Christmas in Cartoontown (1996)

[bunniefuu]

♪ Working working working ♪

♪ Working working ♪

♪ Working every waking hour ♪

♪ Every day all year ♪

♪ Making pretty play things ♪

♪ In the name of
Christmas cheer ♪

♪ Somehow we lucked out ♪

♪ 'Cause it's our
warped idea of fun ♪

♪ We're so happy ♪

♪ That an elf's
work is never done ♪

♪ It's so wacky how our
work is never done ♪

♪ working working working ♪

♪ working working ♪

♪ Molding trucks ♪

♪ And painting ducks
in flowery underwear ♪

♪ Every day find one more way ♪

♪ To do a teddy bear ♪

♪ Boys'll like our latest
cycle ninja biker g*n ♪

♪ It's a gift the way an
elf's work is never done ♪

♪ We're so fortunate
our work is never done ♪

♪ Most think elves
get big time perks ♪

♪ 10 months off
and living large ♪

♪ We've a secret
plan that works ♪

♪ We start early and
avoid the Christmas rush ♪

♪ Sewing stitching
gluing glitching ♪

♪ That's our daily treat ♪

♪ Getting pics with
old St. Nick's ♪

♪ What makes our
lives complete ♪

♪ If the cars get
sometime lost ♪

♪ And look how we've much won ♪

♪ Ain't it snuffy ♪

♪ Ain't it ducky ♪

♪ Are we sappy ♪

♪ No we're lucky ♪

♪ And so happy that an
elf's work's never done ♪

♪ Working working working ♪

- [Irv] Let me out.

- [Man] Christmas is gonna be
a lot different from now on.

- I'll pick you up in an hour.

Buy your presents
for each other, okay.

- An hour, we need a
lot more time than that.

Four or five hours at least.

- Alex, just relax.

- I'll pick you up in one hour.

- An hour's not enough.

- Come on Alex.

- [Alex] An hour and 10 minutes?

- Bye Mom.

- Bye honey.

See you both in one hour.

- Okay Mom.

- [Man] It is plastic.

It's good, buy plastic,

buy plastic, buy plastic!

- [Alex] How 'bout this door?

- No, he has a mean face.

- Should we try this door?

- [Heidi] Okay.

- Cool.

Heidi wake up!

Wake up!

- Is it Christmas already?

- Not 'til morning, but look.

- What is it?

- It's the present I
got you for Christmas.

But it's not
supposed to do that.

You unwrap it,
it's your present.

- [Irv] Let me out of here.

I'm getting nauseated.

- What's this?

- Let me outta here!

Shh, you wanna make
my head explode?

- Is it supposed to do that?

- Maybe it's battery operated.

- I'm not battery
operated, I'm an elf.

You see any battery
compartment there?

Come on kids, you gotta
get me outta here.

- How?

- Unscrew the top of
the globe, hurry up.

- Where is he?

- [Irv] I'm down here.

- Where did you come from?

- Where do ya think I came from?

Hawaii?

I don't think so, I'm an elf

and everyone know that elves
come from the North Pole.

♪ As a junior elf, I was
sullen, sad and wimpish. ♪

♪ I couldn't bring myself to
see the joys of being impish. ♪

♪ I'm easy to please ♪

♪ I don't take up much space ♪

♪ I get out of any jam ♪

♪ I may not be a Goliath ♪

♪ But I'm great the way I am ♪

♪ Good things come
in small packages ♪

♪ So don't be quick to condemn ♪

♪ Diamonds fit in
small packages ♪

♪ And I'm the ultimate gem ♪

♪ Woop a de doo ♪

♪ I feel bigger than Hercules ♪

♪ Though currently I'm
barely a half inch tall ♪

♪ Good things come
in small packages ♪

♪ And I'm the best of them all ♪

♪ No you won't
hear me complain ♪

♪ Dear Santa's 3/4
right hand guy ♪

♪ 'Cause without me
all the reindeer ♪

♪ Wouldn't have a
clue how to fly ♪

♪ No way ♪

♪ Watch me now as
I click my heels ♪

♪ And disappear in a cloud ♪

♪ Big folks don't know
how great it feels ♪

♪ To not stand up in a crowd ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I'm content to be little me ♪

♪ 'Cause the bigger they are ♪

♪ The harder
they're gonna fall ♪

♪ Good things come
in small packages ♪

♪ And you're the
smallest of all ♪

♪ Ain't it the truth ♪

♪ But I'm the best of them all ♪

Haha, I love you kids.

- So how'd you end
up at the toy store?

- Somebody at the North Pole
wanted me out of the way,

so they stuck me in that globe

and then mailed me out.

I've been sitting
in there for months.

You realize how boring that is?

That little house didn't
even have cable TV.

Now listen kids, I need
your help to get back

to Santa's workshop.

'Cause I'm the one
who's in charge,

of making the reindeer
fly on Christmas Eve

and if they don't fly,

well there's no Christmas
presents for anyone.

Capisce?

- But why do you need our help?

- Because I'm only half
an inch high, that's why.

Somebody's gonna step on me.

- Okay, you don't need to
shout, we'll go with you.

- Oh thank you.

- But how do we get there?

We're not old enough to drive

and you're not big enough.

- It's a cinch, you know that
ice is frozen water right?

Well mirrors are frozen magic!

They separate the real
world from the magic world.

- Real magic?

- Of course it's real magic.

You think I'd waste
my time on fake magic?

You ain't seen nothing yet.

- Cool!

- It's melting.

- Don't worry about it.

As long as you come back

through the mirror before
it melts all the way,

you can get back to your house.

You guys ready to go?

- You want us to hop
through the mirror with you,

just like that?

- Yes.

- What are we waiting for?

Let's go!

- But I've gotta pack.

And I'll need traveler's checks.

I'll need shots and.

- I'm waiting.

At the rate you're moving,

I'm gonna be ready
for the old elf home,

before we get to the North Pole.

- [Alex] So let's go.

- [Heidi] Alex, wait!

- Uh oh, now they've done it.

Ah!

- Is this Santa's workshop?

- No it doesn't even look
like Santa's workshop,

it doesn't even smell
like Santa's workshop.

It's not Santa's workshop, okay.

It's all because you jumped

through the mirror
before I was ready.

Oh now we're gonna have to walk.

- But you said you
wanted to get going.

- I did not.

- Did too.

- Did not.

- Did too.

- Did not!

- Did not.

- Did too.

- Told you so.

- That's the last time I get
into a debate with you kid.

So let's get going already.

- Shoo!

- Pinocchio, you've
been telling lies again!

- I'm afraid you're right.

See I told the truth.

What brings you folks to
this part of the forest?

- We're on our way back
to Santa's workshop.

- Do you know the way
to the North Pole?

- Sure I do, I've been
there a hundred times, yeah.

- Are you sure about this?

- Sure I'm sure,
Santa and I used

to double-date every
Saturday night.

- Yeah but can you
show us the way?

- No problem, you'll
be there in no time.

Well, maybe I know the way

but it might take
you a little while.

Okay, okay, I have no idea
where the North Pole is

and you might as well give
up all hope right now.

Stop the cartoon, these people
are doomed, toast, kaput.

- Cut that out, get
outta here, scram.

We got another half hour
of cartoon to go here.

Don't you have
any advice for us?

- North is that way.

- Come on kids.

- I tell you, they're toast.

Absolute toast.

- Should they start the test?

- Yes, go ahead.

I just hope this one works.

- Start the test!

- Start the test.

One, two, three, fly!

- It's still not working.

Oh it's only a couple of
hours before I have to leave.

- This is all Irv's fault.

He was the one who sabotaged
the production line.

And he was the one in charge
of making the reindeer fly.

- I know, I know.

I just don't understand
how he could turn out

to be so bad.

- Santa's gonna be
so happy to see me.

He's probably worried sick.

- Hurry, hurry, hurry.

No time to waste.

Buy this soda can emptier.

It empties the can
before you drink it.

What could be more efficient?

- Scram, we ain't interested.

- Ah there's more.

Are you tired of pesky insects?

Well I have something
that's absolutely guaranteed

to esquirmanate any
insect on earth.

Simply place the offending
insect on this block,

then hit it with
this special hammer.

And then repeat if necessary.

And now for my most
spectacular offering.

Not available in stores.

This is a one time offer.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

A magic bean guaranteed

to grow into an absolutely
humongous bean stalk!

If it doesn't grow,
just try to find me.

- I told you we
ain't interested.

Come on kids let's go.

- I want it.

- And it's only 2,000 bucks!

Will that be cash
or credit card?

I don't have any money.

- Well luckily for you,

I have a special
year-end clearance sale
going on right now.

Give me your watch
and it's yours kid.

- Don't do it.

- Sold, it's been a pleasure
doing business with ya.

- Wow a magic bean.

- [Heidi] What's that?

- Is that Santa's workshop?

- Ah no.

- Look at all the candy.

- Don't touch it.

No don't, oh.

- Help, let us out!

Let us out, help!

Didn't I tell you not
to take the candy?

Didn't I tell you, but no.

You had to take the candy.

- [Alex And Heidi]
Help, let us out.

Help, let us out.

Help, help, let us out, help.

- [Heidi] Please open the gate!

- Ah, visitors, how lovely.

♪ When some plump and precious
kiddies come a calling ♪

♪ That's the time I
conjure up my witchy brew ♪

♪ A pot of beef loyal ♪

♪ Some acid watch it boil ♪

♪ We're fixing up my
famous kiddie stew ♪

♪ Though their table manners
tend to be appalling ♪

♪ They're the perfect
choice for any recipe ♪

♪ Who draws them in by night ♪

♪ Then serves them
with delight ♪

♪ Who else ♪

♪ That's right it's
wicked little me ♪

♪ Ha ha ha ♪

♪ Wicked little me ♪

♪ Hurling down each
hex without a hitch ♪

♪ Surely you'll agree ♪

♪ Wicked little me's living
proof that life's a witch ♪

♪ A ladle of lizard ♪

♪ A hummingbird gizzard ♪

♪ A dollop of parasite paste ♪

♪ A tongue of screaming mime ♪

♪ A sweaty old sock ♪

♪ Hey who threw
in the broccoli ♪

♪ Some black widow
pepper to taste ♪

♪ And say your prayers
'cause now it's supper time ♪

♪ Who can cast the spells ♪

♪ Who can ring the bells ♪

♪ Who can boast the
foulest pedigree ♪

♪ Who's the greatest hag ♪

♪ Got it in the bag ♪

♪ Who but wicked little me ♪

♪ Ha ha ha ♪

- Help, let us out,
help, let us out.

Please, open the cage.

- Hello Hansel and Gretel.

Are you ready for dinner?

I know I am.

- You've got the wrong kids.

- Oh so you're not
Hansel and Gretel?

- No!

We're Alex and Heidi.

- Alex and Heidi?

Well that's close enough for me.

- [Irv] Let us outta
here you nasty old cow.

- My, children are
so rude these days.

- Let us out!

I said, let us out!

- Can it be?

It can't be.

But it is.

Oh the humanity.

It's Irv.

Hello operator?

Get me the North Pole.

- [Man] I told you
never to call me here.

What, you saw Irv?

What are you crazy?

I mailed him out of here myself.

Well then, get rid of him.

- I almost forgot, I
still have the magic bean.

- Magic, schmagic.

- Do I have to do
everything myself?

No!

You come back here.

Oof, I hate it
when that happens.

- Hi, I'm Jack, how you doin'?

Hey pretty good
beanstalk you got here.

What'd you pay for this baby?

- I traded my wristwatch.

- A watch?

A watch, sheesh, I
had to trade a donkey

and clean out the stables

and walk 10 miles backwards
in the snow with no shoes on

and get up at the crack of dawn

and sell newspapers
to the entire kingdom

and that was just to
raise the down payment

and you traded for
one measly watch?

What kinda watch?

- It doesn't matter what
kind of watch, you moron!

- We're looking
for the North Pole!

Do you know the way?

- No problem, come over here.

That's it there.

You guys have a way to go.

Uh-oh.

- What uh-oh, what?

- Well nice to meet
you folks but gotta go.

- Get a leaf, a leaf.

- Fee fi fo filth.

I smell a stinking elf.

- What are you
waiting for, jump!

- Now I've got you.

How much more of this
abuse do I have to take?

Get me the North Pole
and make it snappy!

- One, two, three, fly!

- [Witch] They're on their
way to the North Pole.

You gotta do something about it.

- [Man] No, you gotta
do something about it.

I'm here making sure
these reindeer never fly.

- [Elf] One, two, three, fly.

- It's melting!

- So we gotta keep moving.

Just try not to talk to
anyone from now on, all right?

It only gets us into trouble.

- Stop, stop, don't
eat that apple!

It's poisoned!

- Nonsense, it's a lovely apple.

- Stop!

- I think you've been out in
the sun too long, little girl.

- Look it's Halley's Comet.

- No!

- Yes!

- No!

- Stop that!

- Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Have you kids gone crazy!

You never, ever, ever touch an
A-list fairy tale character.

Not like this, not like this.

And especially not like this.

- Gotcha!

- Now look what you've done!

You've spoiled my lovely,

pile of pulsating
green goo, yuck.

- An apple a day
could put you away.

- Thank you, how ever did
you know it was poisoned?

- Oh it's a famous story

and your name is
Snow White, isn't it?

- Why yes, that's amazing.

- We're looking
for the North Pole.

Do you know the way?

- Why yes, you just keep
walking down the path that way.

You seem to know so much
about me little girl.

Can you tell me what
lies in my future?

- Sure there's a handsome
prince out looking for you.

He gives you a big kiss and
you live happily every after.

- Ah!

- What's wrong?

- You mean to tell me there's
a prince looking for me?

And I'm spending all my
time cooking and sweeping

and washing and making the beds

and wrecking my nails
for those seven dwarves?

When you tell me there's
a prince looking for me?

Haha, if that doesn't top all.

Men, you can't trust any of 'em.

Even the short ones,
especially the short ones.

- Don't look at me.

- Ha, this'll show
that little elf.

- [Robot] Attention, attention,

this way to the North Pole.

Detour, detour.

- Beautiful.

- [Robot] Attention.

- Oh no.

To pull off my mean trick,

I need some electric on,

on, on.

On, on, on.

- [Irv] You kids don't
seem to understand

that in this world,

almost anything can
get you into trouble.

You gotta keep on your toes.

- [Heidi] We know Irv, we know.

- Well that wasn't so bad.

That was bad.

- I'm sure it will
work this time Santa.

- One, two, three, fly!

Hooray, hooray!

- Why did Irv leave?

Why, why?

Is it something I did?

- Of course not Santa.

You just have to
admit to yourself,

Irv is a bad, bad elf.

We're better off without him.

- What's that?

- Oh it's so beautiful.

- Sheesh princes are thicker
than flies around here.

- Pardon me.

- Shoo, we ain't interested.

- Don't be so rude.

You're not looking for
Snow White, are you?

- No.

- Then you must be
looking for Cinderella.

- Thank you child.

What is it?

Is it a vase?

- We're obviously dealing
with a mental giant here.

No it's not a vase,
you numbskull.

- Is it a glass sailboat?

- No.

- Is it a frozen yogurt glass?

- No.

- Is it a goldfish bowl?

- No, no, no.

What are you the spokesman for
the buffoon boy association?

Hello, is anybody home in there?

- [Man] No.

- Are you sure about that?

- [Man] No.

- Can you say anything but no?

- [Man] Why?

- I rest my case.

- It's a glass slipper.

You have to try it on the foot
of every maiden in the land.

And the one it fits
will be Cinderella.

- You don't say.

A glass slipper.

Isn't that terribly impractical?

- Well that's the
way the story goes.

We'll help you.

- Nope, nix, uh-uh.

That'll take forever, we gotta
amscray to the North Pole.

- We can't just
desert the prince.

He's depressed.

- He's depressed, what about me?

Hey I'm the one who's half
an inch high, let's go.

- No, we have to help him.

- Let's see if I can
speed this up a little.

Hey girls, the prince
wants to marry you.

You'll have everything.

- Push harder honey.

- I am pushing.

- Next.

- Could it be?

Oh ecstasy.

Darling come away with me.

Together we'll work long hours

and move into a small apartment

and we'll live with my mother.

- [Man] That's not
right, cut, cut, cut.

Those are the wrong cue cards.

Will you please try
to pay attention?

- [Man With Cue Cards] Oh sorry.

- Darling be my bride and come
live with me in the palace

and enjoy a life of
incredible luxury.

- Of course darling.

- Oh double ecstasy.

- Oh evil stepmother
will be so happy.

- Evil stepmother?

- Yes and my uncle
Harry and my auntie Ruth

and cousin Fred and cousin Sam

and cousin Ralph and
my half-nephew Larry

and my niece Stephanie and
my cute little niece Nugella

and my adorable nephew Alphonso

and my uncle from
the old country Igor

and my great, great,
great grand uncle.

- Ah do you children know the
way to the nearest dentist?

- Dentist?

- Yes I'm feeling
the need for two

or three months of
painful dental work.

Anything to avoid marrying her.

I'd rather have root canals.

- We're looking
for the North Pole.

And we can't even find it.

- The North Pole?

Why didn't you say so before
you gave me all that help?

That would have saved
us all so much trouble.

The North Pole is just
over the next hill.

That way.

- [Cinderella] Oh
prince, come back!

I want you to meet my
half-uncle Stanley.

- Sorry, gotta run.

- And my great, great
2/3 aunt Dispepsy

and my fourth cousin
twice removed Emily

and my 3/4 aunt on my mother's
side, Esmeralda and my,

thanks kids.

You've been so swell.

- [Alex] There it is!

- You see, the prince was
right about where to find it.

If you help other
people, they'll help you.

- Right kid right.

Now let's go!

- [Man] Witch, they're coming.

You better get your
broom over here, now.

- Yes may I help you?

- Blinky it's me!

- Ah!

Santa come quick, it's evil Irv!

- Irv be careful!

- You're certain it was Irv?

- Yes he was horrible.

I hope I never see him again.

Ah, it's evil Irv!

- Irv, you're back!

- Be careful Santa.

He sabotaged the
whole production line.

You may be next.

- Santa it wasn't me.

I swear, I swear!

Do you think I'd shrink down
to peanut size on purpose?

- Well.

- Yes, you're bad.

- Blinky please.

No I don't suppose you
would do it on purpose.

But if it wasn't
you, then who was it?

Well I'm not sure.

But I'd put my bet on
Miss Wartnose of 1934.

- The witch, of course!

- La, la, la, lou.

It's time for kiddie stew.

- Look the snowflake!

- Now we'll never get home.

- Who's there?

- [Santa] It's Santa Clause.

- Ha, I'm sure.

Who's there, really?

- [Santa] Santa Clause.

- Okay fella, I'll
give one last chance

to identify yourself
before I zap you

from here to Christmas.

Who's there?

- [Santa] Candy gram!

- Candy gram?

I love candy, come in, come in.

- Here's the candy.

- And I thought show
business was glamorous.

- You're safe.

Here are the two good
children who helped save Irv.

And Christmas.

The saboteur wasn't Irv, it
was the witch all the time.

So bar the door in
case she returns

and let's get busy.

There isn't a minute to waste.

- Where is Irv?

- Over there.

- All right, all
right, I like you too

but I gotta get to work.

Okay, let's get busy
with the flight plan

for tonight's trip.

- Why the sad faces,
it's Christmas Eve?

- We need the
snowflake to get back

through the mirror
and it melted.

- So now we can't
get home. (crying)

- Don't worry. (chuckling)

Your house is one
of my regular stops.

I'll be happy to take ya home.

- Really?

- There's nothing that
would make me happier.

- Are you guys ready to fly?

Okay, here's the plan.

Got it?

Okay now, one, two, three, fly!

- [Witch] Santa, let me in!

- Don't worry, she can't
get in, the door is barred.

- At last!

Now we're having fun!

- How could you let her in?

- Because I'm not Blinky.

- Who are you?

- They call me Mr. Trench.

I'm head of the Plastic
Toy Corporation.

Where our motto is, if
a toy lasts 20 minutes,

that's just too long.

And that's the way we like 'em.

Santa was cutting
into my business,

so I made a deal
with Ms. Witch here

to put the old guy out
of commission for good.

- You're a fiend.

- Why thank you.

Okay, witch do your worst.

- With pleasure.

Ha, Christmas is canceled.

No presents, so no Christmas.

All your hard work
is for nothing,

nothing, nothing!

- It's not canceled,
you wicked old witch.

- Is too, is too.

No presents, no Christmas.

- Christmas isn't just presents.

It's good times with your
family and your friends.

If you had a friend,
you'd know that.

- I've got loads of friends.

Why there's, oh someone
dropped a house on her.

Why there's, no he's in jail

for tax evasion.

I know, my broomstick
is my friend.

Why there's, there's Mr. Trench.

Mr. Trench is my friend.

- Are you nuts?

I'm not your friend.

This is strictly business, babe.

After we wipe out
Santa, I'm outta here.

- But sweetie, I really,
really thought we were friends.

- Haha, I don't think so.

- You know what, I would be
your friend if you let me.

- What are you waiting
for, zap the kids!

Zap the kids!

- And I'd be your friend too.

Mr. Trench is mean, don't
pay any attention to him.

You could be nice if you tried.

- I don't need any friends.

I'm a witch.

I'm wicked, that's all I need.

- But even you must
get lonely sometimes.

Think how nice it would
be to have someone

to call up and just talk to.

- Here's a quarter,
call someone who cares.

I'm sick of this
psychobabble stuff.

Zap the kids, zap the kids.

If you don't zap them in
the next five seconds,

I'm gonna throw a
bucket of water on you.

- Oh you are, are you?

You know, maybe I
could use some friends.

I always knew I liked children.

Of course, I meant
baked children.

But I never knew live
children could be so nice.

- Zap the kids, zap the kids!

- How do you like them apples,
Mr. zap the kids Trench?

- Not so fast, Christmas
is still canceled.

I'm gonna wipe
out those presents

if it's the last thing I do.

- [Irv] Stop it.

- No!

Let me out of here!

- Don't look at me.

I'm already inside.

- It's okay, let 'em in.

♪ You may have a
hundred presents ♪

♪ Or the biggest tallest tree ♪

♪ But all you need
for Christmas ♪

♪ Are the things
that come for free ♪

♪ And your Christmas
lights may dazzle ♪

♪ Setting all the
latest trends ♪

♪ But what makes
Christmas merry ♪

♪ Is to share it
with your friends ♪

♪ Christmas friends ♪

♪ Are the joys
the season sends ♪

♪ Friends make Christmas ♪

♪ So merry Christmas friends ♪

♪ Oh the Christmas
yule will warm you ♪

♪ Till the fire slowly ends ♪

♪ But the warmth that
stays inside you ♪

♪ Is the warmth that
comes from friends ♪

♪ Christmas friends ♪

♪ Are the joys
the season sends ♪

♪ Friends make Christmas ♪

♪ So merry Christmas friends ♪

♪ Merry Christmas friends ♪

- Hold on kids, we're about

to cross back into
the real world.

- Irv, what's wrong?

- I'm gonna miss those kids.

- What, you're up already?

- [Alex And Heidi]
Merry Christmas!

- Now can I, can I?

- [Irv] Yes Pinocchio, now.