01x02 - Sheerluck Holmes and the Golden Ruler

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

uh and dr watson here

what's the good word sherlock beats me

but when i find it you'll be the first

to know

actually there are several good words

for example they're superb charitable

philanthropic and the ever dependable

too good to be forgotten which

technically i suppose isn't a good word

but rather a group of words

come come my good man our table awaits

you two gents solve another case that we

have my dear lady one usual coming right

up

here you go

enjoy

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boy if the service here gets any slower

we'll have to find another place

[Music]

so what are you two celebrating this

time i can only assume it involves

mystery mayhem and maleficent's you

could say that you could if i understood

what you were saying so do tell what

dastardly crime have you just solved

well it's all rather hush-hush

but no one in london will ever have to

worry about the howling dogs of baker

street again

[Applause]

how'd you solve it did you use your

superlative powers of observation or did

basic forensics crack this particular

case open you sure talk funny actually

it was a combination of the two after a

careful examination of the crime scene

we decided the best way to explain it is

in a song

oh no not again

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if all of you are wondering what i found

in all my wandering

here's a clue for you

i knew just what to do

and uh me too

[Music]

crime has been committed which makes you

rather curious what culprits and

solutions lurk elusive and impervious

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it's all probability really you see

given that logic and deduction are on

our side a criminal stands a highly

diminished chance of succeeding in his

misdeed criminals what are they thinking

[Applause]

so if a criminal commits a crime who's

hiding in his secret lair he thinks the

crime was perfect but of certain facts

he's unaware he's left a printed now

just much a lack of hair upon the stair

we'll find the clue and track him down

and trap him in a seat crack where

it seems they're always in their secret

lair

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one

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[Applause]

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well another perfect ending to another

perfect day

something bothering you my good man

i thought we solved these cases together

but you're the only one who gets any

credit for him now that's just silly

we're a team we're friends you and

everyone else knows that but do you know

that

is that the way you treat a friend what

do you mean

we're friends right of course we're

friends well then is that how you treat

a friend is how how i treat a friend

well i'll tell you mr sherrock holmes dr

watson i think heavens have found you

there's been a rover at booking and

b*ll*ts and we're in desperate need of

your services

what there's been a rubri at buckingham

pools and or in desperate need of your

services

i can't understand a word you're saying

seriously what there's been a robbery at

buckingham palace a robbery then come

come dr watson

the game's afoot

[Music]

oh thank goodness you've arrived we are

in desperate need of your services

now him i understand this crime is a

case of national security if it's not

solved quickly i fear dire consequences

don't worry my good man we'll have it

solved in a jiffy what was stolen

a key i'm sorry i thought you said a key

i did you lost your keys

seriously that's it go to a hardware

store and get a copy made get a keychain

like the rest of us you don't need the

world's greatest living detective you

need a locksmith sheer luck if i may sir

what did the key unlock the door to the

room where the golden ruler is kept

quickly shear luck there's not a moment

to waste all right would somebody please

tell me what's going on

[Music]

this is where the key was only just this

morning hmm

yes i see

him

excuse me a little help here what's up

well you

could you describe what you see

okie dokie it's your basic pillow

without a key in it not much to write

home about as near as i can figure

whoever stole this has a great dislike

for soft pillows because

if you're gonna steal a key who wouldn't

take this pillow i mean it's gorgeous

now i'm putting my money on a headless

bandit with a morbid fear of pillows

why headless if you don't have a head

you wouldn't need a pillow come now

let's be logical a prime minister

exactly where is the door that this key

unlocks

[Music]

and that's where you keep the golden

ruler yes it all comes together now the

room that holds the golden ruler the old

golden ruler

so

what's the golden ruler only the most

valuable treasure in the entire kingdom

right got that

but what is it wait nobody move

our criminal has left their footprints

in the dust on the floor we must all be

extremely careful not to disturb these

clues all right nobody move you'll hurt

him nobody move i'm detective bill trout

from the forensic investigators of

southampton and i'm sergeant john spud

from the canterbury highway patrol

oh great fishing chips not again don't

you guys ever take a break we've been

said to secure the area prepare to be

secured

please wait you're disturbing the crime

scene this is our jurisdiction your

services are no longer required tata

gentlemen please mr sherlock holmes is

the world's greatest living detective

[Music]

move along

nothing to see here

if i could just have a few more minutes

i said move along

look what you found a secret passageway

oh good job sherlock this

oh

all in a day's work the footprints enter

and exit right here this was how the key

was stolen

move along nothing to see here i shall

announce this to the king and queen

immediately oh let me

[Music]

move along nothing to see here

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top of the evening one and all

and his partner in crime dr watson

so lads what's shaking when we're on the

case the boots of every criminal in

london

my good lady the usual if you please so

sherlock what nefarious no good nick did

you and dr watson incarcerate this fine

evening come again

he means did we arrest anyone tonight oh

well as always it's all rather hush-hush

but yours truly stumbled upon a clue

that blew this case wide open we should

have our criminal before the week is out

[Applause]

now

i can't reveal exactly where i was

tonight but let's just say it rhymes

with

luckingham

dallas

[Music]

there i was faced with perhaps the most

difficult mystery in my career if i

failed here the most valuable treasure

of the entire kingdom would be lost

fortunately for the king and queen i was

on the top of my game

[Applause]

hey hey watson where you going you

haven't touched your cake

well you didn't need my help solving the

case so why would you need my help

eating the cake

[Music]

you were the one who solved the case

right

well yeah

watson watson

watson come on don't be mad just come

back inside and tell me what's bothering

you

what's bothering me what's bothering me

what's bothering me

yes

yes yes is this a game are we saying

everything in threes you really don't

have a clue do you

look

i know we're a team you know we're a

team everybody knows we're a team so

what's the problem so i leave out some

minor details like the fact that i've

worked with you on every single case

exactly little stuff like that so you

ready for some cake because i'm starving

you are amazing why thank you you're not

so bad yourself

see when i put my mind to it i can

compliment you

do you know what really hurts

when you stub your toe

or when you accidentally run into a wall

or when you're walking along and an

anvil falls on your head now that hurts

like the dickens what really hurts is

when someone says they're your friend

but they don't treat you like one

i see

would you saw any autograph books

i'm never too busy to help out a fan

[Music]

good night

anyway what were you saying

did you sign both of our names

uh they only asked for mine

you just don't get it

when you want to start treating me like

a friend come talk to me what don't i

get

but we're a team

where you going

come back dr watson

dr watson

[Music]

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hello

mr rounds are you here

sorry to interrupt mr rounds but the

golden roller has been stolen what

i said

sorry to interrupt but the golden ruler

has been stolen

what language are you speaking say i

speak scottish he says someone's golden

hula is swollen no he said the goat and

jeweler are out strolling see i thought

i was hearing something about samoans

perhaps cats and stools all go belly

folding scooters have been rolling the

gorgon

ruler has been

stalling

oh

stolen

then come come dr watson oh

can you wait here a minute i'll be right

with you

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hello dr watson hello

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excuse me but is dr watson home the good

doctor's been gone all day suffering

from a broken heart he is and i don't

expect him back anytime soon

[Music]

oh mr olms isn't it shame on you for not

being a better friend to the good doctor

how many maids does he have

if it isn't the highest

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if you just follow the golden rule none

of this would have happened

[Music]

now that just hurts like the dickens

excuse me but i must find dr watson oh

you must must you well if you're such a

great detective go find them yourself

oh well

the game's afoot

nothing to see here move along

oh mr holmes how good of you to come i'm

afraid this latest turn of events is all

rather scandalous what if word of this

theft somehow leaks out to the press

ow

too late the golden ruler has been

stolen

tell me everything you know oh my

everything oh well let's start with

history uh the moors invaded spade in

7-eleven a.d and after that about the

case i need oh quite right and the

stolen key from the key room unlocked

the door to the treasure room and the

golden ruler is gone that's about it

move along

not to put undue pressure on you but

would it be too much trouble to ask you

to save the day i'm on the job

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so where do we begin don't have a clue

usually about this time dr watson would

ask something like when did this crime

take place well it it must have happened

at the changing of the guard but that's

what i can't understand after the loss

of the key we've doubled our god duty

right changing of the guard and since

every entrance and exit is blocked and

there's no other way in or out of that

room it can only mean

that this is a lot harder than it looks

unless

wait a minute

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excellent deduction

sherlock all is not lost detective trout

of fish and chips has deduced that the

thief and our national treasure are

still hiding within the walls of our

palace

well done mr trout you have provided a

great service to your kingdom hey hold

on that's what i just said to the prime

minister you stole my idea fish that was

my idea how would you like it if i did

that to you

wait a minute

that's it i get it i get it now

thank you detective trout you stole my

idea and took credit for it i don't like

to be treated like that and i can't

thank you enough uh okay don't you see

this is what dr watson's been talking

about all along in the past i took

credit for everything i wasn't trying to

be mean but i was inconsiderate like you

fine now move along

this is fantastic i finally understand

your highness we need to treat others

like we want to be treated that's

exactly what the golden rule says which

is why it's the most valuable treasure

in all the kingdom that means we need to

treat our friends like we want to be

treated too

oh yes it certainly does apply to

friends yeah i can't solve this case on

my own i need my teammate the greatest

detective in all the land i need dr

watson and so you shall have him

dr watson i get it

i know i saw

your majesty if it pleased the court i

would like to reveal the criminal who

had the audacity to steal the golden

ruler now hold on a minute i've got

jurisdiction here so move along

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right after you solve the case

as my good friend sherlock has rightly

deduced the thief in question is still

in our midst because this was an inside

job

the thief is none other than

one of the palace guards are you quite

sure each of our palace guards is loyal

to the corps oh yes but one guard

happens to be an imposter a foreign spy

sent here to steal england's most

precious possession i won't have it if

you're a thief step forward

your majesty if i may are any of you

guards foreign spies

no

and are all of you loyal to the crowd

me

i'm sorry dr watson but i've questioned

them thoroughly and i'm afraid you're

mistaken prime minister people may

sometimes lie but facts never do

first there were the footprints we found

in the key room they're the exact size

of a pea

then there was the secret passageway on

the wall i found black fibers

not only do these fibers match the

guards hats perfectly but they start and

stop at the exact height of an english

guard

that's how i knew a guard had stolen the

key but i still didn't know why that is

until this morning that's when i

secretly investigated the crime scene

and found the answer to my riddle so you

were here all the time i should have

known it i found crumbs crumbs that

turned out to be from green cheese and

baguette bread the breakfast staple not

of england but of a foreign land

that's when i knew a spy was in our

midst but you saw me question our guards

all of them are loyal to the crowd are

they are they are they

i love threes if my best friend dr

watson says that one of them is a spy

you had best better believe it buddy

[Music]

a spy

and i would have got anywhere with it

too but for my irrepressible love of

free cheese and maggot bread

our national treasure has been recovered

all because of you mr holmes oh no

begging the king's pardon but the real

hero here is dr watson no sherlock we

did it as a team as friends that's right

as friends

[Music]

treat others the way you want to be

treated

that just about says it all doesn't it

forgive me

you bet buddy

[Music]

crime has been committed which makes you

rather curious well culprits and

solutions lurking elusive and

impervious to you and make you feel

ridiculous

[Music]

off the scepter bruising covering a

treasure vehicle or silver cash for

criminals

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[Applause]

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you