believe you sometimes,
Frank.

If it wasn't for your big
mouth, we would never

have gotten fired.

I don't think you understand
how serious this is.

Pizza was my life.

I was a pizza man.

It was in my blood.

My whole identity was wrapped
up in delivering pizza.

It was what I did.

It was who I was.

Cole, it was our first day.

Okay, but it felt right.

And now it's all gone.

And guess what?

I think when we lost our job,
we lost our friendship, too.

I'm sorry, Frank, but
you proved time and time again

what a selfish and
irresponsible person you are.

And frankly, I don't think I
can be your friend anymore.

What do you mean you
can't be my friend?

Cole, our friendship
can't be over.

You're the only friend I've got.

Come on, Cole.

You're making a mountain
out of a very big hill.

Look, why don't
we just-

Get away from me.

But, Cole.

Just get away. Oww

I jarred my finger then.

it got caught on your
shirt- jarred.

You did it on purpose.

You pushed me.

You made sure that your shirt
was hanging in such a way

that when I pushed you,
my finger would get caught.

[screams]

That's ridiculous.

You did it on purpose.

You did.

You're an on purpose jarrer.

To think I used
to be your friend.

I was a friend
of an on purpose jarrer.

Cole.

I thought I knew you.

I didn't think you
were perfect, but I didn't

think you were this evil.

I didn't think you
were an on purpose jarrer.

I'm going.

I'm getting out of here.

Cole, don't you think
you're overreacting?

I'm not overreacting.

You can't be trusted.

You've changed.

You've gone weird.

I'm going.

Look, there must be
some way that we can

save our friendship.

Hey, there's a long weekend
coming up.

Why don't we get away and
have a great time together?

Not!

Come on, Cole.

Come on, give it a chance.

The boys, back together again.

Come on.

We used to be.

Come on, the boys on the loose.

Looking for action.

What?

Yeah, remember?

Like when we went on that beach
holiday, then we got in

to all that wild stuff.

And you, you had that affair

with that married woman.

What the hell are
you talking about?

Remember?

Well, her husband
was away at the w*r.

The w*r?

That was the film, Summer
of 42, you idiot.

[laughs]

Was it?

[laughs]

I'm getting confused.

[laughs]

I was sure that was you.

Did we ever help
a whale get free?

[laughs]

It's great that we're
friends again, Cole.

You're my best friend
in the

whole world.

I love being your friend.

I love being your friend
because I love you.

Come here.

Don't push it.

I nearly forgot.

Tada!

Why are you taking an oar?

In case we hire a canoe.

Yeah, but the canoes
come with oars.

I want to use my oar.

Why?

My great, great, great
grandfather gave me this oar.

What?

He gave it to It
was a few years ago.

It's one of my most prized
possessions.

How could your great,
great, great grandfather

have given it to you?

He must have died
about 100 years ago.

No, he's still alive.

Oh, sorry.

He's not my grandfather's
father's father's, father.

He's just my normal grandfather,
but he's a really great

great great grandfather.

He's really great.

I love him.

[upbeat music]

[whistling]

Come on, chop, chop.

Let's get going.

Now, where are those
stretchy straps?

Ah, here we go.

One.

All right, there's two.

All right, be careful, be
careful with that.

Woah

Careful.

All right, where's the other?

Right, there we go.

Okay.

Frank, whatever you do,
don't let go of your end.

What?

I said don't let go.

No, I can't...

[swoosh]

Okay, Frank, let's just
check the things we have

to do before we leave the house.

Firstly, the things I had to do.

Check the doors
and windows are locked.

Yep.

Plan the route
and check the map.

Yep.
Cancel the paper delivery.

Yep.
Defrost the fridge.

Yep.
Water the plants.

Yep.

Remind the neighbors
to feed the cat.

Yep.
Cole, we haven't got a cat.

But their cat's
looking really skinny.

Right, Frank, those were
the things I had to do.

What was the one simple task
that you had to achieve?

That was to book
the caravan park.

[screams]

Yep.

Are you sure?

All right, let's go.

Hi, I was wondering if I
could book a caravan for...

Frank, what are you doing?

You, weirdo!

[slam]

Who was that?

Some prank sicko.

It's disgusting the way
that they...

But I didn't hear the phone
ring.

I called him.

Come on, Frank.

We've got to get out of here.

I've just got to call
Grandma Cole and let her

know that we're going away.

You know how she worries?

All right, but make it quick.

Hi.

I was wondering if I could
book a caravan for the weekend.

No, this weekend,
starting today.

Yeah, I know it's late notice,
but you've got...

Nothing at all?

Look, you got to fit us in.

You see, my mate Cole,
he's going to k*ll me.

In fact, I am not asking you.

I am telling you that
you have to get us a caravan.

Hello?

Hello?

[whimpers]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Frank, what is going.

Frank, what's wrong?

Granddad's dead.

Frank, didn't your granddad
die five years ago?

I think it's time
you got over it.

Remember, we were sitting
at home and you had to go down

to the shops, and I got
the phone call saying that

he died, and when you got back
from the shops, I told...

Your granddad's dead, Frank.
But we're off.

Come on, let's go.
Come on.

We can't go, Cole.

We can't go on the holiday
because...

What's wrong, Frank?

Frank, stop shaking.

What, are you nervous or
something?

No, I'm shivering
because I've, I've got a fever.

I've caught the flu, and I'm
too sick to go on the holiday.

[cough]

I'm really flu-y.

[coughing]

Really.

[coughing]

[upbeat music]

[whistling]

[coughing]

[bell rings]

Colin,

can I please

have another cup of tea?

[whimpers]

[bell rings]

Are you there, Cole?

You're a good boy.

[bell rings]

[bell rings]

[bell rings]

[bell rings]

Tell Frank to get well now.

Yeah, thanks, Murray. See ya.

[rock music]

Murray, quick.

Give us your glasses.

Quick, give us your glasses.

Why?

Satan.
Satan.

You were meant to write,
I love Satan.

What are people going to think
when they read, I love Satton?

Hey, mate.

Do I look like the guy who'd be
in the quality Manchester?

You look familiar.

Do I know you?

Uh, uh, uh...

[gibberish]

No English, [gibberish]

He's my cousin.

He's from overseas.

He's on holiday.

All right.

Fair enough.

Hey, I know you.

You're that pizza dude.

Hey, guys,
Mr Pizza's back in town.

Guys.
[bell ding]

Hello, Murray.

Our order's ready yet?

They're just out the back.

I'll go and grab them.

Well, I'll see you soon.

Someone should teach
those g*ons a lesson.

Hey, Cole, can you remember
that film that we saw once

about those two pizza delivery
guys who got hastled

by a g*ng of g*ons?
I love that film.

That was us.

That wasn't a film.

That was us.

[doorbell ring]

That'll be the doctor.

The doctor?

Come on, Frank,
it's going to be fine.

It's for your own good.

Get out here.

You, don't.

Turn around

[menacing laugh]

This won't hurt a bit.

Okay, doctor, I'm sure
you know what you do. Ow!

Danny boy, the pipes,

the pipes are calling.

I know that, but I don't think
you understand my position.

You have to get us a caravan.

A week.

No, you obviously
don't understand.

In a week, I'll be dead.

Bye.

Cole, I've only
got a week to live.

That was the doctor.

She said you were fine.

She got back
some surprise test results.

[cries]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I've been
so hard on you.

I'm sorry I've been so hard.

Come here.

Cole, you don't...

Come here, matey, come on.

You don't usually.

You've never.

[phone rings]

- I'll get it.
- I'll get it.

I'll get it.
I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Yup.

Yup.

Yup.

Right.

Okay.

What?

Right.
So am I to understand that...

Right, I understand.

Thanks for calling.

Guess who that was, Frank?

That was the man
from the caravan park.

And guess what?

He's had a cancellation.

He can fit us in, even
though we haven't booked!

Surprise!

Surprise!

Surprise!

Of course, I didn't

book the caravan.

I was really organizing I've got
a surprise party for you.

Surprise.

Come on out, everyone.

Come on out.
Come on.

Don't hide anymore.

It's time for the party.
Surprise.

Come on out, everyone.

Come on.

Come on out.

Everyone...

Come on out.

Your friends are b*stards!

I go to all the trouble to
organize
a party and they don't even
show.

Stop it, Frank.
Stop it.

No more lies.

Now, what the hell is going on?

You're going to tell me
the truth, and you're going

to tell me now!

All right.

All right, if you want the
truth, I'll tell you the truth.

I am an alien.

Frank!

Now, you are going to stand here
and tell me the truth.

You're going to answer
these questions truthfully.

Are you or are you not an alien?

Have you or have you not
got a week to live?

Did you or did you not organize
a surprise party for me?

Have you or have
you not been sick?

Did you or did you not
ring your grandmother?

Did you or did you
not receive a prank?

Get off me!

Here's the biggie.

Did you or did you not book the

caravan like I asked you to?

I just forgot.

I didn't do it on purpose.

I just forgot.

I didn't mean to do it either.

[whining]

[whimpering]

[whining]

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

No, please Cole.

No. No.

Ah, no.

Oh, thank God.

I'm going to get you for this,
Frank.

I'm going to get you.

Ow! ow, ow.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, come on, come on.

We can talk about this.
Come on.

Come on, we're adults.
Come on, come on, Frankie.

Come on.
What are you doing?

Come on.
Come on, come on.

Ow!

Get down from there, Frank.

Get down!

I'm not getting down.

If you'd just booked the caravan
like I'd asked you to,

you wouldn't be in such a mess.

You call yourself my friend,
but you never show it.

You never do anything for me.

You're so dumb, aren't you?

You're such an idiot.

You're so stupendous.

Cole, I don't think you
know what that word means.

I know exactly what it means.

And you're just jealous because
you know I'm so much better.

You know I'm superfluous.

So are you coming down?

I'm going to count to three.

And if you're not down, I'm
going to get you down myself.

One, two, three.

What are you doing?
Cole.

- Come on.
- No.

Come on.

Stop.

[crash]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[hard rock music]

[hard rock music]

Hello, Mr.
Pizza Man.

It's about time we made pizza
out of you

[swoosh]

[thump]

Stop it, yous.

Oh, no.

He's got a spray.

A spray.

No, don't.
Stop.

Don't.

He's got me.

No, no, Mercy, no.

Stop.

No, no, not my car.

Not my car, please.

Not my car.

I beg you.

You didn't really think we'd
be afraid of that, did you?

No, but I was hoping you
might be afraid of this.

[flicks fire starter]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

Thanks, Frank.

Give us a look at this.

That was fantastic.

Where did you get the idea
for the flame thrower?

I saw it in a film once.

Oh.

[flicks flame thrower]

Although in the film,

it blew up and k*lled the guy.

[expl*si*n]

Oh.

[outro music]